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Men, in case you haven’t noticed yet, getting “in the mood” is a complex process for women. It’s emotional, mental, and, sure, a * little * bit physical. So once you get us there, don’t screw it up! Here are 15 things men say and do that instantly kill the mood.
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Play music that’s clearly for us
We know you don’t like Taylor Swift, and the moment you put that on, we think you’re not being genuine and trying to trick us into sleeping with you.
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Playing music that’s too sexy
But be careful not to choose music that’s too obvious, either! Any music that refers directly to sex makes us feel self-conscious. Who wouldn’t feel silly having their hair pulled while the lyrics in the background describe that exact thing?
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Saying, “We don’t have to do anything if you don’t want to”
Great: so you just put it completely on us now to decide whether or not we’re going to hook up. And you’ve forced us to explicitly say so if we do want to hook up. Awkward!
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Saying, “I love it when women do that”
Whatever “that” might be, from checking their reflection in a window to an explicit sexual act. Thanks for just putting the image in our heads of the dozens of other women you’ve been with!
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Checking any technology
The score on a game on TV, an email, your Facebook, or even a text message. Don’t check these things! If we don’t believe your head is 100% present, it will mess with our self-esteem.
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Having visible condoms
Make sure those condoms are hidden well. If we see them out, we’ll think you assumed we were going to sleep with you or you sleep with a different woman every night.
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Offering us a drink when we said we’ve had enough
If we came home with you, there’s a good chance you were going to get a little action! But offering us another cocktail back at your place when we’ve said we’ve had enough makes us feel like you’d take advantage of us if you could.
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Getting up to get undressed
Figure out the art of taking off clothes—yours and hers—while making out and fooling around. Jumping up from the bed and methodically taking your clothes off just looks goofy!
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Offering us your pajamas
Please do not offer us your boxers or pajamas if we want to feel “more comfortable” first thing when we walk in the door. You just showed all your cards and told us you assume we’re staying over.
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Asking again when we already said no
If you ask us to come home with you, and we say no, you leave it at that. Again: You. Leave. It. At. That. If you ask one more time, or try to convince us in any way, we feel like you’re a molester. And then you’ll never see us again.
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Asking if you can kiss us
You think it’s cute: it’s not. If we want you to kiss us, it will be obvious and you won’t have to ask. If you ask, you just ruined whatever magical moment was happening.
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Asking if you can…do anything!
More on the last note, if we are making out, don’t ask if you can take our shirt off or grab our boobs. What is this—middle school?
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Going in too hard with the kiss
Here’s a good rule to follow: hold off on tongue until at least a second kiss OR if the first kiss goes on for more than 15 seconds, essentially turning into a make out session. Anything before that and the woman just went from feeling, “He really likes me!” to feeling, “Ugh. He just wanted to have sex with me this whole time.”
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Going overboard on the compliments
We can tell a false compliment from a real one. If you’re listing off everything that’s cute or hot about us, we feel obligated to kiss you as a reward—like you’re a puppy asking for a treat! And that’s weird.
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Too much sexual praise
If you are so lucky as to get to have sex with us, please keep the, “Oh yes, that’s it” and “You’re really good at this” to a minimum. Don’t make us feel like we’re in an X-rated film.
