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Here’s the truth about being assertive that we all basically know, but are terrified to admit: the sooner you say what you want, the sooner you’ll have it. And that will either be because you’ll discover that the person you’re dealing with wants that too, and will make it happen, or doesn’t want the same thing as you, at which point you’re free to move on and find someone else. Instead, a lot of us take a passive approach, accepting mixed signals from wishy-washy men, hoping that one day those signals will become clear. Cut out the waiting time. Be more ballsy in every stage of your relationships and you’ll be rewarded.


Make a cold introduction

You could strategically situate yourself and re-situate yourself around a guy you find attractive, hoping he’ll notice you as you put your hair up, then let it back down, unbotton your top button, etc. OR you could walk straight up to him, stick out your hand and say, “Hi. I’m insert name here.” If the guy was ever going to be interested, you’ll find out then and there. He’ll either be thrilled that you minimized the work for him and impressed with your assertiveness, or he’ll let you know he’s married/gay/not interested. And you can skip waiting an hour of game-playing to discover that.


Tell a guy you want to see him again

So many men forego asking for a woman’s number after a first introduction because they just don’t know if she’ll say yes. Isn’t it a shame to think that a guy who you like and who likes you would never meet again, because you though it was “the gentleman’s job” to ask for your number, and he thought you were indifferent to him? Just say, “I’d like to see you again.” He’ll either want to, or he won’t. But if he wanted to, he’ll be beyond happy that you took out the guessing game for him. And if he didn’t, so what? On to the next one.


Send flirty texts

Not needy and not cutesy but flirty. When you’re newly dating a guy—or really at any point in a relationship—send flirty texts letting him know he looked fine in the shirt he was wearing on your last date, or that showers aren’t as fun by yourself. Men love a woman who, instead of fishing for attention, gives attention as a means of sparking interest. And trust me; it’s way more interesting to get a text that says, “It’s a shame nobody is here to see me in this new underwear” than one that asks, “Do you think I look good in thongs?”

Say, “I like you”

This totally throws a guy off his game, in a good way. When you’re newly dating someone, it’s kind of understood that you like one another. You’re texting each other, and agreeing to further dates. But try this: next time he says something great, or you both share a good laugh, look him in the eyes and say, “I like you.” Say it with confidence—don’t leave it open ended as if you want him to say it back. Just put it out there. He’ll be intrigued, flattered and impressed. You’ll feel instantly closer after.

Pay him thought-out compliments

The truth is that women don’t pay men compliments enough! We think they should be paying them to us, or that we’ll come off too needy if we say something nice. But a man loves a woman who is confident enough in herself to boost up somebody else. Tell a guy you like something unique you noticed about him, and why you like it. People are attracted to those who flatter them.

Show up at his office to have sex

You’re worried he’ll turn you down because he’s busy, or doesn’t want to get caught, but come on. He’s a guy! A guy won’t turn down the woman he’s attracted to, showing up in nothing but a trench coat. If there’s an empty conference room or a large supplies closet near by, it’s on.

Demand an answer from a wishy-washy guy

Dealing with a guy who only reaches out a couple times a month? Or a guy who dodges the question “what are we?” Skip the guessing game and do yourself a favor. Say, “Look. I like you. I want a relationship with you. Is that or is that not what you want?” If the answer is no, it was always no. You just would have had to wait a long time to have found out. If the answer is yes, that’s just an unexpected bonus.


Be the one to cut the ties

Some guys are great at keeping your interest, while giving you almost nothing in return. They’re not wishy-washy; they’re just mysterious. But they’re also charming and show enough interest to make you think there’s a real future there. If a certain guy is dragging you along for months, not willing to commit but not letting you go, let yourself go. Just because a guy doesn’t definitively say he wants to end it, doesn’t mean you have to stick around. Any man who won’t give you a solid answer isn’t worth your time. Respect yourself and be the one to cut the ties sometimes.


Just say, “I want to sleep with you.”

Not the first time you meet or go out (unless you’re just looking for a one night stand) but when you’ve been seeing a guy for the amount of time that makes you comfortable to get in bed with him, forego that awkward stage of easing into it, or trying to set the mood. Just say, at the end of a great night, “I want to sleep with you.” Look him in the eyes, and say it slowly, with confidence. Men have to put in so much work to seduce women that sometimes they can feel it wasn’t totally the woman’s decision to have sex. So having a woman say, “This is what I want” can be a major turn on, and a relief.


Send sexay pictures

These never should have gone out of style! And they’re not just for “trashy” women. Sure, you should probably hold off until you’ve been dating for at least a few months, but once you hit that point, go ahead and send a pic. Every man can appreciate that! And it’s great food for thought on the days you don’t get to see each other.


Invite him to see you in your element

Are you an amazing singer? Do you do standup comedy? Are you a killer boxer? Don’t keep that to yourself. Invite your guy to see you perform/box/sing—whatever it is you’re talented at. Forget being bashful. A man loves to see that a woman is passionate about and dedicated to something.

Come up with date ideas

Do you know how exhausting it is for a man to, week after week, have to come up with a new restaurant/bar/activity to try out? They know you’ll get annoyed if dates become monotonous so they’re working around the clock to find new date ideas. Cut them some slack! Come up with the date ideas from time to time.


Have tardy sex

Nothing says, “I want you right now” like throwing caution to the wind, making the cab wait, or making a dinner party start late, so you can undress your guy who just got dressed. Screw obligations sometimes. Have sex that will make you late.

Get in the shower with him

He secretly wishes you’d do this every time he gets in the shower and you’re around. So do it! Most men report having great days after morning sex, so surprise him next time he’s getting ready for work.

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