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I hate to break it to you ladies, but 30 is not the new 20. 30 is the new 30 and as someone who’ll be celebrating that infamous milestone by the end of the year, I must say, I’m OK with that. That’s because it just occurred to me that life doesn’t really get good until you hit 30. 30 isn’t the same 30 it was twenty years ago. At 30, my mom was pregnant with her wonderful second child (me), had a degree, a marriage and home ownership under her belt. My 30 is looking a lot different. Home ownership is still a foreign concept for me, I wasn’t a college grad until almost 25 and I just got engaged, so already faced with pressures of having kids before my eggs shrivel into dust I’m still wondering, “And when exactly do I get to enjoy just being a wife?”
I am not going to blame to economy or the concept of a “quarter-life crisis,” but life is just a little bit harder for today’s twenty-somethings. It’s true; Alexandra Petri says so in this Washington Post article. Even if you fall into the mindset of doing things the “right way,” most twenty-somethings are finding themselves educated but taking years to find steady, gainful employment. Last year we made up 41% of the unemployed and recent statistics support the idea that most of us will grow up at least 25% poorer than our parents. Finances affect so many decisions. You can’t even begin to think about starting a family or being a homeowner until you get into a groove of gainful employment. For most of my twenties I found myself deciding between if I wanted to go to happy hour or pay my car insurance.
But there’s hope, I finally feel like if you work hard life starts to get to an enjoyable point where you can pay bills AND afford to take a nice vacation every year (even if it does mean you’re eating Top Ramen for lunch for a month). So if you’re an angsty twenty-something like me whose not just bitter because life got real, but plagued by social security updates that you’ll get a whole whopping $900 a month if you retire at sixty-six, here are a few other things to look forward to:
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1. You start to see your dreams take shape.
I just read an article about people whose careers didn’t take off until after 30 that included Oprah and Gene Hackman, who was actually voted “Least Likely to Succeed” in an acting class at age 26, before snagging his first role 11 years later. Any dream worth having takes time, time that is usually spent grinding and doing the grunt work in your twenties. We all can’t be 25 sitting on 25 mil, but if all goes well, by thirty you’ll start to see some buds that will later be the fruit of all that labor.
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2. You stop feeling guilty for saying, “No.”
I spent most of my twenties overly-concerned about other’s feelings. You don’t have to go from 0 to Simon Cowell when you hit your thirties, but there’s a comfort that comes with knowing if you can’t be somewhere or do something, the world won’t end and people will find solutions to their problems without you packing for a guilt trip each time you simply “don’t feel like it”.
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3. You’re more sexually confident.
If you’re not waiting until you’re married to get familiar with your inner freak, by thirty you have probably had enough partners and practice to know what turns you on and what falls flat, and a little bit about your own talents too. It’s not even all about what tricks you’re pulling out your bag in the bedroom. By now you can probably flirt without looking like a lip-glossed, giggly adolescent and you can give Ciara a run for her money when it comes to seducing someone. Get it, girl; the term grown and Hot now accurately applies.
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4. That person, you thought you would never get over? Guess what. You’re over them.
I met the man I swore I would marry at 17 and by 24, I found myself wanting to choke slam him most nights. No one couldn’t tell me I wasn’t destined for a life of shopping trips for kitty litter and single serving pizzas when it ended. But then something happened, I got over him and met someone else. It will happen. Even when you’re crying through arguments and abusing Ben and Jerry while you watch Tyler Perry movies, trust that you will get over him.
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5. There’s a good chance you’ve met the person you’ll marry.
By thirty, you’ve probably been in a relationship with the man that will be your husband or there’s an ex that has taken some time to get his stuff together so he can come correct. Even better, that marriage will more than likely last longer than most. Knot Yet, a project that studies the correlation between marriage, children and income among other things, published evidence that not only do women who wait longer to marry earn more, but have marriages that typically last longer. Worst case scenario: You’ve been in enough sucky relationships or awkward dates to know what you do NOT want in a man, or that you might have some work to do on yourself.
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6. You witness your friends doing the marriage/kids thing and secretly love that you don’t have to find a sitter when you want to have fun.
Did I mention that life has just started getting good for me? I’m inspired by my friends that are making their vows and Instagramming me to death with pictures of their family fun nights. What they aren’t posting are shots of them sitting in the ER for hours because their little bundle of responsibility joy is running a fever. I’m looking forward to having that one day, but I am so glad that I am not about that life right now. I love my happy hours that aren’t cut short by a dash to the daycare to pick up Jr. I love Netflix nights that are cut short because my fiancé gives me that look and then it goes down…right there on the couch…no locked doors round these parts. One day I’ll have an excuse to run and see the next Pixar flick without looking like a childless loser, but for now Hip-Hop Night at my fav hookah spot will have to do.
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7. Your career starts to take off. If not, you’re still young enough to start a new one.
If you’ve been a slave to your smart phone after hours and your supervisor’s personal sucker since college as you climb to the career ladder, be easy. By thirty you’ll have enough experience or seniority to get a personal lackey of your own. Now the next challenge: Will you be the humble, nurturing boss who isn’t high off their own hype or will you be a certified jerk with control issues? If you’re not satisfied with your progress (or lack there of), thirty is a key turning point. It’s now or never to start that business, go to grad school or chuck the deuces to any company that can’t realize how awesome you are.
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8. You can afford to take a vacation AND pay your car note.
This is what I loved most about my late twenties. It wasn’t until the last few years that my vacations actually involved flight reservations. I’ve had some humble adventures that included Toronto, Las Vegas and Atlanta which is pretty impressive for this Philly native who spends most of her days freelance writing and working at a small non-profit. Think of twenties as the “so hood” days of your life: peanut butter but no jelly, nice apartment but IKEA furniture. Even if vacations aren’t your thing, if you’ve been fortunate enough to maintain steady work, by thirty you should be able to afford not only the necessities, but some extras too.
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9. You can handle your liquor.
I’ve fallen in parking lots, down the steps in a club, on the dance floor all thanks to not knowing when enough is enough. In the past few years I’ve learned how to pre-game before hitting the club without ending the night broke, embarrassed or too drunk to care. By thirty you’ll probably have a favorite drink, know the difference between good liquor and cheap liquor and be able to consume alcohol responsibly without ending the night sitting in vomit or some strange man’s lap.
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10. Someone somewhere wants to be like you when they grow up.
Even if you’re the night manager at 7-11, driving a 1999 Rav-4, and live with roaches who are home to enjoy your apartment more than you are, keep some perspective. Some kid out there thinks your awesome because you have a job, your own place AND you can drive. Maybe it’s because I work with teens, but even though I have my share of insecurities, there are classes I teach where I look back at young girls who think Ms. Toya has got her ish together, school debt living from check to check and all. Count your blessings, by thirty you probably have more than the 13 year-old version of yourself could have hoped.
Toya Sharee is a community health educator and parenting education coordinator who has a passion for helping young women build their self-esteem and make well-informed choices about their sexual health. She also advocates for women’s reproductive rights and blogs about everything from beauty to love and relationships. Follow her on Twitter @TheTrueTSharee or visit her blog, Bullets and Blessings.
