Ask A Very Smart Brotha: We’ve Been Living Together For A Year, Why Won’t He Commit?

Nia: What would you suggest to a woman who wants all the perks of a “boyfriend” but without feeling so owned? Men tend to be very sweet and giving in the first couple months, then they become jealous, controlling, and have unreasonable expectations. I’m more of a free spirit that just likes to have fun, chill, and I’m not sure why I don’t attract men who enjoy the same type of relationship. Any good advice for me? ,) thanks

DY: It doesn’t sound like you want a boyfriend. With a boyfriend (or girlfriend) comes a commitment, and with a commitment comes an investment, and with an investment comes expectations. Not saying what you want isn’t possible—and also not suggesting that every man out there is automatically possessive and jealous—but it sounds like you want all the “good” parts of a relationship without any of the “bad.”

I’m sure there are tons of free spirited men out there willing to give you what you say you want. To that end, I’ll leave you with my favorite piece of advice: “Be careful what you wish for, cause you just might get it.”