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Have you been getting the, “Not tonight” line a lot lately? We won’t sugarcoat it: it is weird for a physically healthy male to be turning down easy, available sex. And you might be causing his lack of libido, without knowing it. Here’s How:
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You pat his belly
You do it to show you love all of him, and because you think it’s cute. And while your partner appreciates that he can be comfortable about every part of himself around you, he doesn’t like to know you’re so aware of his growing belly. Stop patting it.
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Your girlfriends and you talk about their sex life
Right in front of your guy, you and your girlfriends gab on about what their men do in bed, which pretty much lets your man know you talk about what he does in bed too. And that makes him not want to go to bed with you anymore. (He’s heard the way you and your friends tease every noise, movement and facial expression their men make).
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You’re talking down to yourself
You’re calling yourself fat, or your boobs small, or your nose big. He obviously likes how the whole package comes together, or he wouldn’t be with you. But he can’t help but focus on your flaws when you’re so focused on them. And that’s a turn off.
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There’s too much domestic talk
There’s too much talk of which couch to buy, or what to put on the shopping list, or even your kid’s digestive issues. You have many roles: friend, lover, partner and even family. If you want to be seen more as a lover, you need to talk more like one.
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Sex is predictable
It comes at the same time every night, and you’re doing all the same things. Some men can’t be turned on if they know exactly what’s coming next. Switch it up.
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Sex is followed by long talks
You feel the need to get into hour-long talks about life and the universe and your dreams every time you guys finish. And while your guy does appreciate a good conversation with you, he kinda wants to pass out after sex.
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You’re not affectionate enough
To be honest, hopping up on him at night might not be enough to make him feel wanted. Most men need to receive affection from you throughout the day to really believe it when you grab their member in bed at night. Kiss him good morning, hug him when he’s cooking, sit on his lap while he’s watching TV. Men need momentum leading up to sex.
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Too many sex scenes
You don’t need to have Adult Videos on replay in order for your man to feel intimidated by simulated sex. If you and your guy watch a lot of movies that simply have intense sex scenes, he could start to be insecure about how your sex life adds up, and give up all together. Throw your guy a bone and watch some action flicks or comedies—laughter is an aphrodisiac.
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You’re coddling him
You’re constantly showing up at his office with a surprise lunch, buying him things, cleaning up his clothes and planning surprises for him. You’re making it impossible for him to keep up and meet you halfway with the generosity, and if a man feels he isn’t meeting you halfway, he doesn’t feel like a man. Let him be a provider—it turns him on.
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You’re bossy in bed
You sound like a traffic control officer in bed. You think you’re being communicative; he thinks he can’t do anything right on his own. And he kind of feels like your dildo—did it ever occur to you he was happy in that position?
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You’re drinking too much
You’re sipping one too many glasses of wine before bed, and that makes your advances not feel genuine to him. Plus, you’re getting sloppy in bed.
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You’re not listening to him
Men need someone to vent to, just as women do. If you try to change the subject every time your guy wants to tell you about his stresses, he’ll begin to feel distant from you. More importantly, he’ll feel you don’t care about his wellbeing and why would he want to pleasure a woman who doesn’t care about him?
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You’ve let yourself go
It’s a harsh truth but many women don’t even realize that they gain weight, stop taking good care of their skin, and in general make less of an effort to look good after being in a relationship for a while. Physical attraction does matter, even when emotional attraction is strong.
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Too much talk about his (lack of) work
You ask him too often how the job-hunt is going, or when he’ll get that promotion. A man’s identity and feeling of worth in the world is deeply tied to his career. If he’s falling short in some way, talking about that only makes him feel like less of a man.
