You and your man have called it quits but you’ve decided you want him back or maybe you’ve never stopped wanting him. You’re tired of thinking ‘what if’; and if you hear one more silly love song reminding you of how much you miss him, you can’t be held accountable for want may happen.
Although break-ups are difficult, sometimes it doesn’t mean your relationship is completely over; and if major moral violations haven’t been broken there’s a high chance that you can mend your broken relationship. Of course nothing is guaranteed Mesdames; but if you’re serious about rekindling your romance, following these 10 tips to win back your man is definitely worth the attempt.
1. Give him space
Let me break it down: Don’t call, text, tweet, or send messages by friends.
After a breakup, most times we want to talk about it or attempt to rekindle the romance too fast. Space is sometimes the best thing. I remember when my ex- boyfriend and I would have an argument. I wanted to talk about things immediately after. But being slightly more logical than me, he would suggest we cool off and talk about it later because we may emotionally say things we would regret. As the stubborn, ‘wonderful’ girlfriend I was, I frequently declined his offer and would proceed to talk anyway. Of course I ended up saying things I regretted and didn’t even actually mean.
The same applies with break-ups, sometimes it’s best to let time heal a wound before attempting to speak. Time and space can work a type of magic that humans just can’t do.
2. Get your emotions together
This sounds simple and is pretty self-explanatory, yet it’s probably the hardest yet most critical thing to do before deciding to get your man back.
This basically means (in sister to sister terms): honey, you’ve got to work on you first.
During this time, stop blaming yourself, cease pointing fingers at him, try to figure out the real reason you’ve broken up. Is it really the best thing for the both of you? Once you get your emotions in check you can make a better decision of whether this relationship is worth pursuing at all. So as hard as it is, attempt to make a decision with your mind and ask your heart to ‘chill out’ for just a while.
If you decide you still want to get your ex back after you’ve forgiven him, yourself, and every other thing or person you thought ruined your relationship, then proceed to #3-10.
3. Dress as if the paparazzi is following you
We can act naïve as if a man doesn’t love to see a beautiful woman. What’s even better is for him to see a beautiful woman that he loves. Don’t stand the risk of seeing your ex out and you’re looking as if you’ve just come from a long day of work (on an assembly line). Keep yourself up despite how ugly the heartbreak is making you feel in the inside.
4. Draw him in
This is a critical part of getting your man back. Because after you’ve given him space and worked on yourself, you’re ready to actually interact with him. Ask him out for drink, brunch, to watch a game, or whatever works. If you’re not ready to meet face to face, give him a quick phone call just to check up on him. You can ask him out on the next call if you’re up for it. Again make sure your emotions are in check; don’t make major any moves prematurely.
5. Don’t pour out your feelings too soon
Translation: Don’t meet up with him telling him how you spend your lonely nights listening to Luther Vandross while wallowing in your own self-pity; or how you go out with your friends and complain about every other guy that isn’t him. Desperation or pity isn’t attractive on anyone.
6. Just say no to sex
Even if you and your ex were having it on a regular and you’ve had random dreams both night and day about it, don’t give in to the temptation. Sex complicates things. If you give in, please revert back to Tip #2.
7. Be unpredictable
Relationships Expert & Author, Dr. Ellen Kreidman, suggests that in relationships most of our actions are usually too predictable. With this being said, she suggests that unpredictability will make him begin to wonder what’s going on. She suggests asking him out and rescheduling or apologetically running a little behind schedule (I’m a little on the fence with this suggestion..but hey the Dr. recommends it). Now his curiosity is peaked and he’s wondering if you’ve possibly met someone new.
8. Be fun & flirty
Don’t allow yourself to be too serious. Just have fun with your ex while also being flirty. Compliment him. Laugh. Have a good time. You know all the flirty stuff you did when you first met him.
9. Admit to your faults but don’t ask for a second chance
If you’re wrong, at some point you should admit your faults, but don’t start crying for a second chance. Get serious really quick and admit your mistakes then shift back in to your fun and flirty mode.
10. Give him more space
Sorry impatient Mesdames. You’re probably thinking, ummm… okay and at what point is he coming back to me? While I wish I knew, our intelligence allows us to know that love and life simply don’t work that way. Everything is unpredictable and when you’re dealing with people and their emotions, it makes it just that much more complicated.
Still, you’ve done your part to show that you are beautiful, enjoying life, apologetic for your mistakes, and to top it off you’ve become a ‘bag of fun’ to chill with. So at this point, allow him more space. If the love and forgiveness is there, he’ll come around.
As cliché as it sounds, if it’s meant to be it will be; or my remix to that quote: If it’s meant to be, it will be, after you’ve done your part.
Relationships vary and this is not a ‘100% guarantee or your money back’ formula nor a ‘one size fits all’ solution. Instead these are ten things to consider if you’ve decided your relationship is worth rekindling after you’ve made a mistake; not after someone has abused or misused you.
