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So you think you’re fly, huh? You think you’ve got your look, walk and talk down to an art. You’re sure women are going to flock to you when you’re out. But, instead, you get a lot of those awkward interactions where you try to make a joke to a girl and she half laughs before slowly moving away. Or, you just get slapped. So, what are you doing that’s so wrong? Probably one or all of these things.

You’re hitting on everyone

A woman wants to feel special. She wants to feel you hand selected her out of the mass of females at the bar to talk to. She is not going to feel that way if she watches you for just ten minutes and sees you try to pick up on anything with pheromones. It’s fine if you’re on the hunt, but women cannot know that. Be subtle in your approaches. Don’t let one girl who you hit on see you hit on another one. If you can, avoid her even seeing you speaking to other females. Women are on the defense when out, and they look for a reason to write you off. Don’t give them one by being the sleaze of the bar.

You’re making passing comments

Let me ask you something: you know that thing you do when a cute girl passes by, and you whistle at her, say “Hi Gorgeous” or just sort of shout something: how the hell do you expect her to respond to that? Do you honestly think she’s going to flip 180 degrees on her heels and just melt at the fact that you spoke to her? Sorry, spoke at her. Never will a woman respond to a man who makes a passing comment at her. If she did, she’d feel like a dog obeying orders. If you want to talk to a woman, talk to her like a human being by approaching her and starting a conversation.


You approach at random

You should approach, but not randomly. Walking up to a group of females and just saying, “Hey ladies” rarely works. You’ve given them no fodder for conversation. They know nothing about you. It’s awkward. If you want to speak to a woman or a group of women, find a subtle “in.” If you’re sitting next to a group of women make a comment about the ambience in the bar. Ask them what they’re drinking. Start the conversation in a way that doesn’t force them to have to talk to you, if they don’t want to. They’ll appreciate the low pressure.

You ignore your friends

Let’s face it: 95% of the reason single people go out is to meet somebody. There is no shame in that. But, at the same time, there is. If you’re completely ignoring your group of friends and instead scanning the bar continuously, eyeing everybody, you look desperate. Meanwhile, a man who is engaged in conversation with his friends is far more attractive. He looks passionate about something. He looks like he values his friends. He looks like he’s just there to enjoy the night. Don’t be rude: talk to your friends that you came with. The less you look around for women, they more they will come to you.

Your group is too big

Large groups of either sex are intimidating. If you’re with five or six men and you try to chat with a girl passing by, she knows that if she carries on a conversation with you all of your friends are going to be watching, judging both her and you and seeing how your game is. Break into a group of no larger than three if you’re on the prowl.


You’re too loud

Women don’t trust the loud guys. It goes back to the concept that we don’t want to think about you talking to other women. If you’re the too-obvious life of the party, we assume that many other women have approached you that night because you put yourself out there. Also, it can make you look like an attention Slore if you’re always yelling over your friends.


You’re too pushy

Women like the chase just as much as men do. Refrain from making any comments that make it known you are attracted to a woman for at least twenty minutes into talking to her. That’s right—twenty. Can you hold it in? It’s okay if you knew you wanted to date her/sleep with her/get her number from the second you saw her. But she can’t know that. She needs to feel she won over your affections. She needs to feel you found her so charming and funny, that you felt compelled to finally hit on her. She won’t enjoy a compliment handed to her too easily.

You’re Underdressed/Overdressed

Hey, it’s a bar—show some respect. Don’t go out in a cut out tank top, dirty jeans and flip-flops. Women will think you’re broke, lazy or just disrespectful. But also, don’t look like you tried too hard. Generally, women do not look a man’s hair to look “done.” So easy on the hair gel. If you have great muscles, we can still see them without your skin-tight shirt. So wear your proper size.


You’re Drunk

First of all, if you need to get drunk to have the confidence to talk to a woman, then you need to work on your confidence. Say, in theory, you did somehow charm a woman while you were belligerent. You’d have to be wasted every single time you saw her after that. That is not sustainable. If you just like to get wasted sometimes, fine. But don’t try to hit on women when you are. No woman will take you seriously. She’ll assume you’ll forget she even gave you her number the next day. She’ll assume you have no real conception of what she looks like. Again: women want to feel special. So, a compliment feels a lot better coming from a guy who can actually see clearly.

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