Absence Makes The Heart… Hallucinate!

April 10, 2012  |  

We have heard it numerous times from the people we look up to, close friends and love flicks: “Absence makes the heart grow fonder.” To some, this phrase is the story of their life and the soul of their current relationship. For others, it is a gateway to excuses and imminent heartbreak. If you believe being MIA will work for your relationship, then odds would have it you also believe “If you love something, let it go; if it comes back to you, it’s yours forever.” This may have held true during World War II when families were separated by war. Today, absence is an excuse to be distant and disengaged, but unfortunately those very reasons keep some people holding on.

In relationships, people don’t just become busy. Yes, maybe a promotion leads to taking an extra business trip here and there, but in the grand scheme of things, your significant other didn’t become the busiest person on earth out of nowhere. They’re already a work-hog or lacking in time management skills. To be with you, they will have to cut the necessary corners to make time, right? You would think so, but ultimately, that same love-my-job-more-than-life person builds a strong foundation to disappoint you down the line.

So, how do you define absence today? It isn’t a weekend apart, or even a week. In those cases, you miss that person. Absence comes in the form of not only seeing less of your significant other, but also the loss of power of their words. The cancellations, no-calls, and no-shows accumulate; toss in one too many “Sorry, babe,” and your heart starts to wander, not feel fonder.

The truth is, absence makes your heart hallucinate. Your reality is replaced by a perfect reality of what you wish you had. In your mind, you’ve done it all from marriage, to having children, to dying in front of your family at the hospital. All while sitting on your couch eating ice cream and watching the Law & Order marathon. You’ve questioned yourself numerous times, wondering about your level of priority and commitment to that person. You know you’ve been given a back seat…like way in the back of the bus in the corner…but manage to give that person, who is practically estranged, priority seating. Then boom, you’re lost in another hallucination!

Unless you’re writing a novel, absence making something grow fonder is a paradox. If you don’t have the time, you will most certainly commit a selfish crime of the heart. And, the answer is NO for those still thinking  that your love will come back after you let it go. Move on.

Deshair Foskey is author of The Relationship Guidebook. Follow him on Twitter at @Deshair.


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