4 Tips For Sexting With Confidence When You’re Out Of Ideas
Phone Foreplay — 4 Spicy Sexting Tips To Keep Them Wanting More
Let’s be real: sexting can feel a little awkward, especially when your mind goes totally blank mid-convo. You’ve already sent the classic “thinking about you…” and now you’re staring at your screen wondering, “What do I even say next?” Good news: sexy texting doesn’t have to be complicated, or cringey.
Whether you’re new to the game or just out of fresh lines, these four go-to tips will help you hit “send” with confidence, and maybe make someone squirm in the best way possible.
1. Tease and Ease into it.
As we’ve previously reported, it’s always important to ease into sexting with something light and flirty to set the mood. You don’t have to dive straight into writing a raunchy message that may get radio silence from the person on the receiving end of the text. Build anticipation gradually. Tara Suwinyattichaiporn, Ph.D., a sexual and relational communication professor at California State University, told SELF in an article published Feb. 14, that you can start lightly sexting by giving your partner sweet compliments like, “Your energy is so sexy,” or playfully tease them with phrases such as “Guess what I’m wearing right now?”
Let’s say you’ve kicked things off, but fall into a rut on what to say next? Don’t be afraid to get a little creative. If you’re talking to a person you’ve sexted regularly before, let them know you’ve been thinking about them. You can send them something fun and flirty like, “I just had the hottest dream about you… want to hear it?” letting you know you’re up for some more cheeky texting.
According to sex therapist Dr. Liz Powell, this line is the perfect combo of sultry and smooth. You’re not jumping straight into NSFW territory; you’re offering a tease, a fantasy, an invite. And bonus: you’re also asking for consent, which is not only sexy, but respectful.
“You’ve already started a tease by telling them there’s something super hot coming!” Dr. Powell told Refinery29 on July 3.
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2. Ask a Leading Question.
If you’re still running out of ideas, ask your partner a leading question so that you can test the waters to see what truly gets them turned on. “What’s your fantasy?” is a great place to start. This question isn’t just spicy; it’s strategic. You’re inviting your partner to open up, get creative, and share what really turns them on.
It sets the mood for an intimate exchange and helps you learn what kind of language, tone, and dynamic they crave.
3. Learn their Lust Language.
Some people melt when you call them “baby,” while others get off on being called your “dirty little secret.” And when it comes to words for body parts? Some words may not turn everyone on the same way.
Before you get deep into sext mode, check in, especially with someone new. What terms do they love? What makes them feel sexy, desired, powerful, or submissive? What are their hard no’s?
“It’s best to lay down a blanket negotiation for any kind of sexting in advance,” explained Stella Harris, a sex coach, during a 2024 interview with MindBodyGreen. “What language does each person like and dislike? What topics are off-limits?”
This will not only help you sext confidently, but it also creates a safe and respectful environment for your partner to open up, too.
4. Show Appreciation (Like, a Lot).
Showing appreciation can go a long way, and it may make your partner melt, too. Give your partner props for their performance in the bedroom during your last encounter, or maybe they texted you a compliment that sent your pleasure senses to the moon. Appreciation will help to keep things steamy throughout your sexting exchange.
You can say something along the lines of “I can’t stop thinking about the last time you touched me” or “you’re getting me so hot right now, thank you for the compliment.” According to Harris, this keeps the conversation from making things feel awkward or getting extra raw with your words in an uncomfortable way. Compliments and positive reinforcement go a long way. And the more specific, the better.
“Sexting can make people feel nervous or vulnerable, especially if there are pictures involved, so be sure to share a lot of positive reinforcement to make people feel good about what they’re saying and sending,” she added.
Whether it’s a compliment on their dirty talk, their body, or the pic they just sent, let them know they’re absolutely killing it. Because nothing keeps the sexting going like feeling sexy, seen, and wanted. Sexting isn’t about being perfect; it’s about having fun, feeling desired, and building anticipation. When in doubt, keep it playful, honest, and just a little bold.
Now go on… make someone’s phone (and maybe something else) buzz.
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