4 Things You Should Never Ask On A First Date - Page 4
First dates can be nerve-wracking enough without stressing over what to say—and what not to say. If you’re unsure which topics to avoid, relationship expert Alexa Johnston shared some helpful advice in a recent interview with Vice. Her top tip? Steer clear of overly personal or intrusive questions, especially when it comes to money.
1. “How much money do you make?”
One of the worst questions you can ask, according to Johnston: “How much do you make?” Bringing up finances too early can send the wrong message, she explained. It might make your date feel like you’re more interested in their wallet than who they are.
“Asking about someone’s salary on a first date suggests you’re evaluating them based on their financial worth rather than their personality,” Johnston explained during an interview published May 11. “It creates immediate discomfort and signals that you might be more interested in their bank account than who they are as a person.”
Try steering the conversation toward their career. Ask if they enjoy what they do, what drives them professionally, or if they’re currently pursuing any career goals or passions.
2. “Why Are You Still Single?”
At first glance, this might seem like a lighthearted or even flattering question, but it can actually come across as intrusive or even judgmental. Asking someone why they’re single can imply there’s something wrong with them for not being in a relationship.
“This question immediately puts your date on the defensive,” Johnston explained. “It suggests they need to justify their relationship status, as if being single is a problem that needs explaining. It can make people feel like they’re being interrogated rather than engaged in pleasant conversation.”
Instead, Johnston suggests shifting the focus to more open-ended topics like hobbies, passions, or what they’re currently excited about. You’ll likely learn a lot more about who they are and have a much more enjoyable conversation.
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3. “Do You Think I’m More Attractive Than Your Ex?”
It’s hard to believe someone would actually ask this—but yes, it happens.
“This question is a triple threat,” Johnston told Vice. “It shows insecurity, forces them to think about their ex during your date, and puts them in an impossible position.”
This kind of question can also leave a bad impression and hurt your chances of getting a second date. As dating expert Terri Orbuch, Ph.D., has pointed out, keeping the tone positive is key. While it’s normal for past relationships to come up, she advises keeping those mentions short and neutral—steering clear of venting, bashing, or, in this case—making comparisons about an ex.
Instead, focus on building a genuine connection. Let your confidence shine without needing validation.
4. “When Do You Want to Have Kids—and How Many?”
Sure, it’s important to talk about long-term goals, especially if you’re dating with intention. But diving straight into specifics like kids on a first date? That can be overwhelming. It may also leave little room for curiosity and further connection if your life and relationship goals do not align.
“This question signals you’re mentally fast-forwarding through dating straight to serious commitment,” Johnston said. “It creates immense pressure and can make your date feel like they’re being interviewed for a parenting position rather than getting to know you naturally.”
If you want to explore compatibility, keep it light. Talk about values, life goals, or what a fulfilling future looks like to each of you, without making it sound like a job interview.
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