Love mentor Anita posed an insightful question on Instagram on Oct. 7 about a woman’s ability to take accountability.
“Is it true that women struggle with accountability?” text over the video read.
Anita shared with viewers a conversation with a male friend about women struggling to apologize and take accountability. The love coach had to ponder on the conversation before realizing that the couples and individuals she had worked with in the last nine months of her private practice proved this accurate.
“I have, myself, experienced many women, whether they came in as a couple or they came by themselves, they very abruptly discontinued their therapy,” she said. “And I started to reflect and really think, ‘What was going on here?’ I noticed that after I had to confront them about something. I had to bring their attention to something they were doing that wasn’t contributing to the health of the relationship.”
Anita continued, “They became very defensive and very harsh. And they stopped coming. Even though the husband would continue to come, he made it very clear that ‘Yeah, she won’t apologize. She thinks you’re wrong. She thinks you’re taking my side.’ And I began to really reflect, like, ‘Oh, my god, is it really true that women don’t apologize.”
She questioned if the problem was women struggling to be held accountable. She invited her followers to give their thoughts, adding that she believed it had something to do with a person’s emotional maturity.
In the post’s caption, she listed a few factors that could’ve played a role in women’s struggle with accountability and apologizing.
One factor is women being more sensitive to negativity and negative emotions. Another is women having higher levels of neuroticism. Anita stated that women’s hormonal changes play a part, and women have higher executive functioning than men of a similar age.
Anita’s comments section blew up, with men and women agreeing with the love coach.
“I’m so glad that other women are saying and not hiding it for other women. First, a lot of people struggle with apologizing and accountability. Lately, though, women have really been avoiding accountability, especially during this period. Men are not exaggerating about this. It could be this idea that looking weak is not invading women, and they are riding it hard during this time of women’s empowerment. Emotionally mature folks can apologize for the betterment of the relationship (romantic, friends, etc).”
“My wife ain’t apologizing for shit unless she is dead wrong and caught red-handed, and then when she does apologize, she expects me to get over it immediately!”
“Generally…Women do not apologize. Instead, they’ll use other strategies like cooking a nice meal, being playful, gift-giving, avoiding us all together until things blow over, or even sex…to mend hurt feelings, own up to bad behavior, or simply acknowledging that they messed up.”
While a partner may lack accountability in a relationship, it doesn’t necessarily mean they’re abusive, but it is seen as a red flag because it shows immaturity.
According to the National Healthy Marriage Resource Center, relationship maturity guides couples through challenging situations. It controls how a partner manages their emotions and reacts to their partner’s thoughts and feelings.
Although taking accountability is hard, there are steps to arrive at that maturity level, according to the Idaho Coalition.
For starters, accountability requires self-reflection on actions. The second part is understanding and apologizing. Part three requires making amends and building. Lastly, accountability requires changing behavior patterns.
