Mate Poaching: How To Spot A Partner Stealer

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Being cheated on is one of the most emotionally painful experiences. If you’ve been through it, then you know. It might have even caused trust issues that you are still working through. Nobody ever thinks that it will happen to them. But according to research published in LiveScience, between 20 to 25 percent of married men and between 10 to 15 percent of married women cheat. So while nobody thinks infidelity will happen to them, only approximately 75 to 90 percent turn out to be correct.

There are many reasons people claim to cheat. Research published in Scientific American shows that “anger, self-esteem, lack of love, low commitment, need for variety, neglect, sexual desire, and or situation or circumstance” are the eight top reasons cheating occurs. However, there’s a deeper, more profound reason for cheating: the cheater’s personality type. Almost anyone who engages in dating and relationships will experience all of the conditions listed in those reasons for cheating. But not everyone will respond by cheating. So the missing piece of the puzzle is personality.

Now, there is research specifically on people involved in cheating – but not just anybody. The “poacher.” Relationship poaching is the term for someone who actively tries to steal someone who is already in a committed relationship. Technically, they are cheaters, too. If you’re worried the threat to your relationship is coming from the outside — in other words, mate poaching — research out of The Journal of Sex and Research found what kind of people poach. Here’s what we learned.

Poachers Are Active

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According to the study, 70 percent of people admit that someone has tried to poach them from a committed relationship. So next time you suspect someone is trying to steal your partner and anybody – including your partner – says you’re being paranoid, the statistics say otherwise.

The reason poaching is so common can be connected to another phenomenon: serial monogamy. MADAMENOIRE covered the topic extensively, but put simply, we know there are many individuals who will do anything to never be alone. They’re more prone to relationship hopping (always looking for the next best thing), which could make them more vulnerable to poaching.

Poachers Mark High In Three Of The Big Five

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The big five describes a grouping of personality traits that psychological experts say make up the five dimensions of someone’s personality. These are extraversion, agreeableness, openness, conscientiousness, and neuroticism. In the study on poaching, 187 committed heterosexual couples were assessed for poaching tendencies and experiences. They were assessed for their levels in the Big Five traits. In general, female and male poachers rank high in extraversion and women rank particularly high in openness.

There is one caveat: female poachers rank high in agreeableness but male poachers rate low in it. This could speak to other known gender differences in desirable character traits. A report on Pew Research shows that women rank assertiveness/confidence as highly attractive in men, while men rank empathy/nurturing/kindness as highly attractive in women. Another way to describe an “assertive” man would be “not agreeable.” And another way to describe an empathetic/kind woman would be “agreeable.” This is in line with the research on what makes successful male versus female poachers.

Poachers Are Not Narcissists

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Here’s one point from the research that might surprise you: poachers are not narcissists. A narcissistic personality disorder is usually marked by an excessive need for admiration. As such, according to Psych Central, narcissism and codependency often go hand-in-hand. Narcissists are more likely to be possessive and controlling of a current partner, rather than concerned with taking someone else’s.