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As soon as the phrase “catching feelings” became a thing, it was clear that a lot of people see emotions as a problem. We talk about catching feelings like they’re some sort of virus – some sickness that’s going around that needs to be cured. But it’s time to reveal the dirty little secret: most people want to be emotionally vulnerable and want to receive emotional vulnerability from a partner.
According to a recent survey from Hinge, 63 percent of daters think it’s appealing when someone is emotionally open on a first date. Here’s the catch: the survey also found that only 36 percent of men show emotional vulnerability on a first date. The rest are afraid of rejection or judgment.
For those who are afraid to show their emotions, there is something you should know. Married people who are emotionally open report feeling closer to their partners and handling conflict better than those who are emotionally closed off, says the International Journal of Environmental Research and Public Health. Translation: if you want that fulfilling, all-encompassing, uplift your life kind of love…you’ll have to open up. Now the question remains: how is a person supposed to show that they are emotionally accessible, without scaring someone off? Here’s how to walk the line between emotional vulnerability and oversharing.
If It’s Fresh, Don’t Go There
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If a difficult experience is fresh for you, then it might not be time to talk to a stranger about it. Those feelings are still raw, and it can be challenging to talk about the thing without completely falling apart right there in that cute wine bar. If you want to open up to a date about struggles you’ve had, it’s best to talk about things from the past that you are fully at peace with so you can remain calm and present.
