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meeting the parents

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Results from a Hinge survey reposted on Market Watch show that most millennials bring a partner home to meet their parents after an average of 10 dates – or around two months into dating. When things are hot and heavy and you’re excited about somebody, 10 dates can feel like enough to get to know somebody. If you’re already spending many nights together, it can feel like you’re very close after just two months. But, two months is rather short. And often, we can just look to our own personal history to predict the success of a relationship. Many individuals have many relationships throughout their lives that only last a few months. Most relationships, statistically speaking, don’t work out until one does. When you think of it that way, two months is kind of jumping the gun. Plus, research from the American Psychological Association shows there is a correlation between age and relationship length. Translation: if you’re young, your relationships tend to be shorter.

So if reaching that 10-date mark isn’t a sign it’s time to introduce a partner to the parents (even if a lot of people think it is), what is the sign? Remember that your parents could become emotionally invested in someone you bring home. You get their hopes up when you introduce them to a pretty cool person, so other people’s feelings are at play here. Meeting the parents is a big deal and here are some signs your partner is or isn’t ready for that.


Commitment Has Been Established

At the very least, there should have been an explicit conversation in which commitment was established. The “What are we?” or “Where is this going?” talk should have happened, and the conclusion should have been, “We are in a committed, serious relationship with the shared goal of having this go somewhere.” Too often do people invite a partner to meet their parents before any sort of commitment has been established. It can be painful to discover you want to introduce someone to your parents and…that someone is dating two other people. Being on the same page before involving the parents is key.


You Rarely Fight

This has a second part: you rarely fight and you’ve been together for a while. At least three months, but ideally more. Anybody can get along for the first few months. Anybody can be on their best behavior and keep their personal demons locked up for 90 days. But it’s around that time when issues like jealousy, possessiveness, fear of commitment, substance abuse, and more start to rear their ugly little heads. So be sure you’ve been together long enough to actually show your true colors and then, that you get along pretty well still. A relationship should feel stable before the parents are brought in.


Your Partner Makes A Real Effort

Your partner has shown a desire to be a big part of your life, and to be a constant. They have already helped you with partner-type things like helping you move, fixing something in your apartment, driving you to the airport, or helping your best friend organize your birthday dinner. They want to know about your doctors’ appointments and job interviews. They’ve brought you soup when you were sick or comfort food when you were sad. They’ve established that they don’t just want to be a f*ck boy in your life. They are the real deal and are ready for the responsibility of a relationship.

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