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Dear Ashley, a weekly sex column in which Sex Expert Ashley Cobb answers your most intimate questions. Nothing is off-limits!  Have a sex question, Ashley, “Your Favorite Friend In Filth”, has an answer. For questions on sex, email Ashley at


Dear Ashley,

My husband and I have been married for almost two years. We did not have sex prior to getting married; however, neither of us was virgins when we got married. Our sex life has been awkward to say the least. There is no passion. it is always planned on his time (he never lets me initiate), occurs infrequently, and he hates any type of noise.


He tells me to be quiet and hushes me to near silence during sex. We have our own home and I swear I’m not making any weird animal sounds. No one else lives with us and if I ever ask him about it, he blows it off. I fear our sex life will never get better. 

Please Help!


Dear Mrs. Silent Sex Partner,

Who wants silent, quiet-as-a-church-mouse sex? The only silent sex I want is when my man and I try to be kinky in the dressing room at Macy’s. Other than that, noise me, please!  I really can’t get over the fact that you said he hushed you to silence. Like, did you continue with sex after that? After you hush me, my vajajay hushes too. We are a packaged deal. She doesn’t work right if I can’t be ALL in.  


Making sounds during sex is natural and normal. Tell sir to grow up or purchase a sex doll. I mean, they real quiet the way he likes them. To be completely honest, I don’t think he’s sexually attracted to you, just the vagina to have sex with.  Let’s review the facts shall we; yall are newlyweds with infrequent, passionless sex that you can never initiate, plus on the rare occasion y’all do get it in, you gotta be library silent?


During sex, he’s probably fantasizing about someone else and whenever you moan, it ruins the fantasy for him, hence why he wants you to be quiet and just lay there.

Ma’am, buy that man a sex doll and go. He’s using you for your vagina. 

You said, “I fear our sex life will never get better,” it won’t, leave now. He’s controlling. If you control me to the point of sounds I make during sex, what else are you controlling? Plus, do you want to have forever sex as an extra in a boring, silent film when you can be enjoying the sights and *sounds* of a live-action feature movie?

You scream on a rollercoaster, you laugh at a funny joke, and you moan with good sex.

The end. 


Ashley Cobb, is the millennial microphone that brings the conversation of Black women’s pleasure to the forefront. Creator of digital platform Sex With Ashley, her work and words have been featured in Cosmopolitan, Men’s Health, Shape Magazine, Business Insider, and Huffington Post. Follow her on Instagram and Twitter via @sexwithashley


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