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Dear Ashley, a weekly sex column in which Sex Expert Ashley Cobb answers your most intimate questions. Nothing is off-limits!  Have a sex question, Ashley “Your Favorite Friend In Filth” has an answer. For questions on sex email Ashley at ashley@sexwithashley.com

 

Dear Ashley, 

My husband and I have been married for a few years. We were both virgins when we got married. So we are each other’s first everything. My husband loves anal sex. I hate it. We’ve only done it a handful of times and after each time I felt sick afterward. He’s always asking for it; however, he recently agreed we didn’t have to do it anymore once I explained how it makes me feel. But after a few weeks, he was back to begging for it again. He says he can’t stop thinking about it and he said that he wants anal sex to protect our marriage, so he won’t start fantasizing about it and be put in a tempting situation. 

I can’t stand anal, but because he said that I feel like maybe I will be putting him in a tempting situation by turning him down. I’m not really convinced anal is part of God’s design for sex. But I want to respect my husband’s wishes and I guess since I have no real reason to think it’s forbidden, I should let him decide if we should treat it as forbidden or not. Even though the marriage bed is undefiled I don’t think I’m obligated to have any and every kind of sex he wants if I’m not okay with it. What should I do?

Ms. Christian Wife

 

Dear Ms. Christian Wife,

You are absolutely correct, you are not obligated to have sex of any kind that you’re not comfortable having–married or not. Your husband is manipulating you. “Protect our marriage,” is a load of crap and an excuse for his future bad behavior. The only thing that can protect your marriage is your husband. He needs to learn self control. Also your husband knows that as a Christian woman you place a lot of value in submitting to him and his wishes. He is using this to coerce you into doing what he wants even though he knows it’s not what you want. Which, quiet as it’s kept, is pretty much on brand for Christian men. 

What should you do? If you’re uncomfortable with anal sex then don’t do it. In this day and age there is a sex toy for everything. If your husband really can’t live without his anal fix, buy him an anal fleshlight. Anal Fleshlights are male strokers that create the perfect anal stimulation. It feels just like real anal sex! The hole is tight and stays tight throughout. It has lifelike butt opening and a real-feel material that heightens the realism. Buy him one then tell him to go in the room and use his imagination. 

Lastly, I don’t know this for certain, but I’m pretty sure God has more important things to do than to be concerned about what kind of sex you and your husband are having. Also, anal sex often times leads to orgasms. God created orgasms. Anything that can bring me to orgasm is indeed designed by God. If it wasn’t apart of God’s intention then why, for men, does anal sex stimulate the prostate. Prostate orgasms are intense enough to send waves of orgasmic pleasure from head to toe. Likewise, in women anal sex can hit two hot spots: the G-spot and A-spot. Both are located along the vaginal wall but can be indirectly stimulated during anal. I don’t know sis, but this sounds God intended to me. If the reason you are not having anal sex is solely based on you thinking it’s not God’s design, then have anal sex with your husband. If you don’t like anal sex because you just don’t like it, outside of a religious based reasons then don’t do it.  

 

Ashley Cobb, is the millennial microphone that brings the conversation of Black women’s pleasure to the forefront. Creator of digital platform Sex With Ashley, her work and words have been featured in Cosmopolitan, Men’s Health, Shape Magazine, Business Insider and Huffington Post. Follow her on Instagram and Twitter via @sexwithashley

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