Do you remember when cybersex was just something your really kinky friends were into? It was deemed more risqué than a part of “normal” sex culture. Perhaps you associated cybersex with socially awkward individuals who couldn’t get laid in real life, or you thought of it as something those with strange proclivities not easily satisfied in real life gravitated towards. Now cybersex is just as common as real sex, if not more, thanks to COVID-19. Now your friends dressed like furries wearing butt plugs are laughing all the way to the spank bank.
There might have been a time, early in the pandemic, when couples who met online figured they could just wait a few weeks and finally hook up in person. Then the shutdown extended, and extended, and extended. It quickly became obvious that a bright, clear green light on in-person hookups wasn’t coming. Getting off requires getting online for many right now. And it’s great that we have this resource, but it’s no secret that the Internet can either be a wonderful tool or a frightening weapon. When you engage in cybersex, you make yourself incredibly vulnerable. A camera, plus flesh, plus the World Wide Web can quickly turn from erotic to incriminating if you aren’t careful. At the very least, it can be embarrassing. So if you are engaging in cybersex, these are mistakes you must avoid.
Forgetting to password protect it
Leave it up to a few to ruin something for everyone. That’s just what happened when people flocked to Zoom at the beginning of the pandemic to carry on about their regular lives. Then the Zoombombing began. It was so aggressive, there were even groups online organizing mob Zoombombings. Even Alcoholics Anonymous meetings became the targets of some attacks. Luckily, password-protected meetings became a thing. If you are using Zoom to have your rendezvous, do not forget to make it a password-protected encounter. If you forget, at the very least, a pervert could creep in and watch your, um, work. But at worst, someone could bomb your cybersex session, record it, and use it to blackmail you – a fun new crime called “Sextortion” that’s unfortunately become rather popular.
Engaging with a stranger
People are home right now and lonely. Some are choosing to only engage in cybersex as a way of being responsible. The best way to socially distance is to just not get together at all, and there’s nothing socially distant about in-person sex. But while cybersex may be responsible in some ways, it can be irresponsible in others. If it’s the only sex you’re having, that could mean you’re “sleeping” with someone you don’t know. And while you aren’t taking as big a risk in one-on-one cybersex as, say, those attending cybersex parties, (that’s a thing), you could be in some danger. You don’t know if this person is who they say they are, or what their intentions are. You could be catfished through many great DMs, and then, bam! Blackmail situation. If you can find an old booty call from to cyber with, that’s probably for the best. If you really want to do it with a stranger, do yourself a favor and don’t show your face on the call.
Not asking first
Consent matters whether it’s in person or over the Internet. Don’t forget that some states are cracking down on what they call “cyber flashing (though some, sadly, are not criminalizing it).” If you’re a woman, you may think that men would welcome surprise cybersex, but there is no harm in asking, and there can be a lot of harm (like legal damages) in not. Plus, it’s sexy to lead into it. You can chat playfully about the possibility of taking the conversation in that direction before actually disrobing or touching yourself, and that conversation alone can heat things up. However you get into it, just make sure you’ve received consent first.
Not charging your toy
You may need the assistance of a vibrator or other toy to get the job done when having cybersex. Like with real sex, remember that men can only last so long. In fact, he may feel even less pressure to last in cybersex since your orgasm doesn’t technically rely on the timing of his. But you’d like to be on the same schedule, so make sure that your toy is loaded in advance if it requires charging. You don’t want the battery to die at a crucial moment. Chances are your partner won’t delay his climax (unless he’s into edging) while you get up, walk to the outlet, and wait for your toy to recharge. The mood will be killed by then anyways.
Updating your computer is a pain in the butt and everyone knows it. Some updates make your device unusable for hours at a time. Some come with glitches and reorganize things in a way that make it so you can’t find anything. There’s never a convenient time to do an update, but you know what time is extra inconvenient? During the middle of cybersex. And if you’ve been ignoring your updates for a long time, you never know when your computer will just override your bad habits and take over, even if you and your partner were in the middle of, well, you know…
Don’t forget to disable recording capabilities if you don’t want your partner recording the session, and you probably shouldn’t want that. While it seems sexy to give him something he can watch later on his own, you just don’t know where that tape could wind up. If the relationship takes a turn for the worse, he could use it for revenge. Or he might just drop off his laptop for repairs one day, forget it’s on there, and let that tape leak into the hands of some immoral IT guy who could sell it online. You never know. Once there is a recording of your sexual activity out there, it’s hard to, as some might say, put the toothpaste back in the tube.
Not silencing incoming calls
If you are using Skype or FaceTime, others can attempt to contact you while you’re in the middle of your activities. This kills the mood, as you have to remove your fingers from wherever they were to hit “ignore” or “decline.” But what’s worse is that you could accidentally answer that call. The “answer” and “decline” buttons are dangerously close together. You’ve made this mistake many times when you weren’t having cybersex, so the chances you may make it when you’re all frazzled are high. Then you might just let your poor grandma or landlord see you nude and doing all sorts of things. Be sure to put your phone on Do Not Disturb.
Liquids near devices
This rule can be difficult to follow since you might need lube to do what you do. If that is going to be the case, consider putting some sort of protective cover over your keyboard if using your laptop before getting started, or scoot very far away from the screen. You should also remove unrelated liquids, like cups of coffee or water. Things can get hectic during cybersex, and you might need to reach for a towel or toy abruptly, causing you to knock a tall glass of liquid all over your device. You know how warranties don’t cover water damage? They don’t cover water-based lube damage, either.
Using your words
Doing your foreplay in writing might seem easy, but it’s actually pretty difficult to pull off. As another form of sexting, it can easily become awkward or stiff (in a bad way). If you aren’t yet quite comfortable moving to the screen and you want to try typing instead, just make sure you know what you’re doing. You can’t be too long-winded since nobody’s in the mood to read a novel. But you need to say enough to set the tone. It’s an art form for sure, which is why we usually just rely on our bodies to do the talking during sex.
Getting too weird
Something about the Internet can make us feel like it isn’t real life, and what happens there stays there. You see it when we say mean things to people on Twitter, and the same is true when we engage in cybersex. You can find yourself doing things sexually that you’d never do in real life, like making golden shower videos or doing weird things with food. Who knows!? It seems innocent while it’s happening, but if it’s not something you’re comfortable with while engaging in in-person sex, it’s probably not something you’ll feel great about after cybersex, either. Know your limits and don’t let anyone pressure you beyond them.