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For centuries, there have been countless talks and books and films and entire industries built around the irresistible concept of the soulmate: an effervescent theory that there is one person out there to “complete” us or at least complement us in every way.

Over time, soulmates have evolved in many ways. Around the dawn of the Sex and the City era (and more culturally accurate, the Living Single and Girlfriends era), many women explored the idea of our soulmates being our close friends, or even family members and other platonic companions on this beautiful journey called life.

Most recently, the esoteric version of soulmates — twin flames — has sent the girls into a frenzy. The idea that our soulmate is actually a deeply embedded, predestined soul we are connected to on all planes of existence raised a lot of anxious if not perfectly reasonable questions:

“What if my soulmate is married to someone else? What if my twin flame hasn’t incarnated on this earthly plane yet? What if my soulmate isn’t ready for a relationship? What if my twin flame is a runner or a chaser?”

What if?

Which has also raised a very interesting question: What if your soulmate is actually… you? I used to dismiss this as a form of toxic positivity. Like, girl, if you don’t get out of here with that inspirational quote mess. I need for my soulmate to be an actual person and for us to have an actually dope and fulfilling relationship. It felt like the type of thing, once accepted, that would be a resignation from divine romance and much needed Black girl fantasy into an acceptance that me and my soulmate self would indeed live out our lives in a house with a cat and a detrimental “don’t need nobody for NOTHING” attitude.

Quite the opposite. I realized that people were on to something. I thought about all the moments of self-care and self-affirming messages, even during times I felt completely abandoned. I thought about the solo dates, the little gifts to self and that little voice that is always on my side, no matter what, even if it comes with some things I don’t necessarily want to hear or face at the time. I thought about the sunsets and butterflies and all the romance and assurance I was bringing into my own life just by living it and being present.

So, it is something to consider, if you will. Here are a few signs and gentle reminders that you may indeed be the one you’ve been waiting for your entire life. It’s a good idea to start here, and then allow someone to join your journey.

Enjoying your own company

Kanye once said, “I could be in a room by myself and enjoy the company.” If you find yourself enjoying your own presence more and more, you may be exactly what your soul has been craving. You may find yourself unphased or unbothered when people cancel, flake or ghost on you because you appreciate your own company and essence more than anything. You make plans because you want to, not out of some social need or obligation. You don’t need others to mark special occasions and you don’t freak out at the idea of going to the movies or enjoying a dinner or drink by yourself every now and then. In fact, you may even look forward to it. Imagine how much more you will enjoy another’s company when you already enjoy your own that much.

The future is forever lit

When you look toward your future, you know you’re good regardless of what happens because you’re in it. You don’t fear aging and accept it as part of the physical and spiritual growth process. You are fine with or without a life partner, even if you have a preference for one lifestyle over the other because what’s most important is that the best version of you makes it into the future. Whoever you get to spend it with is just icing on the cake.

Breakups no longer break you

While you have been quietly mastering the art of healthy attachment styles and honoring your relationship commitments, you also find that the idea of breakups don’t haunt you or actual breakups don’t break you. You have long-term goals and visions for yourself that don’t shatter completely when a relationship ends. Even if you have your sights on marriage, you understand the time up until then is preparation and growth. You seek amicable separations and find yourself less attracted to the messiness and drama that certain types of breakups can bring. In your mind, you see the best possible outcome for all involved, especially yourself.

You don’t expect love to solve your problems

Not romantic love from a relationship with another person, at least. You know you can have everything you want by tapping within. You cultivate the love within yourself and even your love for a higher power. You don’t rely on love or any relationships that come along with it to magically wipe away all your tears and solve all your problems. You’ve probably already saved yourself enough times to know that your own self-love is powerful within itself and sharing that is a gift with others, not a magic wand. You are working on your own issues, healing yourself so that no matter how or in what form your potential partner appears, you are radiating love from inside and not waiting externally for what you have within.

You are at one with your emotions

When you want to cry, you cry, with or without a shoulder to lean on. You catch yourself busting out laughing or yelling out “Girl!” when nobody is around. That’s how in tune you are with yourself. You know how to self-soothe and process your own emotions. You’re not afraid to show or share your emotions and you don’t shrink at the idea of others knowing how you truly feel because you are tapped into your own truth at all times. When you realize your emotions truly make you feel alive, you will feel a deeper connection to yourself. That deeper connection is also full of love that will overflow once you learn to trust yourself. And if you decide to partner with someone, the emotional intelligence you have been building will take you even higher.

These are just a few signs that you are the one you’ve been waiting for, your very own soulmate. What are some signs you can think of?

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