We’ve all felt tempted to snoop through a partner’s belonging at one point or another, but the decision to snoop could change the trajectory of your relationship forever. Of course, there’s the obvious potential outcome that you learn your partner has been deceiving you in some way. However, there’s also the possibility that your partner sees snooping as a major breach of trust and the relationship is fractured beyond repair. If you’re feeling the urge to snoop, but you’re not sure if you should, here are ten things to do before checking your partner’s phone.
Question your motives
First and foremost, it’s important to consider what your desired outcome is and what it is that you’re looking for. Are you looking for reassurance that your partner is faithful? Are you looking for proof to confirm suspicions you already have? From there, ask yourself if snooping will actually accomplish anything.
Ask yourself the relationship is even worth the headache
Some people are snoops by nature. Other people feel compelled to snoop for a reason and it’s usually that they don’t trust their partner. If the latter rings true for you, ask yourself if this is even a relationship worth your time and energy. It’s hard to sustain a relationship with a person you can’t trust.
List the reasons you have for wanting to check
Sometimes seeing your thoughts in black and white can help you to gain a better perspective of what’s going on. Consider jotting a quick list of all of the reasons you have for wanting to look through your partner’s phone. Then, take some time to reflect on whether or not you have a valid reason for snooping.
Talk to your partner about the insecurities you may be experiencing
We all have our moments of insecurity and oftentimes, when we feel tempted to snoop, it’s because we’re looking for some sort of reassurance; however, in healthy relationships, there are other more helpful ways to receive this reassurance without breaching the trust.
Reflect on the type of relationship you want – (a trusting and respectful one?)
From the moment that you decide to snoop, you establish a trend in your relationship so take a moment to consider the type of relationship you actually want. Do you desire one that is trusting and respectful or one that is marred by distrust and deception?
Consider the fact that you’re violating your partner’s trust
Some people don’t mind when their partner looks through their things. Others consider it to be a serious violation of trust. If your partner falls in the latter category, consider what breaking their trust in this way will do to your relationship.
Ask yourself, “What’s my plan if I find something?”
In the unfortunate event that you find something incriminating, what will be your next course of action? Are you prepared to walk away? If not, you may want to reconsider looking in the first place.
Talk to a trusted friend
Sometimes, talking things over with a trusted and level-headed friend can help you to quiet some of those internal voices that are telling you to snoop in the first place.
Remind yourself that what’s done in the dark will always come to the light
Rest assured that what’s done in the dark will always come to the light. Regardless of whether you go looking or not, the truth will be exposed. You don’t have to stress yourself, stalk, or worry.
Consider your past relationship patterns
What were your past relationships like? Do you have a history of snooping? Have you been in multiple relationships where there was infidelity and deception. It may be a good idea to connect with a therapist to help you avoid repeating similar patterns.