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You want someone who loves every part of you—the good and the bad. Someone who loves just one or the other will never be right for you. Someone who only loves the good parts of you will turn a cold shoulder to you when you show your flaws and weaknesses. He’ll make you feel ashamed when you aren’t your best self—rather than helping you feel supported and encouraged to be your best self. Likewise, someone who only likes the not-so-great parts of you is bad news, too. Anyone who benefits from your weaknesses will always try to keep you down. If you’re a pushover, you may attract someone like that—somebody who wants you to stay weak, because he gets some sort of power from it. Interesting enough, when you stop being a pushover, you’ll notice a lot of these guys disappear—and good riddance to them.
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The flake
The guy who constantly cancels at the last minute or “forgets” you had plans or changes the plans in a way that’s very inconvenient for you. He’ll drop off the face of the planet when you stop being a pushover and demand he respect your time.
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The jealous guy
The super jealous guy who likes to convince you that you’re messing up by simply talking to male friends or spending time with other men in a platonic way. He wants you to be a pushover who says, “I’m sorry—I’ll do whatever I have to just to make you comfortable.” But now you’re saying, “I didn’t do anything wrong and won’t apologize” and he’ll be gone.
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The grouch
The grouchy, anti-social guy who you have to beg to go with you to a party because he doesn’t like anybody. Yeah, he’ll be a goner when you tell him you’re going with or without him because he shouldn’t make you choose between a social life and him.
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The faux therapy patient
This guy may not realize he’s messed up, but what he needs more than a girlfriend is a therapist. He loves pushovers because they don’t say anything when the entire conversation is about this guy. The pushover plays the therapist, and just gives and gives and gives. When you tell him this relationship needs to be about both people, he’ll be outta there.
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The social dominator
He’s bossy, pushy, and just kind of a D-bag. He bosses the whole group into going to the bar he wants to go to and going to the restaurant he prefers. He thinks he’s the leader. When you tell him he needs to chill out and he can either do what the group wants, or be by himself, he’ll probably call you a B-word and peace out. Good—let him go.
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The controller
This guy tries to change you. He wants you to dress differently and behave differently and do something else for your work. He insists that he’s “helping you.” When you tell him that you didn’t ask for a life coach and he can either like you for who you are or get out, he’ll probably get out and look for a new protégé.
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The wishy-washy guy
He is kind of flirty in text, but then he invites friends on your date. He kissed you last time you hung out, and is ignoring you tonight. When you just tell him you want to know what the hell is going on, he may bail—he wanted the freedom to not tell you what was going on, in case something “better” came along. F*$# him.
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The bully
He is very negative. He gets his kicks by making fun of others. He made you feel, in a way, “cool” because at least he didn’t direct his bullying towards you. But you know what? You kind of think he’s a jerk. You stop being a pushover and tell him he’s really negative and you’re over it. He’ll take off, and try to find someone else to allow him to be a bully.
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The mooch
The guy that has sort of moved into your place because he prefers it there than with his weird roommate. He’s eating your food. He keeps “borrowing” money that he does not pay back. When you tell him he has to pay you back and stop using your stuff, he’ll find someone else to mooch off of.
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The emotional user
This guy essentially treats you like his mommy. He calls you to whine about his roommate or his boss. He usually just wants to lie on your lap and receive comfort. He’s treating you like a mom and not a girlfriend.
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The fake boyfriend
This guy sort of treats you like a girlfriend—if he gets a plus one to a wedding, he brings you, and he’s somewhat affectionate with you in public. But ultimately, he just won’t put a label on things. When you try to ask what’s up, he usually changes the subject and you allow it. When you force him to give you an answer, you probably won’t hear from him anymore. That’s okay.
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The guy who is taken
He’s the guy who has a girlfriend but he is trying to get your attention. He makes vague statements about how he would leave his girlfriend for you. Or that things are “complicated” there. You had a crush on him, so you entertained this behavior. Once you tell him you will not be engaging in any more contact with him unless he is a single man, he’ll disappear. He was just looking for some side fun, while keeping his girlfriend.
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The moody guy
This could be the broody artist or the egotistical restaurant owner for whom every single career setback is the end of the world. He’s locking himself in rooms and claiming nobody loves him. He loves that you wait outside that locked door and beg him to come out. He loves that he can drain you of your generous spirit. When you stop being a pushover, you really won’t have the time for personalities like this. It will actually be you who walks out on them.
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The attention grabber
It almost seems like you have his attention, but he’s just a charmer. He’s good at making anyone feel like the only woman in the room. But he really just wants you to be a trophy on his arm. It’s clear he doesn’t actually know who you are. When you stop being a pushover and demand he get to know you in a real way, he’ll find a new trophy.
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Other pushovers
You’ll actually drive away other pushovers when you stop being a pushover. Your confidence and assertiveness will intimidate them. Don’t feel bad about being too “much” for them—maybe you’ll inspire them to stop being pushovers.
