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Comfort can be the antithesis of passion. It’s hard to feel hot, sexy and bothered when you and your partner have been together for so long that you burp and pass gas in front of one another. Balancing the natural comfort that comes with longterm partnership with the desire to keep things fresh is no easy feat. It definitely takes intention and effort, but the steps are worth it if you want to keep the fire lit in the bedroom.

Couples have to make sure that they don’t let boredom replace sexual attraction. “Safety and predictability are important, but it’s possible to experience this while also having a relationship that feels enlivening and exciting,” Daniel Sher, clinical psychologist and a consultant for the Between Us Clinic told Elite Daily.

Sher explained that early excitement is “replaced by a feeling of safety and predictability,” which can be a death knell in relationships. So to break the cycle, you have to do something different. Start with both of you as individuals, what do you want? What do you crave? What gets you going outside of sex? Outside hobbies that break the routine, whether done separately or together, can bring your sex drive back to life.

“If the relationship is stagnant, often the individuals also feel stuck in their life,” relationship and intimacy coach Megan Lamber told Elite Daily. “Ask yourself, ‘What do I really want? What is a secret dream of mine I could explore?’ Then go out and try it. Often, couples are afraid that if they follow their dreams, it will pull their relationship apart. But you have to risk losing the relationship and follow your interests to keep the spark alive.”

You also have to view your lover as an onion, that you can get to know deeper and deeper, layer by layer.

“Couples get boring because they assume they know each other already,” explained Lambert. “They don’t. In every moment, your partner is a new and unique human. Imagine you are an alien meeting your partner for the first time. What would an alien be curious about? What would you want to know? Explore each other as if you were two aliens, totally new, totally fresh.”

And for the last one, it’s obvious but, try some new positions, new toys, new locations. Ask your significant other what their fantasy is.

“Try something new in the bedroom,”  Sher said.

“Broadening your sexual horizons and exploring each other’s sexual fantasies can provide a fantastic way to reestablish intimacy and excitement.”

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