When you think about it, finding a life mate is pretty much a miracle. So many factors have to go into compatibility, including values, lifestyle and careers. Meeting someone and then realizing all those things match up is special. But what do you do when your vision of the future doesn’t align with the person you love?
“Relationships are as much about enjoying each other in the present as they are about creating a future together,” sex and intimacy coach Irene Fehr told Elite Daily. “We all have dreams for ourselves and for the relationship, and these dreams determine serious and important decisions in the present.”
When it comes to where to live, kids, and marriage, finding a compromise can be damn near impossible.
“At some point, future plans will become more pressing and require decisions that impact your life together such as living together, financial investments and life-changing events such as having a baby,” Fehr explained.
If you are faced with this dilemma, you both can either chose to work through it, or break up. But before making a decision, you have to sit down and candidly discuss everything with your partner.
“The first thing is to start an honest conversation to bring your partner in on what’s going on for you — what you’re seeing and experiencing inside yourself,” Fehr said. “Be honest about how your vision or goals might be shifting from where you were before and what’s important to you about new ones.”
If you both fundamentally disagree on huge life goals, you may have to part ways.
“Too many drastic differences like this, and you won’t have a future,” Trina Leckie, host of the Breakup BOOST podcast, told Elite Daily.
“You’ll just have frustration, arguments, and built-up resentment. The relationship will eventually crack, so it’s better to go your separate ways before you end up feeling like you wasted a lot of time.”
Others may opt to try to make it work, but process with caution.
“Some couples might choose to stay together,” Fehr explained. “living mostly parallel lives and intersecting on the minimum of where their futures do align.”
But if that isn’t enough for you, don’t settle. We all know love isn’t enough. The last thing you want is to miss out on kids or marriage because you are trying to fit your dreams into someone else’s vision.