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My boyfriend and I have drastically different sleep schedules. He likes to go to bed around 10:30pm and he gets up around 7am. I go to sleep around 2am and get up around 11am. Yes, I’m a bit of a night owl. I tried, at one point, to sync up my sleep schedule with his in some attempt at being “more grownup” but, it just didn’t take. If I try to go to bed before 1am, I can’t sleep the whole night. So, we’re back to our conflicting sleep schedules. I’ll admit that we got along a little better when we went to bed at the same time. People are precious about their sleep, as they should be—being sleep-deprived can have serious health consequences. And, most people have plenty of particularities when it comes to what they need to get a good night’s rest. Here’s what it’s like when you and your partner have drastically different sleep schedules.
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You know different neighbors
I know neighbors my boyfriend has never met and visa versa. I know the late-morning crew—the neighbors who also get their first cup of joe from the corner coffee shop at nearly noon. My boyfriend knows the neighbors who are up at 7am to run their dogs out before work. He’ll introduce me to one of these neighbors, whose he’s known for years and is totally new to me.
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Sleep disruption fights
Most of our fights are about sleep disruption. We are lucky that that’s the worst of our fights, but we definitely have those often. If I so much as clatter plates too much cleaning up my late dinner dishes, it can wake him up. If he accidentally kicks me getting out of bed in the morning, he wakes me up.
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Your midnight pee is his morning
We have this hilarious thing happening where, I’ll get up at 7am to pee—I’ve only been asleep for about five hours, and this is my “midnight” pee—and I’ll run into my boyfriend in the bathroom, getting ready for the day.
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Pet care falls on the early riser
Pets stir whenever the first person in the house gets up. So, naturally, pet feeding and walks fall on the early riser, which can cause some resentment. The night owl has to promise to handle evening feedings and walks to make up for it.
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Different views on the traffic
One person thinks the neighborhood has terrible traffic and the other has no idea what her partner is talking about. That’s because only one person drives in and out during rush hour.
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You go days without seeing each other
Sometimes, we go a few days without seeing each other. I walk in the door just in time to kiss my boyfriend—who is already in bed—goodnight. It’s hard having him right on the other side of the wall, and not being able to talk to him.
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So you forget to tell each other things
By the time we see each other, we have several days worth of updates to give each other. I feel like we’re falling so behind on catching up. It’s like a race to make sure we cover everything, in the little time we have.
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Weekends are precious
Weekends are so precious. That’s the only time we have somewhat similar schedules. So, if one of us gets called to help a friend move or go to another friend’s bachelorette trip, it’s sort of devastating.
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But your sleep schedule may still be off
Even when we are together on the weekends, our internal clocks are still accustomed to our weekday schedules. So my boyfriend gets annoyed waiting for me to wake up and I get annoyed when he wants to go to sleep right after dinner.
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Alarm clock disputes
If my boyfriend lets his alarm clock buzz for more than four seconds, I get really annoyed. And if he should dare to hit the snooze button, I’m pretty sour for the next 24 hours.
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He may forget to close the blinds
My boyfriend often forgets to close the blinds when he goes to bed. The sun won’t really wake him because he gets up before it does, anyways. But I need the blinds closed, and closing them is very loud—something my snoozing boyfriend doesn’t appreciate.
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If you forget to switch parking spots
My boyfriend and I know he should be parked behind me when we go to bed. We know he’ll be upset if he has to move my car in the morning. And still, sometimes, he doesn’t feel like moving cars at night. So he’s stuck circling the block the next morning, looking for a spot for my car, and upset with me. It’s unfair but it happens all the time.
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He calls on his break/you’re just getting started
By the time I finally have my breakfast and settle down to start my day’s work, my boyfriend is already on his lunch break. So he calls, wanting to chat, and I don’t want to pick up because I just got to work.
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You always see him in pajamas
Besides the weekends, I mostly see my boyfriend in his pajamas. He’s all ready for bed by the time I get home. On the flip side, he thinks I always look done up, and that’s certainly not true.
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Coordinating package drop-offs
If my boyfriend has a package arriving while I’ll be asleep in the late morning or I have a pizza arriving while he’s asleep in the early evening, we have to play this game of popping our head out the door each time we think we hear the delivery person. We don’t want them ringing the doorbell, and waking the other up.
