Realities of female friendship breakups

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Gettyimages.com/An angry young woman gestures and frowns at an unrecognizable friend as they argue on a city street.

I’ve had to break up with a couple of female friends in my day, and something occurred to me recently…I don’t know any men who have friendship breakups. Isn’t that bizarre? My boyfriend has had several male friends disappoint or anger him in some way, and, somehow, he was just able to naturally spend a little less time with them. They didn’t have to have a big talk about it. They didn’t have to break up. And the fact that he wanted or needed to reduce that friendship really didn’t seem to plague my boyfriend’s mind the way an impending friendship problem can plague mine. If a friend upsets me (or, worse, I just need to end a friendship) that issue consumes my thoughts until we have a big talk. I guess women have friendship breakups and men kind of don’t. Here are other realities of female friendship breakups.

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Your mutual friends take it hard

It’s a nightmare for your mutual friends. When they want to get the whole group together, they have to choose between inviting you, and the other friend. Or, they can just invite both of you, and leave it to you two to battle it out. Either way, it weighs on them, too.

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Your partners, who were sort of buddies, suffer

If your significant others became friends via your friendship, this breakup is awkward for them, too. Are they not supposed to hang out anymore? Is your boyfriend supposed to be cold towards your now ex-friend?

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People don’t know and invite them

Some people simply don’t get word about the friend breakup and invite both of you to a dinner party. It’s very uncomfortable, but you don’t want the poor host to feel bad, so you tough it out.

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There go those favors

Maybe you used to help each other out with something, like walk one another’s dogs or carpool and split gas to some far-away destination you both frequent. So, there goes that.

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They’re harder to accept

Romantic breakups are certainly never easy, but there is the understanding that, if you aren’t 100 percent happy with a romantic partner, you must end things, so you can make room for a new potential partner. But, you can have unlimited friends. So, when you end a friendship, it’s a real slap in the face.

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Somebody probably really messed up

You can break up with a romantic partner because there just isn’t chemistry or compatibility there. But you don’t need explosive chemistry with a friend for a friendship to last—you just need to get along and have pleasant interactions. So, if you do cut friendship ties, it’s because someone did something bad.

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They’re never mutual

Friendship breakups are rarely mutual because, again, you won’t end it over something like lack of chemistry (the way you might a romantic one). Friendship breakups almost always end because one person—and only one person—doesn’t want that friendship anymore.

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They’re rarely peaceful

Friendship breakups are also rarely peaceful, sine—as we stated before—they tend to end because someone messed up beyond repair. If you end a female friendship, you’re basically telling the other person, “I don’t like you. I think the way you do things is bad and wrong.” Naturally, people don’t always take that without a fight.

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You lose those connections

That friend may have been your connection to a network of people you wouldn’t have otherwise known. And now, you kind of have to give up on that network, too.

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It’s usually a big win for one person

Friendship breakups usually indicate a big win for someone. Typically, when a friendship ends, one person (the one who ended it) feels like a tremendous weight has been lifted.

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And a big loss for the other

On the flipside, one person usually feels completely abandoned or screwed over. We’ll get into why that is in a moment.

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Some sort of selfishness is usually the cause

One of the most common causes I hear about for friendship breakups is that one person was consistently selfish. Maybe they always spoke about themselves, and never asked the other person about them, for example. So, of course, when the friendship ends, one person loses the friend they were using as a free therapist, and the other loses a pain in the *ss.

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Or, a lack of dependability

Lack of dependability is another top cause of female friendship breakups. If one person regularly cancels plans at the last minute, or just cannot be relied on, things might come to an end.

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The breakups are total and complete

Friendship breakups are total and complete. Women can’t really go from being super close friends to being hang-twice-a-year friends. Women tend to be all in, or all out, on friendship.