Ways those with social anxiety are misunderstood

Gettyimages.com/Spain, Barcelona. Young traveler near the sea, enjoying the beach.

I’ve been with a man who suffers from social anxiety for a little over five years. You might wonder how we ever even clicked in the first place since, those with social anxiety can have a hard time dating. But I’m very forthcoming, I wear my heart on my sleeve, and I say exactly what I mean—my personality type works very well for those with social anxiety. I tend to disarm them, and help them stop questioning, “Was she being serious? Is she mad? Is she telling the truth about what she wants? Is she unhappy and not saying it?” and the other endless worries those plagued with social anxiety have. But just because I put my boyfriend at ease doesn’t mean I haven’t seen him be incredibly anxious. In fact, I’ve had to explain some of his behavior (triggered by his anxiety) to my friends and family many times. Here are ways those with social anxiety are misunderstood.

Image Source: Shutterstock

People think they’re rude

I attend a lot of plus one events solo, or if I do bring my partner, he might sit with the same few people all night and not really mingle. It isn’t because he is rude. If he stays home, it’s because he worries the event is a minefield for his anxiety triggers. If he tags along but sits with the same people, it’s because he feels safe with them.

Shutterstock

Or presume they don’t like others

Sometimes, my boyfriend stays away from people not because he doesn’t like them, but actually because he doesn’t quite understand them and that causes him anxiety. He has a lot of trouble, for example, with shy and quiet people. Not knowing what someone is thinking causes him a lot of anxiety.

Shutterstock

They can be seen as slow

If it ever sounds like my boyfriend struggles to answer a question, don’t judge him. He’s actually super intelligent. He’s just running his answer through his many social anxiety filters, trying to make sure it comes out in a way that couldn’t possibly cause offense to anyone.

Corbis

They’re picky about who they vacation with

I’ve had to turn down many a doubles-couples vacation invitations because of my boyfriend’s social anxiety. Again, he doesn’t dislike these individuals. He just won’t travel and spend 24 to 48 consecutive hours with people unless he knows them very well and has known them for a long time.

Shutterstock

They’re possessive of their partners

Sure, my boo likes to have a lot of one-on-one nights with me. He isn’t controlling though. He has no issue with me going out without him. I’m just someone with whom he feels very at-ease. Spending time with me is something he finds relaxing. I’m someone around whom his anxieties go away. So of course he likes to soak that up when he can.

Image Source: Shutterstock

They aren’t good listeners

My boyfriend admittedly seems distracted a lot. I need to look out for my opening to pass on information or give him details about something. It’s not that he doesn’t care—it’s that his anxiety is monopolizing his mind, and he’s consumed with some worry that he upset this person or offended that one.

Image Source: Shutterstock

They don’t like making new friends

My boyfriend loves making new friends! It just doesn’t come as easily to him as it does to others. Any person who is a stranger is just a giant, enigmatic, anxiety-inducing ball in his eyes. He doesn’t know new peoples’ triggers, beliefs, sensitivities and so on.

Shutterstock

They can’t take a joke

My boyfriend has an incredible sense of humor. Some people think, however, that he can’t take a joke because he freezes up when new people tell a joke. This only happens because he doesn’t know them well enough to know if it’s a joke. The thought of laughing at something that, turns out, wasn’t a joke causes him immense anxiety.

Image Source: Shutterstock

They aren’t forthcoming

Because my boyfriend is very selective about his words and wants to make sure his sentences around strangers come out perfectly, it can sometimes sound like he’s dancing around the truth.

Image Source: Shutterstock

They’re emo

Those with social anxiety need a lot of alone time. Being around humans overwhelms them—especially humans they don’t know well. My boyfriend’s need for alone time may look a bit emo to some, but he doesn’t sob and mope around when he’s alone. He just needs time to decompress from being around people.

Image Source: Shutterstock

They need everyone to like them

It might seem like my boyfriend needs everyone to like him because he gets so worried if he believes he insulted or offended someone. But he isn’t trying to win some popularity contest. He’s just trying to avoid being hated. There’s a difference.

Shutterstock

They don’t get sarcasm

It’s true that people with social anxiety don’t get sarcasm at first with new people. Again, misinterpreting somebody and responding inappropriately is the worst nightmare of someone with social anxiety. So until my boyfriend knows someone and recognizes that they are just deeply sarcastic, he isn’t going to laugh at their sarcasm.

Shutterstock

They’re too sensitive

My boyfriend isn’t overly sensitive or dramatic. He can’t help the way he is. He doesn’t like having social anxiety anymore than other people like being around someone with social anxiety.

Image Source: Shutterstock

They can never relax

It may be difficult for some people to imagine my boyfriend relaxing, but he relaxes—he relaxes around me, his best friends, his brother, and our dog. He feels safe with these people (and the cute little animal).