Why You Shouldn’t Get A Vagina Lift - Page 9

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Vagina lifts are a thing, folks. Just like you can get a facelift, a boob lift, a butt lift, and a brow lift, you can now get a vagina lift. The technical term is labiaplasty. The popular term is vaginal rejuvenation as if to say that your vagina has just gotten old or worn out over time. It’s a rather controversial procedure. And look, most plastic surgery procedures were met with some resistance at first. There once was a time when only your really eccentric or superficial friend had breast implants, and now, plenty of women have them—from soccer moms to politicians. Brow lifts were once only for the truly privileged ladies of high society, but you’re seeing working women pop into their plastic surgeon for a brow lift on their lunch breaks now. While we’ve come around to other types of lifts, I don’t know that we should so willingly accept vagina lifts. Here is why you shouldn’t get a vagina lift.

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Oh, sorry we make human life

If your partner finds your vagina less attractive since you popped his child out of there, then he needs a reality check. If anything, your vagina is just more beautiful now that it has that incredible accomplishment under its belt.

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Oh, sorry vaginas feel amazing

When men complain about the appearance of the vaginas of women who let them have sex with them, I get pretty upset. Did these men fail to orgasm because of the appearance of this vagina? Of course not. So then, um, what’s the issue here? Sounds like that vagina was in perfect working condition.

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We worry about enough already

Okay, seriously. We’re expected to worry about hip to waist ratios, cheek contouring, breast perkiness and now the appearance of our vaginas? Right. That seems fair.

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Men don’t care about their dicks

Men don’t seem very concerned about having any plastic surgery performed on their penises. And, for the record, just based on how anatomy works, women actually see their partner’s penises. Like—really see them. The dick is there, loud and proud. The vagina is discreet—most of it exists on the inside of our bodies.

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Recovery is a bitch

You have to give your labia a warm Epsom salt steam bath several times a day for up to two weeks after your procedure and wear compression garments over the area and go in for several follow up visits.

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It’s rarely covered by insurance

That means you’ll be going out of pocket for this thing. And that means you can’t use that money for some other wonderful experience. You’re depriving yourself of vacation money so that your vagina can look “perfect.”

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Most men don’t care

First of all, for the men who care, shut up. Second of all, most men don’t care about the appearance of your vagina. Mature, emotionally stable, kind men wouldn’t walk away from the love of their life over the appearance of her vagina.

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They can snip your clit

A real risk of this procedure is that the doctor accidentally snips your clitoris. The risk is small but is it really worth it? A perfect looking vagina for trouble reaching orgasm later? Yikes.

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Your vagina is being cut

Really think about this procedure: a doctor is taking parts of your labia and cutting it off. Just go in the bathroom and look at your labia. Try to explain that to your labia—your labia that has never done anything but love you.

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You can swell up for half a year

Your labia may suffer swelling for up to half a year after the procedure. Will you be showing it off during that time? Not likely. But is that reflected in the price of this procedure? Nope.

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What if you want kids later?

You better be damn certain you don’t want children after this procedure because if you do, that was all for nothing. Sure you can have a cesarean but those are far more invasive than people realize.

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Men are making money off our insecurities

Did you know that men make up nearly 90 percent of certified plastic surgeons? So you’ll likely be handing over money to the gender that, honestly, created the insecurity and the perceived need for this surgery in the first place.

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Scarring is a potential side effect

So the reason you’re going in for the procedure is for a perfect-looking pussy. But you may come out with scarring. That didn’t really pan out, did it?

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Dyspareunia is another side effect

Dyspareunia is the name for painful intercourse, due to a surgical procedure. So while your pretty vagina might make you feel more confident about having sex, it may not make you enjoy sex anymore.