My situation is a bit complicated in that it involves a 1.5 year online long distance relationship where I had lied about my online profile. I told him the truth in September and suffice to say it didn’t go down well. He said about a week after I told him the truth that he doesn’t mind being friends but that there is no chance for us to be more in the future. I am not sure if he said it out of anger/hurt at that time or if he really meant it because even looking at our relationship objectively, he truly was in love with me to the point where he was going on interviews to move to the country that I said I lived in.

We are finally back on talking terms since November but it is very casual and indifferent and that is why I think trying to rebuild trust by way of doing the friends route is not working.

So I was planning on apologizing again but this time focusing on him and making sure that he understands that I have taken these 3 months to really try and understand what he feels. I would like to tell him that I still have feelings for him and hope for a future together but that I understand that trust takes time to be rebuilt and that the decision is his. But I’m not sure if dredging up the past is a good idea either. It’s just that I feel that the situation is urgent because he is slipping away.
-Alice

This week on The Luv Coach, Coach Brody helps a woman who is struggling with her sex life in light of her husband’s obesity and his lack of interest. Read on and weigh in:

Dear Luv Coach,

I am a 46 year old, recently re-married woman who has a problem. My husband has recently gained so much weight that he’s unable to perform sexually. Even before the weight gain, our sex life was less than satisfying to me, but I dealt with it because it was part of the package. To top things off, his daughter and grand-daughter recently moved in with us, so there isn’t much chance of us having a romantic evening together. I was single for so long, it is very hard for me to want to stay married to him. Right now I am the only one in the house working, so that adds another layer of frustration on this situation.

In all honesty, I am not physically attracted to him. I am not aroused by him, but one reason I got married was to be able to enjoy a healthy sexual relationship. I have asked him to work out with me, or even go walking with me. Nothing. I have encouraged him to have surgery to begin the weight loss process, nothing. The last time we tried to be intimate, his stomach got in the way, if you know what I mean?

I just want some suggestions about what I can do to keep myself from going crazy and perhaps some ways to find relief from this situation. Thank you.
-Lauri

This week on The Luv Coach, Coach Brody helps a woman who is confusing sex with love. Read on and weigh in:

Dear Luv Coach,

I’m 23 years old and I have a 3 year old daughter. I’ve been with the father of my child for 10 years and he has been incarcerated for the past 3 years, set to be released in June of next year.

The thing is I’ve been sleeping with my next door neighbor for a year and I’m madly in love with him. He also has a 3 year old daughter and our kids play together. When we first met he told me that he was not interested in a serious relationship and was no longer with the mother of his child and I believed him. A few months later I found out that they were still a couple and were living together but when I asked him if this was true he denied it. He then came clean and said that they were working things out for the sake of their child and that he still wants to casually sleep with me.

He has said on many occasions that he doesn’t want me seeing anyone else but he knows that I will be with the father of my child when he gets out. We still plan on sneaking around when my boyfriend gets home but I want more from him. The way I feel for him I’ve never felt for anyone else – not even the father of my child but he just won’t commit to me and I can’t trust him.

Recently at a party I got into a confrontation with his girlfriend because they were making out in front of me and I felt disrespected because he saw that I was there and acted like he didn’t care. He vowed to never speak to me after that incident but that was because the bi*ch was there. A week later he was at my door and we’re now sleeping together again. It seems like he’s never going to leave her alone and I just can’t continue seeing him if he doesn’t but I don’t know how to let go because I really love him. Should I stay and hope that he changes or just leave him alone?

-Melody

This week on The Luv Coach, Coach Brody helps a woman who gave so much more than she received. Read on and weigh in:

Dear Luv Coach,

I have been dating this guy for the past 3 years. I’m 23 and he’s 22 . We’re both in college and he just got a job after being unemployed for a year and a half. During his unemployment I took care of him, paid all his bills, fed and clothed him. Recently he said to me that only his parents were there for him when he was out of work but the thing is that his parents never helped him financially; his mom couldn’t afford it and his dad always got upset when he asked him for help.

Now that I’m unemployed and need his help he always has to say how much I need a job because he needs to pay his bills and buy clothes for himself before he can help me. I’m so confused and disappointed because for a whole year I didn’t buy myself anything so that I could support him. We have not been intimate in a month because he complains of how tired he is but then goes out with his friends all weekend.

He says that we want different things and that now is not the right time for us, but I love him. Should I stay and hope that he changes or move on?

Denil

Madame Noire is pleased to expand our life-enhancing content featuring black female experts with the latest addition to our roster: life and career coach, S. Tia Brown. Ms. Brown is delighted to be joining our team — which includes the Luv Coach Rebecca Brody and natural hair care expert Anu Prestonia – to focus on general life advice. A certified practitioner in this field, who is quite fabulous herself, S. Tia Brown has a wealth of tips and tricks to help you make make personal improvements. She will answer one user question every week to share personalized advice that can benefit all of us. As an introduction to our intelligent and engaged audience, Tia sat down with Madame Noire to share her background and vision of service for the site.

How did you get started as a career and life coach?
I always knew I had a passion — and knack — for helping people. Initially, I gave advice to family, friends and colleagues. I’m also an entertainment and lifestyle journalist, so that gave me a national platform to talk about issues. I’ve talked about everyone from Anna Nicole Smith and Brangelina to Whitney Houston, Bobby Brown, and Alicia Keys. When I dished on celebs I always kept it honest, and helpful. I was more than a talking head; I dispensed life skills. A few years ago I decided to research life coaching certification programs to learn more techniques. I selected one I thought would complement my talk therapy style — and budget. I loved the program but knew I wanted more skills, so I enrolled in a degree program and eventually became a licensed therapist.

What kinds of questions can MadameNoire.com readers ask you?
I’m open to answering an array of questions about life skills, self-improvement and careers.

You are highly qualified to give life advice. Please describe the nature of your training.
I have a certification from the Coaches Training Institute (CTI); I have a masters degree in Clinical Social Work from New York University and a certification from the New York State Office of Mental Health in evidence-based practice.

When people receive answers to their life questions, how can they realistically apply your advice?
I’m a fan of cognitive behavioral therapy and my philosophy, “Do Better, Be Better,” ascribes to the theory’s core premise — small changes can radically transform your life. So if you’re overweight don’t focus on losing the whole 30 pounds — we focus on losing each ounce. One step at a time.

What general wisdom gained through your practice can be applied to everyone seeking to better themselves?
I believe that change is in the moment, so if you decide you want to make your life better, or different, you can begin whenever you decide. The perfect time is now.

What is the best piece of life advice you have ever received?
Don’t play small. There are times to be realistic and other instances when you want to take chances. I rarely miss an opportunity to go for what I want. Regret is worse than embarrassment.

What is the toughest coaching project you have taken on, and how did you help solve your client’s issues?
I’ve worked with clients who have severe mental illness, such as schizophrenia. That experience taught me the true meaning of celebrating small changes. Most important, I learned that all issues cannot be solved. Sometimes it’s about managing, or maintaining.

Share your hopes and goals for working with the Madame Noire audience.
I hope to be a resource. I’m a straight shooter, so don’t expect me to sugar coat responses. I am also an advocate of being strategic and prepared. That said, when it comes to careers I’d like to assist our audience with looking at the big picture, creating goals and life skills that can help them thrive.

More on Madame Noire!

• Making It: Stars Who Were Once Homeless
• Is His Appetite for Adult Films Killing Your Relationship?
• Ask The Luv Coach: “I’ve Got Drama With My Male Best Friend’s Girl”
• 10 Ways To Be A Better Friend
• 7 Silly Ways You Are Ruining Your Relationship
• Light Skinned Women: Let Go of the Guilt
• Should They Have Stayed? Flames Before The Fame and Fortune

Among me and all of my friends , every single one of us has either been affected by alcoholism or dealt with an addiction personally.  In the African-American community, one of the reasons alcoholism is so prevalent and often fatal is because we tend to not take it as seriously.  Drunken fist fights, binges and blackouts are a Friday night with family and friends, not an indication of a problem.  Witnessing several people in my family suffer from addiction I can attest to the fact alcoholism is a family disease: When one person suffers so does all who love them with secrets and shame and a feeling of helplessness.  Alcohol attacks your life like a loose thread on a cheap dress: With every pull it slowly unravels until all that you’re left with something that doesn’t remotely resemble the life you once had.  Check out the following signs that it’s all about to fall apart and one way to try and keep it all together.

On January 1, 2011 at noon, the Oprah Winfrey Network (OWN) officially launched.  Decked in all white, Oprah welcomed viewers to her new network. “Every minute of this network has been hand-selected by me for you, the viewers,” said the billionaire media mogul.

Viewers will get a variety of shows, but all of them with the over-arching theme of living your best life, a phrase Oprah uses often.  Oprah said her favortie show on the new network is  “Master Class.”  People like Jay-Z, Diane Sawyer, Maya Angelou and other people who have mastered their chosen crafts, open up to the cameras about their triumphs, failures and life lessons. That show will air at 10 pm on Sundays, a time when HBO typically puts on its hit dramas. Who will win that ratings war?

OWN shows run the gamut of life’s issues–cooking, finding birth parents, de-cluttering, life-coaching and discovering purpose are just some of the topics tackled on the new network. Oprah is even giving someone the chance to be her! She has a reality show competition that has the ultimate prize of a television show on OWN.

Will you be tuning in to OWN?