All Articles Tagged "how to find a good man"
I recently completed a book entitled What Women Don’t Know: The Unspoken Rules of Lasting Love by relationship expert and author Michelle McKinney Hammond. In the book, Michelle and Pastor Joel A. Brooks Jr. offer advice to single women on how they should handle their romantic relationships in order to increase their chances of having a lasting relationship that results in marriage. Among the advice offered, they suggest that every single woman create a two-sided list of character traits that she desires in her mate. One side should list negotiable traits and the other non-negotiable traits. The authors suggest that this will keep women from straying away and settling for any man who looks their way, while remaining focused on what they truly desire.
This of course got the wheels turning in my head. It especially made me and those around me wonder what specific characteristics we desired in a mate. Most of the single women that I know are on drastic ends of the spectrum. They either don’t have a list, or their lists are so specific that one would wonder if they’re being unrealistic and if the man that they’re imagining even exists. This isn’t to say that a woman should settle for less than they feel they deserve or have low expectations, but at the same time, some have a list of qualities they desire that are so fixed and specific it produces the danger of greatly limiting their options. And it also stops some from building the relationship they think they want because they can’t find the ideal mate since almost no one is going to meet every single qualification on such a rigid check list. I suppose this is why the authors of the aforementioned book suggest creating two lists, the negotiable and the non-negotiable with the non-negotiable list including things that most woman should or would refuse to settle for, such as an unfaithful, dishonest, unloving person and more, while the negotiable list may focus on things that may be less important such as certain physical characteristics and financial status.
I personally never really sat down to think of or wrote out a specific list of qualities that I would like my future husband to posses. There was always this abstract image that had no particular financial status or physical attributes, just a few quality character traits, which I suppose could be a good or bad thing depending on how you look at it. However, if I absolutely had to sit down and compile a list of characteristics I would like in a mate, an article written by Charli Penn entitled The 5 Types Of Men Who Make GREAT Husbands, which was featured on the Huffington Post a few months back would come to mind. Three out of the five types of men discussed in this article really jumped out at me as they are all characteristics that I would love to have in a husband. These traits included:
The Provider, who Charli depicted as a man who is selfless and “puts his family first.” She went on to discuss why this particular type of man would make a great husband: “Marriage is the start of a new family — your family. You will both want to provide for the family you create together, and it’s imperative that you are partners with the same goals in mind.”
The Rock, who is described as the man who “at your weakest moments, his strength keeps you stable and inspires you to push through.” Penn went on to illustrate the value of this particular type of man by stating, “He’s loyal, devoted, and a true pillar in the world of the woman he loves. This is the perfect recipe for a loving husband that you can count on through thick and thin; what woman doesn’t dream of marrying one of those?”
The Believer is depicted as a man who has “faith as his foundation.” Charli goes on to describe him further: “He believes in the things unseen and those that many give up on when the world turns cold: hope, morals, kindness, and good will. He has a church home, or a religious mainstay in his life and the fellowship refuels his engines… His moral compass is always turned in a positive direction… This man has the emotional tools needed in his toolbox to repair many of the cracks and dents that will inevitably appear in any marriage. He’s a fighter, and he will fight with you and for your marriage. He won’t give up, even when you do.”
Every boyfriend needs a little nudge from time to time. Men are not as in tune to the more complex layers of a woman’s emotions—the unsaid points we are trying to make, and the subtext in our text—so we need to lay things out clearly for them. But, there are some things you should simply never have to ask your partner to do. If you’re having to, then you have a problem that’s rooted far deeper than simple communication.
Right now you and your guy have no major financial responsibilities, no kids and you’re both still attractive and energetic. So, what’s there to worry about? Well, time. Some behaviors and habits that are cute or at least harmless now could be what make a man impossible to live with later. Or, they could be what make him a great partner for life.
“All you need is love”? Sorry Beatles but, you need much more. If you put every last drop of energy you had into your romantic relationship, that relationship itself would crumble because you’d wake up one day realizing you were miserable because you had no friends, no career and no identity of your own. Here are signs you’re on your path to that scary epiphany.
You may have graduated from college, landed a great job, have your own apartment and feel like a total grownup but your ideas about men and how to develop a relationship might be stuck in time.
Here’s a pill that’s hard to swallow: the way things are in your love life is exactly the way you like them to be. Sure, you say you’re not happy being single. And maybe you’re not happy, but you’re comfortable. You’re not facing any of your fears or leaving your comfort zone—two things you would have to do to find a relationship. And, the typical human being tends to prefer what they know—even if they don’t necessarily like it—than the unknown, even if that may come with more pleasure. Here are 8 things and thoughts that may be limiting your chances at a soul connection.
It’s the burning question that you ask yourself every time you’re a bridesmaid (yet again), or you go through another breakup, or a man tells you he’s not looking for anything serious but you secretly know he’s just not looking for you. And when you start to answer it, you probably start to analyze yourself, and your exes. You try to understand what is wrong with you, and what was wrong with them. But you’re missing the point, which is this: it’s not about who you are as an individual, or who he is as an individual. It’s about what happens when the two of you come together. A guy might seem great on paper, but for some reason, it didn’t work. And that’s because what’s more important than character traits, is dynamics. Like these:
Your mom might point out some put-together stockbroker in a Banana Republic pullover, slacks and a Rolex and say, “That’s the type of guy you should be with—a nice, good guy.” Little does she know he cheats on his girlfriends and gets cited for indecent exposure every weekend. The point is that a “good guy” is not something you can spot from the outside. Good guys come in all shapes, sizes, job descriptions and clothing brands. The only way to know when you’re dealing with a good guy is how he makes you feel, and how you get to behave while you’re with him. If you’re ready for a good guy, you need to learn the subtle signs of them, and you may need to break some bad habits yourself.
It’s said that you always meet someone just when you weren’t looking. It’s said that love finds you. And, for any single female, these sayings can get annoying. Are you supposed to walk around with your head down, not paying attention to your male counterparts? Ceasing the search for love doesn’t mean you have to become a cold Beyotch to the male race. But, there are some behaviors you should avoid because they will only land you in something you think is love. Like these:
If you’ve seen any Judd Apatow movie then you know that American pop culture glorifies getting high, skateboarding to work and living in a house with 5 friends at 32 years old. No wonder women are always complaining that the only men out on the market are “little boys.” The truth is that there has been a surge of men/children.