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Ever since I can remember, my younger sister dreamed of her wedding day. Me? Not so much. It’s not because I didn’t believe in marriage, weddings, fairy tales and unicorns, but because it was something that I knew should last forever, and therefore required the utmost thought and care. But some women (and men) romanticize the notion of marriage. Not that bridesmaids, flowers, veils and wedding cakes aren’t dreamy, but many studies have shown that so many couples are SO in love with the idea of being married that they’ve walked down the aisle even though their hearts were filled with dread.

Your inner voice is powerful, yet so many of us fail to listen to it. If you’re considering marriage, but are on the fence, save yourself some time and heartache and really ask yourself if you’re getting married for all the right reasons. If you’re unsure, here are some reasons you SHOULDN’T be getting married just for the hell of it.

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Jessica Vega and Michael O'Connell - Source: http://www.recordonline.com

A former resident of New York, 25-year-old Jessica Vega has been charged for lying about having leukemia in order to get lavish wedding gifts and money.  People donated to the woman after she made them believe that she was dying. An Orange County grand jury has indicted her with five counts of grand larceny and one count of scheme to defraud for accepting thousands of dollars worth of items and donated services for her big day. Vega got married in 2010, and she and her husband, Michael O’Connell, went to Aruba for their honeymoon. However, four months later O’Connell revealed to people that his new wife faked the illness. I’m guessing he thought her actions were just as dirty as everyone else, because they allegedly divorced over the incident (according to AP). O’Connell says that he wasn’t aware that she was faking when they got married (sounds like someone got trapped…), and when he found out, he helped with the attorney general’s investigation. O’Connell and Vega have two kids now, and despite how bad this makes Vega look, her former husband says, “She’s a good mom, and that’s all that counts at the end of the day. I want my kids to have their mother back.” He believes that she needs mental health treatment rather than jail.

According to the Times Herald-Record, Vega told numerous publications and people that her wish before she passed was to marry O’Connell, the father of her daughter. Reports on it helped the woman garner more and more donations, as people from far and wide rushed to help her have a beautiful wedding and honeymoon. She even showed fake documentation to prove she was in fact ill:

“Vega had offered a letter, purportedly from a Westchester doctor, as proof of her diagnosis, but the doctor’s staff later denied seeing Vega. Along with the felonies, Vega faces a misdemeanor charge of possessing a forged instrument.”

Blame it on the wedding obsessed culture we live in (Hey Bridezillas!) or the fact that this lady just really is a very troubled and cold person, but it’s very sad and pathetic to see that people are out here lying about a serious illness so that they can drop it low in an expensive gown and tan on the beach during a honeymoon they lied to get. She needs to do a lot of community service, soul searching, pay everyone back and hope that karma doesn’t come back to bite her in the behind, because she was wrong on every level possible.

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From Black Voices

In a recent discussion with a family friend who got engaged over the holidays, the topic of honeymoons arose. She mentioned that her honeymoon, aside from walking down the aisle, was one thing she was truly looking forward to. As far as locations, she was contemplating Italy or Thailand. Very different locations, but both within her budget. After asking her if she’d consider honeymooning in Africa, I was shocked to hear her response. She quickly dismissed the idea, claiming that it would be too much of a hassle and well beyond her budget. Simply put, she just wasn’t interested in the idea of traveling to Africa.

Read the rest of the article and get some destination ideas at Black Voices.com.

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It’s coming up on a decade since I said “I do,” and there’s no amount of romance books, movies or soap operas that could have prepared me for what happens after the honeymoon.  Many of us are fed a load of bull-donkey that you’ll be happy forever, have hot sex three times a day and never have a fight.  If your marriage isn’t like that, then we think divorce court is just around the corner.  It’s no wonder folks fall into a panic when things go awry–if you don’t expect them, then you won’t know how to handle it.

So to give you a little insight into married life, here are some common questions I get from my single friends followed by some solid, big sis advice….

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