9 Inconvenient Truths About Men & Cheating

November 23rd, 2011 - By jaebi

"8 inconvenient truths about men cheating"The emotional and psychological challenges experienced by many men attempting fidelity are underrated in mainstream romance. Instead, the problem is exacerbated by highlighting the inevitable outcome of that challenge: cheating. Cheating has been analyzed through a never ending stream of expert opinions and “why men cheat” books and articles. Overwhelmingly, the barrage of cheat-lit takes the much needed stance of helping women either demonize or empathize in addition to ensuring women that there’s something that can be done to prevent a man from cheating. Not this article. This is not your typical, girly, “why men cheat” list intent on giving you false hope. My take on the subject fully acknowledges that at least 50% of of men being coerced to sleep with one woman, and one woman only, are simply not going to. These next few reasons for male infidelity will make you squirm in your seat, get your eyes rolling, head shaking, and flaming the comments. No fluff. Just cold, hard, inconvenient truths about a man you used to, or will soon love — and why there’s roughly a 1 in 2  chance he cheats.

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  • Pingback: 9 Real Reasons Men Cheat, From A Man’s Perspective « Brideacious

  • LilyPad

    As a single woman in my forties, never married, and in decent health…I have tired of the relationship “merry-go-round.” While there are certainly those who want monogamy, it seems rare…Now, I just want to enjoy life, work and date…Some women, too, are not desiring just ONE man…Not bad, just the way it is [for many].

  • AJ13

    Thank you for writing this article. I wish that more women understood these things. It’s rarely ever personal when a man cheats, yet so many of us wind up feeling like we failed our men somehow if he goes outside our relationship for sex. My advice is this (if you can, I know that many people have real trouble feeling that this should be allowed): let him do his thing occasionally and DISCREETLY and explain to him that you will also be allowed to do the same. He may not like the idea of you messing around, but if he gets to, you get to. It might even make him less inclined to mess around if he thinks that you might be doing the same. For me personally, I don’t mind my lover being with someone else sexually as
    long as I am there and involved. It makes him happy, I know who he’s
    been with, and I get more sex. I am bisexual, so it’s easier for me in that regard. I know not everyone is, or is willing to try, so again, I completely understand if other women go, “oh, HELL no!” to my suggestions.

    Since sexually transmitted diseases are a big problem in every community (STDs do not discriminate), make sure you both get tested periodically and make sure he knows to practice safe sex. If my man wants to have sex without a condom, he does it with ME and no one else. It gives us something to keep for ourselves, something that makes our sex special. And if he’s fool enough to break the rules and gives me anything, he better pack up and run and keep running. Otherwise, my gardening shears and I will make sure that he never gives a lady another STD again.

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Oladele-Ayuba/1039515222 Oladele Ayuba

    Many great men from the Bible had wives and several women, what is the rationale for different standards now? 

    • Guest

      Man’s Greco-Roman law is the rationale. The fact of the matter is that you can’t compare great men from the Bible to men today. Those from the past were grown-up, open, forthright and accountable. These ones today are not great men. They are childish, egoistic game players looking for instant gratification and meaningless entertainment.

    • http://ankhorite.tumblr.com Ankhorite

      Because slavery is over.  Concubines should be a thing of the past.

      Now, a woman who gives her whole self to a man for life is entitled to get a whole man BACK. 

  • Thomas

    Almost all sane and balanced men are polygamous creatures. The fact is that women are never the same on a man’s eyes; from mere walking to talking. A woman can easily entice a man without both knowing and by reflex things can happen moreso for those who have all the criteria.

  • stdohnoes

    What is the overhype on these comments about getting an STD? You know we use condoms when we cheat, right? If that’s really the only issue you have, then we’re fine.

  • Guest

    hmm seems as if this article is almost promoting adultery especially the “sex as a release” write up. let us not forget that adultery is a sin and no adulterer will inherit the kingdom of God

  • Leigh

    HE IS NOT
    MARRIED = Hmmm, He is selfish and enjoys instant gratification.

    TOO MANY
    OPTIONS = No Self Control.

    IT’S A MAN’S
    WORLD = Arrogant with Low Self-esteem. Always needs validation.

    HE WANTS
    SOMETHING STRANGE = Every New STD is a great place to start. Solution: Buying significant
    other a whip and chain. Tell her to learn some French or Spanish. A few words will
    do.

    FEAR = He
    wants to make sure that he is ready for JUST ONE.

    AGE = He
    wants to make sure he still has IT. Whatever “IT” may be.

    SEX AS A
    STRESS RELIEF = Most men do. They will cheat if home is lacking. Keep it fresh.
    There are too many sex classes and toys to keep your man happy.

    WHEN IN ROME
    = Hmmm this should go with strange.

    TO GET OUT =
    …and finally we have the Cowardly Lion. A man who never deals with issues head
    on!

    “There is always a bigger picture”
     
     
     
     
     
     

    • http://ankhorite.tumblr.com Ankhorite

      And the author missed Newt Gingrich’s excuse:  “BECAUSE I AM SO PATRIOTIC.”

      Really. That’s what he said.

  • Hlizard

    Sorry but he missed one more reason: conquest.  Being divorced in my fifties (because the WIFE decided to remain with HER boyfriend) it was quite the experience to date again.  Most women (and men for that matter) in their 40s and 50s gave up on the calorie counter years ago and are wearing that spare tire, now suddenly realize they’re not so attractive any more and they’re suddenly alone.  Having the chance to score some little hottie or else go home to middle aged delerium and another four hours of reality TV, that choice is simple.  Although I got to do that as a divorced guy, I can tell you if those chances were there while married, I’d've thought long and hard (no pun intended) about them.

  • Laser Key

    ”
    fear. It causes stampedes in a crowded theater, and got Bush elected for a second term” Thanks, I was wondering how that happened. By the way, your display of ignorance will turn people off from reading your stuff, we now know what an idiot you are. The real reason Bush got elected a second term is because America loves oil men, durrr

  • Mindsweeper

    I think is is very different in the black community than it is in most other communities. Black men are  more likely to cheat than other races. Pure and simple. Black males rarely ever even stick around to see their children born, or leave soon after they are born. If they don’t want to even help raise their own kids, then why would they want to remain faithful to their wives or girlfriends? White and Latino males may cheat on occasion, but they still stay at home and raise their children. Just the straight facts, I tell it like it is, folks.

  • Thedeadlydelilah

    Oh, and because we are open and honest about it, we both take precautions so there is no issue about bringing disease into the home. “If you love me you have to have sex with me and me only – YOU OWE YOUR BODY TO ME as the price for being with me.”  Awful.   Sex is a physical function to which it is our choice what feelings we attach. Sadly, most people are conditioned by religious doctrine to confuse the issue.

    • PracticeThinking

      I respect that you and your partner are open and honest with one another, unlike most. But some obvious questions come to mind. 1) Are you both also honest with the other people you have sexual relationships with? 2) Do you have concurrent long-term relationships with any of the other partners?

  • Thedeadlydelilah

    I love my partner and he loves me…we’ve been together for 14 years, and we both sleep with whoever we want.      

  • Mark Brown

    Bottom line…men cheat because they can. It has much more to do with their morals than their partners. If you dont want your man to cheat..sex him up so hard constantly, he can’t.

    • ThinkAboutIt

      Please. Anything is possible with Viagra. I feel certain that my ex (a traveling business man) was a cheater, and he was so sloppy about his business that I was cleaning up one day and found a wrapper on the floor near the trash bin, which I later discovered to have contained a male enhancement pill. The problem is not with women’s inadequacies, it is with some men’s inadequacies. Like gluttony. Any man who has to be “sexed up so hard constantly” in order to force him not to cross his woman has issues beyond her control. The more of these comments I read from men, the more I suspect that men are inherently underdeveloped and unable to discipline themselves on their own, of their own accord, without having to have an overseer and chastity belt. What is it going to take to get them to grow up and exercise self-discipline and honesty?

      And if they cheat simply because they “can”, which lots of men on this board suggest, that speaks to their fundamental character flaw that a lot of people don’t share with them. There are a trillion things I “can” do, but if I know they would ultimately hurt, shame or ruin others, and/or contribute to the decadence of society, I don’t do them. 

    • cheatedwoman

      The other way to keep men from cheating is to castrate them. It works with dogs, cats, horses, goats and cows. It will work for human males as well. This surgery is something I definitely CAN do. Should I??? What do you think, Mark?

  • http://profiles.google.com/kendig.j.l J K

    I read this article to get a little ‘inside information’. I’m a guy who wants to know what women are thinking.

    From my perspective, most of what this article says is true. However, it doesn’t mention becoming involved with a guy who shouldn’t be expected to be faithful. Take for instance Kobe Bryant. Who in their right mind would seriously expect a very young, very rich, very famous, very in shape man to be a faithful husband? And why in the hell didn’t his family, and friends talk him out of getting married in the first place?

    This is why he (and similar guys) cheated: they were in relationships when they shouldn’t be.

    The same would go for any guy who is very young, dresses flashy, hangs out in clubs, or is generally an ‘exciting’ guy. Guys want to get laid. Period. We generally don’t dress nice because we just like nice clothes, but instead think about what women will think of us. This should be your first clue. Nice dressed guy = guy who wants to get laid. Guy with cool car = guy who wants to get laid. Etc..

    So why do women try to pretend these kinds of guys would be good relationship partners? Because they’re dreamers. Magical thinkers. Deniers of the obvious. Suckers. Gold diggers.

    Show me a woman who goes looking for a nerd, and I’ll show you a woman who wants a faithful man. Bill Gates? Probably faithful. Melinda Gates graduated as valedictorian from Ursuline Academy of Dallas in 1982 and was the daughter of an engineer. Probably a reality based kind of lady.

    So ladies, go ahead and pretend that ‘stud’ is good relationship material. But don’t wonder why you get cheated on by him.

    • PracticeThinking

      “Who in their right mind would seriously expect a very young, very rich, very famous, very in shape man to be a faithful husband?” Someone he promised and vowed to be a faithful husband to, in the presence of his and her family and friends and probably in the name of God (in the name of everything that is). All those traits you mentioned are superficial, shallow and irrelevant. 
      Kobe Bryant puts his pants on one leg at a time just like anyone else. His youth, paper notes, celebrity and body make him no way better than anyone else. Except to groupies (male and female). Whomever he married, he evidently felt that her value was on par with his own, if not greater. 

      “So why do women try to pretend these kinds of guys would be good relationship partners?” The same reason men try to pretend that flashy women would be good relationship partners. Because they’re shallow. Non-thinkers. Deniers of the obvious (if you could get her, imagine how many more shallow ones could). Suckers. God diggers. And I do mean God, as opposed to “gold”. 

      Bill Gates has more of the same shallow things you ascribed to Koby, with the exception of youth (though he’s not old). Yet, he has much more of the same, and even better, because he has brains, more money and more fame. So by your argument, he should be the one much more prone to infidelity. If he’s faithful, it’s only because he has better character, more maturity and self-control, and less shallowness. Simple as that. 

      And please stop pretending that only men who are seen as “studs” or good dressers or fat cats cheat. Bums (physically and financially) cheat just as frequently. Cheaters fall along a very wide and diverse spectrum.

      • Keith B.R.

        Another great post, save 1 fault…:  you fail to mention (repeatedly) that, WOMEN cheat on an EQUAL par with men.  Why do sooo many women PRETEND that men are un-aware of this fact???

        • ThinkAboutIt

          What are your sources that back up the claim that equal numbers of men and women “cheat”? That COULD be true, but I’m not just going to take your word for it. And secondly, what does that have to do with the subject of why MEN cheat? Men and women aren’t the same. It looks to me like a lot of men want to try and dance around the issue, and turn the tables in order to change the subject. Can we deal with men’s dishonesty? 

          I’m very disappointed and saddened by how many bad parents there are out there who abuse their children. If I were to write an article about it, you can be sure that lots of people would comment that there are plenty of “bad” children out there as well. “Bad” children are beside the point. I’m not referring to “bad” children, I am referring to good children who are abused by bad parents. But some people will throw all kinds of red herrings into the mix, trying to get out of discussing the point of my article. Why do people do that? Either they think that parents have a right to mistreat their children, or they are afraid that they themselves might be one of those bad parents, and they will do anything to get around facing up to their faults. 

          No one is pretending anything concerning women. We all know there are scandalous women out there. This article, and this discussion is not about THOSE women. Nor is this article about honest men, though many of us feel certain that honest men do exist. This article is about DISHONEST men who betray the trust of their HONEST, trusting wives/girlfriends.

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