Breaking It Down: What Men Think of Things Women Do
“Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus,” is just the tip of the iceberg. Evolutionary psychologists, Simon Baron-Cohen of the University of Cambridge, Bernard Crespi of Simon Fraser University and Christopher Badock of the London School of Economics are pioneers in the “discovery” of the “male brain” and the “female brain.”
Whereas the male brain is characterized by systematizing tendencies and mechanistic thinking, the female brain is marked by empathizing tendencies and mentalist thinking. Male brains look to analyze and explore phenomena in order to predict behavior or invent new systems while female brains look to identify and understand another’s emotions in order to connect and respond appropriately.
Male and female brains have nothing to do with intelligence, but rather how an individual attempts to understand the mysteries around him or her. Like any empirical generalization, it describes natural averages in the same way that the statement, “males are taller than females” does. Exceptions are inevitable (some women are taller than some men) but do not refute the generalization.
The differences between the male and female brain, (or men and women) aren’t traits to be lamented but rather celebrated because it means that you and your partner are able to form a better whole. It only requires maturity on your part and relinquishing a rather selfish notion that your man must feel what you feel in order to have your back or understand where you’re coming from.
The fact is, on average, he doesn’t feel the way you feel and many of the things women do are counter intuitive to men. In the most common scenario, a man is looking at a woman’s behavior with the natural response of his male brain, which may or may not be to your favor. The next time you find yourself in the following situations, you might get a leg up seeing it from the male perspective.
Once the male brain figures something out, it uses the predictable outcome as a way to validate the source of the result. This is a result of systematizng, or looking for the underlying structure behind a thing. When this brain learns that rain comes when there are clouds in the sky it has a hard time dealing with a downpour from a blue sky. This is why men generally need a good reason to cry (sufficient cloud coverage).
Socially and psychologically, women are more liberal with tears and cry without warning as far as men are concerned. A moment before, everything is right with the world, but when the tears start, he thinks something is horribly wrong and in his mind, there had better be.
If a man thinks your crying is unjustified, he is initially amused at your “girl” moment. A nice guy will console you in an otherwise isolated incident, but if he’s affronted by weeping on a weekly or monthly basis, it easily becomes his least favorite thing about you.
You get three passes: on special occasions, the passage of loved ones and after orgasms.
It’s only the mature and experienced man that has no expectations of sex when you get close and wrap your body around his. That’s because he’s had years of socializing (women showing and telling him that she just wants to snuggle, without it going “there.”) But that doesn’t mean Mr. Mature doesn’t demand that your tangle of bodies lead to nakedness at some point in the near future. And for all other guys, intimate touching is foreplay–plain and simple.
Sex on a first date
When a guy GTD (gets the draws) after just one date, he thinks he’s the biggest stud on the block and that he did everything right. His male brain will catalog every move for use in the future. A guy that’s genuinely into you will be into you even more after you sleep with him.
There’s a continually perpetuated idea that how soon you have sex with a man impacts how he considers you long term. A man out to GTD is committed to that goal whether it takes him one date or 10. It’s just a matter of how patient the individual is .
The standard 3 to 4 date period before you invite a man into your bed is formulaic and may work in the short term, but has little bearing on the long term potential between you or any guy. Your previous dating history is likely evidence of that.
In fact, it often backfires, when a guy has to ask himself whether he made a conscious decision to be with you, or whether a relationship developed as spin off of how long it took him to GTD.
Picking up the tab on a date
Dinner was scrumptious, conversation enthralling and then a savvy waitress puts the check dead center of the table and walks away to let fate take it’s course. Traditional dating schema insists that men pick up the check so when the lady dives for the check in a hurry, he finds cause for pause.
It’s one thing to openly declare, “I made a ridiculous amount of money at the market this week, so allow me–” as you go to pay the tab. But a woman insisting on paying sends the male brain into a series of recursive loops trying to understand the move because it breaks the system men have come to rely on, even if begrudgingly in some cases.
The problem is that there are too many variables these days. Some women do it to establish themselves as equals, others do it to avoid feeling like they “owe” the man anything while other ladies are looking to chump a dude. Then there are those women that simply offer to pay as a “test.”
At any rate, men (who you’re actually in to) would rather just pay the tab, especially on a first date rather than try to pick up the signal you’re sending by being super gracious. The male brain is much better with observations than signals.
Hanging with unattractive friends
Men wonder about girls who rank a 7 and above hanging with girls that are 5 and below. We doubt you don’t know you’re more attractive than all of your friends, especially when you’re the one in the group that guys tend to approach. Men think you’re either a glutton for praise and attention or extremely insecure.
Are you a screamer, but not in the good way (throws of passion)? If a man was unfortunate enough to be raised by a woman who barked every command at her children then he may find comfort in your over-the-top style of communication, but otherwise, he’s going to find this kind of behavior off putting.
A woman whose emotions flare from polite conversation to screams and shouts over what should be a benign topic are not keepers. No man dreams of coming home each day to a fussy, screaming, maniac. These are the same women that think it’s okay to cause a scene in a public setting because she’s upset.
Screaming during a disagreement is a sign of aggression men are very in tune with, but coming from a woman it’s a non-issue. His only recourse is to scream back or pull away. In either case, you’re not going to be heard, which is really what you want.
Holding Girl Stuff
The male brain isn’t big on accessories. It’s affinity for things is not for the sake of the thing itself, but for the objects utility. Look no further than the pockets/purses of a room of men and women to see this in action. Everyone will have house keys. Female brains will have an assortment keyring fillers that have no use for opening doors. The male brains will have what amounts to bare metal.
Men understand that ladies need an army of accessories but are baffled when asked to hold any of your stuff, especially when it’s an item that doesn’t typically make it into male hands.
He thinks you’re marking your territory, like a puppy does to a hydrant, when you ask him to hold purses, toy dogs, tampons and other useless accessories (as far as men are concerned). And if you’ve been with a guy for a while, you’re probably used to him adamantly declaring, “If you can’t carry it, leave it,” because its simply perturbing for the male brain to hold extraneous girl stuff.
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