Skip the Club: 7 Better Ways to Meet Quality Men

November 10th, 2011 - By jaebi

African-American Love: Meeting Mr. Right

Club hopping is great for listening to new music and mingling with fresh faces, but if you spend enough time shaking booties and bumping uglies, you wonder if the nightlife offers anything substantial. Finding someone in a “meet” market is easy. Finding a guy with long-term potential in the night life circuit is a harder prospect altogether. The atmosphere of densely packed, alcohol-fueled bars, clubs and lounges promote superficial connections between people. The music is loud so verbal communication is kept to a minimum. Men jockey and posture to be seen many women. Ladies strut, bounce and flip hair to get noticed by guys, hoping that someone is her “type.” Not that you would necessarily know if he was.

In a club, everyone becomes a music video version of themselves making it nearly impossible to have an authentic connection. Mix in a few cocktails to lower your inhibitions (sometimes a good thing) — then comes the deteriorated reasoning capability, so you just end up feeling good about the bad decisions you’re making.

Don’t get me wrong — it’s a good time but not if you’re ending in the same tired ol’ scene for lack of a better option. The nightlife circuit emphasizes quantity over quality. But the latter is what you really want: Someone who understands you. A man intrigued by your mind and excited by your personal brand of cool. Someone worthy of your time and commitment and willing to share his own.Finding that kind of quality in a relationship is as much about who you are, and what you project, as it is about someone else. When you’re happy, confident and secure in who you are as an individual, you’re more likely to attract a man who matches your outlook and energy.

So pass on bars, clubs and lounges as a place to meet Mr. someone special and take that little light of yours and shine it in these special ways to find someone unique. Alcohol is optional.

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  • Vandellish

    I always laugh when either men or women look at people they meet in the club with such a beady eye. It’s the equivalent of saying you saw somebone up in K-Mart. YO AZZ WAS UP IN THERE TOO!!!  lololol

    This is a decent list but honestly meeting good people is really just a crapshoot folks.
    Live your life according to your own true will and try to meet ALL of the interesting people you can, WHEREVER you can. You don’t wanna be 50+ thinking about all of the people you may not have given a chance because your paths didn’t cross at/in the ‘appropriate’ setting.

  • Charlesstewart1964

    For
    you ladies looking for a black man, the next time you see a black man you are
    interested in; ask him a question about what he is interested in.  For example, if you see me at a car show,
    asked me something about the car I’m looking at and I’ll try to answer your
    question without boring you.  You’ll be
    surprise the kind of relationship you can develop just from asking a black man
    simple question.

  • Charlesstewart1964

    As a black man, you can find me at car shows, in the Wifi
    section of Mcdonald’s, in my driveway washing my cars, at a football or
    basketball game, in the gym, shopping at the mall, at barbeques, in Golden
    Corral, outdoor concerts, county and state fairs AND the museum.  As for the museum, I may go twice a year to the
    Museum of science and technology.  These
    are the place where you can find me; so what’s the problem?!!!

  • Patience

    I know this sounds odd, but I NEVER go to the club with intentions of meeting a man. I go to have a good time with my ladies and dance a bit.. :/ But anything is possible. 

  • ???

    How about a Young the Giant concert, or a ski resort or Ambercrombie and Fitch?

  • blackbeauty

    museum..hobby…if you live in a predominately black state i am sure this is great, but not for a minnesotan like myself where most black men don’t visit the FREE museums we have! lol
    and a house party…for real?
    these stories are the same ol same ol.. can we talk about something else?

    • JustAshley

      You might want to just go ahead an venture to the white side of the force- at least until you find a black men out there. 

  • Sunnygirltwo

    I have a few suggestions on where to meet quality men.  Auto parts stores – early Saturday afternoon; a fair number of men working under the hood  in the parking lot, or buying auto parts inside… good place to meet men, and a lot of them like to give input on the best products.  Home improvement stores (Home Depot, Lowes) – early Saturday morning.  This is when the guys who really know how to fix things in and around the house (and what woman  doesn’t need that kind of help!), and if you don’t find a guy to date, you can still meet a good handyman for those home projects.  Smaller busy grocery stores – early Saturday morning.  This is when the delivery men make their deliveries to the stores.  All of the men mentioned above do not expect you to be all glammed up while running errands, so you can tie up your hair and put on a little lip gloss and go get you a man! lol  Also, a college degreed man does NOT guarantee a QUALITY man

  • Njgal81

    This seems like a nice list if you live in a fantasy world.

  • Kris

    All these places, except the gym house party maybe, you’re going to find 2 types of guys: 1) married 2) gay.
    And what type friends do you have that charge for drinks in their home? What the hell is that about?

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  • Soulpoetic05

    Not to be a pessimistic but black men do not frequent art galleries or museums. So where can I find black men?

    • Sheskrystal

      Why r u guys so concerned about meeting black men? How about dating other ethnicities and broadening your horizons? It doesn’t have to be white men cause that’s not my choice but what about Latinos? Or any other minority who closely relates to us?

      • Soulpoetic05

        I have no issues with dating other races of men but my preference has always been black men. If I happen to fall in love with a non black man, so be it. As long as the qualities that I look for in a future husband is there. 

    • solar 23

      you are right….its gonna be difficult for me to get her to the telly or the crib right after….i aint ever met any dude that said he bagged shawty at the museum…until that starts to happen, my museum trips will remain as they are – only go with visiting out of towners or friend has an event at one….

  • Girliusmaximus

    I was about to say the same thing as you L-Boog. Not only are they redundant, but in my opinion they imply that the majority of men in clubs basically aren’t about sh*t. That maybe a little harsh, but to quote: “So pass on bars, clubs and lounges as a place to meet Mr. someone
    special and take that little light of yours and shine it in these
    special ways to find someone unique.”… Are you saying the guys in the club are no good? Fellas, what do you think? Does that accurately describe all men in the club?

    I think the author is doing a good thing by suggesting places to meet men but not at the expense of a certain crowd. And while people do seem to put on the “music video” act in clubs, they are just as apt to do it outside of a club as well. I just think this article sort of feeds into a stereotype. Not all guys at the club are “unsavory characters” as my grandmother would call them.

  • College kidd

    House party? That’s just as bad as the club

  • L-Boogie

    Um, yeah.  These articles are getting redundant!