For the longest time, I have been told that I am the “type of black girl” that white guys would be falling over themselves to date. I would always get defensive and force them to explain how they came to this conclusion. Apparently the way I carried myself and the way I spoke convinced them that I would attract mostly white guys. I wasn’t sure how to feel about that but it got me thinking about what black girls imagine when they consider dating a white guy.
I have dated a few of them myself, and based on my experience, I can say that it’s not that much different from dating guys within my own race but there are a few exceptions. White guys tend to be a lot more adventurous and spontaneous. This can translate into being involved in activities that won’t work well with weaves or an expensive blowout. I have never been that girl who spent loads of money and half a day at the salon. I am a low maintenance kind of gal so I never had a problem taking a hike and ending up at a watering hole. I somehow always ended up with white guys who loved my hair and it didn’t matter if they were younger or older. They found my natural tresses engaging and refreshing, and even though I was flattered, I always made it a point to explain that extensions were not necessarily a tacky endeavor, as long as the recipient knows how to rock it!
Another reason why my friends were adamant that I was “white guy” material rests on my physique. I have always been quite slender and there is this unspoken “fact” that white guys are more turned on by girls who carry a more athletic build. It’s true that based on the ones I dated, being in shape was a major feat, but they also appreciate a “little junk in the trunk” too – and I think that mentality goes across the board.
I will admit that being African seems quite appealing to guys of other races, especially white men. My name alone would garner a level of attention and then the avalanche of questions regarding my background. It seemed the more I divulged the more heightened the interest became. I started to feel a sense of guilt that my heritage was what set me apart from the rest of the pack. It was a huge advantage that I grew up in my country because my demeanor reflects the fact that I am not your “typical” Black girl. And when I would ask for a more detailed explanation, the stereotypes start filtering in; I am soft-spoken instead of loud-mouthed, I enjoy working out and it shows, I have a college degree, and I am not a “baby mama.”
Yes, all those things are true, but those qualities also apply to legions of black girls, and I always endeavor to point that out. I have never been the girl who limited the offerings on the menu when it comes to dating. I have always been an equal opportunity scout and my pledge was and still is to find the guy who respects and loves me just the way I am. Historically, yes, I do tend to attract white guys more and that could be something inherently in me that orchestrates that but I try to never lose sight of who I am and I certainly don’t allow guys of other races to express their adulation at the expense of my sistahs. Dating outside your race can pose a variety of issues that can either break or make your relationship, but as long as both parties are in it for the right reasons, it can be an adventurously fulfilling ride.