Turning In Your “V” Card: Things To Consider Before Having Sex For The First Time

51 comments
May 25, 2013 ‐ By Brooke Dean

I know it may be hard for some cynics to believe, but there are still virgins out there over the age of 21. However, no matter your age, having sex for the very first time can be nerve-racking, if not downright scary. While sex is a natural thing, there are so many unknowns if you’ve never done it before that can make someone anxious or afraid. Losing your virginity is not something to take lightly, so if you’re on the fence about having your cherry popped, here are some things to consider before having sex for the very first time.

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  • anonymous

    i was pretty shy in school and if i did hang out with people they were for some reason pretty conservative. if they weren’t, they didn’t really invite me to stuff(I didn’t tell them i didn’t want to go, but that happened for some reason). I saw sex on tv, but just thought that although many people did that stuff, there were also many who didn’t. I’m 24 now and have been wondering about society’s expectations for me. I really am starting to hate my twenties. I need to be having a great time socially, dress great and look nice, have had sex, be good with alcohol and it’s hard for me because for so long I thought I was not supposed to do those things (except for the great time socially) and that looks are only skin deep, and the world all of a sudden said “Psych! and btw you should be an expert at all this stuff by now so if you are not you have failed at life”. I’m like when did everyone become so cool and an adult. Was there some meeting that I missed? I just hate feeling required to engage in risky behaviors. I thought all I had to do was get a job and be able to support myself. If this is so important, someone should be preaching to kids the importance of going against what you have thought all your life during your twenties and how your life won’t be as fulfilling if you don’t.

    • Tealita

      I was the same way in High School and I feel the same a little now sometimes but consider this. Why do something that others are doing just to fit in? I have friends who do all of that & yeah I feel like im missing out sometimes but would you want to take that risk? You don’t have to drink and smoke, and have random sex to have fun. You don’t have to look a certain way or be a certain size or party all the time or listen to a certain kind of music because everyone else does so someone can accept you. My BF knows I don’t do none of that or have to dress provocative for him to love me. Just be yourself and do something because you want to do it not because others are doing it. Being yourself makes you more of an individual than trying to go with the flow. You can always plan a night out with your friends and do have to do anything stupid to have fun. My sr. class all went to a drinking party and all of them got arrested and was legally adults & it happen before they went off to college and I said damn ! I’m glad I wasn’t there! They had all of their names in the paper and some of them I knew for sure went just because their “friends” did lol

  • Margaret Amoh

    What are the chances of a modern day man marrying a woman they have never slept with?

  • Suga

    I’m 27. I’ve always said that I’d have sex when I’m in a relationship or marriage; whichever comes first. Well, the relationships came and went but none were worth it. In the end the guys were assholes and insensitive to the fact that I was a virgin, but of course never came off that way in the beginning. At this point I’m just weeding the bad ones out. Who knows maybe this person is around the corner? But until I meet the right person I’ll just continue to focus on me. It does get discouraging at times, but I know it’s not too much to ask that the person I choose to sleep with is on the same page as me in regards to respecting the fact that I don’t want to be pressured into doing anything just because he has “needs”. I have felt that I should be like Nike and “just do it” but I actually thought about it and when I was about to do it, the uneasy feeling I got told me not to and I’m soo glad I listened to my instincts.

  • Kae

    I always thought that I would save my virginity for my husband. I grew up a Christian (the pastor’s granddaughter) and always held myself up o a high standard. However, any girl can be swayed in the another direction despite how strong you think you are. I gave my ‘v card’ to my first serious boyfriend, of whom I am still with, and don’t regret it. However, I promised myself that if we ever broke up I would become celibate and do the right thing and wait. Sex hurt very bad for me. It’s still painful sometimes though. It took multiple tries to finally break my hymen. Sex feels good and its a beautiful thing but it is definitely worth the wait. I wasn’t pressured to have sex but was curious and curiosity killed the cat. So to twenty something virgins I encourage you to wait and have moral strength for as long as possible.

  • moni

    Some parents did some good jobs up in here.

    • Laila

      The real eye opener was moving to a new neighborhood and seeing a lot of pregnant girls when I was 15. One 16 year old girl told me how the boy’s mom sent him to SC as soon as she told them she was pregnant. I already had plans to not fool around as a teenager, but talking to this girl really reinforced my decision to wait. I refer to her boyfriend as being in the “Daddy Protection Program”. Enjoy your weekend.

  • camera

    i’ll be 23 soon and i’m still a virgin. i’ve never had a serious relationship and this used to bother me tremendously, and it still somewhat does. it sort of made me feel like i’d failed at womanhood – that i wasn’t desirable. but i’ve slowly come to realize that society tries to brainwash women into believing that their bodies are nothing more than an instrument for male pleasure. this is not true. your sexuality should be on your terms.
    i fell in love with a guy a few years ago and even though i was crazy about him, my gut feeling kept telling me not to sleep with him. he ended up being a huge jerk. point is, no one knows what’s best for you better than YOU. so take as much time as you need to figure out exactly what you want. your happiness does not come with an expiration date.

    • SMHgurl24

      Wow that was beautifully said!

  • Justme

    23 and a part of the V club. I was definitely ashamed about it before but I’ve come to realize that for me it’s about being the Standard and not the Exception.

  • cb

    Nothing wrong with enjoying sex…use protection and enjoy yourself.try new things, experiment…relax

    • guest

      Thats your values. some girls feels sex isn’t something that should be a big experiment. It’s deeper than that, so it’s not enjoyable if it’s all about lust and thats it.

  • Laila

    I believe in remaining a virgin until you are grown and in a real relationship. I understand the people who wait until marriage, but I wonder: how many of the men are waiting until they marry to lose their virginity? I find it offensive when a man wants to marry a virgin, but he has slept with everyone under the sun. For the record, I waited until I was 25, finished with my education and employed to turn in the “V” card and I am still married to him.

    • IMJSANYUmad

      no 1 cares what your prude self thinks

      • Laila

        Nobody cares if you get an STD. Next.

        • IMJSANYUmad

          For the record guys dont care about virgins… they dont know what they’re doing anyways. Ex: you know the pepper grinder??

  • Realityh03$Anonymous….ohwait

    Why Why WHY couldnt i have read this what… 5 years ago?!?! Shoot had i, i prolly would STILL be. I only did it once because i trusted him and we had deep feelings for one another. I wouldnt again with him cause i didnt want to give my all if he just wanted to screw me…..
    I dont really regret my first time, we were both 19 and used protection so… i guess i dont regret it afterall.
    GREAT list!!!!

  • stayflii

    I’m 21 & a virgin. I’m saving myself for marriage. I must admit, this makes me want to find my husband Asap..lol.

    • IMJSANYUmad

      i guess you have to practice saying you’re still a virgin and then it helps you actually believe that in your mind, i suppose a random message board is a good place to practice

      • stayflii

        lmaoooooooooo. y r u mad?? u sound bitter..don’t be upset bc I read something I can relate to and commented. 21 Year old virgins do exist….Maybe u can become celibate..so u can have a group to relate to.

        • IMJSANYUmad

          im not mad. so you saying you never went down on a guy or the other way around?

          • Laine

            I also posted earlier, and no..I never went down, or even kissed a guy until I was well into my twenties. It wasn’t because I was religious, it just didn’t happen…! In my teens it didn’t happen because I wasn’t very attractive and a nerd, and guys were not into me .haha.., and later on dating was just not my priority…

          • stayflii

            NOPE!
            Most of my time is focused on school & work, but when it does happen, you’ll be the 1st to know, lmao

            • IMJSANYUmad

              snoring*

    • keesha

      LOL. I’m 21 and I’m waiting until marriage as well. I was at one point ashamed to admit that I was a virgin, and that was in high school. I’m not ashamed anymore though.

      • stayflii

        I never said anything bc I did not want to be judged. I felt like ppl would look at me as less mature, but I really don’t care anymore. I’m about to get my BSN, and I have grown so much as a person, being a virgin does not define my age. It takes a lot of perservarance bc there are so many temptations…restraining from something that so many talk of as being so pleasurable, shows a lot of strength:)

  • Meme

    I am 24 and still a virgin and I’m not going to lie I used to feel bad about it. But, now I don’t . I would rather be a virgin and be moving in the right direction. I’m college educated and entering into my career. I do have a fear of getting preggos and not being ready for it because I decided to listen to others opinions of my life. So for right now until I meet Mr. Right, I’m on my career track.

  • Just saying!!

    I will be 23 in a couple of months and am still a virgin. I’m not even thinking about losing my virginity honestly because I haven’t found anyone I’m willing to lose my virginity to. The one thing I do worry about is waiting this long for the right one just to find out the right one was very, very wrong. i think when you place more value on your virginity and things mess up, it hurts that much more. ….Like saving your virginity for your husband to later find out he’s been cheating on you. I MEAN OUCH!!! smdh

    • Just saying!!

      Oh and people don’t tease me at all either. Some are shocked while others are impressed. …and a lot of my friends tell me they wish they waited anyway so thats more motivation for me lol

      • Laine

        I don’t want to discourage you, but that’s exactly what happened to me. I waited for a guy I taught would be the one, but, boy oh boy was I wrong. There is absolutely no guarantee. However, looking back, I still would not have wanted to have sex for the 1st time with someone I hardly knew or wasn’t in love with etc.

  • Unique1

    I’m 34 & I’m waiting for the right guy. I have never been “in love” & I would like to wait until I am to have sex. It is important to value yourself and not give into what others are doing just for the sake of “doing it”.

    • Just saying!!

      Wow…that’s very commendable. But I honestly don’t know if I want to be a virgin at 34 still. lol but good for you girl! I just wonder if there is a limit. At what point do you say, “Okay, I’m tired of waiting”. Would you (not YOU personally but just anyone in general) just prefer to die a virgin? I mean….I REALLY would like to have kids in the future so I don’t want to have sex for the first time for the purpose of getting pregnant. lol I’ve got to enjoy myself first!

      • Unique1

        There are times I have been tempted. But I also thought about the guy I was with at the time. I wasn’t in love. My hormones may have gotten the best of me and my gut instinct told me it wasn’t the right time.Besides the guy ended up being a jerk..smh. I would love to have kids and live a happy marriage. I guess when God sees fit to bring that man into my world to love me for who I am that is when it will be time. Outta sight…outta mind..lol. Until then I will continue to work on my career and possibly apply to doctorate school in the near future:-)

    • Gaylyn

      Wow! I’m 31(will be 32 on June 1) and I’m still a virgin. Sometimes, my hormones tempt me to start having sex. Honestly, I started out like a lot of people wanting to do the right thing spiritually w/saving myself for marriage, but sometimes I wonder if I would ever or even want to get married. I’m just now getting back into the dating scene which is something else lol. It’s great to see that I’m not alone.

      • Unique1

        I definitely feel you on the hormones thing..lol. That’s great that there are more virgins out there other than myself in their 30’s. I just want to meet the right man..marriage may or may not happen but I want to at least wait until I fall in love with the right person and he feels the same for me. Good for you for waiting it out…VALUE YOURSELF!!! :-)

        • IMJSANYUmad

          what if you never fall in love and no one ever falls in love with you

    • http://www.youtube.com/user/thesapphireempress96?feature=results_main A.J.

      You should be commended. Keep your head up!

    • Jessica

      You gave me more courage to hold out. lol It’s good to see women doing the right thing as me.

    • kelis

      I’m 29 and still a virgin…This somewhat feels like a black cloud over my head, although I know it shouldn’t, and I know I’m doing the right thing. Thank God I’m not the only one!

      • Maya

        I am 24 and still a virgin…and I’ll wait for my husband! Proud of that

    • YoManwantsit

      OMFG I THOUGHT I WAS AN OLD A$$ VIRGIN I’LL BE 19 IN JULY AND I JUST CANT FIND THE RIGHT ONE MYSELF BUT IVE LEARN THAT THESE N!GGUHS AINT CHANGEING AND THERES NO REASON TO WAIT FOR THE ‘RIGHT ONE” IM JUST GONNA FAWK THE NEXT ONE I TALK TOO

      • IMJSANYUmad

        good thinking… you’ll make your parents proud

  • Trisha_B

    I waited till i was 21, a month before my 22nd birthday. & i’m so happy i waited. People use to get on me for still being a virgin but i didn’t care. I dealt w/ guys, some were understanding other’s weren’t. Tho the person i lost it to wasn’t my soul mate, we aren’t together anymore but we still are cool, i’m fine w/ it. For me it was all about timing, not necessarily the person it was with. At 21, i felt comfortable w/ s.ex. I felt i was ready to handle the responsibility of it all. i knew if I was to lose my virginity a yr earlier, i would be a complete wreck if me & my bf broke up lol. I would not be emotionally stable for all that. But that day, something felt right for me. It took him by surprised & he kept asking if i’m sure over & over again lol

  • laila

    I have absolutely no regrets for not waiting. We were young and our lives took entirely different directions but we are still friends.

  • Tia

    Currently 23 and still a Virgin. I haven’t found anyone worth it to spread my legs for. Lol

    • Laine

      Lost my virginity at 27, taught he was worth spreading them for..But I was wrong…! haha

      • Megan

        Girl you can add me to the 27 Vclub. I’ve been waiting for “the right one” (i.e someone you’re in love with and may potentially marry) for too long and have decided he isn’t going to show, so now I’m just looking for someone who will at least be good in bed. The problem is finding someone who I have good chemistry with first and foremost. I was too shy with the last guy I had great chemistry with, he moved away and we lost touch :( wish I would’ve been more aggressive.

    • http://www.youtube.com/user/thesapphireempress96?feature=results_main A.J.

      22 and a virgin and still going strong.

    • Jessica

      I don’t blame you. These losers aren’t worth the time or effort. When God send you the right one, you’ll know it. Nothing wrong with saving yourself.

    • more

      most aint worth it !!