Girl, Be For Real…You Want A Baby? 10 Signs He Should Not Be The Father!

January 26th, 2013 - By Brooke Dean
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So you’ve been seeing this great guy for a few months and things seem to be getting serious. You start scribbling his last name with your first name (do people still do that?), envisioning your wedding day and picturing him cutting the umbilical cord. It’s only natural that if you want to get married one day you’ll eventually start sizing up your partner to see what kind of husband or father he’d make.  While his little quirks might be cute when you’re dating, those same character traits might be red flags when determining if he’d make a good father to your child. For some, these may not be deal breakers and who knows if a man will change once faced with the responsibility of fatherhood. However, be careful not to overlook these characteristics if you’re thinking of making him your child’s father one day.

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  • wepo1

    Most black women will not have a baby in wedlock so they will pick unqualified men to be fathers and complain!

    Then they will be vindictive and only the child will suffer!

  • Faith

    Brooke, this is great but unfortunately these people are not going to listen to these. Especially number 4 and number 5. If the man already have multiples children by different women and not taking care of them, what makes you think he is going to change and take care of yours? I know there are women out there think they have platiumn on it, but the red flags are flashing all day if you noticed them, ususally men eventually tell on themselves. I know somebody had that foolish thinking. The guy already has six children by four different women and she found out by a family member the truth after the guy lied to her and she still had unprotected sex got pregnant by him. Now she is saying that he does not do anything for her baby. Hello! He didn’t do anything for the other six children. And anytime a guy tells you upfront that he does not want any children, (especially if he already paying child support for other children) please,please take heed to it. Not taking birth control or having unprotected sex, lying to the guy that you are on some birth control and get pregnant and you think you can change his mind. Like the author stated you are not doing nothing but getting the guy angry and you are setting yourself up for the guy to get in kill mode. Please ladies, take heed to what the author says. It will save you a lot of time and headache and the process of going through eighteen years of child support and being connect to a guy when you knew he sorry from the start.

    • Ms. Kameria

      I have an older cousin in this very situation….and the sad thing about it (for me) was I looked up to her when I was a little girl. I tell myself that I will NEVER be in this situation.

  • Babydoll 70

    Being a neatfreak doesn’t mean one will be a bad father. Not sure why that is on the list. My dad was in the military and everything had to be neat and tidy at all times. One that you did leave off was if he doesn’t want to work or I would even venture to say sits around and smokes weed all day.

  • CriticXtreme

    You didn’t finish elementary, high school or college. If you do get caught up with someone carrying your weigh, when the kid is born don’t sign the birth certificate but sign the application for a DNA test from a third party.

  • Autumn2013

    There should only be one sign that he should not be the father….He’s not your husband.

  • anon

    wrong evaluation

  • iHeartMarijuana

    This article doesn’t make sense to me and can only be for a generation of women who see it as normal to have a baby by a man you’re not married to. Even though I’m in my 20′s, I wasn’t raised like that like a lot of American women are. NONE of the things on this list are things you should ask yourself before you have a child – these are things you should ask yourself before you MARRY the person who you will ultimately have kids with. All of these things should have been thought about before marriage, not before pregnancy – what the hell? Dumb and bizarrely backwards.

    • Marguerite

      I certainly respect your opinion, but everyone is not blessed to be raised as well as you. In this harsh world we live in, for alot of us, wolves would have made better parents than our actual parents. I applaud MadameNoire for helping those of us who desperately need guidance. There are some seriously lost females (and men!) in this world.

      • iHeartMarijuana

        I respect your opinion too, and that’s true – this advice is better than for some people to follow in the footsteps of their parents or go by what their parents raised them to do. True. I just think the article should have made it more clear that you at least need to have a stable and loving relationship before kids are even thought of. They made it sort of seem like that’s a separate issue. If people who are lost and confused are reading this, they’d have been better off with more firm and clear advice. You have a point though.

    • Stanley Dada

      You want it to be about a legal and social responsibility (marriage) that anyone can get in and out ON DEMAND. There are many articles about that one on this site. This one article is about focusing on another very important legal and social responsibility (children) that legally no one can never ever ever ever ever and never run away from and that no one will ever advice anyone to do so no matter what.

      Please! It’s not about MARRIAGE vs KIDS here. Let us have a time to talk about the LEGALLY and SOCIALLY very important responsibility without having to excuse marriage.

      And one more note. There’s nothing backward in giving more importance to what society has been giving more and more legal and social importance (children) over what keeps getting less legal and social status in the last couple of decades (marriage). This is the real life like all of us have experienced it (even you).

      • iHeartMarijuana

        It’s not up to you to tell me what I want it to be about. And to say that anyone can get in and out of marriage on demand is simply a reflection of this gross culture. I’m talking about marriage because I take marriage seriously and believe others should too. It’s more than just a piece of paper. I don’t frequent this site to know what the articles are about.

        I didn’t say it was about marriage vs. kids. I said you should be married before you even think of kids. In normal non-ghetto society, marriage is a commitment and a show of endless companionship and partnership.

        Is English not your first language? I noticed the 2nd sentence in the 2nd paragraph makes little to no sense, the verb tenses are wrong and word order is out of order. I’m not saying that as an insult – English is my 2nd language and it was hard for me too, and I used to talk like that as well. But I can’t understand what you mean. Having to excuse marriage? Hmm… don’t get what you mean. The rest of your response is written the same way – sentence fragments and things I cannot make sense of.

        You misunderstand what I was calling backwards. What you’re saying isn’t in line with what I was even talking about. The backwards thing is people opting to have kids before marriage. Marriage is more than a legal status.

  • Ms. Kameria

    I find it funny how we all can agree on how things are supposed to be done, but there will still be some women (mostly young) who will do everything assbackwards, then want to complain about their lives and their situations. I’m still waiting for someone to come and negate this article/thread.

  • OlayinkaFab

    Add “He’s not committed to you. If he can’t commit you, eventually marry you and be a good provider, run like hell! And if he’s got multiple baby mamas that’s another red flag.

  • Sagittarius81

    This is I’m glad that I was married to my first husband (RIP) for 3 years (6 years altogether) before I was pregnant with our daughter. Sadly he was killed in a car accident when I was 6 months pregnant, but went to doctor appointments with me and decorated our baby’s room before he died and he couldn’t wait until our daughter was born. I still have that blankie that he brought and my daughters loves to sleep in.

    • Ms. Kameria

      That’s very sweet. If a lot of women went this route (take time to get to know a man, establish a stable relationship, get married THEN have kids), there probably wouldn’t be as many problems as there are.

      • OlayinkaFab

        AGREED!!!!

      • Sagittarius81

        Yeah and less DNA episodes on the Maury Show, LBVS.
        I just wanted to make sure my late husband and I are on the same level as far as having a family, have a career, nice house and even took parenting classes.

    • Ms. Kameria

      That’s very sweet. If a lot of women went this route (take time to get to know a man, establish a stable relationship, get married THEN have kids), there probably wouldn’t be as many problems as there are.

    • The Other Me

      I’m sorry to hear about your husband.

  • SheBe

    He’s not husband material for the future. That should’ve been número UNO.