Pretty Girls Need Not Apply: Why I Would Never Hire An Attractive Nanny

November 29, 2012  |  


During my visit for Thanksgiving, my mom dropped no less than four hints that she was ready for me to start having kids. I mostly ignored her because my husband and I haven’t even hit our first anniversary and therefore kids won’t be sliding out of my uterus any time soon. Still, our conversation got me thinking about the fact that I’m not financially ready for children because, when I do start having kids, I hope to be able to hire a nanny.

My husband and I don’t live near any family and I don’t plan to be a stay-at-home mom, so when we start having kids, we’re definitely going to need at least part-time help. I’ve heard too many daycare horror stories to consider sending my child to one, so in-home help seems to be the way to go.

One of my closest friends is a nanny and she seems like a total godsend for the family she cares for. When she told me what she does, I thought “Wow, I’m definitely going to need to hire someone like you!” Thinking about it some more, I decided I wouldn’t hire someone exactly like her because, in my opinion, she is way too pretty to be a nanny and I would never even consider hiring attractive help.

Would you?

It’s not that I don’t trust my husband because I definitely do. He would never even consider cheating on me. However, just because I trust him doesn’t mean I’d give him a wallet full of dollar bills and tell him to have fun at the strip club. And I certainly wouldn’t hire some hot, young girl to traipse around him taking care of our kids. I trust him, but I certainly don’t trust other random women not to try something. What if the family environment a nanny witnesses around her causes her to imagine that this is something she wants for herself, leading to all sorts of silly but real attempts at getting it for herself? It happens! Both Ethan Hawke and Robin Williams married their nannies.

Of course, a live-out (as opposed to a live-in) nanny means that she likely would never interact with my husband because by the time he comes home, she’s long gone. Still, I wouldn’t take any chances that the nanny isn’t all she seems.

Is this some sort of young, pretty girl discrimination? Probably. But there’s just something so weird about the thought of my husband witnessing some beautiful woman on a regular basis who essentially does all of the positive things I would do as a mother if I didn’t have other obligations and who doesn’t give my husband any of the headache. confirms this suspicion when talking about why men love nannies:

Besides their young bodies, kept fit from chasing munchkins, men think babysitters and nannies are hot for another reason: They have kids that aren’t their own. We like the playful nature and nurturing that babies bring out in women, but hate the weight of eternal responsibility. A nanny is like a villa in accountability. You can just vacation there, play house and go home to your apartment with the rotating cast of one-nighters. Nannies already know their homes and provide a Hot young comfort their busy wives forget.

See? No way!

There doesn’t even have to be a problem in the marriage for a man to be tempted either. Dr. Tammy Nelson told

Studies have shown that cheating may not be a symptom of a bad marriage. Most people cheat because of opportunity (leading marriage researcher John Gottman says this accounts for 80 percent of affairs).

And what easier opportunity than a woman who is already in the house every day? Better to eliminate that temptation by hiring a nanny that looks like his mother. In that case, it’s just another grandmother-type helping out around the house and I can deal with that. This isn’t to say young, pretty girls aren’t great nannies who would never look twice at another woman’s husband – my friend certainly wouldn’t – but I’d be very hesitant to choose a younger nanny over an older one.

Don’t get me wrong. I realize that if a man is going to cheat, he’s going to cheat even if he’s married to Kennedy royalty and the help looks like Mildred “Patty” Baena. Unfortunately (and oddly), men cheat on their wives for less attractive women every day, but these men are probably known womanizers who have somehow convinced their wives that they’re reformed. In that case, it’s probably best to hire a Manny.

But for those of us married to regular guys who aren’t looking to get their rocks off with any woman with legs, an older woman (who is experienced, good with kids, willing to raise them your way, available and credentialed of course) seems to be the way to go.

What do you think? Would you hire – or not hire – a nanny based on her looks?

 Follow Alissa on Twitter @AlissaInPink or check out her blog This Cannot Be My Life

Photo courtesy of Shutterstock

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  • LA nanny

    This article must be written by a very very very insecure woman. Not every attractive woman wants your husband, you weirdo! I’m a 29 year old attractive nanny, I’ve worked for my family for 5 years and I am repulsed by the thought of ever being my boss (the father). Chances are, if your nanny is attractive- she’s gonna have MANY other young attractive suitors. She probably doesn’t want your husband anyway. LOL. Get some confidence!

  • Ganae Vigil

    I’m attractive and let me say, this is horribly cruel to discriminate against somebody because how they look. What’s the difference between other discriminations? Nothing. It blows my mind women today are still so hateful and insecure. I have only gotten hired a couple times by women, all the other times have been men. I love other women, but since I’m attractive I get looks like I killed their dog or full ignored by women. Some will become nice after they realize I’m nice as well. Please stop discriminating against people for any reason, it may be no big deal to you, but for me it can be hard and it happens everyday. Try having some empathy and confidence!

  • Gertrude

    Just the opposite.
    An ugly nanny will be desperate for an alpha male. Will be her dream come true.
    You want a man to stop cheating? You should marry a guy who is a fat, ugly, poor loser.

  • ThisGirl

    In my opinion, you’re just covering your own butt. Making sure that if something goes wrong, it’s not your fault. You will have no regrets at the end of the day because you have been as good of a wife as you can be. Ie, you would even hire an ugly nanny to avoid temptation. And I think, you do your thing.

  • chanela

    “men think babysitters and nannies are hot for another reason: They have kids that aren’t their own”

    how sad! you make a family with someone and then turn around and say that another woman is better because she DOESN’T have kids? that’s sick!

  • MsSparks

    This made me LOL: He would never even consider cheating on me.
    Probably not after a year or so, my dear newlywed…but don’t be so quick to assume what your man would and would not consider! This marriage is too new for you to be THIS insecure. With time, pregnancy and babies, your insecurities will only get worse. Good luck.


    Honestly, if a man’s intention is to cheat….than that is what he will do. A woman can be gorgeous or a hot mess…a man is gonna get it in. Most men cheat… and it is because they will always find a willing participant…no one has regard for family, marriage or relationship anymore,

  • anonymouse

    here’s an idea- raise your own damn kids and you won’t have to worry about how pretty the nanny is

    • roger that! not like most of us can afford a nanny in the first place.

  • Ms_Sunshine9898

    I don’t know man, sometimes being ugly means your advantage has to be you have that good p-power to get a leg up on the pretty girls . . .

    • Pivyque

      Hahaha right! My brother said something about that when we were younger. His girlfriend wasn’t the best looking, but he said that, on top of having a cool personality, she had that grade A “p-power”. lol

  • pickneychile

    I agree! You don’t want to have any potential issues. Growing up we had a “helper” (that’s what we call it where I am from) and she was a lot older than my parents and very granny-ish. We all adored her and I’m sure my mom was much more confident with her around, than with some youg thang running around our house.

    • JaneDoe

      Question, doesn’t pickney mean little child? Like one would say “lickle pickney”. Just asking

      • pickneychile

        Yupp, basically means kid(s)/child(ren). Some people who know my parents still refer to me and my siblings as my parents’ pickney though we are extra grown lol.

  • realadulttalk

    You don’t trust your husband and are insecure with yourself…please don’t have children until you work on that. And as far as nanny’s go–do you not watch the news or read papers??? The people IN your home or those to whom you are related are more likely to cause harm to your child. There are no checks and balances in your house–there are in reputable daycare facilities.

  • JaneDoe

    Insecurities at its finest…

  • Meyaka

    I’m sorry alissa but this is very silly,when i have children i will need a nanny who loves children and is very good at her job,good with my children and respectful of my home my husband and i. Hey here is a tip: if you have to worry about making sure only ugly women are around your husband,maybe you should not have kids.

  • kb

    yeah I w/you. I would say I’m all that , but I know that I’m not always invited to be around peoples’ husbands. It’s cool, cause I know I guys are, even tho I’m not that way at all, it’s better to not have a problem. And yeah if I ever had a nanny, she will be older for sure.

    • kb

      I meant to say “I wouldn’t say I’m all that ” !

  • Are you secretly saying nannies are or should be ugly. I’m confused. If you’re husband is going to cheat then he’s going to cheat even if the nanny has a hunchback, and a snaggle tooth. Never underestimate those “ugly” girls. How many times have you seen mistresses in the media who pale in comparison to the wife? Those “ugly” women gets the D!ck trust me. He may not tell anyone or put a bag over her head, but still….

    • So Tyra Banks’ identical looking sister can be your nanny? Ok sure.

  • Pivyque

    To be honest, I would prefer an attractive nanny if I were to get one. I feel like attractive women in those fields are discriminated against. I’m not going to mess with your money because you are cute. If you meet the criteria and I feel comfortable with you…welcome home lol

  • Alohilani

    Sounds like Ms. Henry is a patriarchal woman. Let me guess – You also think men make better friends than women and that a man cheating is a woman’s fault? If you trust your husband, then it doesn’t matter what other women do because your husband would not allow things to go that far, now would he?

    • when your husband is a robot, then that is perfectly true. but sadly we are all flesh and blood and we make mistakes. we are not as together as we try to make it seem on these sites.

  • naomi

    I just find it amazing how all of you can assess her self esteem level, sense of security, and the stability of her marriage from one article. Y’all should go into psychiatry or marriage counseling. #NoSeriously

    • PA-TX

      Not stating an opinion one way or another, but she’s written A LOT of articles on this site… many of which include more than a few details about her own marriage/husband.

      • naomi

        i dont care if shes written a novel. To label someone as insecure or having low self esteem when you’ve never met the person is audacious. But then again people tend to point out negative qualities in others that they struggle with themselves.

        • Alohilani

          ‘Insecure’ is a very popular word when it comes to one expressing their opinion about a woman, especially on a Black centric site.

        • realadulttalk

          She labeled herself as insecure when she wrote this. The title alone detailed her insecurity. It’s not rocket science sweetie.

          • naomi

            And if she is? We’re all insecure about one thing or another. The only ones who won’t admit that are the most insecure ones.

            Please. I’m tired of some of you coming in here acting like you have it all together when in reality most of y’all are probably miserable as s**t.

            • realadulttalk

              Perhaps you should stick with the topic. I’ve never been insecure when it came to a man…that (IMO) is a man I should not be with. As far as the rest of your little tirade goes–if you are going to speak on me you need to study me more closely.

              • mac

                “if you’re going to speak on me, you need to study me more closely”

                I know huh. If you don’t know a person, you shouldn’t form conclusions about who they ar—–OH wait.

                • realadulttalk

                  I admire your attempt-you fell just a bit short though b/c I addressed the insecurity part. It was the second portion of her tirade to which I was referring. And b/c it did not describe me-she should study a little closer. Anything else?

  • Trisha_B

    So you’ll pass up on a great nanny, that will love & adore your kids & the kids will feel the same about her just b/c she’s pretty? So forget her qualifications, could have great references, since she too pretty?! If that’s not the funniest thing lmao. That’s like if your man said he only wants a ugly gardner to cut your grass b/c he doesn’t want to tempt you lol. You should be able to trust your man. If your man wants to cheat, he’s gonna cheat no matter the physical appearance of the woman. Seems to me, it’s more so jealousy of another woman looking better than you then it is you being afraid your husband will cheat

    • Trisha_B

      Oh & might i add, that your husband could have attractive co-workers. He’s spending about 8+ hours a day at work, would you tell him to find another employment or another branch to work at to avoid the pretty people? Serious question!! B/c you’re worried about the nanny, but why not worry about whose he working around during the majority of the day while the nanny is home alone w/ your kids?

      • those co-workers are just that. they don’t come to my home nor interact with my children all day. my husband gets deployed over seas all the time, i have learned not to worry about what he is or is not doing while he is gone, but damned if i will invite that temptation into my home. me not hiring a pretty nanny to work in my home, puts my mind at ease, and lessens MY stress.

    • jealousy of her looks no, jealous because she will be a temptation for your man, yes. it’s easy to be rational and say all the right things on a blog, but when it is staring you in the face, are you going to be so reasonable? same way i would not expect my husband to hire someone who looks and is built like LL, or Idris, or “The Rock” to be our gardener. not saying I would cheat, but i’d be flirting my @ss off. get real. not that we can afford a nanny, or a gardener…just saying.

  • Like Monique says, “when I leave the house, everybody go…including you mama!”, lol! Never leave your man alone with another woman…specially if she is pretty, lol!

  • mia

    I’m sorry, I agree, call me whatever you like. Sure if it’s gonna happen, it’s gonna happen, but does that mean bring the opportunity right to the front door?

    That’s like saying you can leave your doors unlocked cause if someone’s gonna break in, then they’ll find a way

    • commonsense

      Using incorrect analogy. A burglar can break into locked or unlocked doors. You hope it doesn’t happen, but it’s definitely a possibility whether you like it or not. A man will cheat( with a butt ugly or a pretty chick) if he wants to regardless of how much you attempt to control his environment. The only way to prevent him from cheating is to get rid of ALL women.( It ain’t happening). Just carry yourself with confidence, know your high worth, worry less about things you have no control over, the right Man will come to you.

      • mia

        You validated the analogy yourself.
        A burglar can break into locked or unlocked doors. You hope it doesn’t happen, but it’s a possibility. So you lock your doors to lessen the possibility.
        A man can cheat whether you hire an pretty nanny or an unattractive one. You hope it doesn’t happen, but it’s a possibility. So you hire an unattractive one to lessen the possibility lol

    • Exactamundo!

    • Live_in_LDN

      Nope incorrect analogy. The burgular is the aggresor and the house is the neutral objective. To use this an an analogy suggests that the babysitter is invading and ‘attacking’ the husband who just passively sits there and waits to be taken when in reality he would even probably make the 1st move.

  • IllyPhilly

    The whole fact in between all the filler words is you don’t trust your husband.

    • SheBe

      RIGHT! I didn’t even read the whole thing because that’s all I kept thinking! Lemme get to the comments!

      • keesha

        Same here.

  • lalatarea

    WOW! I knew she was the insecure type once I read she wouldn’t let her husband go to the strip club, if its gonna happen its gonna happen.

    • mac

      so that’s what determines if one is secure or not….Oh.

    • Kay

      Why the hellll should she let her man go to a strip club?

      • Pivyque

        Maybe his friend is getting married and wants to meet up there to start off the bachelor party. He should be able to go and support his friend, but I don’t think that her not wanting him to go makes her insecure.

        • Kay

          that’s something complete different that blowing every check at diamonds like its your home

          • Guest

            I know. It was just one example.

    • chanela

      wtf are you serious?

  • mac

    I’m calling BS on all yall. If a Kim K or Megan Good lookalike applied to be your nanny, she wouldnt even get an interview lol!

    • Thank you! A little honesty please.

    • they know this, but will not admit it because they feel it makes them look weak or vulnerable.

  • KO

    Well aren’t you a narrow minded person. To discriminate a well qualified person because of their looks is shallow.

    • IllyPhilly

      Yes, and imo low in the self esteem department

  • Rasharne

    Ridiculous story.

  • saywhatttnow

    Mary Shriva( can’t spell that name) hired an ugly nanny and well see what happen, Arnold handle his business as usual and left behind a bonus gift. Moral of the story men will cheat regardless. The believe that hiring an ugly nanny lessens that chance is an illusion. I pray that I marry a good man who respects and appreciates me enough to resist all temptations whether it’s inside or outside of our home.

    • mia

      you can’t spell Maria Shriver?

  • I agree with her. Trust my husband but don’t believe in setting myself up for a big fail. If he is inclined to cheat he will do so regardless, I’m just not gonna make that shyt easy and convenient. Then again when we have kids I plan on being there with them almost full time when they are young. The sad thing is though, men who cheat usually do so with either, their co-worker or one of his wife’s friends. Scandalous I know but true nonetheless.

  • Like attractiveness or lack thereof ever stopped men from cheating.

    Chick, get a clue lol

    • connie

      I know….as long as she got a cat. Like my mom said one time, men will f*ck a snake.

      • if it has a heartbeat, it’s f**ked!!

        • connie


          Sent from my Galaxy S

    • realadulttalk

      Took the words outta my mouth.

  • sighs