If At First You Don’t Like Him, Try Again?: Should You Give Him A Second Chance?

October 10, 2012  |  

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My sister and I are something like twins. Born 20 months apart, everyone who’s spent at least an hour around us can tell that we’re pretty connected. In fact, just last night my friend noted that my sister and I are not just on the same page, we’re in the same paragraph, just a couple of lines apart from each other. You get the picture, we’re tight. So that means I have the ability to correctly interpret the words she doesn’t say.

Which is how I learned that my sister’s former/current boyfriend was going to be her boo thang before they ever made it official.

She was a freshman in college, busy experiencing all that her new lifestyle had to offer. Needless to say she wasn’t calling to check in or catch up like she used to. When I did talk to her, I could tell that something was up. Within the first quarter, there was this guy who stepped up and made his interest known. But my sister wasn’t having it. In one of our debriefing conversations, she told me that though homeboy was attractive and they had a lot in common, she just saw him as a friend. She valued the platonic (on her part) friendship they’d developed and was either unwilling or scared to jeopardize it. So she claimed they were friends. But I knew that was a lie she didn’t even know she was telling.

The more we talked, the more I realized how much closer she and homeboy got to be. His name and opinions were constantly coming up in her stories. Sometimes he’d even be in the vicinity during our conversations. Dude was persistent if nothing else. And with each one of these conversations, I’d ask my baby sister, “Gurl, you sure you don’t like him?” She held strong for a couple of months; but increasingly, she and her “friend” started entertaining the idea of taking their relationship to the next level. And a couple months later, they were a couple, to the surprise of no one.

My sister’s story is not unique. In fact, this trend of not liking men and then loving them is a trend that runs in my family. My mother didn’t like my father when she first met him; and now that I think of it, my grandmother wasn’t too fond my grandfather either.

But it’s even bigger than my family. There’s a whole theory that suggests that if a woman doesn’t initially like a man, she should give him a chance. But when it comes to men, go with your gut. Parts of me really don’t get down with this theory because it panders to the stereotype that we women are innately indecisive and don’t really know what we want. The family trend aside, I can honestly say I’ve never not-liked somebody and then found myself flipping the script. I’m skeptical and cautious around new people, so most of the time, I wouldn’t even give them the time of day to change my mind. I have had the reverse happen though, plenty of times. You know when you initially think a boy/man or manchild is the best thing since peanut butter covered Oreos, only to find out you should have left him and his foolishness alone, a long time ago.

What I can concede to though, is the fact that I’ve never, not ever heard a man say that initially he wasn’t attracted to a woman’s physicality or personality, but learned to love her over time. So there is at least a modicum of truth to this, if only because men refuse to continuously place themselves in the company of women they’re not attracted to.

But you know the drill by now, we’re about promoting discussion. Ladies, have you ever disliked or not liked a man “like that” only to love him later? And fellas, because we know you’re always on the site, have you ever found yourself with a woman who you weren’t attracted to at first?

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