Damn Mr. Right, I Need Mr. Right Now! 7 Signs You’re Too Thirsty For Someone To Put A Ring On It

October 8, 2012  |  

theurbandaily.com

There are women who could care less if they ever get married. Then, there are those of us who fantasize about the day that we will be given the opportunity to stroll down the aisle in a white dress and exchange vows in front of oo-ing and ahh-ing family and friends. And finally, there are those who take the desire to be married to a whole new level and become fixated and practically obsessed with the idea of marriage. As folks say about Kim Kardashian and J.Lo, you’re too in love with the idea of love and the fairytale ending.  The ladies who ooze of thirstiness and desperation. While there’s nothing wrong with desiring to be married someday, there does appear to be some detriment that comes with being desperate. For one, desperation leads many women to settle for Mr. Here and Now instead of holding out for Mr. Right. Not to mention that most men can spot a desperate woman from a mile away. This could result in him heading for the hills or taking advantage of her thirsty ways and leading her on. But how can you tell that your healthy desire to get married has become an obsession? Check out these signs to find out.

You’re willing to settle down with just about anyone

Have you ever found yourself trying to make serious commitments to a man you just met or have only gone on a couple of dates with? Are you already matching up your first name with his last or imagining how your children will look? Pump your breaks, sis. Jumping into a relationship and trying to get all Cinderalla with any man who smiles at you is not the move. Slow and steady wins the race and marriage is supposed to be a life-long commitment, so try being more selective about the man you are willing to give your heart and time to. It may save you from potential heartache, headaches and thousands of dollars for a pricey divorce.

You’re obsessed with all things bridal

Are you the type of woman who frequently tries on wedding dresses for no reason at all? Are you always pricing and checking out engagement rings even though there is no sign of a future engagement in sight? Are you up to date on all of the latest bridal couture or subscribed to all of the bridal magazines? You may be more enthralled with the thought of having a wedding than actually being married. Try asking yourself why you even want to get married in the first place.

From Media Library

You put a timetable on every relationship

While you should have standards and know what you’ll put up with in a relationship, you shouldn’t go into one saying that you’ll only stick around for two years tops and then a ring has to pop into the picture. Sometimes you just have to let things happen as they will, because when you do, you can enjoy your relationship much more without worrying a great deal about deadlines. You’re not taking a test! Plus, it’s often when you least expect it that the best blessings come into your life…

"Couple talking pf"

You find a way to slip marriage into every conversation

Can’t make it through a conversation with your guy without mentioning marriage, children and the house with a picket fence? Are you able to steer a discussion on just about any subject in the direction of a marriage proposal and the future? Sharing plans and aspirations for the future with your significant other is great, but when it gets redundant, it seems as if you are dropping hints or trying to send some sort of subliminal message. Pretty soon he’ll begin to wonder if marriage is the only thing you know to talk about. This can be pretty annoying and a sure sign that you may be a bit too eager for that ring.

You put a lot of pressure on him. Aka, You pull the guilt trip…

Do you frequently try to use someone else’s new engagement as leverage with your man to get him to pop the question? Are you giving him the silent treatment or walking around slamming doors each time a family member or friend gets married while you’re left hand is still ringless? This isn’t cool. Forcing someone into a marriage isn’t going to solve your problems, in fact it can do the exact opposite and intensify them. Trying to marry someone who isn’t ready to marry you is a recipe for disaster. If you feel as if your time is being wasted or you’re being strung along, leave. Guilting a man into marrying you isn’t the move. Besides, you shouldn’t have to coerce someone into marrying you. You’re the prize and any man who takes your hand should be honored.

You obsessively refer to your biological clock

Are you guilty of discussing how time is ticking away on your biological clock during first dates? You should probably stop doing this immediately! One, it freaks men out and makes them think you’re desperate and in actuality, you may be a little desperate. This certainly isn’t first date conversation. I realize that getting older can be a bit frightening to those who still have aspirations of getting married and having children, but letting a potential love interest know that you’re in a race to jump the broom before your eggs expire can make things a bit awkward and uncomfortable for everyone involved.

black couple

Shutterstock

Basically, it’s the reason you do everything in your relationship

When your intentions for doing things for him are all based on the hopes that he’ll find you to be marriage material as soon as possible, you might be a little parched for a ring. When you go out of your way to do things for him not because your intentions are pure (and you would want someone to do the same for you), but because you want him to somehow have an epiphany about you, it’s not the best look. There shouldn’t be an ulterior motive when it comes to being a good girlfriend.

Jazmine Denise is a  freelance writer living in New York. Follow her on Twitter @jazminedenise

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  • Pretty1908

    I do not think both parties compromise. women, we do not have to guilt trip, trick, and force men into decisions. if you are good woman like you claim to be , than a good man will find and settle down with you. i think we run a lot good men off because we want things our way right now. STOP THAT ! understand that marriage is a big step, and just because you feel its time doesn’t mean your partner does. i am 26 , and neither me or my boyfriend are in a rush to be married. do we want to be ? hell yes ! but we aren’t rushing to make major life decisions just because society or our parents feel its time.

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  • Julissa

    I support nothng blogger Jazmine Denise Rogers writes!! I know this chic & she’s just mad, because a better looking chic took her man,who’s getting married monday.

    • bigdawgman

      She should be rejoicing then! Ladies, if your man leaves you for another woman, take it as a blessing from God! #Triflingnegroes

  • box

    Right isn’t it sad all the guys are close and out of all of them the non-black woman is married. We settle too much

  • Amen! Why it would make someone desperate to communicate that they want marriage and they have an ideal timeline in order to do it in I don’t understand. To me, it separates the men who are open to marriage and those “men” who want to shack with a woman as long as its convenient for him. I let my husband know that while marriage wasn’t in my immediate future I definitely saw myself being married one day. What is wrong with saying that?

    • bigdawgman

      Not a gosh darned thing! If more people were honest about what they want out of a relationship, there would be a lot less divorce and foolishness going on.

      • Absolutely! Letting a man know you are marriage minded shouldn’t scare away a man who is also marriage minded. The only men leaving would have been your future baby daddy and roommate anyways.

  • GirlSixx

    I wish I could hit the like button 1,000 more times.

  • Janay

    Couldn’t agree more.

  • Afro_Hello_Kitty81

    My cousin is currently seeing this nut, I mean this girl who he’s been with since this past May and he would tell us that his girl wants to get married by December and have her first child next year because she’s 26 and her clock is ticking and he’s not ready for all of that and he’s 32.

  • paulae

    I’m 42, my time is very precious to me at this point in my life and I don’t have time to waste… I feel like I HAVE to establish a timeline, so if he’s not serious about marriage then I can move on and my biological clock ticking is very real talk and it does make one a little more eager than normal, but you can’t sit back and act as if it’s not a factor…again I’m 42!

    • Miss Anonymous

      I feel you, im only 24 and I have a timelline of sorts. I let a guy know that Im interested in a longterm relationship that will hopefully lead to marriage and that If he feels that he cant see a life with me after 1 year we can go our separate ways. (no we dont get married after a year, he has to know if he wants a commitment with me though)

    • KIR12

      Ok, but what were you doing the last 20 years? At 42, after you’re now out of your prime you’re looking/putting pressure on a man to marry you? I hope things workout. for you.

      FYI, I wish more older black women would be honest like you’re been. To help these young black girls instead of promoting this I can wait nonsense. I guess misery loves comfort.

      • Maybe she didn’t meet the right one those 20 years. So she should have settled got divorced and ended up as another single black mom? No. She probably put education and a career ahead of a family and a man. Its a sacrifice most modern women face. Career or family. Very few of us can strike that balance. I was fortunate enough to meet my husband in college we were able to grow our careers together and got married when we were established. A lot of my friends in college (black AND white) were not so lucky. Many of them are either single still or going through a divorce.

        • mischka34

          I think its a myth that some women put their career first instead of focusing on a relationship….well, maybe a couple of women, but I think most just simply didn’t find a good guy. People and the media tend to think educated and/or career focused women don’t want a man or children, don’t want to date, don’t want to have s*x, nothing!! That’s not true, we’re like any other women with emotions…Its possible to have a career and a relationship. Women do it all the time. If anything, you tend to meet a better “crop” of men depending on your career. Paulae probably hasn’t met a good Mr. Right or a good Mr. Right Now….

          • I never said you can’t balance a career with a relationship. Shoot I did. I’m just saying for most people in order to find a quality mate you need to invest, time, energy, and effort in order to do so. A woman on her grind doesn’t usually prioritize that. That’s why 2 out of 5 of my close, beautiful, and successful friends are single and never been married. They don’t make time for a man of quality they just kind of expect him to fall into their laps and understand her busy schedule. Anybody of quality is not going to stick around to be on the bottom of someones to-do list for long.

      • bdsista

        how is 42 out of your prime? I got married at 40, and although I am now divorced, I did not have a lot of dates in my 30s because simply I was not interested in being used, or being someone’s chick on the side. Sometimes it doesn’t come that easy if you have standards. Also, remember internet dating is only about 12 years old. I met my husband who is Blasian on the internet. I also was open to marrying someone who was racially mixed. I would like to remarry, but not going for just anything now at 54.

    • bk

      As a guy I think timelines are necessary. Tomorrow isn’t guaranteed! Why continue to date someone when you cant really see being with them for the long hall.

      Quick word of advice to the ladies to save you time: Be careful when your his “rebound”. If you know more about his EX than his family or children RUN!

    • bigdawgman

      True that. I got married in my thirties and let my wife know from almost the first date that I was looking for a wife and not just looking to fool around. You don’t have to put a definite timeline on it, but it shouldn’t take more than a year to know if someone is right for marriage or not, especially if you discuss it openly and honestly. Good luck out there!

  • TICK…TOCK..

  • hiswomanandlovingit

    I don’t see what is wrong with having some sort of time line. So you should stay in a relationship for 25 years because you don’ t to rush or seem thirsty? Nope, not my idea of a good time.

    • I agree. I pretty much thought the article was on point accept for that one about not putting a timeline. I think its healthy and the right thing to do. Of course it has to be realistic, but you should definitely have one if marriage is a goal you have.

  • JaneDoe

    Lol, at you guys puting Chrissy on the spot like that

    • MLS2698

      I hated seeing her propose to JJ. Women should let men be men; don’t jump up in their faces trying to do their job. And women should not move in with men while playing the wife role, then years later, act as if they are tired of playing house.

      • bigdawgman

        Now THAT chick is thirsty! Jim Jones Marriage material!

  • Really?

    I really ike this site but I get so darn frustrated with all the overwhelming ads and the click through 20-pages to read one article! Madame Noire, you need to ease up on putting profit ahead of your viewers. So many of us have complained about this and you guys will not change!

    • toomanyads

      can someone recommend another website with less ads. There’s gotta be a better competing website.

      • box

        clutchmagazine

  • L-Boogie

    Again, my mantra for life…SS (Stay Single).

    • Kells

      No one can stay single forever.. Thats not normal

      • L-Boogie

        No, that is true. We are social creatures but drama is never good.

        • Kells

          Okay that I agree with 🙂

      • lisa1022

        Bull ish!

    • Adrian Khan (The Soca Warrior)

      Every woman says that until someone actually shows interest in them.

  • KIR12

    Sorry, but if you’re over 35 or over 30 with kids you’ve probably already ran through your best (Mr. Right) options. You held your cards too long. Mr. Right now is probably as good as it’s going to get.

    • Na Na

      Oh d*mn, guess there is no hope according to you. Glad I’m only 26…..if I take your advice I better settle down with the next guy who asks! lol

      • KIR12

        If you’re 26 and WANT to get married and you’re not seriously looking you’re making a big mistake. Do you not see all of these over 30/40/50 never married black women?

        • me

          “Do you not see all of these over 30/40/50 never married black women?”

          better to be that than be a baby mama or a divorcee. trust in God. not all ppl will marry and have kids. get used to it

          • L-Boogie

            I agree.

    • Adrian Khan (The Soca Warrior)

      Women tend to do that.When they’re young,they think it’s only one vagina on earth and it’s attached to them.Fast forward a few years & 15lbs,and their view on relationships change drastically.

    • bdsista

      that is really not true, I met Mr. Right at 39 and became a wife and stepmom. I am divorced, but don’t get it twisted, the dating world of 50+ is awesome, by now their kids are grown, making more money, own their own homes, plus vacay homes, sex is great and if you want to take a nap you both understand. Much less stress.

  • TRUTH IS

    Women can’t win…catch 22