An Open Letter To Men Suffering From Light-Skinned, Long Hair Syndrome: I’m Not Flattered

295 comments
October 9, 2012 ‐ By madamenoire

Source: Shutterstock

By Jada Gomez-Lacayo

Dating sucks. It truly and entirely sucks, yet I find myself here again. And as a totally hopeless romantic, I’ll be on the market until some derivative of Prince Charming wisks me away on a horse.. Or a Prius… Or maybe with a free swipe of a metro card. You get the idea.

Now that I’m “exploring my options” and “seeing what’s out there,” I remember exactly why I loathe the entire dating process. This is not to loop all guys into one category, because I have some great guy friends, and I’ve experienced some very sweet loves in my life, but in the initial stages, there are a couple of roadblocks that cause me to retract into my safe and single turtle shell.

Usually, when I meet a guy, the first question he asks is, “What are you?” As I groan inwardly but pleasantly smile outwardly, I typically respond by saying, “I’m from Queens.” This is a perfectly accurate statement, and describes me more precisely than my African American and Latina roots. That response usually prompts the world’s other most invasive question, “Is that your real hair?” With a matter of fact response, I reply: “No, its #499 at the beauty shop,” but that’s an entirely different story for another day.

This answer usually throws men off because when I give the response they’re looking for (it’s my real hair and I have a Puerto Rican father and African American mother), surprise and a light in their eyes goes off that reads, “Ahh! A mixed girl. I’ve got one.” And that leaves me quite uncomfortable at the bar. Just when they think they’ve caught me hook, line and sinker, I’ve usually already jumped ship mentally.

Rap songs, years of conditioning, and movies reinforce the need for a “light skinned girl with long dark hair.” And somehow I’m supposed to be happy about the stares I get when I’m with my parents, smile as people pat my hair for tracks, or somehow be flattered they want to date me solely based on my genealogy. It feels like I’m supposed to be a passive obliging accessory to match a fly Rolex and a foreign car. If my hair is curly when wet, that’s an added bonus — wifey material, somewhere on a Christmas wish list for men who need a shiny (forehead) trophy to overcompensate for some sort of deficiency.

The thing is I love to write. It’s something I’ve worked on fiercely and love passionately, as it’s an extension of me and where I feel most comfortable. Secondly, I’m hilarious. From the office to e-mail threads, to my undeniable rap flow, I’m a riot. I’m an avid runner, I have what is probably an unhealthy knowledge about music and pop culture, and I have a huge, future big mama sized heart.  These are the things that I have cultivated in my 30 years by simply being me. Thanks to an amazing strong family, great friends, and infinite blessings, I’m so proud of the woman I’ve become. This is me.

But when a guy suffers from “light skinned girl, long dark hair” syndrome, I’m only seen for the qualities that are solely based on my DNA. The outer layer I had nothing to do with eclipses the me that I’ve worked on all these years when the outer layers are shed. And men, if you do find a girl who is into all the fawning, she’s probably using you for the attention. So really everyone’s a pawn in a very superficial game. And we all know that beauty fades, lovelies.

Be clear, this is by no means a pity party. No light-skinned girl problems here. I love my features because I see a bit of my entire family in me. I see my mom’s eyes and lips, my Papi’s nose, and my skin tone is a blend of both cultural worlds. I’m confident enough to say I love my hair. I love the way it smells when it’s done, and I love the way it feels on my back. Even the compliments and comparisons are cool, although I don’t think Aaliyah, Paula Patton, and Zoe Saldana look anything alike other than that they are all light skin and have long dark hair. I rest my case.

So guys, it’s ok to have your preferences. I happen to like tall guys who get it in at the gym. Cam Newton, call me if you’re reading this. But the difference is that I hear you. I fall for your smile. I love when you actually read my stories. When you laugh at my jokes, or tell me I’m beautiful when I’m out of the shower with no makeup and a messy length-less bun.

Nothing I could write could ever reverse a cliché that predates my existence. You’re probably listening to a song that mentions some form of light skinned, long hair don’t care syndrome in your headphones right now. But when you come across one of us next time, start off with a question beyond the obvious. And maybe you’ll get something more valuable than the Heisman.

Jada Gomez-Lacayo is the Entertainment Editor for StyleBlazer.com. Follow her on Twitter at @JadaGomez.

*Photo courtesy of Shutterstock.

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  • David

    I know this is an older post, but I must say I feel.. torn, to say the
    least. I’m very interested in people’s genealogy but it isn’t to say
    that is what dictates whether or not I like you. Yes, certain
    complexions and various physical attributes will catch my eye, but it is
    up to you to determine how much further it goes. I’m a white male in my
    mid 20’s that mostly had relationships with white girls and the
    occasional latina or asian that felt like a bonus. Yes, very
    stereotypical. Then I met a women that had me struck dumb with how
    beautiful she was.. She had long black curly hair (half samoan), big
    beautiful light brown eyes that elegantly came to perfect corners, and a
    skin tone that had me mesmerized by how light skinned yet seemingly
    different she was from all the others. Anyway, I felt an overwhelming
    attraction to this woman and lo and behold.. she had the mind of all
    minds. I told myself I had to marry her, she had to be the one to have
    my child. We’ve been married for two years now and have a beautiful baby
    boy. Through all the ups and downs (trust me, there have been some
    DOWNS) I wouldn’t trade it for anything, literally nothing could replace
    what she has given me. Back to your point.. some of the first words I said to her were “What are you?” :P

  • NYL

    THATS ALL MIXED WOMEN WERE MEANT O BE TBH…….. JUST AS U DESCRIBED.LIGHT & CAMERA READY,US DARKSKINNED WOMEN ARE OK W/ U ALL THINKIN WE ARE THE LEAST,CUZ WE GET A BREAK.

  • Eric

    as multicultural male. andsoontobefather I understand the scenarios thathappen because of it.

  • Princess

    Finally someone feels my pain!!! I thinl the media has put this amazing prize on a light skinned girls head. I just want to. Find real love, not be chosen because ill make you some pretty babies. The image that black people put out needs to change and soon

  • http://www.facebook.com/whenshesmilez Ashley McCollum

    …are we STILL on this topic? Lil Wayne isn’t ignorant though he may be undereducated…still, he gets no sympathy from me. The article is well-written, but the topic is overdone and I’m tired of hearing about it. Now, if someone wants to break this down and talk about it as the “social” issue that it truly is–then have at it. Otherwise please miss me with the over-repeated bs

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=1234751726 Wanda Pinckney Spencer

    My grandmother taught us well, because of the rainbow of colors in our family (dark, brown and damn near white; siblings and cousins). She wasn’t going to tolerate name calling (blackie, whitie, etc.) we all came from the same tree. Therefore, respect each other regardless of our hair texture and skin color.

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Geena-Romano/1848527336 Geena Romano

    i recall something like that on BET COMIC VIEW, and your right lol i just hope one day this whole obtuse comment will preclude,seriously make no sense IMO.. life too short for this crap.

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=512244474 Paris Shelton

    I can only speak for some of my family members. My grandmother’s side of the family are real dark skin and they only marry real dark skin. That’s their preference. My male cousins have always said, they love the chocolate girls. They never said anything against black women of other hues but that’s their preference.

  • http://www.facebook.com/latyra.jones1 LaTyra K Jones

    Thank you for sharing this. I agree with you and I don’t share any of your ethnic DNA. I think most black men are always looking for the “trophey” girlfriend or wife.

  • guest

    Have compassion for Lil Wayne. His views on dark skin reflect his self judgment. His son with Sara Vivan is beautiful because he is a beautiful child not merely because he his biracial. I find it sad this brown black man who has overcome great odds to realize his and his family’s American dream. Lil Wayne, dark skinned people can be great!

  • guest

    Very thougtful article.

  • ilovemovies2

    This young lady can really write. She’s clear and makes all points in this essay. Keep writing because you know how to express yourself and you’re fearless in the subject matter. I looking forward to the book(s).

  • Tagirl

    I know a light skinned guy who will only date light skinned chics but won’t marry outside of his race. She has to be light skinned but black. However, he doesn’t like to see black women “cross over” to other races either. I just SMH. He’s been in relationships with some crazy broads, so I don’t that’s good way to date. But people will do them.

  • Tagirl

    I agree that skin tone has nothing to do with features.

  • Guest

    this is true. Most of my light skinned fam love chocolate guy/women.

  • LaylaAjmine

    I’m ethiopian and cuban and I hate being biracial! Black men are trolls and yte men are no better. I ended up marrying but, I understand where she is coming from.

  • carbonado

    Dark skinned men are clearly insecure, althought opposites do attract, im dark and my husbands light

  • http://twitter.com/scottfreebass Scott Freebass

    Ummm you’re hanging out at a bar and catch feelings when a guy approaches you based on your looks. Sounds like YOU are the one with the problem, not the guy.

  • http://twitter.com/MadameGigglez Im TinkerBell

    Honestly, all people who are in that mindset can go and play in traffic. Matter fact, play kick ball with a bomb. All that stupid negative thinking has been out of my head for long enough…. i know i am BEAUTIFUL and BROWN and PROUD of it! just look at my picture…

  • Dark-skinned & Dateless

    I wish I had that problem…

  • http://twitter.com/michellehobama Lavern Merriweather

    Does the writer want some cheese to go with her whine?!! Oh poor baby all mad and stuff because the darker of the ‘darkies’ doesn’t respect her and right this ALL started with rappers because of course everything worng with black people does right?!! Wrong how about taking some accountability for your OWN insecurities and for te dummies yacking abot Lil Wayne last time I checked that whole lighter is better meme started when we first GOT HERE! But of course it’s all Lil Wayne’s fault black men only want light women apparently even the black men WHO ARE MARRIED TO DARK SKINNED WOMEN! And of course the fault only lies with black men since black women are perpetual victims with zero responsibility in the ills of theblack community. It may take two to tango but according to black women it only takes one to blame.

  • Lady

    Okay so notice the trend in the comments section of the ridiculous amount of comments such as “Oh woe is me, I’m light skinned and get so tired of being asked about my hair, what I’m mixed with, blah, blah blah. As if it’s the end of the world and this is the biggest issue of their lives. Yet we wonder why as light skinned females we are stereotyped of thinking we are all that and stuck up. Please ladies get over yourselves. You don’t hear men complaining, whining or crying about their skin tone, height, looks etc. For the most part, they accept who they are and keep it moving. Try to do the same and stop complaining about something so superficial b/c honestly you are only feeding into the hype.

  • Tagirl

    I have a cousin who will only date light and bright chics. Period. A woman would have to be Gabrielle Union or Nia Long to be an exception for him to date. On the other hand, have another cousin who prefers chocolate girls but is open to other complexions. I’ve seen it from both sides.
    You can have a preference, but at the end of the day, it’s about the type of character and level of integrity that a person has that should be a determining factor.

  • smh

    so…..you’re complaining about being appreciated – regardless of the form it comes in – while there are many black females who go unnoticed or are completely passed over because they don’t look like you or look like the complete opposite… im just saying…. in as much as you want people to like you for more than your appearance, your appearance will draw them to even begin speaking to you. many do not even have that…. i honestly feel that this post is whiney and annoying. everyone wants to appreciated for more than their appearance, but why complain that you fit the *unfortunate* model that many black men are attracted to right now. we can be idealists and wish that the world would change and appearance wouldn’t matter or that black men would appreciate all kinds of black women, but realistically, they dont at the moment. you fit the mode of what many are looking for whether they are shallow or its simply their preference. its adding insult to injury that you are complaining about this when you could suffer worse – being considered undesirable because of your appearance.

    • monitorette

      So true!

  • entyce

    Why so many comments on this topic? Really??? MN don’t you ever grow tired of the light skinned/dark skinned, natural/relaxed, long hair/short hair and etc.? Its bs and I’m so Tired of it already. It’s enough things going on in the world than this crap that editors can write about. This is a black website is it not? So how is this uplifting or at least informative at all? Why not start with more inspiring topics or topics worth discussing because this is not helping at all. Black people as a whole will do better if we let things go. Just let it go already.

    • http://www.facebook.com/people/Geena-Romano/1848527336 Geena Romano

      ENTYCE, exactly and i think your post is the ABSOLUTE best here ,so far, because i am a sistah. BLK mom still marry to my dad,(he sicilian)naturally i am one who came out by my avie pix lol REAL LIGHT SKIN FAIR SKIN,but i m BROWN i say lol and i am BLACK WOMAN with sicilian dad,and i know one thing, me and my Light GOlden Brown skin shade brother,beyonce light golden skin tone, we are proud of who we are,but i wear my self EXTENSION love natural weave,or BRAIDS and i see NOTHING wrong with it, i wish as your saying WE as a people will get over it,already long hair short hair,bald/to whatever who cares. and the skin tone O LAWD i really wish as a black race we GET OVER IT, and yor post speak volumes,this is a black website i assume too but i m always seeing this kind of stories,and i think that is SAD, when a white chick LACE . yes LACE front,and fix it up nice,or not too nice! ido not see media,NOR any 1 go OH this or that etc. only with my BEAUTIFUL black race,and i am sick of it,so i usually ignore stories like this, just love ur self, and life is too short to fret over such SUPERFICIAL…. STOP IT ALREADY BLACK people just stop. so ridiculous,this article IMO very ridiculous.

  • lis

    well written

  • luna

    Story of my life my last year my ex was trying to get back with me we were talking you know and feelings started creeping back in. Then he dropped the ‘bomb’ He told me he’d like to settle down with me bcs I’m exactly his type ‘light skinned, tall and light brown eyes’ his ‘white woman’ with the body of a black woman when we were together he was so proud to show me off to his ni99az **gasps** now you lot I kid you NOT those really were his words. I told him if he’s looking for a trophy girl to show off I’m not it and that I wasn’t interested in rekindling this thing(even though I really did want to give it another try) So I told him to delete my number he tried to explain what he meant by that but I was way turned off. Like a bucket of water spilled on a burning candle i was that turned off. PS: this is a man who was born and grew in Africa and moved to London when he was 15. I also have a male friend I went to high school with he came from some village in Uganda fast forward 6years later dude doesn’t date black women cos she doesn’t find them attractive at all, he prefers white or perhaps mixed girls cos they’re more beautiful and is more comfortable with them. We used to talk about it so much that at some point I wasn’t even talking to him anymore lol just recently he told me that he feels ‘intimidated’ by black women bcs they come off very strong, difficult and too confident and he’d love to get with a sister but he doesn’t know how to approach them, with white girls it’s usually very easy. I laughed so hard that he got mad at me lol so this has always been his problem with black women not all those bs he used to tell me. These self hating kneegrows are just scared of strong black women cos they’re not confident enough to handle us.

    • luna

      **he

  • glad-b

    I am a dark skinned woman and as a child in a mostly white school one of the kids asked me why I was so dark, as if to say there was something wrong with my complexion. So I went home and asked my Dad why I was so dark, his response was “you’re not dark, you’re beautiful”. Since then, I have never wished for any other complexion and face other than what I have. I don’t feel envy and wish for a lighter skin, but I don’t discriminate against women that I lighter skinned, I mean we all women, cant we just be friends and get a long. As for black guys that don’t date dark skinned women…..they really aren’t giving me sleepless nights….

    Bottom line, black parents need to affirm their children , that affirmation is so important. Insecurities that would otherwise develop when your child is an adult become a non factor…..and so would articles like this one.

  • nycki

    Men want light skin women to feel like they have achieved something. But what I have notcied since light-skined women are in demand they seem to have been ran through. My lighter skin female friends have more sex partners than my darker skin friends. Simply IMO

    • http://pulse.yahoo.com/_JAKQLXWSXSMCLNSA4NUEWKQBQM Sunko

      And? I don’t think light skinned women are easy. Very simple minded thinking.

  • monitorette

    Please Madame Noire, less articles on women’s hair. it’s time you work on this bizarre trend that many Black men seems to have: Shaving their head completely, and what does it tell us about their own relation towards their own Black hair.
    Or you can relate both topics on the same article: this surge of weaves among African American women and this shaving trend among AA men…

    • http://www.facebook.com/people/Geena-Romano/1848527336 Geena Romano

      yep lol and read my long commentary above, GEEZ so funny i REPEAT FUNNY WHEN WHITE GRINGO CHICKS, yes GRINGO meaning white, are with weave to wig hook up bu your never ever hearing nationally on tv,every day oh SHE got a wig on,or oh that “can’t” b her real hair,then snick and laugh,snickering show me the BLACK MEN who said it are usually JEALOUS no other reason INSECURE AS A MOTHA FLUCK…… and i love it being BLACK AND SICILIAN,who yes love my weave,and natural pretty extensions sometimes and wigs, lovely! and i think BLACK MEN need to get over it,and realize if this was the 50′ to 1960’s AS MY MOTHER WHO BLACK SAY “black men maybe need to be treated as i remember black men,some hispanic race,could not be SEEN WITH A WHITE LADY at all or your going to get SHOT at night, or daytime hanging, my mother yes SAY THIS and i agree, IF this ever happen again oh TRUST N BELIEVE, BLACK MEN WILL NOT DATE A WHITE LADY and “compare”to us BEAUTIFUL BLACK STRONG CONFIDENT “don’t take no bull ish”women,they would be dead just calling it as i see it. and my mama is right! adios!

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Hadassa-E-Simmons/759730366 Hadassa E. Simmons

    wonderful article!

  • HardFaith

    OOOhhhhh please poor lil light skinned long haired girl has trouble dating, say it aint SO!! GTFOH wit this bs post. Cry a river over the Queens bridge!

  • Lady

    This is such a redundant topic. I think it is more about preference than anything. I’m a light skin woman whom normally is attracted to dark skin guys does that mean I have some sort of complex, hate against light skin men, absolutely not, I just happen to love a chocolate man. I have heard negative comments/stereotypes being a light skin woman and I have heard negative comments/stereotypes about dark skin women. My point is you will always have ignorant people making comments it truly doesn’t matter what your skin tone is. The problem is people allow themselves to feel inferior to another person based on superficial characteristics such as skin tone, hair texture and hair length, etc. and then they want to blame the person (whom they have a problem with) as if they somehow think they are better etc. blah, blah. Also just because a person asks you what you are mixed with (as a light skin woman) does not mean that they necessarily feel as though they have hit the jack pot, maybe they are intrigued with your features that make up your beauty. Many people, both men and woman ask me if I am part asian b/c of my features notice I included women. Do you really think these women actually believe I’m some sort of goddess? I believe maybe the author of this article thinks highly of her looks and is blaming a man as having some sort of skin tone complex simply for asking a question.

    • DJTheDJ

      Lady, THANK YOU!!! There was a girl at work who was 25% black, 25% Asian and 50% white. Because she was racially ambiguous I was curious to know what race she was because I simply couldn’t tell. I wasn’t trying to date her nor was she a trophy, I simply asked her what she was because I couldn’t tell and wanted to know the answer. If you’re racially ambiguous and on a date, don’t be blown out the water if someone asks you solely out of curiosity. If a stranger asks you that question, it’s rude, someone would have to have some kind of a rapport with you to be able to ask you that, so don’t be blown away if you’re on a date and asked that. I’m a yellow brotha with light brown eyes. I often get asked what I am
      but it’s because people see me as being racially ambiguous and are
      simply curious as to my race. I’m black and proud.

  • DJTheDJ

    I’m what people would call a light skin black man, as I am quite yellow with light brown eyes and often mistaken for a Puerto Rican. i’m black and proud, even when I’m told I’m not black, I reject those claims because being a black man is one of the things I’m most proud of. If I were to ever date a light skin/Biracial girl/black girl, that’s out the window now. Mixed girls can join black females in their insecurities, you’ll end up equally as single. You think the world is up in arms when someone says they prefer a dark skin woman with short kinky hair? Someone would be applauded for saying that. But to say you prefer a group which makes their insecurities flare up, you’re a bad guy. Eric Benet had a song called Chocolate thighs which is an ode to dark women and the song was very well received. When he puts out a song called Red Bone which is an ode to lighter skin females, there’s suddenly a problem. Some men care what women look like, I’m one of them. I’m not going to pretend looks don’t matter. When dark skin women can learn to compete without a guilt trip. Reading this only reinforces my preference for Arab women.

    • http://twitter.com/Dginki Dginki

      Compete for what? Those Arab women will tire of your sick mind and spirit too.

    • Janay

      Omg its a black man using the usual tactic of fear and threatening to leave the black woman. Omg its a black man using the typical tactic of comparing them to non black women and threatening to leave.

  • Guest101

    This article is the story of my life. I’m not Puerto-Rican, but I don’t like my skin color and hair texture being the primary reason for someone being interested. It’s just sad. For darker-skinned women, I hope this article shows how many lighter-skinned African American women DO understand your plight. I don’t ENJOY the “preferential” treatment, I DEPLORE the back-handed “compliment” that it actually is. I even stopped watching My Wife and Kids after they switched the dark-skinned girl out (she was quite funny) for the lighter girl that was COMPLETELY different from the original character. Most people don’t know that– look it up.

    • Dawnn

      You are exactly right. The orginal girl that played Claire on My wife and kids was a dark skinned girl and they replaced her with Jennifer Freeman ( I think that is name) I didn’t like the since then. I thought the dark skin girl was better. It is crazy how athletes, entertainers, men in general seem to think that light skinned women are the ones to be with. Especially when they come in on a little bit of money. It seems like you have to be light skinned and mixed I was treated differently growing up and was called “black girl” because of my darker skin. Being light skinned and mixed does not make you better person, they could cuss you out, have a loud mouth just as bad as a dark skinned women and other women from other races. I think dark skin women are prettier and sadly they don’t get attention and respect.

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Latrece-Hoskins/100002627012546 Latrece Hoskins

    i like this article very much. -from a dark brown sista.

  • Dr. Dubya

    For *some* women its height…for *some* men its color.

  • dbatt001

    well at least you have light skin and long hair.

  • Candacey Doris

    I’ve been on both sides of this. Apparently my skin tone can be put in the “other” column, because i’ve been told i’m light skinned, i’ve been told i’m dark. I just tell people i’m milk chocolate and leave it at that. I don’t deal with the long hair part since i seem to cut it off every few years.

    What i really want to know is if guys get this from women? The light skinned part. I know that some men feel that women look down on them if they aren’t tall, but do they get the light skinned stereotyping too?

  • Observing

    The special thing that most determines our beauty, no matter skin color, hair texture or length, is the ability to love oneself and the confidence to to rock your individuality. You got all that in the bag girl!

    Your comment is very liberating. I hope more black women see it.

  • Guest

    Some of these comments are funny and ridiculous. Black men and women from Africa or the Caribbean tend to marry and date their own.Even in America Black Americans marry their own more often yet all these ladies keep saying we all have been conditioned by rape and society to want lighter skin.

  • Observing

    You’re comment makes me so happy. I adore confident beautiful people who embrace their own beauty and individuality.

    I think that your comment was even better than the article. And I agree the article was really good. Your comment acknowledges and appreciates all the great hues and diverse textures our hair comes in.

    I am born of black parents. My dad’s dad was Arab so I ended up being a red color. Middle Eastern people always think I am one of them. Went to visit The White House and got detained…lol. My hair, (like yours) has been lots of places. I too have been a PERM HEAD (lol at that term), I’ve been natural, wet it and go, weaved up. I love it all.

    I must say that while I most admire darker skin (its so rich and smooth), there is beauty in all the colors we come in.

    • http://www.facebook.com/crescent.mcglone Crescent McGlone

      Thank you : )

  • FirstuhdaMonth

    Black Men and Women hate themselves equally. It may offend many of you to read that but I have little proof to the contrary. While most of you will only harp on the black man’s obsession with “lite brite and almost white”, few of you will acknowledge that you are willing to give yourselves chemical burns and debt to achieve a dare I say “white girl” standard of beauty. You want long blond hair and blue eyes just as bad as black men do.

    • Candacey Doris

      Not so. Or did you ignore the natural hair soldiers that roam the earth (net)? While a few people have gotten such low self esteem that they take to bleaching their beautiful skin, many of us are embracing our chocolate tones, our kinky hair and our beautiful features. While I’m not going to say only men are for the light skinned ideal, it’s certainly not a huge thing here.

    • ReaderInMI

      I get tired of the natural vs. Chemical hair debate also. I perm my hair because its manageable by doing so. I am not limited to styles or options . Therefore not every black woman conforming to a certain standard. My nails are real. I don’t wear fake eyelashes. My eye color belong to me. Slapping a perm on my head don’t suggest I have low my standards to be like a white woman. Especially when they are transforming themselves to have OUR curves.

  • blackPlusmixedequalsBlack

    its dumb because a black man with a mixed race women end up having a kid who is 3/4 BLACK, meaning way more likely to look like the dad then the mom, or vice versa if its a black woman with a mixed race male.

  • Adrina

    I find it disturbing that within the black race, we have this discussion. At the end of the day when white ppl see a black person, they see a n—-a…whether light, brown or dark skinned. Don’t be fooled. If a white person was up for a promotion and a light skinned person was up for it. Who do you really think will get it? As for dating. preference is preference. I personally don’t know BM who say “I only date lskinned girls”. If a BM or BW choose who they have relationships/marriages based on skin tone, would you really want to date them?

    • http://pulse.yahoo.com/_JAKQLXWSXSMCLNSA4NUEWKQBQM Sunko

      But how would it be if dark skin and light skin black person went up for job? Same thing right.

  • http://www.facebook.com/kellymich Kelly Michele

    Love this post! I’ve been preaching this forever. I only get more insulted when I address the “good hair” by saying that there is no such thing, only to be told “you say that because you have good hair.” Can we please admire what a person has on the inside? I know lot’s of beautiful, ugly people – however you physically define it.

  • http://twitter.com/girlwonder614 cute_n_ creepy™♥

    I’m sick of the question, “What are you?!”, and/or, ” What you mixed with?..” Especially now that I’ve let my hair grow longer, people assume b/c I’m light, (And to some people that means I gotta be mixed with something..) that that’s the reason my hair is long… NO THE HELL IT’S NOT! I’ve been light my whole life, and my hair ( in my adult years) had NEVER grown past my collar bone. My hair is HEALTHY, and being long just happens to be a benefit of taking care of it. Just like all this exercise, and dieting, will award me with the benefit of a cute shape, and healthy looking appearance. WORD

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=100000341059246 Todra Payne

    I have never felt the need to limit myself to just dating black men so I’ve avoided much of the drama experienced by friends who think they owe black men something. I don’t have anything against black men and I’ve never suffered anything particularly mean by them, but men are men to me. And men from all cultural backgrounds have flirted with me and asked me out. The love of my life is German/Irish American and he adores me WITH my brown skin and full lips. But he also loves my weird wit and my inability to sing to save my life. He tells me often how much he adores me. The feeling is mutual. Once we all start just seeing people as people and allowing love to flourish where we find it, all this silliness will stop. I hope the author finds true love with someone who really appreciates her. She sounds like she has a lot to offer.

  • kb

    I get the author, I am not LS but people in fam and friends are and there are dudes that just like them bc they fit a type, and not for who they are. IDK what’s worse being ignored bc you aren’t that type or having someone not really liking you but what you represent.

    • http://www.facebook.com/people/Latrece-Hoskins/100002627012546 Latrece Hoskins

      interesting post.

  • NegRican24

    It’s funny I have the EXACT same makeup as the young lady who wrote this ( PR dad, Af Am momma) and get this type of thing more from women than men.

  • ordinary girl

    boo hoo. boo hoo hoo.

    • http://www.facebook.com/people/Latrece-Hoskins/100002627012546 Latrece Hoskins

      stop being stereotypical-from a dark brown sista.

  • Kayo Halana Malie

    I used to get the “What chu mixed wit?”, “Ain’t chu mixed?” and “Who in your family is White?” lines all the time even though both of my parents are Black. I’ve even had men think really that they could get my attention by making references to my skin color.

  • Jennifer

    Has a dark skinned woman, i’m not in the least offended by color struck black men. Maybe it’s because black men rarely do it for me. *Shrugs*

    • Kayo Halana Malie

      I’m offended when I am approached based on me being light, but like you, Black men don’t ‘do it’ for me either.

  • jdmann

    Love is giving so focusing on self is not about love.

  • Team nymphis

    It’s the same for guys.cant tell you how many black girls ask me “what are you”
    Answer-a man
    No what is you mixed with?
    Nothing I’m Dominican
    Where is that?
    You have a nice grade of hair
    Grade?
    You got good hair
    What’s good about it? It don’t wash or comb itself.

    • MyGoodness

      thank YOU it really is the SAME FOR WOMEN.women all the time where I live say they want a light skin man or love a man with “good hair”, where I used to live was not like this.My boyfriend was annoyed and said im the only women who actually complimented his facial features and not his hair or skin.

  • IllyPhilly

    I petention for people to all be legally blinded. smh. Then if you’re wrists don’t feel right you’ll be discriminated against. I know OT, but I just hated that part in Ray.

  • CriticXtreme

    Some black man may have a LS complex but other just want you have real long hair that’s real! Some black who are dark, already come with the complex about race skin color. Some dark sisters in my circle, would only deal with light skinned brother with good hair because the dude was their way into a society where they weren’t welcome. There is a color barrier at the workplace and other places. Everything depends on the person. This house n-word racism will never end.

  • Cindy

    Um, this is such a waste of time. Everyone is entitles to be attracted to whatever they hell they like. PERIOD. If that aint (yes, AINT) you, dont take it personally. NEXT…

  • http://twitter.com/Amaris_Acosta Amaris Acosta

    This, this, ALL OF THIS!! There’s nothing worse than being in “fantasy purgatory”, where people only want you just so they can say they’ve had you, with NO regard to any other trait that makes you, YOU. Your personality, your intelligence, your skills in the kitchen, boardroom, none of it matters, or is even noticed. You just got some “Injun” in you, and that’s enough.

    • http://www.facebook.com/people/Latrece-Hoskins/100002627012546 Latrece Hoskins

      lol! right on.

  • Ilovelightskins

    I’m confused since when is it a problem to have a preference? Don’t women have preferences as well? I hear women all the time discussing their preferences whether it be tall guys, or dark chocolate. So why is it okay for women to reject someone based on a physical standard they set for themselves but men can’t? So wait is it okay for women to say they want well endowed men only? Is that not the same thing

  • charlene

    Another chocolate sista cosigning what you just said. I enjoyed the article as well. And your ‘they miss her because they saw the skin and didn’t look twice’ is on point but that doesn’t bother me one bit. I’ve dated every shade of the rainbow and have no problem with the brothas missing me. :)

  • Adonis

    I tend to prefer dark skin BW & dark skin latinas, but that is here nor there.

    Thank you @KIR12:disqus for keeping this article honest. There are alot of articles in the past 2 years similar to this that share a common theme.

    “Black men are NOT ALLOWED to have preferences or aesthetic standards. But I will only date Black men over 6ft.”

    But women will & continue to reject men for any trivial matter. Hypocrites of the highest order.

    I don’t give a Sh*t the white supremacy power structure, because ATEOTD, if black men loved only dark skin women with wool hair, this woman would be making an article talking about

    “Where Are All The Good Black Men Who Loved Light Skin & Long Hair”

    You Are Better Than That. Get Over Yourself.

    SSTTE

    • Janay

      The problem Adonis is that dark skin and wooly hair IS the black phenotype. If any race of people rather male or female reject what is their race’s phenotype, there is something wrong with them!!! You can dance over the obvious, but I will bring up the obvious which is that America has a long, painful, despicable history of hatred of dark skin. They hated dark skin. Once they started to showed any favoritism to blacks hundreds of years later, it was the lightest of the lightest male & female. Something happened because we are free but not mentally free. Black women can find something to appreciate in a man who some may call ugly (Djimon Honsou) but black men cannot find anything to appreciate in an equally featured black woman (like alek wek). If one is ugly than the other must be too. But black women dont think like that. They would never be so foolish to disregard their own race in which they came from. This is not hypocrisy in the least. This is truth. Black women have evolved above white society’s standards of light skin, but black men haven’t.

      • KIR12

        Ok, you’ve learned a new word. How many times are you going to use it! It’s also not true. How many white women are born with blonde hair and blue eyes? Yet that is considered the highest white standard of beauty.

      • Adonis

        The problem Adonis is that dark skin and wooly hair IS the black phenotype. If any race of people rather male or female reject what is their race’s phenotype, there is something wrong with them!!!

        Just like there is something wrong when women procreate with men who are not committed to her & the children they create. That way more problematic than black men who do not check for dark skin women. But that is a lie also.

        You can dance over the obvious, but I will bring up the obvious which is that America has a long, painful, despicable history of hatred of dark skin. They hated dark skin. Once they started to showed any favoritism to blacks hundreds of years later, it was the lightest of the lightest male & female. Something happened because we are free but not mentally free.

        Stop focusing on what MSM is doing. Stop focus on the men who don’t want DS women. Check for the men who are interested in you. Alot of these problems you have no control over.

        Black women can find something to appreciate in a man who some may call ugly (Djimon Honsou) but black men cannot find anything to appreciate in an equally featured black woman (like alek wek). If one is ugly than the other must be too.

        I am a dark skin man in NYC. If that is a dating privilege, please tell me how to cash that in.

        Light skin black men have the same issues, but it rarely discussed.

        Dark skin men are promoted & criminalized simultaneously. Whites & Jews control MSM.

        Why do black women keep pointing to Alek Wek & Whoopi Goldberg.

        They are unattractive to alot of men period. Give me Bria Myles, India Arie, Kelly Rowland, Serena Williams, & Jennifer Hudson.

        Dark skin is not ugly. There are ugly women who happen to be dark skin. Average to cute DSBW turn down men everyday. They are doing well dating wise.

        But black women dont think like that. They would never be so foolish to disregard their own race in which they came from. This is not hypocrisy in the least. This is truth. Black women have evolved above white society’s standards of light skin, but black men haven’t.

        Evolved?!?! You mean the same women who wear weaves. The same women who don’t plan for their offspring. And as far as their preferences, they are conditioned to some degree by MSM. But they pick good looking men, darkskin or otherwise. They chase money for materialistic venture, not for children. And some pick the WORSE men to procreate with while ignoring the responsible & committed of BM.

        SSTTE

      • http://www.facebook.com/people/Latrece-Hoskins/100002627012546 Latrece Hoskins

        damn,you speak so much wisdom. do you have a blog or a book?

  • UK

    wahhhhwahhhwahh I’m light skinned and beautiful STFU! No its not fun being exoticfied but its not a bad thing either. What are the negative complexes about light skinned girls with long “nice” hair?

  • Ashbubala

    OMG I love her. She keeps it real! Just goes to show that the light-skinned sista’s ain’t flattered by that buffoonery either. Some black men need a serious lesson in our history and know that just one type of skin color, or hair, etc. doesn’t make you any better or any more worthy. Most of the women they love dearly in their lives don’t even look that way, i.e. their mothers, sisters, grandmother’s, and somehow they still are superficial and stuck on complexion. How sad.

  • Jazz

    This was an excellent article. I am a dark skinned woman who has dealt with opposite reactions from men, so its refreshing to hear someone respond from the other end of the spectrum. I agree that men are color struck. I find it ironic that the men who have appreciated my skin color and hair texture the most were all non-black men. But regardless of what any mans’ personal taste is nowadays, I LOVE ME! And no one will ever be able to convince me otherwise.

    • Curious

      That is SO TRUE!! Go to London, you’ll see so many men with chocolate sistas. And the lighter-skinned sistas do well there too, but I’ve noticed how white NON-American men especially seem to appreciate darker skin so much more.

    • http://www.facebook.com/people/Latrece-Hoskins/100002627012546 Latrece Hoskins

      beautiful post. :)

    • http://pulse.yahoo.com/_JAKQLXWSXSMCLNSA4NUEWKQBQM Sunko

      Agreed. I always seem to attract white Indian/Middle eastern or Mexican.

  • cairo5

    Her ethnicity is similar to my baby daughters but Mexican father. Now, i know that its a given that this will most probably occur in my beautiful daughters life when she is of a dating age. Im not concerned with what race of guy she will date, what I’ll stress to my daughter is if she does date a black man, and he is obsessed with mixed race girls or hates on full black girls, I’ll never accept him, as im not interested in a man dating my daughter for the way she looks, or a self hater. Period

  • brooke

    As a brown gal love your comment, and to add to the brothers who tend to “miss” chocolate women. I wish they’d “miss” me. I always get the ” I usually don’t talk to or date brown gals……This is seriously their mack/game” I came to the honest realization some men just don’t know what to say, or how to approach me. Some brothers just need to freshen up on their communication skills. If he could have put that same energy and enthusiasm into different words, just maybe you can at least get my respect if I don’t want to take or give you my number.

    • Janay

      I usually don’t talk to or date brown gals……This is seriously their mack/game”

      This comment is alarming since the average phenotype for black people is….well the color brown. Black men have serious issues and thats what needs to be talked about. This mental illness affects blacks as a whole yes, but it is clearly an issue plaguing black males more than anything.

      • brooke

        How did I forget to mention they are usually darker than me !

        It’s clearly an issue because I noticed and spoke on how it has gotten worse just this year alone. I went from hearing this every now and then, somewhat often coming up to hearing it maybe several times a day when out and about !

      • KIR12

        How many white women are born with blonde hair and blue eyes? Yet that is considered the highest white standard of beauty by white men. You see as much as you like to try to paint black men as having weird or unusual preferences compared to men of other races the more your showing that men’s preferences are pretty much all alike. Getoverit!!!

        • KONeil

          Blonde hair and blue eyes is not the ideal traits for White men towards white women. I honestly don’t know if there is one over powering preference in women over another. Nor do I have the temerity, to act as though I speak for any other than myself, as many of you do. Personally my strongest attraction is toward red heads (no preference for eye color), but I have dated women of all backgrounds, except oddly enough; blondes and Asians.

        • Yah

          men who have been brainwashed into white supremacists preferences all have similar preferences for europeanized beauty standards, you are correct KIR12. and i think you need to get over it, KIR12. If black women’s opinions bother you so much, the get the f*ck off this blog.

  • mrsburgess

    My guy is one that is definitely stuck on light skin and long hair. But on the other hand im stuck on tall, dark and buff. We satisfy each other

    • http://www.facebook.com/people/Latrece-Hoskins/100002627012546 Latrece Hoskins

      lol…at least you’re honest!

  • cc

    got the light skin part but oops short hair !!

  • Humple Pie

    oh get over it! u light skin h o e s have it easier. People are just naturally nicer and more accepting of you because of your skin tone. In corporate america you fit in better with white co workers as opposed to a dark skin woman. shut the hell up and just accept the cards you’ve been dealt with and make the most of it–like the rest of us are. Pity party

    • http://www.facebook.com/people/Latrece-Hoskins/100002627012546 Latrece Hoskins

      stop being stereotypical-from a dak brown sista.

    • http://pulse.yahoo.com/_JAKQLXWSXSMCLNSA4NUEWKQBQM Sunko

      Truth.

  • brooke

    I will say I do think and have always thought it was hypocritical to call guys like Wayne ugly, creature…..and then get mad when they move on from they same type of women who called them ugly and creature ! Even tho the women they moved on to probably think the same thing. That’s not the point !

    • TymesTew

      Well said!

    • TRUTH IS

      What message do you think Lil Wayne is sending to young girls because they are dark skinned?!? I’ll let you answer it

      • brooke

        You are taking it the wrong way. I meant as a child he was probably called ugly and creature and developed some kind of issues. I’m not a Dr so I can’t break it down for you but I’m talking along those lines.

        • monitorette

          I understand you, but even if he was despised in his childhood because of his features and / or because of his skin color, that is not a reason to put his own dislike of black skin girls in a public text. And as others pointed, hating dark skin girls is equal to hating his parents and / or his sisters, brothers.
          Also, some people posting comments like women who are Lil Wayne lookalikes can be called Lil Waynesha, these people are really mean & hypocritical. And ugly.

  • Shiron

    I am a bright-skinned black woman (not mixed) with green eyes–everywhere I go, people stop and ask me “are those your real eyes” or “are you mixed,?” so I can kind of relate to what she is saying. The most offensive thing I have had said to me is “you are pretty, FOR a Black girl.” I have actually had black and white folks come up to me and say that, and they cannot seem to understand why this is considered offensive. I cannot stand color-struck folks, especially black folks!

    • Janay

      Society has defeated the black males minds. They are so defeated that they let the white owned media manipulate them into believe that a black woman cannot be pretty unless she is mixed. So when these blacks and whites see you they are shocked that you defy what the media regurgitates to them. They are ignorant to the fact that black beauty has been suppressed for centuries and still is today. (why the world views beyonce as more beautiful than kelly rowland). Dark skin no matter how beautiful is always suppressed by society so of course people are shocked when you defy whats the truth.

  • Nicole

    I really enjoyed reading this. She speaks the truth in a very pleasant but straightforward manner too. I might add that I am all black but apparently have an ‘exotic look’ -as I’ve been told. I’ve also been asked…what are you…where are you originally from? Fine…I will entertain you but what pisses me off is when I say I am black…not mixed…black…and that answer isn’t good enough. “You’re not black”…”You don’t look black”….even had this Asian woman tell me “u no look like them”. WTF??? What is that? What does it mean to look exotic!? What does it mean to look black?! And why cant black be exotic in our brother’s eyes…yeah I said brother cuz it’s usually black men with all that foolish exotic crap….smh

    • Janay

      Agreed my main point of this post is it is usually the brothers with this light skinned crap. The black phenotype is brown skin. Then you have the occasional very dark or light skinned folks. For any group of people to disregard their own race’s phenotype (black men) is beyond mind-boggling and pathetic.

  • TRUTH IS

    Ditto…..love who you are…kudos!!

  • Really?

    STFU and get over it! Remember, Our ancestors fought for our civil rights….and that includes dating who we want to. People cannot help who they are attracted to. Stop telling people who to date….Check yourself….it’s YOUR problem…not theirs.

    • http://pulse.yahoo.com/_JAKQLXWSXSMCLNSA4NUEWKQBQM Sunko

      Did they also want us tear each other down and consider other features better than our own? Did they really want us become sadness we are now?

  • Vandellish

    I hear what you’re saying and I’m glad that you seem to
    understand that this truly is just another quality problem.

    If you’re a pretty girl then you’re pretty girl and that’s
    likely what men were/are attracted to and not the specific mixture of
    ethnicities that leads to light-skin and long hair.

    I live down the hall (sigh) from a drop-dead gorgeous,
    mocha young lady who gets a plethora of male attention herself…I’m talking all
    types of men. We often talk and I’ve asked her what it’s like out here with
    guys trying to get with her all the time. She attributes just about all the attention
    to her bikini model body and…yes…her long hair. Never once has she mentioned
    that men love her skin color or even her general friendliness. Therefore, both
    the writer and my neighbor’s answers lead me to believe that our assessment of
    others’ levels of interest can become jaded when we apply current day
    stereotypes as the sole reason for their interest and assume that they are
    completely invested in them just by the way they first looked at us. It may
    even indicate that we’ve bought into these stereotypes a bit ourselves.

    Just about all relationships start with (and require for
    that matter) pure physical attraction and then grow (or not) from there no
    matter how it may be presented in the beginning. The slickest among us can
    disguise it most times.

    Very interesting piece.

    • realadulttalk

      very well stated.

    • Curious

      Nailed it. I appreciated the piece, but there was a little something about the article that was off to me, and you hit it right on the head.

    • monitorette

      I agree with you ‘Vandelish’ and ‘Curious’, I felt a little discomfort reading the article: obviously, before knowing your inner self, the men are first attracted by your physical appearance

  • nikki

    oh whoa is me….

    • Curious

      you mean woe?

  • realadulttalk

    Many people have been conditioned to not have children with people darker than themselves or grew up hearing things like “that’s a waste of yellow” which makes it sound like just being yellow is a step up from being brown. I personally have been told “you are too dark to be so mean” as if my color had anything to do with my disposition (it had nothing to do with the idiot I was talking to-right?). No matter what your black is–it’s beautiful and we have to start teaching that to our children.

    • Janay

      We meaning black men have to start teaching that to children. Black men on average like a woman with long flowing hair when t heir hair isn’t long or flowing their damn selves. The issue is deeply rooted within the black mans mind. Black women dont make songs that boast about lighter skinned men or white men we’re not that ignorant.

  • JaneDoe

    I am always scared to make comments on hair post on MN. Some folks go above and beyond to insult ppl that tehy don’t even know based on the comments of being mixed with long hair.

    • JaneDoe

      *they*

    • TRUTH IS

      Gee…whats the point of saying you are tall, mixed with long hair when the commenters can’t see you…..you could be lying for all am concerned! Everybody can’t be light, slim, skinned, tall, mixed and hv long hair….embrace your heritage and love yourself. People who think they are better because they are light shld come back dark in their next life and; people who are dark and self hate should come back a shade darker in their next life!!

      • Kells

        Go have several seats… You want ppl to make shyt up and lie to appease you? Now your wishing for them to come back as dark in the next life… smh. Prime example

        • http://twitter.com/Dginki Dginki

          You just showed how sick inside you are.

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=1617540444 Myfriends CallmeKim

    Loved it. This really applies to any person that wants to be truly known and not judges simply on appearances. Awesome job Madame Noire for sharing this.And Ms Gomez-Lacayo for writing it.

  • MLS2698

    I thought those same black men were on the ” Becky ” train now. They left the light skin alone, and went straight to pink.

    • Janay

      Exactly black men are suffering from some inferiority complexes. The light skin is not enough for them now it is the white woman. Anytime a man wants you because you are the accessory of the moment due to lil wayne mentioning you in a rap song, you should run far away from him. Light skinned women should have been shunning this ignorance years ago. Now theyre on to the next accessory. Its sad.

  • Lexi

    Flag as inappropriateI am mixed with cuban/jamaican. I am not light skinned but I have naturally tanned skin tone. Most people assume I am Indian at first sight. When I am asked I just deny it because I am not but I never go into details of my genetic makeup. As soon as I say no I am not Indian The little twinkle in their eyes evaporate. I don’t understand the obsession with hair or skin tone I really don’t. I grew up with a brother and sister who both looked more black than myself. I never thought of features as different until I was older and ppl started making comments about it. I find that guys are really more attracted to the exotic type of females. God forbid I deny and say I am just black they loose interest.
    Wait for it….

    • Janay

      Black men have issues. So if you say you are just “black” even when you actually could be considered exotic, the sparkle in their eye goes away because.
      1. lil wayne told them to seek exotic
      2. they want no woman that reminds them of themselves (black).
      3. They feel mentally defeated and compensate by dating women that do not remind them of themselves.

      • http://www.facebook.com/people/Latrece-Hoskins/100002627012546 Latrece Hoskins

        you crack me up with this “lil wayne” crap.

  • Hunn3y

    Great Article! we need to stop summing each other up, based on looks alone. I take up for everybody who deserves it, brown skin, light skin, dark skin, purple or whatever, it doesn’t matter, look at the person inside and you’ll see the true beauty within. I have every shade or color in my family, as do many African Americans, so it boggles my mind when I run into those who are sooo color struck…SMH it just shows the insecurtities within themselves.

  • mrvardot

    Mixed?????? Learn some history!!!! Puerto Rican is not a Race idiot

    • Curious

      puerto ricans are largely a mix-race people. (and so are most african-americans…but puerto ricans generally have a lot more racial variety across their family tree – not one random white great-great-grandaddy – and that racial variety is generally more proximate in their family tree.) saying she’s puerto rican is shorthand: it’s a nationality but mix-race heritage is embedded in that nationality.

      and even if the spirit of your comment was correct, why the ad hominem attack? just politely educate the lady and move on.

  • Shay

    This is why I date white men. Problem solved…

    • Kay

      Claps and throws roses at your feet! Amen *meek mills voice*

    • Jennifer

      Amen, cosign a 100%

  • Chocolataman

    Get over yourself, and stop thinking so damn much! You might slip and fall into a healthy, happy relationship….

  • Native_Noir

    I’m light skinned, cut the long hair off, but either way I love it. & I dont mind the “what are u?” questions cause I’m proud of ALL that I am! My family history is AWESOME & very interesting so if anything its makes for a history lesson of a conversation! I too see ALL my family in me when I look in the mirror. As far as dating goes, I’ve never been asked “what r u” without “what do u like to do” & other ‘get to know me’ questions to soon follow so maybe that’s why i don’t see the problem. *shrug* Just being honest.

  • sexcgenius

    It takes a pretty basic mind to embrace or reject someone based on a random spin of the genetic wheel. You can like whomever and whatever you please; however, the ones I truly have to feel sorry for are the women who are flattered by this stupidity.

    • JaneDoe

      You’ll be surprised tho at how many basic minded ppl are walking around. I get the what race are you question asked all the time or the crazy stares and its pretty annoying. Not flattering at all. I don’t see why ppl are so obsessed with hair and skin color

      • Janay

        Black men are obsessed with hair and skin color. They feel women should have hair and skin opposite from theirs (wooly and brown skinned). They are also obsessed because Lil wayne is their savior and anything he raps about is golden and pretty much law to them.

        • KIR12

          You need to get off your guilt trip. Trying to shame black men. Brothers ain’t listening to that nonsense.

          • http://twitter.com/Dginki Dginki

            The truth is you aren’t listening to anyone. That is why you are collectively in the place you are.

            • KIR12

              Black women hate the truth. Blow it out your a$#

          • Yah

            yes, we know…the problem is that “Brothas ain’t listening” to anything except white supremacy. enjoy your white lives. i no longer consider myself any relation to black men, other than getting here genetically. they are no longer ours or part of our race. the black man is dead as a door knell and is quickly working to become a part of the white race. let ‘em go.

            • KIR12

              Make sure you get extra batteries. lol

    • Adonis

      Women do it all the time, stop making it a men-only regime

      • Janay

        women do not do this all the time. This is a lie! Black women generally find attractiveness in all black men from the blackest of black to the lightest of light. If im lying then why is it that you hear black women compliment Djimon Honsou, but you never hear black men compliment Alek Wek? And if you ask me if one is ugly the other one is ugly too. If you want to say light skinned women look better than Alek Wek then that dam sure must mean the Chris Browns and Romeo’s look better than Djimon Honsou as well. Black women could easily call black men ugly if we were looking through the same spectacles that de-evolved black men look through. We choose to look beyond and evolve past the white mans standard of looks. We embrace our features but I cant say the same for black men so yes we can make this a men-only regime today until u prove me wrong.

        • KIR12

          If men of other races were chasing and marrying black women at the same
          rate as Asian (50%) and Hispanic women (37%) black women wouldn’t give a
          dam about black men preferences nor dating choices. The problem is only (9%) of black women have married inter-racially. Woman of other races are marrying inter-racially at 4 to 5 times the rate
          of black women.

          The truth is that Asian (41%) and Hispanic (41%) men married inter-racially TWICE as much as black men (22%). Do you really think those Asian and Hispanic men married inter-racially just by chance without giving it deep thought and having a serious PREFERENCE and INTENT on marrying a white woman? Also, British black men marry inter-racially (50%) and British black women (30%). I don’t hear British Black women complaining. The only group complaining are black American women. Everyone is moving on with their lives. I suggest you do the same.

          • brooke

            What people like you keep failing to realize is wait for it……..black women never wanted or desired white men. It was never up for discussion collectively.

            Another thing people like you fail to realize is if black women decided to date white men there is a white man for any sister that wants one. He doesn’t have to be a A- list actor looking type.

            Finally all my friends that do date white men. Have married and moved far, far away in under a year. If we decided to make that move those numbers will change. I’m SURE we are seeing a change in the numbers of BW dating IR as we speak !

            and to throw in a bonus if you choose to believe it or not white men date and mingle with black women. ESPECIALLY older, seasoned white men. I’m speaking as a black woman. You can’t tell me they don’t !

            • KIR12

              Stop the nonsense. Black women who have been single 6 months/1 year+ waiting on the black man to get himself together turning down romantic offers to be wined, dined and romanced by white and non black men? It’s absurd and laughable to think that the majority of black women would not have accepted some of those offers.

              • brooke

                I hope i’m understanding your comment, but honestly majority of bw have never been/aren’t attracted to white men. I know I wasn’t but white men have been hitting on me since I was a young teen. I also know white men want to talk to black women but even they are aware of the fact bw don’t really date out.

                However I never liked white men, don’t know if I can get into him s e x u a l l y, it was never up for discussion…however that white man isn’t looking too bad at this point, and i’m noticing a lot of sisters are having a change of opinion. We were once loyal/supportive as a whole, but now things are changing. I feel like we are being pushed to this, when in reality it’s ok to be open to new flavors anyway. Listen I’m speaking as a BLACK WOMAN. This is from the horses mouth. I kid you not this is my experience !

                • brooke

                  I know how you respond, I meant loyal and supportive as what we thought was being loyal and supportive. I know we lack in some areas but to stop you in your tracks..there lol !

                • Janay

                  This is my experience too. I have been hit on by white men since high school. Never crossed my mind to date them until recently

                  • http://twitter.com/michellehobama Lavern Merriweather

                    then that’s YOUR problem stop blaming black men for YOUR choices.

              • sexcgenius

                You are out of touch with reality. There are plenty of people with a narrowed scope who will not date outside their race under any circumstance.

                • KIR12

                  What does the word “SOME” mean to you?

          • sexcgenius

            I think you got fact happy (next time please cite sources) and changed the topic. I thought the conversation was about the black man’s perception of the black woman as it relates to the white standard of beauty being forced on black women.

          • Janice

            @KIRK12 Since you seem to truly dislike black women so much and anything on earth is better than us why are you on this blog exactly. Because all you are doing is arguing that black women are crap and white women are gods. Why be on a black womans blog? That’s what I don’t get you don’t like black women okay but to truly put us down as if nobody else wants us is ridiculous and truly your hatred makes you no different than a skin head to me.

            • KIR12

              I hate baby mamma hoodrats and black women who blame all of their problems on black men. I love black women who are accountable and don’t make excuses for hoodrats and nonsense. BS is BS Have you read some of things I said about black men who are bums, thugs and gangster rappers?

              • Yah

                Also, KIR12 is an idiot and a Black racist. nuff said.

          • monitorette

            You cannot compare the History Of British Black folks with the History of African Americans.

          • Yah

            gee, KIR12, isn’t it terrible that black women actually had the nerve to love our race and to love being black instead of doing like all the other colonized idiots and handing the win to white supremacy?? and if black women are chased less than other reason, it’s simply because we have 400 years of hate and prejudice against us, as well as the fact that our own men did a benedict arnold on us and sold us out – making everyone hate us.

            black men destroyed the esteem and pride of black women. black men hold up everybody but black women, abandon their own families and children, slaughter other blacks wholesale, accept the idea of whiter features as better, and accept second-place status in america, all for the chance to be with whites.

            very sad, but you’re right. black men don’t care – why should we? everyone should just move on and stop fighting for any idea of black family, black love or black community. in america it is dead. black men’s hatred of their own has led to the end of any sense of a black community and black men are proud of it. black women should definitely stop trying to save any black this-or-that. 1/2 our race is bought-and-sold into american white supremacy.

            oh well, what can you do? i say just let it all fall apart and implode – god has a way of bringing black back – forget about most black men – they are NOT our saviors

        • sexcgenius

          Preach Janay!!!
          When you consider the fact that it is becoming increasingly harder for black women to meet straight, employed, educated (or at least articulate) black men, it is impossible for her to also put a requirement on his hue, height, body, or face for that matter. When a black man is doing the bare minimum of having a job, a working car, his own place, and maybe a degree or technical certification he can be more picky than a black woman any day of the week lol.

      • sexcgenius

        This time the article is talking about the men who do it. Get out of your feelings.

    • Kayo Halana Malie

      “It takes a pretty basic mind to embrace or reject someone based on a random spin of the genetic wheel.” – That would mean most people have ‘pretty basic minds’.

    • Adonis

      If a man is too short, to nice, or facially challenged, a woman will reject #CmonSon

      • sexcgenius

        Im sorry you were rejected; however, all women are not the same. If you are 5’2 and look like Shrek, Halle Berry’s cousin might not want you. But, there is someone for everyone lol. My point is, all women don’t think like this.

  • KIR12

    Do you ask tall guys how tall they are? Do ask muscular guys if you can touch their muscles? If you don’t like black guys complementing you on what attracts them to you, start hanging out with blondes and in exclusive white circles. After enough of the (hot/most sought after) white boys have ignored you, you’ll run back for a little attention from the brothers.

    • http://www.yourtango.com/users/cheekee-baby cheekee baby

      Dream on and don’t insult black men by saying they idolize women white men wouldn’t touch. (You do realize you did that right?) Anyways, her point is that she doesn’t want to be idolized just because she meets a cliche of what is supposed to be desired traits. And I agree with her.

      • KIR12

        How is that an insult to black men?. lol Have you ever thought about the fact that maybe those white boys just prefer blondes?

        • http://www.yourtango.com/users/cheekee-baby cheekee baby

          Have you ever considered that white boys would find her attractive even if she was with a group of blondes? So you either trying to infer that blondes are more attractive or that white guys wouldn’t look at a woman of color. Which one is it? Both are false by the way. I KNOW this.

          • KIR12

            Well, of course there are exceptions. But I’ve never seen white boys chasing the black girl over her white girlfriends. I’ve also been to white bars and young professional white social functions and basically what I see is black women being ignored.

            • http://www.yourtango.com/users/cheekee-baby cheekee baby

              If you say so. I can’t argue with your personal (probably embellished) observance. But the author, like most women who keep their bodies in shape and have an attractive face will have their pick of men point blank period. Black OR white. IJS

            • brooke

              I doubt the black women are ignored. I have a friend who date white men…we live to go downtown in white establishments. I’m talking free drinks, free food, the whole works. To go downtown after a ball game or some type of event in yt ville what ? I use to always dread her pulling me along, but now i’m like let’s go. We stay kicking it for free at any given time. Don’t judge !

    • ajokid

      You are an anus…You’re probably the dude she’s talking about. With your complexes. Why are you so mad that she wants to be recognized for who she and not what she looks like. Did a light skinned long haired girl break your heart…Grow up!

      • KIR12

        Mad about what? I just gave her a suggestion of how to get less attention. My guess is that she’ll miss the attention that she claims annoys her. A lot of YOUNG black women are annoyed by the attention black men give them. That is until they get older and put on a few pounds and are no longer noticed and complemented on their looks.

        • Machelle Kwan

          A Grown woman isn’t looking for attention from a man. She’s content in herself and doesn’t need the validation of a man. Grow up already. Who cares what somebody else thinks about you?

          • realadulttalk

            Preach!!

    • Guest

      There’s a difference because our society has been whitewashed. If you take a look at magazines or anything that celebrates beauty, it’s always a lighter skinned Black women and no dark skinned ones. Dark skinned Black women are not considered beauty because our society believes light skin=beauty. This even goes back to slavery times where many Black folks are still programmed to believe light skin is automatic beauty.

    • Janay

      The difference is this: The black phenotype is brown. Not light. Also historically white people have favored light skinned black folks. THIS was both MEN and WOMEN. It is up to BLACK people to shun this lie and this idea that light is somehow better. Its called evolving beyond and above what the white master has lied to you about. Fortunately black women have evolved. We love light men, dark men, we embrace our heritage. Unfortunately like in many other scopes of life, black men have not evolved. They still believe master. Its easy to take a man like Djimon Honsou and compare him to Drake and say Djimon is more appealing. (even though that may or may not be true to some). However you never will hear the de-evolved black man compare a Tameka Raymond to Grace Miguel and say Tameka is prettier. A de-evolved black man still believes what master has told him and will choose a below average light woman maybe not all the time, but i’d say 8/10 times.

      • KIR12

        “de-evolved black man?”

        Ok, what do you call a group of woman who aborts 50% of their pregnancies and over 70% of the remaining kids carried to term are illegitimate? Then blames black men for their illegitimate kids they didn’t abort and claims black illegitimacy is not a problem even though in every black communities with HIGH ILLEGITIMACY there is a high crime rate and not one of those black communities is productive and raising it’s kids to compete academically with white kids? You sound like a fool talking about evolved!!! Since you wanted to go there. LMAO

        • Adonis

          Real Talk. Evolved? Are you serious? More in-fighting ensues.

        • Adonis

          Basically, @3f777b3d470af14f836e31642daafd4d:disqus is smoking something good

        • http://twitter.com/Dginki Dginki

          What would you call a man who would create child with a woman and then walk away from that child? Since you wanted to go there.

          • KIR12

            Throughout history men, as a group, of any race have never embraced and made a commitment to their illegitimate kids the same as they have with their kids through marriage. Women of other races know this and don’t have kids until they’re married.

  • http://www.youtube.com/user/ChakaKhanian?feature=mhee ChakaKhanian

    Eye opening and well put together article.

  • Reese

    Great article, my mother is black and my father Jamaican/Chinese. Men are fascinated by my hair and my eyes, it doesn’t flatter me in the slightest. I want to be appreciated for my personality and my attributes beyond the physical.

  • blacklatina

    Puertorican comes in black hues too,boo…
    U should say that your father is white of puertorican descendant.
    Stop perpetuing the ignorant mentality…

    • MindingMine

      Yes, Puerto Ricans come in dark brown shades too…but the writer isn’t dark brown. She is speaking on her OWN experience. It is you who sounds ignorant.

  • TRUTH IS

    Am so happy I grew up in a small island where this is not even an issue….a woman can be any shade as long as she is smart, can keep a house e.g. cook, clean and isn’t sleeping around with a set of men!

    • Janay

      Good for you but given the history and supression of blacks in america, this is the results, especially for the AA males. They are defeated in their minds, and they only way to vindicate that mentality to them is to have a woman who looks opposite them.

      • Janay

        To me vindication would be to uplift you race economically, socially and come back stronger than the oppressor ever imagined. THATS MY definition of vindication. Gotta love the backwards psyche of the AA male. And I am AA woman myself.

      • KIR12

        How do you explain black men having the lowest rate of inter-racial marriages among men of different races?

        • mac

          Women of other races not wanting to marry them? Obviously.

          • KIR12

            lol

        • Yah

          black men have the lowest rate of marriages among all men, period!

          • KIR12

            Who wants to marry a fat, angry baby mama

  • KJ23

    LOVED IT!!!!!! I’m not light skinned but I have naturally long hair, and people tend to want to go through my lineage to find a mix that’s enough to justify it. It’s even more uncomfortable when the guy I’m dating introduces me to his family and says: “She’s mixed with Native American and White.” Really, dude? Even though it’s true, those things are extremely far down the line of my family. Can you just like me for me?

    • http://profile.yahoo.com/TUEXVVHBFHYJ5T36VNTAD3PYTQ Cool Breeze

      You’re a liar because if you wanted a guy to like you for you, you wouldn’t go around telling these men you are mixed.

      • cut the bullsh!t

        You’re gay so why do you give a f*ck?

      • sheena

        Ill be happy when you stop paying your internet bill.

      • realadulttalk

        Do you have nothing better to do with your time than troll around a site designed for women? I’d say no wonder you can’t get a woman–but what straight man does this? You either are or desire to be a woman.

      • CayJay

        Well if they ask (which they almost always do) what is she supposed to do? Deny it? Geezus, WETF (What Exactly the F) is wrong with you anyway?

      • Jazz

        I was so looking forward to reading this piece without reading ignorant comments from you and your fellow Bawsip trolls. You are the epitome of ignorant

        • http://profile.yahoo.com/TUEXVVHBFHYJ5T36VNTAD3PYTQ Cool Breeze

          So what!!! Log off the page and stfu.

          • Jazz

            Please return to your jacking off in your mom’s basement, then get in your 92′ Toyota and head to your part time job at Staples. F’in loser

            • Cool Breeze Friend

              Stop projecting your crappy life unto others.

            • Kay

              Lmfaoo dead!!!

            • http://www.facebook.com/people/Latrece-Hoskins/100002627012546 Latrece Hoskins

              LMAO at… everything!

      • Miemie

        LOL @yahoo-TUEXVVHBFHYJ5T36VNTAD3PYTQ:disqus I Usually don’t like you but that’s kinda funny

  • http://twitter.com/MsRedboneBrite Tee Elyse

    Lil Wayne has a serious light skin complex! SMH… it’s sad, because black folks come in so many different shades, and that’s the beauty of us! But when your own race has complexion issues, it’s ridiculous. As a light skinned woman, I have felt more inferior than superior throughout my life because there are so many stereotypes against us! From “What are you mixed with?” (folks really be shocked when I tell them not only are both of my parents black, they are actually brown skinned, & that I’m the lightest one in my family) all the way down to “Most light skinned women I know are stuck up!” (Major side eye!) They be so shocked that I’m actually very down to earth and easy going. Hearing stuff like that for 25 years of my life has been DRAINING!!

    • TRUTH IS

      Have you seen Lil Wayne lately? He looks like some un-named creature. He is ugly inside out!

      • http://twitter.com/MsRedboneBrite Tee Elyse

        Oh baby, you ain’t even gotta tell me! He looks like a little gremlin! No LOL!!

        • Guest

          ROTFLMBO!!!!!!

        • http://twitter.com/MadameGigglez Im TinkerBell

          Gremlin! I knew someone fed him after midnight!!!!~!

        • http://twitter.com/docbndgrl9113 Keesha (Киша)

          I call him Lil Gremlin.

      • KIR12

        There’s a lot of black women who look just like Lil Wayne. How would you describe them? Justasking

        • brooke

          OMG the same ignorant who push these stereotypes ran in this thread
          supper offended. How dare a lite skin chick not appreciate your shallow
          compliments.

          Please spare them a lifetime of pain due to rejection. The
          last thing you want to do is reject a reject ! They are truly upset with this letter. The same one who exhibit this behavior flocked in here in an uproar lol !

          • N

            LOLOL PITY THE LIGHTSKINNED GIRL WHO CAN GET BY ON LOOKS ALONE.UNLESS SHE GIVES IT UP.LOLOL

        • IllyPhilly

          Female gremlins, ug mugs, you know the same as you describe any other ugly person when you’re ignorant. I can’t stand anybody who hates themselves which includes getting nose jobs, lip injections, butt.breats augmentations for cosmetic reasons.

        • Losh

          Lil Waynesha. Feel better?

      • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=1234751726 Wanda Pinckney Spencer

        how about a roach, and when you see one, you get the spray

    • http://profile.yahoo.com/TUEXVVHBFHYJ5T36VNTAD3PYTQ Cool Breeze

      considering that ur not cute you should be down to earth

      • cut the bullsh!t

        One Sentence is showcasing his ignorance! Says he with a FAKE cartoon avatar!!!!

        • sexcgenius

          If you ignore it, it will go away. It has no friends or life so it comes here to get the attention it is denied each day. Bless its heart and pay it no mind.

        • Kayo Halana Malie

          Actually, it isn’t ignorance he is showing but his usual tactless nature of commenting.

      • http://twitter.com/MsRedboneBrite Tee Elyse

        BAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!! But you got a cartoon up as your avi! Take that foolishness back to Bossip!

    • Machelle Kwan

      It’s very draining. But I realized that people who focus on skin tone are are superficial and have something lacking in themselves. It’s their problem not yours or mine.

      • Marco

        Interesting perspective, ladies …I was only here for the comments, but i must admit, the author had me at: “future big mamma sized heart,” …everything after that would be like the obligatory conclusion to a late nite infomercial; “BUT WAIT, THERE’S MORE…”

        Or course, looks are important, but for me, its not predicated on something as shallow as “hues and hair texture. Most beautiful women are aware of their beauty, so why annoy us both by initially stating the obvious? I live in L.A., and as many of you already know, this place is bursting at the seams w/beautiful women of all shapes, sizes and colors, But sadly, a great majority of them are as plastic as a Fisher-Price Toy.

        So, yeah, i’ve learned early that i could save myself a bundle of time, money and grief by simply listening (or switching to Geico). Jus kiddin’ …but seriouly, you’d be surprised how much one can actually learn by actively listening (not jus waiting for your chance to speak).

        As the ‘ol adage goes, “you may not be able to judge a book by its cover, but you can sure as heck know how much its gonna cost you!!”

        • Dina

          Well put, Bravo!

    • Machelle Kwan

      Lighter skin also makes dating seem impossible. There are so many men out there that have some insane ideas about lighter toned women. I don’t have time for narrow minded people like that.

    • Yvette

      @Tee Elyse I hear ya! I am a lighter skinned sister myself and trust me I feel your pain. Over the years I have heard the most ridiculous things come out of folks mouth all because they think I think I’m better because of my skin color and hair length, and it never mattered that my father was brown skinned and my mother was dark skinned, and what’s so bad is that I am over 40 and STILL get stupid comments. We as black folks must learn to love ourselves for who we are because the truth is that if I don’t like someone it will have nothing to do with what color their skin is or what the texture or length of there hair is. Just sayin.

      • Yvette

        Oh and one more thing. I also get super tired of women asking me where I bought my hair from assuming it is a weave or a wig and when I tell them it is all mine I get those “yea right” looks. Please do not bash me for saying that because it is not intended as an insult to those of us who wear weaves and wigs. I have no problem with those that do. All I am saying is that it is extremely rude to ask that question because I shouldn’t matter. It is just sad that it does to some people.

        • Yvette

          *it*

        • http://www.facebook.com/lovinmines.robinson Lovin’Mines Robinson

          Yes, like why can’t they just say your hair is cute!!

        • IllyPhilly

          ANY women including some white ones have asked my about mylong hair and I’m cocoa tanned. I think it’s just so assumed every woman has something fake about her and should be proud I guess.

        • http://www.facebook.com/people/Latrece-Hoskins/100002627012546 Latrece Hoskins

          exactly.

        • labelsorlove875

          DIDO! Live in New York went to a Dominican hair salon, I am dark as you can see and don’t speak Spanish or am mixed with anything (besides with all the wonders of Africa of course) so of course they were “rooting” me as if I were part of the mini series. and when I tell people my mom is from the south my dad from the west indies I get a lot of “Oh the hair must come from your west indian side” As if I hadn’t said anything besides black I would have to be wearing weave, Seriously? News Flash:Black women’s hair comes in all color, textures and lengths, even the darker toned ones That’s what makes our ppl. so great! We are the first man and we allow others to divide us and influence out treatment towards each other more than any other race. Long gone are the days of black solidarity and pride of our ppl.

        • angie

          you mean SOME women…most could care less

      • Janay

        We as black folks should say we as black men. Black men suffer from some serious issues growing up in America. It is black men who have stirred up division and insecurity amongst their different hues of women. And sadly, they enjoy stirring up this. If you notice, lately black men are saying light skinned women are not good enough and compare them to non black women. Instead of saying us black folks we light and dark should start holding them accountable. Black women love dark men but black women also love light men. We do not discriminate. It is them creating this ignorance in our community as if they haven’t already done ENOUGH to destroy it!!

        • HONEYLOVE

          I have said this many times…THE BLACK MAN IS THE PROBLEM ! It is because they hate what they see in the mirror.

          However, the truth is still the same and that is, THEIR MOMMA IS BLACK, THEIR SISTER IS THE BLACK COLOR THEY HATE, THEIR NEICE IS BLACK, THEIR FEMALE COUSINS ARE THE BLACK COLOR THEY HATE, THEIR AUNTS ARE BLACK…..BLACK MEN HATE THEMSELVES. PERIOD !

          • KIR12

            So you’re saying black men wish they looked white? LMAO My understanding is women of all races think black men are attractive and love their masculinity. Some black men might wish YOU were lighter or white but brothers are quite happy with their looks and masculinity.

            • Janay

              But do you realize that women of all races find you as attractive and masculine as BLACK WOMEN hype you up to be? Do you realize that factor of your attractiveness is dependent upon the opposite sex’s opinion of you? You are as hot as the black woman makes you. Cause trust me before the black woman noticed, no other woman was checking for you. This is why I say I don’t care what skin color black men like but stop dogging dark skinned women in the process just let us live, because not only does it make us look bad in the eyes of potential non black men who want us, but it makes black men look terribly stupid as well.

              • Janay

                This is why white woman are as hot as the white man boosts them to be. Other races will love you as much as you love yourself (or in this case love your racial partner). Its just like that girlfriend who speaks highly of their bf, eventually her other friends may find interest in him. You black men want a special prize, but the simple fact is that you are as hot as black women boost you up to be.

              • brooke

                I disagree with Kir. It’s a fact and well documented some black men have a issue with what they see in the mirror. Do they want to be white idk, but they do seem content with the fact the white man rule is law. It’s like they can’t wrap their head around the fact they/we were brainwashed.

                To Janay even I said if and when black women do turn their back on bm the way it “appears” they have done so to black women….bm better watch out. If and when we don’t want you no one will. That’s common, or natural law or something. Just my 2cents !

              • http://www.facebook.com/people/Latrece-Hoskins/100002627012546 Latrece Hoskins

                ame-en,sister!

              • SoulStar

                Janay preach!!!! You are hitting it on the nail!

            • mac

              If a certain skin tone is attractive, it should be universally attractive right? So how can a dark skinned man say, dark skin is attractive on me, but unattractive on others?
              Doesn’t make much sense does it?

              I find it interesting, that this so called “preference” for light skinned women is usually declared not by light skinned men, but by dark skinned men.
              I’ve never once heard a light skinned man say he only dates light skinned women. So how come it’s predominantly dark skinned men with these hangups if they’re “quite happy” with themselves?

              Twist and justify it however you want but the fact remains: colorism is a sign of self-hate, it’s buried so deep in some of y’all that you don’t even know it.

              Whether or not you wish to look white or just “prefer” white looking women, colorism all stems from the same principle, that “white is right”, which means you see your own race as inferior. Tell me that ain’t self-hate.

              • KIR12

                Some black features are considered masculine. Good on men, sometimes not so good on women. You can’t be serious. Light skin men are the main brothers who don’t date dark skin women. How many light skin men do you know are with dark skin black women? Everyone has a preference/type that their attractive to, that turns them on,. Getoverit. Black men are not going to be shamed into being with a woman they’re not attracted to that doesn’t turn them on. What turns you on? Why? You see that’s YOU. Don’t expect all black men to have the same taste opinions as you. It’ll help you to move forward and not worry about a man who doesn’t want you.

                • brooke

                  My last note to you straight from a brown gal. I was never attracted to light skin boys, or maybe I did think they were cute idk but it wasn’t this big deal. I didn’t just have to have some ls guy, BUT that’s who was attracted to me. All my bf’s were light skin. but my dude, dudes were dark if you get what I am saying. Now here’s where it get’s tricky. Some of my light skin bf were embarrassed at the fact they dated a dark gal due to influences and this is as early as 6th grade. I had one light skin who was my bf until his best friend came around. I had one who only dated model light skin chick but yet he was dating me. Then there is the finest one of all. He was too fine, green eyed mixed he was my man on the low. Did I take it personally ? No. I have never slept with any of them. The rest of my light skin bf all were very sweet, bf material. As I said earlier. White men and now that we are on the subject and light skin like dark/brown women. Opposites do sometimes attract, but do to influence they sometimes remain what I call closeted dark women lovers. Like I said I had way more good experiences with ls boys than jerks. Real talk. On this note good night.

                  • itzbarbieb!tch

                    @brooke I’m from da south n imshocked..I mean light skin boys ashamed of a dark girl..smh..I’ve never encountered that I get nun butlove from em n not jus me otha dark girls I kno..I could b with a lite friend n the dark guy would want her n the light one me..I. mean most guys who hit on me are light. Or mixed..I just don’t see how u could b hid tho like I woulda aced a fool ova that uncle tom type stuff..u sound like yu have a complex yurself tho u sound so excited that a light man would want you to the point where you let them not claim you in public..I mean even the dark guys I dated that preferred light were proud to show me off..I don’t think it was your skin tone it was. U..no shade

                    • brooke

                      Come on guys. One was my 6th grade bf. One, the fine one was my freshman bf, and the other I was about 19. All the guys in between were great. The 6th grade guy I didn’t date him for that long. He wasn’t even that cute NOR was I dating him because he was light skin. At the time I didn’t really know d skin, l skin. It wasn’t that serious. It didn’t really come full circle to me what was going on until I got older. By high school it was a “thing”. A lot of the boys made it known they only dated light skin chicks. Still I didn’t care because like I said none of these relationship were s e x u a l plus plenty of fish in the sea. Moving on I shared my first kiss with Mr. Fine A s s, By the next year I switched schools and found we had mutual friends and I mentioned I dated him. They went and asked him and he said something to the effect ” a dark skin chick really” and that was that and I can’t say I was shocked, nor did I really care because I knew what was going on. I figured he had a complex plus I knew I had him sewed up at the time anyway. Him and I knew what was going on. The last one I worked with him and it came to the light he “usually” don’t date ds. He only date L models and he has a photograph catalog to prove it. I added my photograph to his catalog. I fitted right in and I dumped him. Can you say scared for life. He said never again lol. I was giving my life experienced. How do I have some sort of complex when I am initially attracted to dark guys and had no problem getting those “playas” I just had more bf experiences with light skin guys. Those were the guys majority who liked and stepped up to the plate. My browns guys were hard to handle. Anywho this is something I just recently realized. When I looked back all my bf’s were lightskin. I chased the dark boys, but LS chased me !

                    • brooke

                      The point of my entire
                      post was to combat KIR opinion on how LS don’t do dark. My point was to
                      say o they do, but sometimes they keep it on the low in fear of what
                      others will think. So don’t try to switch it around like I have some
                      sort of complex. As a brown woman I have always handled myself well.
                      Early on. Still remain confident to this day. Please don’t get it
                      twisted. How do you co-sign my point and in reurn accuse me of having a
                      complex ?? Anyway thanks for furthering getting my point across to KIR.
                      Don’t judge me off kindergarten relationships. Like I said most things
                      didn’t become fully full circle until later in life gosh people !

                      I have a complex because I like DARK boys lol but it was the light brights who liked me ????

                    • Tagirl

                      Those dudes sound like punks. You shouldn’t want to be with a guy who cares about what people thinks so much that they’re ashamed to claim you.

                  • KIR12

                    All of your bf are LS. You even BLAME dark skin guys for your light skin boyfriends who were embarrassed to be seen in public with you. Yet you have a problem with and think dark guys are they only gender who’s color struck. Got it. Throws up hands and walks away.

                    • brooke

                      Read above. I had a few bad experienced with light skin boys. The majority was great. Ive had all kinds of experiences with darks. Both good and bad. My point was aimed at your comment so don’t try to turn it into something else !

                    • brooke

                      I mean below

                    • KIR12

                      What kind of Phucking experience is that? That you can remember and talk about someone in positive affirmative terms that was embarrassed to be seen with you?

                    • brooke

                      No you said LS didn’t date dark skin. I said so to say they do. You acted as if it was fact and not only do they….the ones who act like they don’t do. Your not that slow I don’t think. Stop acting like your feelings are hurt because ls date brown and it’s not as you initially thought !

                • http://twitter.com/xTinaChrisx Christina H

                  @KIR12 :Ummm, I’m dark skin and my husband is dang near as light as they come. IT had nothing to do with skin tone ( I typically prefer tall dark men, and my husband is short and light). It has to do with character. You seem to have no/an ugly character and I find it appalling that ANY woman would deal with you.

                  • KIR12

                    Ok, and? Are you saying that most LS skin guys date prefer dark women? I’m just challenging you all on your “truths”.

                    Thinking to self. “I wonder how many short dark guys she’s dated”.

                    • Drew Smith

                      LMAO!!!

                    • http://twitter.com/xTinaChrisx Christina H

                      Not saying all, just the ones I come across, and I’ve dated short dark skin men before. I’ve also dated White and Asian men, it has to do with CHARACTER, like I said.

                  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Latrece-Hoskins/100002627012546 Latrece Hoskins

                    tell ‘im.

                • mac

                  Lmao as for “moving forward and not worrying about a man who doesn’t want me”, you should know most of my relationships have been interracial.

                  Not on purpose, just the way things turned out. I am attracted to, and date men all of races.

                  So trust me, I’m the most NON worried about y’all and your “preferences”. lmao I’m simply stating facts.

                  • KIR12

                    Good for you. Help some of friends out. Introduce some of those guys to some of your friends who are overly concerned about “preferences”.

                  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Latrece-Hoskins/100002627012546 Latrece Hoskins

                    ya heard!

              • http://www.facebook.com/people/Latrece-Hoskins/100002627012546 Latrece Hoskins

                amen,brother.

            • klynn

              like honeylove said, ” the problem is black men” they started a lot of these issues, and want to condemn us BW for turning our backs on you,,for the special ones… that means BW don’t deal with BM anymore & prefer to BBOS. Thank You Very Much. MS. SICKOFTHEBULLSH!T

              • KIR12

                Good for you. Best of luck

            • monitorette

              Sorry to put it this way, but if women of all races really founded Black men attractive, you will consequently find many Black models or Black actors on the covers of the women magazines. It seems that you are making a generalization of your own experience.

              • KIR12

                I didn’t say they weren’t also attracted to their own men. The two aren’t mutually exclusive. I’m just telling you. A lot of women of other races consider some black men attractive.

                • monitorette

                  OK, I thought you were delivering this old mantra that some Black men have been delivering since ages.
                  Anyway, as others posted, the real attraction has nothing to do with the colour of the skin.

            • parislove

              I don’t think black men wished they looked white. They only wish that their women looked or are white. I don’t think they spend much time in the mirror looking at themselves …mostly because I think they’d hate what they saw.

            • Yah

              i hear more black men talking about skin tone that black women. black men are skin color-obsessed. i’m glad black men are proud of their masculinity, cuz that’s all the got.

          • Patricia

            I agree. I find it amazing that black men don’t have not one problem in getting black women to work for them, assist them in other area, sing back ground in a group, they can get black women to do almost anything. But when it comes to marrying a black women it is a different story. They won’t marry one unless she is mixed, white, aisan or another race. People can marry whoever they want but, I don’t like the fact how the media puts black women down and put white women on a pedasal as if they do no wrong. What is about white women that black men just go absolute crazy? Somebody educated me on this.

            • MrKeepinitReal

              As a black man, neither do I hate myself when I look into the mirror or hate any of my five brown-skinned sistas. I have been in the military overseas and no doubt had my fill of ladies of many colors. To me, black women are strong, sensitive and caring creatures who will do anything within reason to support her man as long as she’s respected in every sense of the word. When I’m veiwing a group of white ladies and there is a black one in the crowd, the white women becomes the background to the Sista because she always get my undivided attention. Don’t get me wrong, I have no animosity towards other races of women, it’s just that Sistas have character, beauty and a strength that speaks to my spirit like the melody of a love song. Even the anger of a Sista has a certain personality that when understood, brings out an extended beauty of her soul speaking a certain language that only the heart of the beholder can grasp. I never experienced that with any other race of women. I only hope and pray that you realize your selfworth without the approval of your black brothers before you do as some of your brothers, date outside their race for any other reason than real true love. So Sistas, I just want you to know that no matter how real things appear to be, at the end of the day, what really matters to us is You. So be happy within your skin and know that you are loved more than you’ll ever know in this lifetime and, the lifetime afterwards. WILL

              • Yah

                Black women, don’t fall for the long line of hooey from Will about black men loving you – they don’t! A few do, but not the majority. Black men are only as loyal as their options, and the media has now given black men “permission” to cross the line to as many white and non-black women as they want. Black men will talk that trash just long enough to knock you up and then leave you with a baby, or until you don something for them, otherwise it’s all fake. do not believe them, they have zero love for us, especially if not lighter/whiter.

          • MrReman23

            Black men are not the problem. Black women are back biters and selfish money hungry sluts! They are “Grown” and “Independent” until they have a child with one of these black men that just hate them soooo much and them they need help and child support. I thought you were independent! Black men hate what they see in the mirror? What about light skinned men who look in the mirror and still date light girls? You’re trying to ignore the fact that dark skinned women are leas attractive because they can’t get away with pulling the “mixed girl look” Stop trying to look like a white girl with the 1000 dolla Remy weaves! It’s unnatractive! And if all or most black men were with lighter or non black women the black race wouldn’t even exist! Men desire natural women. If all black women do is imitating

        • http://www.facebook.com/people/Latrece-Hoskins/100002627012546 Latrece Hoskins

          amen,sister.

        • SoulStar

          I have not read all the comments, but I must say Janay, you are the only one so far that has made the most profound comment…and that is, that Black men need to be held accountable for this division..and as Black women no matter the hue of our beautiful brown, should call them out on it. Stop the discrimination against your own…we are all beautiful in our own right…beauty comes in all body shapes, facial features, hair textures…we’re all different, but all beautifully made from the same cloth. Knowledge of self, respect and self love needs to be place back on the forefront of our culture. Black men need to uplift us instead of tear us down with by still using this “in house negro, field negro mentality”…it’s just modern day self racism being perpetuated from slavery times. You can’t blame the white man anymore, for the division, because we as a people can stop it! It’s superficial, ignorant, sad and very hurtful. Wake up people. Where is the love?

    • Janay

      You know the truth? The truth is black men, lil wayne and his followers don’t give a flying kcuf about black women’s feelings. I mean look at lil wayne he contributes to this division and has a dark daughter and a brown ex wife! That man could not show any less of a kcuf he gives! lol sad but true. You know when these black men will care though? When the light skinned women get sick of their isht and their mental hang ups, insecurities and complexes and start ditching them for non-white men. Once they start doing that, and Im starting to see more light skinned women dating out, they will understand the ignorance black women had been trying to get them to face all along. The isht will hit the fan though believe that cause all women will get sick of their isht.

      • KIR12

        That’s about the only correct thing you written. Brothers don’t care what you think of their preferences. Also, if light/brights turned on brothers they’d just go harder after the non black women.

    • Ru4real

      I agree with you whole heartedly. I, too being fair skinned, have always felt inferior rather than the so called superior. People automatically assume that because you’re light with your own hair you have to be stuck up. That mind set is so played out. We come in a wide variety of hues and that is one of the many reasons why we are so beautiful as a people.

    • nochaser

      It sounds like you and the writer of this article have let low esteemed b#tches make you ashamed of what you look like. F#ck ‘em. I too am light and felt that way for a while, then I learned to realize that other people’s self esteem problem is just that-their problem. Within the last 10-20 years, name 5 actresses who are light with long hair in a lead role? Name light skinned supermodels? If this is such a big issue like so many have stated, the list should be easy to compile. The very first supermodel was a beautiful brown skinned sister, and so were many, even in the 80’s. Do the research.. and I am not talking about these videochicks, trust they do not count as far as being role models. Light, dark and all shades in between, we all have to work, we’ve had our hearts broken, had our pride defeated, and one day have to answer to God. Complexion doesn’t save anybody from that. People need to stop saying this and that is because of their complexion. If you are grown, you are who you are and have what you have based on circumstances and the choices you make. Period.

      • angie

        ITA!! why make an issue of what a very small group of closedminded people think

    • silvia

      I dont like Lil wayne at all, he cANT rap, he cant sing, idk what the hell is so great about him.. and hes ugly af, and hes the main one talking about how the “ideal” woman is suppose to be.

  • think

    Thank you for being upfront and honest about this issue, something that so many like to push under the carpet and claim you’re just bitter for mentioning – – because it does in fact exist.

  • L-Boogie

    Really?

    • L-Boogie

      In five minutes? Stop it already.