When Keeping It Swirl Goes Wrong: Why Are Black People Obsessed With Interracial Dating?

112 comments
September 5, 2012 ‐ By Charing Ball

Source: blackenize-romance.com

Why are black folks so infatuated with interracial dating?
It sounds like a blanket statement. Of course, all black folks aren’t obsessed with interracial dating. However, it seems like almost daily I come across a news post, and columns in magazines and blogs dedicated to black folks, speaking about the glory of dating outside of the black community.  They ask stupid questions like Are Black Women Better off with White Men? and write guidebooks about snagging a white man (including the helpful tip of how to order wine the “white” way).  And if they are not expounding on your personal choice on whom you date, than they are highlighting all the wonderful interracial couples in Hollywood. There are swirling sites run by black men and women and even a forthcoming coming film, which hopes to appeal to the “Rainbeau” dater in all of us.

So yeah, excuse me if I generalize by saying that nobody talks more about interracial dating than black folks. I mean, you just don’t see the topic broached in mainstream magazines like GQ or Vogue. You don’t see white therapists or white relationship experts or other white folks with alphabets behind their names and a platform, spouting the virtues of dating black men and women.  Let’s face it: when it comes to reporting about “Jungle Fever,” this virus is only at epidemic proportions in the African American press.
But while the topic has no doubt been beaten to death by the black media there are still no shortages of articles directed towards interracial relationships. So obviously these stories are very popular, which is why these publications continue to put them out. After all, stories mean page clicks, and page clicks equates to dollars. And if there are folks willing to read it, than you can place the blame solely on black media for continuing to cater to their audience.

Which leads me to ask: If the color of the person we choose to date doesn’t matter, why do we talk about it so much?
Here is the standard disclaimer: I don’t have a problem with two folks of different races – or same gender for that matter – hooking up.  Some people really do date outside of their race out of love and not some underlying motive. Okay, now that that’s out of the way; it’s the other would-be Rainbeau daters, who bother the hell out of me. These folks are the ones that go around touting anything but black as proof positive of equality, social advancement and worse, the magic solution to cure all problems within the black community. Unemployment rate is high? Get a white girl. Violence plaguing the community? You know what could solve that? Dating a white man. Can’t find your car keys? Girl, get yourself a white boy. They never lose their keys!

Let’s face it, no matter how far we think we have come in this society, as a race, too many of us are still looking, waiting and idolizing the white savior.

Yet science says that some of the same problems we find within the community can also be found interracially: In fact, the rate of divorce and domestic violence is much higher within interracial relationships and the incidence of spousal homicide is 7.7 higher in interracial relationships than in monoracial relationships. So much for thinking that the milk is less spoiled on the other side.

Truth is, championing dating interracially to empower the black community, particularly black women, is no more logical or rational than the colorblind racists, who believe that breeding ourselves into one in-between race will fix the world (yeah, like that worked for the Chinese and the Japanese). How we empower our people is by teaching self-love and by erasing those mental chains that tell us that “we” are inherently bad. We heal the world by recognizing cultural differences, and yes skin tone, and by ensuring that our differences do not lead to inequality. That is how we live interracially.

However, if you are using love and sex as some sort of political statement, position for advancement or weapon of revenge and conquest, than you are no better, and odds are, you’re more part of the problem than you think.

 

More on Madame Noire!

More from Styleblazer

More from Mommynoire

MadameNoire Video

Comment Disclaimer: Comments that contain profane or derogatory language, video links or exceed 200 words will require approval by a moderator before appearing in the comment section. XOXO-MN
  • hmm

    I don’t do swirls. I’ll date their sons though : )

  • Bold

    Add on…just recently I saw a topic titled “are you obsessed with black people” blacks are the most sought after, most talked about, most envied, most despised, most looked at, race on the earth. Yes people are obsessed with blacks. Doesn’t matter whether something good is said, or something bad, blacks are most white peoples main topic. Everything is done to make blacks hate themselves, by now you would think people would stop trying, but no, and some even think they have succeeded. They seem to not understand, or can’t relate to the fact that having color to your skin is awsome! without blacks, white people would be so…..bored. Jesus was hated too. Speaking of which, even he had dark skin, and the same people who hate blacks, changed his features and lightened his skin. See, the truth is whites haven’t accepted themselves, and that is why they cannot accept blacks. They actually hate themselves, but to passify themselves, they take it out on blacks because blacks are the ones who constantly remind white people of their paleness. Its not that blacks do this deliberately, its just that colorful skin they have, does all the talking for them. If you don’t believe most blacks love who they are, observe how proud they look. The ones who may not be proud, are the ones who associate white skin with money. (no offense to anyone).

    • Ryan

      There are no sophisticated black women in the world, which is why black men want to date white women. Black women are a walking stereotype, always, mad, yelling, hand-in-your face, confrontational, and out of shape (generalizing). Dating a white woman, lends immediate credibility to said black. On the other-hand, we whites are being force fed this ‘multicultural’ crap and this is a result. For my part, if cultural mixing was natural, it would have happened over centuries, which it didn’t.

      • Guestest

        Oh please! There are many sophisticated black women in the world but people like you just like to generalized all black women because of a few bad ones… You are an idiot! The black women you just described are your stereotypical black women. I can also stereotype white men and say you all are pedophiles and racist bastards who believe you are above every race. All white women are not angels and black men would not be dating “up” if they were to date one. There are many trashy white women but people like you love to overlook those and only see the good ones because of your hatred towards black women.. Open your eyes and get well !!

  • Bold

    Its not that black people like interracial dating, its the reverse psychology that the media use to divide the black woman and man. Tell it like it is, there are still many black men who absolutely love their black women, and in my community every black woman there has a black man. Yes you may see black and white, but it is because the white woman chase the black man so hard, and she is so easy to get, and will bow down to him. The black woman is a challenge and some men who are weak go for the white woman. Black women are strong, and will require the man to get up off his….and get a job or something, but the white woman will just bow down to him. But, you better believe that even that black man, quietly admire black women and will sneak and get him one if she would have him. I am black and I love it! but I know that the media lie on us all the time to make people think we hate being black, that is a bona fide lie. Most black people absolutle love the color of their skin regardless of what the media portray. I am cool with white people and some of them have admitted that it is hell being white, they say they hate that people can see broken veins through their skin, and that it looks cool to be black. Bottom line, stop spreading lies about us with your weak brain washing, reverse psychology tricks.

  • http://twitter.com/ChrisArdern1 Christopher

    Cause White men and Asian men have honor.

  • Pingback: Calling all multiracial people! |

  • Xavier

    Yeah black Americans are obsessed with IR dating, so much so that if I could get a dollar for every black man and women who has tried to talk me into dating outside my race, I would be rich.I have always been more attracted to black women and other black men constantly try to talk me out of dating my race. I dont follow trends, I never did and I never will, if I do decide to date out it will be on my time when I feel like it.

  • Pingback: Why Don’t We Hear About Interracial Dating Much in GQ or Vogue, and Other Non-African-American Media? | Interracial Dating Blog

  • https://me.yahoo.com/a/QVkOMkUvioZxeQTayiAT4mHQ68k11_iyUQ--#48c29 Walker

    Black women are beautiful especially Michelle Obama!!!!!! My motto is: To each is own. We are all red blooded Americans period!!!!!!

  • Daria

    I would never date a black guy because I don’t want to sabotage my
    genetics. I would actually like for my children to have some physical
    resemblance to me. I think it is extremely unfair to breed with a black
    for a white person because all their unique physical attributes are
    completely diluted by black genes. In other words, I want to have white
    kids. I think it’s a beautiful thing to be able to look at your child
    and see yourself in your kid, and not just the look of its non-white
    father. It’s kind of like stomping on the grave of your ancestors. Once a
    person breeds with a black, it will take generations to erase the
    effects of that and to rejuvenate white traits. You may have a similar
    genotype to your offspring, but not phenotype. I also think interracial
    breeding is incredibly selfish on the white person’s part because they
    are only making demographic contributions to black people, whereas they
    are creating an opposite effect for white people. It’s imperative that
    white people maintain their heritage and presence in this world and
    interracial dating destroys that attempt. Real white girls appreciate
    the subtle differences found in their own race. A bored person who lacks
    racial pride seeks an exotic mate and they may find temporary carnality
    in this, but soon they grow tired of it and regret their decision. This
    is evident in the high divorce rate amongst white females and black
    males in this country.

  • angel

    So by embracing self love I should ignore the guys WHO happen to approach me respectfully and lower my Standards to little jamar WHO keeps hollering “ay lil mama” from across the street. their are so Kant contradictions in this post I cant even deal. oh , but sound advice though. -_-

  • JDSHAWN

    Why do people assume that interracial dating means black men with white women? There are other forms of interracial love that go beyond just black and white. I myself am married to a latino guy for 10 years and the thought of him not being black never crosses my mind. Grow up people

    • BLACK UNITY

      SELLOUT!

  • http://twitter.com/michaelpaone Michael Paone

    I feel it fitting to point out the the statistics you cite on divorce rate, while true, are misleading. The DailyNews article you cite states: ”
    Another analysis found divorce rates among mixed-race couples to be more dependent on the specific race combination, with white women who married outside their race more likely to divorce. Mixed marriages involving blacks and whites also were considered least stable, followed by Hispanic-white couples.”

    I think for your article it would be most meaningful to compare divorce rates between black and white interracial couples and black/black monoracial couples (and white/white monoracial couples for that matter, too.)

    Of course, divorce rate is only helpful in the subpopulation of people who decide to get married. For another metric of relationship health, I think looking at single parenthood within and between the two types of couples would be helpful. The hypothesis being: Is couplehood and marriage simply less prevalent in the first place in black/black monoracial couples? And if so, does that just mean the fewer people who decide to get married have less complications and baggage than the population that stays unmarried or raises kids as a single parent?

    I don’t know the answers to these, but I think comparing apples to apples is the way to go.

    #statistics #lazyjournalism?

    Peace.

    • mac

      i was waiting for someone to call out the writer on those half baked facts from that website probably no one’s ever heard of.

  • disqus_WfmNqv9gsC

    idk why, but that picture pissed me off just a little, not too much.

  • http://www.facebook.com/authorjames.w.lewis Author James W. Lewis

    I won’t lie, it does seem like many of us are obsessed with race (including me). I saw that in different book club meet-ups primarily comprised of African American women. It’s still a hot button topic within the community. In the Bay Area where I live, I hang around people who don’t give an ‘ish’ about interracial dating. I went to an interracial wedding and I swear it was like a rainbow coalition–Asians, blacks, white, latinos chillin’–but it was all love. Hopefully, we’ll get past the hate and see the “person” vice the “color.” Isn’t that what Martin Luther King preached?

  • http://www.facebook.com/rosa.adams1 Rosa Adams

    This artical is stupid. Interracial dating – blah, blah, blah. Who cares. Men are men, women are women. Nuff said. It should matter who you date or mate with because no body cares. Besides the grass is never greener on the other side, anyway.

    • BLACK UNITY

      YOU MUST BE MARRIED TO A WHITEMAN!

  • Mytisque

    I’m not obsessed with interracial dating. Why is this being brought up again? Please find a new topic. Blacks dating whites, whites dating asians, is old news. I mean nobody cares who is dating who anymore. I have a white brother-n-law. He is a good man. My sister loves him and he loves her. They have two beautiful bi-racial kids. I guess that’s all that matters.

    • BLACK UNITY

      SO I GUESS YOU ARE LOOKING FOR YOUR WHITE DADDY NOW?

  • http://www.edesirs.com/ Samual Oza

    Thank you ….For me I think it is beautiful since it goes against the natural…and the colors mixing freely just because we want to and we don’t care what others think…but in the physical act…it fun to watch…very beautiful..

  • Big Mike

    I don’t normally post to IR articles, because there are always people posting who are an emotional MESS, and I’ve always have viewed this as a woman’s subject, because men normally don’t worry about these things. But…

    I JUST CAN’T DO IT! I’ve thought about it, and have flirted with girls of other races, and I know people are people, but I just can’t do the IR thing.

    And I will take it a step further – it is hard for me to consider an AFRICAN woman or a black woman from another country – their differences in culture just don’t appeal to me. I’ll explain it like this: most people, during their formative years (middle school through high school), learn to like whatever is prevalent in their environment. For me, I’ve always went to school with American black women, that’s what I’m attracted to, and that’s what I want!

    To people reading this who are white, latino, African, etc, please don’t get offended, because I’m the nicest person you’d ever want to meet – and I’m not knocking people who do the IR thing. But this is JMO, and I imagine the majority of ALL people feel the same way (actually, the numbers prove this, no matter HOW many people want to scare BW into thinking BM want white girls. Nonsense)

    With that being said, if you are attracting people of other races, you’d be a fool not to date them. I will just come out and say it: BM like women with a lot of booty; so if you are a BW who is super thin, and you have to beat WM off with a stick, who am I or anyone else to tell you not to date WM? Do your thing! Again, this is more nonsense.

    Sorry if this offends anyone.

    • Big Mike

      I meant to say, telling a BW who is attracting men of other races not to date interracially – is nonsense.

      • Erin

        I like and respect your point. It’s ignorant to believe all Black men want non-Black women but its understandable being that this idea is constantly being reinforced in the media, society, etc. The only thing I would disagree with is your statement about Black men liking women with a lot of booty that’s a generalization. I’m a petite Black woman and I’m not super big on top nor do I have a huge backside (not flat either just enough) but I’m very proportioned and I’ve never had a problem being hit on or approached by all different types of Black men (and that’s not to be arrogant or anything like that). I actually only date Black men but I would just say its a personal preference and people are attracted to all kinds of bodies rather they be thick, skinny, petite, etc. The whole all Black women are thick is a myth anyway, your genetics, region, diet, etc plays a part in how much booty or not booty you have anyway. However, I did love your point it always makes me happy inside when Black men express how much they love Black women. There is nothing wrong with loving your race and seeing Black love :)

  • In All Honesty

    “Why Are Black People Obsessed With Interracial Dating?”

    Because they’re the lowest on the American social hierarchy. In fact, they’re so low that not only do Whites, Asians and Hispanics not want to form relationships with them but blacks themselves don’t want anything to do with each other. Hence the obsession with interracial dating. And it’s not just MadameNoire, there are SO many sites, movies and books that have come out within the past three years alone about this. I may get thumbed down but it’s the honest truth. The “black family” and “black love” is antiquated, old and ultimately just so nineties. I’m seriously looking at interracial dating myself and will definitely be encouraging other upwardly mobile BM to do the same.

    • colliz

      Are you on crack? you do realize that only 15% of black males and 12% of black females marry outside of their race don’t you? that leaves the vast majority of blacks to marry each other. Many blacks are accounted for in middle class American and let’s not forget the first family is a black family, or were you busying sleeping under a rock to notice all this. I feel sorry for the man or woman who will suffer the ordeal of dating you. It’s impossible to love anyone when you hate yourself. The honest truth is that you need to see a therapist.

  • UdonNo

    ITS SIMPLE: Black men like white girls cuz they offer the least resistance, and Black women like white men cuz they are easier to control.

    • marcus

      nah, black men often go towards non black women because we’re rejected by our own women for not fitting whatever trend is hot within their dating scene (use to be thugs, now it’s white men)

      and black women like white men because they’ve been forced to believe white men don’t find them attractive. so having one is like the ultimate validation of beauty to black women.

      • realadulttalk

        Not sure where you got that train of thought–but for all the women I know–you are dead wrong.

      • UdonNo

        thats incorrect– if black men were rejected by black women–who’s making all these lil black kids! lol– black men like white women cuz like i said–they offer the LEAST resistance– a black man can get away with a lot more and more importantly– white women let a man be a man. Black women like white men cuz A. that white man will think they are exotic beauties, B. they can CONTROL white men easier C. white men offer more STABILITY

        • marcus

          like i said, black men who don’t fit your mould are often outcast from the BW dating pool. there’s still a bunch of other men who will conform to whatever stereotype BW are attracted to. those are often the males who end up in prison, dead or are often general deadbeats.

          and it’s not about least resistance, it’s about compatibility. no one wants to be in a relationship with a woman who is purposely causing rifts. as black women love to put it: “we can’t handle you”

          funny part is, you think BW offer up all that resistance when they’re with a white male? hell no! i’ve had white men tell me BW are the easiest lays ever, and from what i’ve seen; i believe them. BW need to stop this “white women are easy” lie because no one is easier to a white male than a black woman.

          • UdonNo

            your wrong on all counts– ! White women tend to be more carefree when it comes to sex–if u ever go to a mostly white college you can see that they will party more. they have less stress cause the world is built for them! daddy has a job waiting for them when they graduate or at least they know that daddy will pay their rent. black girls dont have these luxuries–so they have to be more serious— no daddy is going to rescue them. they have to make their own money and dont have time for black mens bullshit.

  • Miss D

    If by ‘black people’ you mean Madame Noire, then yes, black people are obsessed with the swirl.

    • Native_Noir

      LOOOOOL!!!!!

  • FromUR2UB

    Not obsessed. I never think about it until I see the weekly article on the web site. Kind of like a form of hypnotism. So maybe I’ve been unwittingly hypnotized into obsession by some subliminal message on all the commericals and videos: “Yooou shall beeee obsessed with interracial daaaating. Obseeeesssed with interraaaaacial daaaaating…”

  • L-Boogie

    Next subject, please. This is such a dead horse.

  • Hello_Kitty81

    I don’t care about color of the man’s skin, I care about his personality and his intelligence and his love and support for me and my daughter, that’s a turn on to me no matter if you’re black, white, hispanic, etc., if you have a big heart and know what you want out of life, that’s all I care about. Now I’m engaged to a Caucasian man and our wedding is next June and when I see my man, skin is the last thing I see on him. People have the right to fall in love with whoever they want as long as their happy, stop seeing color and date them for who they are on the inside.

    • Native_Noir

      Congratulations on your engagement! I just LOVE love!

    • BLACK UNITY

      HOW COME THE BLACKWOMEN ON HERE KEEP SAYING THAT THEY DO NOT SEE COLOR? BUT YOU ALL HAVE THE SAME COLOR WHITEMEN! SO YOU PICKED A WHITEMAN OVER A BLACKMAN ON PURPOSE! BUT YOU DO NOT SEE COLOR! BULLSHIT! THIS WEBSITE SHOULD BE CALLED BLACKMAN HATER 101!

    • BLACK UNITY

      YOU SAY WHEN YOU LOOK AT YOUR MANS SKIN YOU DO NOT SEE COLOR BULLSHIT! EVERYBODY SEE’S COLOR! STOP MAKING EXCUSES FOR SELLING OUT!

  • random black girl

    I agree that this topic is rather trite. However I do see this as a huge issue with Black people in particular and I agree with everything the author says. I give the same disclaimer: love is love & I encourage & support every color that love comes in. The problem is in people who look to date outside of their race for the wrong reasons & unfortunately I see too many people who suffer from this affliction. Its disappointing at best, infuriating at worst. One thing I think that has not been taken into consideration though is that everybody has different circumstances & influences that lead to their preferences. Althought I may not agree with everyones opinions about IR dating I do understand that everyone has their different viewpoint based on their experiences.

  • http://profiles.yahoo.com/u/V6O2EBOSDDIC3EESW3JS22OYWA Vic

    White supremacy

  • Najeema Iman

    I am glad that I read the whole article rather than skimming like I do from time to time….I am currently in what you would call a “swirl” relationship and honestly when my husband I started dating I didn’t even think about until I started noticing people giving me the side-eye….In regards to other ethnicity not talking about interracial dating as much…I think that a lot of people of various races choose not to address it at all, they have an unspoken
    “Don’t go there, don’t do that attitude,” about it.

    Personally I believe that the reason that so many of us that are in interracial relationships talk about it is because we are tired of people and their attitudes. I know I can’t change it, but if you have a problem with me and mines…then just go the other way, you don’t have to be in my presence.

  • Alexa

    Wow! I was just discussing this topic with my best friend the other day. I was asking her why is it that nowadays a majority of black people are so obsessed with interracial dating? and why are they making it so obvious and putting it out there every other day when whites/non-blacks don’t seem to have the same fascination with dating us??? I’m sorry but it looks almost desperate! Stop sweating non-black people making your insecurities show! Date who you want to date and love who you want to love but stop making race such a big deal.

  • http://www.rishona.net/ Shona

    I’m a 30-something Black woman, and most of my significant others have been non-Black (including my current boyfriend). But I don’t get the fascination either. Skin color is not a character trait and mean, stupid, cruel, selfish people come in all races. What is more important is the dynamic between two people…regardless of their respective races. In my experience, it is society that needs the advice when it comes to interracial relationships…not the people who choose to date interracially! Some of the biggest “problems” I faced in interracial relationships involved the family and close friends of my significant other having issues with me (in spite of not even knowing me) and/or the change in attitudes that society directs our way — like assuming I’m a self-hating Black woman for dating interracially; or that my boyfriend is only with me to experience a Black woman sexually…and not because he is genuinely attracted to me. Romantic relationships of any kind take work. And when you have all this extra baggage being added from outside forces, then the chips are really stacked against you!

    • BLACK UNITY

      THATS WHAT YOU SWIRLING BLACKWOMEN DONT UNDERSTAND! YOU KEEP SAYING THAT YOU DONT SEE COLOR, BUT YOUR WHITEMENS FAMILY AND FRIENDS DO! AND HE DOES TO WHEN HE IS OUT IN PUBLIC WITH YOU! IM GLAD YOUR INTERACIAL RELATIONSHIPS DID NOT WORK OUT! YOU GOT YOUR BLACK WAKE UP CALL!

      • http://www.rishona.net/ Shona

        What do you mean? I’m still with my White boyfriend (????)

        • BLACK UNITY

          HE WILL WAKE UP AND COME TO HIS SENSES! AND REALIZE HE HAS A BLACK WOMAN ON HIS WHITE ARMS! AND YOU ARE A SELLOUT! YOU TRAITOR BLACKWOMEN DERSERVE ALL THE MISERY YOU GET!

          • http://www.rishona.net/ Shona

            Too bad I’m not miserable. In fact I’m happier than you are in that I don’t sit around and give people strife for their own personal lifestyle choices. So you have fun with that! :-)

            • BLACK UNITY

              THANK GOD! ONE LESS BLACKMAN HATING SISTER IN THE BLACK COMMUNITY! PLEASE DO US A FAVOR AND DONT COME BACK! I WILL LEAVE YOU ALONE TO BE WITH YOUR WHITE DADDY! YOUR BLACK CARD HAS BEEN CANCELLED! PEACE AND STAY BLACK!

  • http://www.facebook.com/amanda.browne.7165 Amanda D. Browne

    I have only dated white/latino men in my life and it’s because they were the only ones to approach me. I’m not saying I wouldn’t date a BM but I want to date a man who finds me attractive and likes me for who I am. And my white bf gives that to me. I don’t hate myself or my race or my skin color. I just date those who like me and so far no BM have liked me. I think it may be that way for other BW like me as well. Definitely not a political statement. I dated out because they were the ones to show me the most love. That’s my experience.

    • BrianK

      Thats a fair point. I’m a black man and have dated almost exclusively out of my race, mainly white or asian girls, because they are the one’s who have been receptive to me and my advances. They share my interests and are more attracted to me than black women. I’m also not making a political statement but that is just how it has worked out so far.

      • Mytisque

        And that’s your choice.

      • http://www.facebook.com/amanda.browne.7165 Amanda D. Browne

        I think that is a good decision you made. I’m not saying there isn’t a BW out there who could do it for you but if the only women who are receptive to your advances are white/asian then I think that’s who you should date. You should be with someone who finds you attract and respects you for who you are. That’s what I’ve alsways done. It’s my opinion that dating a person just to make a political statement defeats the whole point of dating. It’s so you can find genuine love. Whether it’s with a BW or any other color or the rainbow.

    • Alicia

      I know, many black women or men who date outside NOT because they hate their own race but because they love back who loves them. But sometimes I get curious, why didn’t any black man approach you? Do you think it’s based on how you carry yourself, or the way you talk, just asking because I noticed black women who are labeled as talking or acting white usually get non black men. In my case, black men approach me, I find them physically attractive but my interest is always different from these black men. I’m dating this Jewish man and the conversation, discussion about everything just flows. We even talk about racism and he has a healthy way of seeing it. We talk about politics. We laugh about silly things. The only thing is, he’s handsome but I find certain dark skin black men more physically attractive. But, I guess I have to overlook that.

      • http://www.facebook.com/amanda.browne.7165 Amanda D. Browne

        That’s a really good question. I think I carry myself pretty well. I went to a 99% black high school and was teased all throughout for “talking white”. So much so that I tried to over compensate the way I speak by “acting black”. But it just wasn’t me. When I went to college and grad school I learned how to just be myself and that is when I started attracting non-black men. I learned that I can be myself and still be a proud black woman. Now I’m 23 and have never dated a BM. I never thought that the way I spoke may have been the reason BM didn’t approach me. If it is then that’s a really dumb reason to not approach someone young, smart and successful. haha It goes to show you that it’s better to look deeper than the outside when choosing a potential mate. And I think that may be a good lesson for you as well since you said you don’t find your bf as attractive as BM. It’s my opinion that all the positive things you listed outweigh the one negative. I wouldn’t want to be with a man who I couldn’t relate or talk to just because I thought someone else was more attractive. Even without the swirling thrown in that’s a great discussion to have all in itself! What do you think?

        • Alicia

          I totally agree with you. It’s important to be with someone who’s more compatible with you and this goes beyond skin color. No offense to black men, but many are too limited or restricted in their thinking and emotions especially this generation. Yes, it’s sad that some will overlook good black women just because she doesn’t fit into the stereotype, which I’ve seen happen. My ex, was a dark skin man, he was very attractive but nothing more. Black men like to label us for being restricted and not adventurous enough but they are the king of that. I think what I struggle with, I always wanted that “Black love” that my parent represented. It’s so hard to find a well rounded ‘black” man like my dad these days. I guess, the fact that he traveled a lot and worked oversees contributed to it. My bf is a well rounded guy, who just happens to be a Jewish guy, and we have something beyond just physical, which is what makes it beautiful. And I will be honest I’m still getting used to the whole interracial dynamic and I’ve received bad responses from both sides. My family is still adjusting to it, my mom is totally fine bcos she’s a product of interracial. To my surprise, his dad is fine, his mom wants a Jewish girl. Another one I’m still adjusting to is some black men’s reaction when they see both of us together. Overrall, the good outweighs the bad.

    • http://twitter.com/tweetyminx Miss douglas.

      I completely agree with you,These days many black men look to dating other females rather then approach black females and some just dont want a black girlfreind and it as shallow as that -black men are tending to want something a little different then what thir usually used to and now there is a rowing breed of black women that intentionally keep their options open too,though you have stated it wasnt deliberate.
      I have always believed that reationships have a higher chance of survival if your suitor approaches you because he see’s something he likes and what ever drew him to you is a good way of keeping his attraction going and thats why I dont approach men but wait for them to select me as well as being old-fashioned

  • Renee

    Omg! This article was the absolute truth! I’m sorry bu “we”(black folks) are very preoccupied with interracial dating. And there is nothing wrong wih dating outside your race, but when you’re fixated on it, it’s a problem. We see articles touting interacial relationships as the cure all for our problems all over websites geared toward blacks, this one included ( and I like how the author pointed that out). And if we as a people weren’t so obsessed with it, the articles wouldn’t be so prominent on these sights, but the reason why these articles get publisher so much is because they get clicks (money money) I mean why would MD not publish an article that they knew would get tongues wagging and fingers clicking? And you can say what you want but the proof is in the pudding-I guanretee this article will have tons of comments by the end of the day (heck it’s already got more comments than the other articles)

    • Renee

      Sorry for all the typos, an I’m gonna go ahead and include myself in the “we” being kinda fixated on IR relations,hey I did click and comment to, but just cause I loved the title thr much!

  • HereWeGoAgain

    OMG! Who really cares?! Date who you want. Hate who you want. Whatever. Get over it. Seriously, enough already.

  • realadulttalk

    I’ve dated in and out of my race. However, I only dated within my race when I had plans to procreate. I didn’t desire to have mixed children-which is probably an issue itself. But now that I’m single again and not planning to have more kids—I am back to dating any and everyone I find attractive. I don’t go out of my way to date out of my race though–cause I still love me a dark chocolate man. Ironically I’m only attracted to lighter men if they are of other races–in writing this I realize that I have a lot of issues so none of you needs to tell me that. :)

    • pfft

      Well, if it’s any consolation, I too dated out to realize that the relationship could never truly be serious because I, like yourself, did not want mixed kids. It was also at this point that I realized that I was dating out more because I was constantly being told via media and other sources that I would never find that one good black man/ or any good black man for that matter who would share my interest and goals and love me for me. In the end I wound up wasting eight years of my then boyfriend turned husbands time.

      We eventually divorced and I wish I could honestly say I was sad but the truth is I was more relieved then anything. Yes, he was a very good person but the life I had created for myself was a fear driven one. When your constantly being told most black men don’t want you and will treat you horribly by people who look like you and should have your best interest at heart, that stuff starts to take hold, and you start believing it. So whats a girl to do? Keep searching for the elusive unicorn known as the “good black man” or embrace the non black guy who likes you. In my case stepping out was not the answer. It simply made for more misery then happiness.

      I am now remarried to a black man and I am VERY happy. I’m not saying how things went down with me are the norm, but I do believe that constantly putting out these articles are creating an environment of fear and in some cases desperation for many black women. Fear of being alone should never be a factor when choosing a partner but I think for some women that’s precisely the mindset that is created when they are constantly being bombarded with articles about IR dating.

      • realadulttalk

        I agree with what you are saying–and yes many women are dating out b/c of fear of being alone. Thankfully that has never been the reason for me. I married a black man…it didn’t work. I still am open to black men b/c I never closed off from them. But now that I don’t want any more children–I’m willing to settle down seriously with someone of another race if that’s what happens. Only time will tell. I kinda think some black women only recently had the epiphany that they are allowed to date whomever they want–hence all these articles about what many of have been doing for years.

    • Native_Noir

      I kinda get where ur coming from though. I am a product of “race mixing” Black, Choctaw & Irish but I looooooooove my Black Men and I want my Husband to be Black. Now I find all races of Men attractive. My BF’s in my head r Idris Elba, Adam Levine, Jason Momoa, Parker Young and David Beckham, so Im attracted to the rainbow. I’ve just always seen myself marrying a black man and I’ve always dated and been in relationahips with Black Men. Now if in some twist of fate God put a Man of another race before me…well, I’d cross that bridge if I get there. But as far as I’m concerned #TEAMSTRONGBLACKMAN!!!!!

      • Native_Noir

        Uwww slap my hand!!! How dare I forget my main boyfriend in my head channing Tatum.

      • realadulttalk

        I have no issues with others have children of mixed descent–one of my best friends is married to and his children with a white man. It was just for me that I didn’t want that–and I know it has everything to do with where I grew up. There were many mixed children in my hometown and many of them had a lot of issues with their race. I married and had a child with a black man-when we divorced I think the first 3 men I dated were white. Not by design, it just was. Like I said—I just love men. ALL men. Lol

  • Miss Anonymous

    I think some are obsessed, not all. My mother worked in a daycare center on a army base and this one white girl (who would date only black men but in a desperate fashion ie willing to be his “anything”) she would come into the baby room and go around and pick up the mixed black dad white mom kids who had the “light skin and curly hair” up and say how cute they are and how she cant wait for her kid to look like that. smh I wonder what she would do if her kid didnt look mixed and looked either plain white or plain black despite her tryna to make a typical mixed baby.

  • sammi_lu

    “But while the topic has no doubt been beaten to death by the black media there are still no shortages of articles directed towards interracial relationships” … I love this site but if this topic has been beaten to death then MN you all are serial killers..public enemy # 1..murderers in the first degree. lol no real talk..interracial dating is pushed more on this site than Curls Unleashed or that Lincoln MKZ ad I have to see everytime I click.

    • realadulttalk

      Lmaoooooo

    • Native_Noir

      DEAD! Hahahahahaha

    • Gimmeabreak78

      I am on the floor at the “serial killers” comment! Whoo!

  • Janay

    Summed up in a few things: propaganda is pushing this but it is fueled by insecurity and self hate in the black communities. There is nothing wrong with finding love outside of race but when swirl stories are plastered on every website, and rappers mention another race in every song it becomes more of an accessory to have instead of a genuine connection. I truly feel since obama was elected, there has been a spike in ir relationships. Black men saw themselves in the president and felt their stock increased. Black women saw the president and felt the black family stock increased. But now that black men are making every effort to date out, black women are doing the same. Not saying its good bad or anything, just my take on it.

  • Maldrie

    I would not say that I am obsessed with dating outside of my race but I choose to date outside my race because some of them know how to treat me better than those in my own race.

    • BLACK UNITY

      ANOTHER SELLOUT SISTER! GO AHEAD AND GET BOB!

  • http://www.facebook.com/nikia.dshiznit Nikia D-Shiznit

    I love white men. Just sayin….

    • BLACK UNITY

      YOU ARE A SELLOUT! JUST SAYING!

  • Lava Red <3

    Love is love …. people have been mixing with one another for centuries. I’m starting to get tired of these lame articles bashing interracial relationships. No one is forcing black women to date out or date in. Why is all this flack being thrown at black when they have the lowest percentages of dating/ marrying out on the other hand black men tend to date and marry out far more than black women do. Black women have the right to date out and expand their personal options. I mean lets be honest the number of “good” black men are slim to non existent . Finding a “good” black man nowadays is like a UFO sighting lol , so why limit yourself when you can expand your options and find a great guy.

    • Blackhawk

      Exhibit A: of a black girl lost

      • realadulttalk

        Please explain why she’s “lost”. I’d really like to hear your explanation.

        • Blackhawk

          Fresh45 pretty much summed it up. I’m my opinion most black people who date interracially in this country have an negative opinion of the opposite sex within their own race.

          • realadulttalk

            I disagree with you–dating EXCLUSIVELY outside of your race may indicate that–but not b/c you are willing to date other races. I date other races–I have no issues with black men. I love men…point blank period. I don’t care if the dude is blue–if I think he’s attractive and he’s got things going for him–then we can get together. I don’t consider what she said “bias” towards black men–you talk about what you know. And she didn’t say anything that hasn’t been being said for years. Black women outnumber black men–so let’s talk numbers–when there are 5 women to every 1 man…wouldn’t that make a good black man hard to find?? Cause 4 other black women are after him…and we didn’t even start talking about other races that are after that man as well.

            • BW1615

              1 to 5 is a little misleading… But point taken. I see black women everywhere, they just don’t see us (men).

            • http://www.facebook.com/people/Latrece-Hoskins/100002627012546 Latrece Hoskins

              lol! at “Cause 4 other black women are after him…and we didn’t even start talking about other races that are after that man as well.”

      • Lava Red <3

        Exhibit B : A person who couldn’t even come up with a semi intelligent rebuttal lol I do have to admit your effort was quite cute, however resorting to name calling… that’s so second grade lol

    • Fresh45

      I don’t know if lost is the correct word to use but she’s definitely ignorant. How she gone say love is love, then go on to say finding a good black man is almost impossible? That shows her bias towards black men. I could be ignorant and say finding a good black woman is also nearly impossible. The truth is, finding a good man or woman is really hard,regardless of what their race is. You can’t determine whether or not someone is a good man or woman from their race or how successful they are, that can only be determine by how they treat you and other people.

      • Lava Red <3

        Lost might be the word you can use to describe yourself… yes I stay by what I said love is love….. however Black women shouldn’t miss out on the chance of finding love with a guy just because he isn’t black. Ignorant hahahaha im not even going to entertain that one .. Sounds like you are in denial . I have no bias towards black men, however I’m not going to sugar coat the truth about Black men. I’m not saying all black men are bad and other races are better. It’s hard for Black women to find Good black guys who are going to date, commit, and marry them. Black women have the highest percentages of being unmarried, and out of wedlock births. Where are the good black men to marry and be fathers to there children ???? So I don’t recommend black women to sit there and twiddle their thumbs waiting for the rare “good” black man to find them . I Think Black women should open up their minds and hearts to the option of interracial dating. That way they will meet different men, and have new experiences.

        • bishop

          You are a black girl lost! I respect your decision to date outside of your race, but don’t do it while trying to put black men down with that stupid comment, because you loose all credibility, and you just come off seeming bitter. And please don’t respond with a “I’m not bitter” because that’s not my point.

        • BLACK UNITY

          YES! THE THE BROTHER IS RIGHT! YOU SEEM TO HAVE A BIAS TOWARDS BLACKMEN PERIOD! BECAUSE OF YOUR TONE! YOU ARE RESPONDING ANGRILY! AND DEFENSIVELY!

    • BLACK UNITY

      IF YOU BLACKWOMEN WANT TO SELLOUT! THEN GO AHEAD! BUT DO NOT SAY THEIR ARE NO GOOD BLACKMEN, BECAUSE YOU ARE LYING!

  • TatumPascal

    This article would have had more power if there weren’t an article about interracial daters/couples on MN at least every two weeks. I’m just saying….

    • cryssi

      Lmbo, there was just an article yesterday highlighting interracial couples on MN.

    • Native_Noir

      And “swirl” SPAM in our comments section. LOL

  • angel

    I get what the author of the article is trying to say, but not all of us have that way of thinking. In fact, white and other ethnic groups tend to not only want to date us but imitate us as well in so many ways. I guess the issue is that many of our own (black folk) lack dignity, don’t appreciate our worth, beauty, and all around greatness. We are often too harsh and way too critical on each other when its not necessary. It would be nice to see more people who do possess these qualities, however all you can do is conduct yourself in a more positive, sensible manner. It may inspire others to do the same.

  • Yokessm

    I really don’t see color, call me naive. I had Asian and white boyfriends, I say be with whoever makes yOu happy and complete. People only dating inside their race are morons to me, how are you going to turn down a chance at happiness over someone’s skin color….

    • angel

      I wouldn’t call people who date within their race morons. They are simply dating someone they feel they can relate to and are interested in just as any other couple. To each his/her own. People have a right to date whomever they desire.

    • Na Na

      I think what Yokessm is saying is that people who refuse to date outside of their race are morons. (in its opinion, can’t tell if its a girl or a boy name)

      • Yokessm

        I’m a woman and that’s exactly what I meant.

    • diggy.p

      Well, I’ve never had the opportunity to date a man outside of my race (I’m black)…so does that make me a moron? Should I go out of my way just to get a white or latino man to be with me?Will that make me a better person in doing so?
      With that being said, I have never been approached on such a level by a guy of any other race. I don’t know why, it just hasn’t happened. Didn’t think I was moron because of it. *shrugs*

      • realadulttalk

        In her defense…I think that was just poorly worded. She meant that if you exclusively date within your race that you might be missing out on a good thing. But I doubt you haven’t had the opportunity–you probably just haven’t noticed the way men of other races look at you.

      • Yokessm

        Some women refuse categorically to date anything other than black, I think that’s idiotic, you never know who makes you happy. And to give yourself a late start because of some silly preconceived notion that only one race can help them achieve is stupid.

        • Guest

          Here is the problem with this. Most ppl date inside their race. That’s just a natural thing to do. It’s not always just because of racism but how is it being a moron to only want to date a person that most resembles who you see everyday? Yourself!!!

  • Kimster

    It appears my first post got mod. out because it spoke too much truth. Anyway, I like Garcelle Beauvais’ mindset: “I love who loves me; who approaches me.” Be that red, green, purple or blue, as long as he has a good, honest heart.

    • http://twitter.com/gargamel1972 MAGICK MAGE

      AND AS LONG AS HE IS WHITE RIGHT?

  • Bree

    I would say in general we aren’t, but this site and others sure love talking about it. So who is really obsessed here?

  • StuckInDaMatrix

    What the heck is the agenda of this article? Ummm… interracial dating is championed in the black community due to racial inferiority complexes, the willie lynch agenda, lack of self-respect, self-hatred, lust, fetishes etc… Not all blacks of course but a sizable and increasing number. Sadly, many blacks just view whites and others as “better” and it will always be that way for these people.

    • Blackhawk

      Truth!

      • StuckInDaMatrix

        Thanks! Its true unfortunately and until blacks become more cognizant and “conscious”, blacks will continue to be mental and spiritual slaves, cattle and fodder. A lot of blacks are lost and are beyond reproach in my opinion.

    • Mytisque

      You could be right.

  • http://twitter.com/VictoriaGrooves Victoria grooves

    Um ok