Signs He Will NEVER Be Into You

September 2, 2012  |  
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Like Ingrid Michaelson so simply put it, “Everybody, everybody wants to love. Everybody, everybody wants to be loved.” And because of this, women too often overlook the red flags, the signs of troubles ahead and the hints that this guy’s not the one. We let things slide because we want so badly to be pleasantly surprised. But all this ever gets us is even more disappointment in the end not only in the men we date, but also in ourselves for not going with our gut. After reading this list below, you’re held accountable for your own heartbreaks. If you ignored these signs and charged on, there was nobody that could save you but yourself.

“You can come if you want to”

You “know” that if the guy is just exposed to you enough, he’ll fall for you. So you’re taking any chance you can to hang out with him. Even when his invite consists of the words, “You can come…if you want.” A guy that truly wants you there will say, “I’d LOVE for you to come.” A man that says it the former way has no intention of paying attention to you at the party/bar/beach/whatever. A man that wants you there lets you know that you will enhance the experience for him. That you would be doing him the favor by attending with him. But if he says, “You can come if you want…” he felt obligated to invite you and you’ll only look desperate for going. It’s a lose, lose.

He says he’s “not a cuddler”

Anybody’s a cuddler when they truly like someone. It’s a part of how the human body functions. All those feel good chemicals that surge up when we’re around someone we truly like compel us to want to physically connect. If a guy says he’s not a cuddler he’s either A) Not into you or B) Selfish, and actually not a cuddler but too self absorbed to think, “Hm. Maybe it would make her happy if I cuddled her.”

He “forgets” to text

You don’t struggle to remember the person you’re into. You struggle to forget them! You have to force yourself to put them out of your mind while you’re working or hanging out with friends. A text can be sent sitting at a red light (don’t tell the cops we said that!), standing in an elevator, waiting in line at the grocery store. You know this list is endless because you’ve found all of those times to text a guy you’re into. And when you’re into a guy, you remember to make use of those times. You don’t want to be with someone that you’re forgettable to.

He’s too busy

Again, like the lyrics at the beginning of this article stated, everybody wants love in their life. It’s a part of the pyramid of sociological needs that humans require to survive! If a guy is into you, he’ll drive to you on his lunch break. He’ll come over when he gets off work, even if it’s super late. He’ll line your calendar and his up for the next month and circle the dates when he can see you. And you shouldn’t be wasting your time with somebody who would do any less.

You can’t leave a toothbrush

Neat freaks are the exception (but they’re a pain to date.) If a man is into you, he’ll love the little signs of yourself you leave behind like mascara, a sweater, a hair tie A man that doesn’t let you keep so much as a toothbrush at his place is either A) Seeing other people and doesn’t want them to see that, B) Never learned the basic principles of sharing and compromising or C) Not into you.

He’s private about his computer or phone

Everybody has a right to privacy but only the people up to something invoke it. If your guy shuts his computer screen, x’s out all the tabs, or turns his phone over every time you walk in the room; odds are he is flirting with another girl. If it happens once or twice, let it slide. It may be a coincidence. But if it’s a regular occurrence, something is up.

He’s “not a planner”

He won’t give you an answer about something in the future you’re inviting him too and he only ever asks you out at the last minute. He says he’s just “not a planner.” What he really is is an opportunist that wants to make sure there isn’t a different girl he’d rather hang out with that night, before resigning to seeing you. I’m sorry, but it’s true because again, when a man falls he falls and he will ask you sometimes weeks in advance to do something just to make sure he reserves that slot of time with you.

He cares about the dumb things

He’s picky about where you eat, what movie you see, what bar you go to, how cold it is in your apartment. He needs everything to be perfect. But, when you’re truly into somebody, the joy of their company overshadows much else. You don’t care where you eat so long as you’re eating with that person. If a man is particular about all the superfluous things, that means you’re not the main attraction for him. You’re just a little added bonus. A sidepiece with his perfect dinner and movie.

Everything is on his terms

He has to get up early, so you go to his place. He wants to meet up with his friends at a bar, so you have to go with him if you want to see him. Basically, if you want to see him, you have to make things as easy as possible for him. If this guy really liked you and/or wasn’t completely narcissistic, he would go out of his way to make things easy for you. Relationships should be give and take. You’re not going to charm a selfish guy into being giving. If anything, you’ll only spoil him by being at his beck and call and things will never change.

He doesn’t want to meet your friends

If a man doesn’t want to meet your friends, family, co-workers or pretty much anybody but you, he just wants to hook up and he only wants to put in the minimal effort necessary. Why should he impress your friends when the only place he plans on seeing you is the bedroom? Your friends won’t be there. It’s a simple as this: if a man is into you, he wants to know you and that includes your hobbies, where you like to hang out, your passions and the people in your life.

His parents were in town and you had no idea

The matter about meeting your friends is the same in reverse. If a man is into you he wants to show off his friends and family to you. He wants to show you off to them. He wants to implicate you into his life. Also, he wants to know what his friends and family think about you! Anybody who is falling for someone wants their friend’s and family’s notes on that person (well, at least the friends). But if they just want to keep it casual, they don’t care what their friends and family think of you or visa versa.

He’s not a good listener

It’s true that a lot of men suffer from ADHD, and after dating for a while you’d notice their listening skills waver. But even a guy with the worst ADHD, when he is courting a girl he is really into, will double up on his medication and make sure to pay attention to you! If you’re out with a guy that keeps looking around while you’re talking, or answering you with, “Huh? Sorry. I’m kind of spacey” he’s just waiting to sleep with you.

He pushes for sex

If a man plans on being with you for a while, what’s the rush on sex? Granted, if you make a man wait months…well, men have needs and it’s understandable if he gets antsy. However, if a man is pressuring you to have sex within the first few dates, that’s because, sex is all he wants from you. He may not even realize that himself yet but, a man who is into you realizes very well that no good comes from pushing for sex.

He kisses rough

Having a real crush on a girl brings out the tender side in any guy, and that means tender kisses. If a man gets really aggressive with his kisses, pushing you against walls and shoving his tongue down your throat or in your ear, that means that you make him horny. And that’s good, but you don’t want to only make a guy horny. A man who really likes your personality will calm down and give you a gentler kiss.

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  • eriannamoric

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  • Lo

    What if you’ve met the guys’ family (including his mother, brothers – he doesn’t have any sisters, his children, his coworkers and his friends), you’ve been to his place, he takes you places always wanting to hold hands in public (PDA) and you’ve been to his job?…but he still has a girlfriend??? WTF???

  • MrsMommy

    SIGH. After all of these years women are still teaching their daughters to wait and get their validation from men. What happened to Women’s Lib? What happened to education and exploring the world and your talents. This is what men do, while you are waiting for them to verify your existence. This is so sad.

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  • satisfiedsingle

    That’s bad…..

  • FeministMan

    Most of this is BS. Most men don’t text because we are horrible at it. If you want to talk, call us! Also this puts all the work on the man to show interest. Women need to show interest as well.

  • DeepThinker

    Expects you to wait up for him to come through after he has a night out on the town.

  • – N

    I’m in high school and only one applies to me and that’s cuddling he says he doesn’t like it but he does it anyway cause its what I like doing but everything else is equal we make plans for each other and when he says if you want to all I have to ask is do you want me too if not I’m not doing it and he says yes or he smiles at me and says do what you want to do and hugs me or he acts like he’s being tough and say “I mean its what you want to do” and asks me the same question over and over . I plan what we do(he does too) and we go out but I don’t like being in public with doing things but we still hang out with close friends an each others we actually have a great relationship but when he mad at me(like right now) he says how he doesn’t care and that I mean nothing then comes back and tries to fix things every time but I don’t know if its to hurt me (only thing that does is saying that) or if he really means it,, he does a lot for me, he wants me to be happy, he try to protect me, he get mad if a guy touch me that isn’t him, he shows up when I ask him too unless he at work, he lights up and smiles at me if we consider any touching or anything, I don’t let people know bout me and him, but every girl that likes him don’t like him to talk or look at me, if he even smile at me they all get mad even when me and him don’t talk for awhile they always worry, we’ve been something for more than 3 years and we just decide on having sex[he took my virginity] im all confused cause he does all this and said it meant nothing but two weekends ago he was trying to come see me at his cousins house.. so idk what to believe:( help if can..

  • All of your explanations lead to either, he’s inconsiderate, or the girl is not a priority in his life. Either explanations are enough for a woman with options to chuck up those deuces.

    • Look, are there guys out there who are perfect? Yes. Are they common? No. If you want to find prince charming, be my guest but the competition is gonna be very high. If your looking for a guy who never fails any of these tests, then your never gonna date anyone. Most of these I listed are not about the guy being inconsiderate. They are about misinterpreting the situation and accusing him of being inconsiderate or something else when he is not. If you believe this list is perfectly accurate and you live your life by it then your either gonna be VERY lucky that you find a guy who never does anything that may be misinterpreted by you (yea right), OR you are going to live a very lonely life because of completely delusional expectations. Here is an eye opener for you: NO man wants to date a woman who is constantly accusing him of untrue things because she is so paranoid that she misinterprets every little thing he does! I guarantee that behavior would be on a top 10 list of things that will send every guy running. That is why I said this list is going to create problems in relationships that don’t have problems. It is self fulfilling by teaching women to behave in a way that ends up scaring good guys off. Get a clue.

      • I’m married and happily so, no need to predict doom and gloom for my
        love life. To say oh you all just want “prince charming” and a perfect man is a major cop-out. If you read that list again (except for the last one about a rough kiss?) and you think anyone of those things requires a man to be perfect then let me advise you that any halfway decent woman with options will not long be in your company. Those are basic tenets to a healthy balanced relationship. Listen if a woman feels that he isn’t into her it doesn’t
        matter if he is “just being misinterpreted” SHE feels that she isn’t a
        priority in his life. And if he cares for her he wouldn’t want her to feel that way. So that leaves her with two options: Let him
        know and see if he changes, or to bounce. MORE women ought to avail
        themselves of the second option.

        If a woman is seriously dating a man
        who displays 5 or more of the items listed above on a regular basis
        she’s a fool to stay. He could have perfectly good reasons EVERY TIME
        he doesn’t bother to respond to her texts or very reasonable excuses for
        why he doesn’t ever want her to interact with his friends and family.
        Sure not cuddling could just not be his thang but if he’s displaying all of the above on a consistent basis, it leads one to believe that he’s either a thoughtless clod who doesn’t think past his own feelings/desire OR that he isn’t into her. Either scenario like I said before is a reason for a woman to chuck the deuces.

        • Perhaps we are closer to being on the same page after all. I agree with your statements about a guy who displays a lot of these indicators consistently. My main point was to crush the idea that any one of these by itself is a reason to believe that a guy is no good. Once many signs pile up consistently, then it is probably not a coincidence or a misinterpretation. I still think that having “Not a planner”, “Not a good listener”, and especially “Cares about dumb things” on the list are major mistakes and should not be counted ever. “Not a planner” is a personality type that describes half the population including women. “Not a good listener” describes 99% of men. There is a reason why it is joked about so much. And “Cares about dumb things” is just a blatant misinterpretation of GOOD intentions by a guy who IS into you. So why would you dump that guy? But I still completely agree with the toothbrush one. The thoughts that you will never see or hear from an interested guy who is asked about keeping a toothbrush over is “What the hell do I care about a stupid toothbrush, sure.” Then he just says “sure”.

          The fact that many of these on the list can be called into question so easily makes me doubt the competence of the author on this subject, and therefore shakes my confidence in the rest of the list. Because of my doubt in the confidence of the author, I doubt that this article has overall done more good than harm. It strikes me as more of a personal opinion by someone recently hurt in a relationship than based on any real research. I would not be surprised if the author just described her last relationship while leaving out many important facts. If that turned out to be true, then this would be very biased and untrustworthy source for relationship advice. But that is just my hypothetical opinion.

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  • MoonBurn

    DON’T SLEEP WITH THAT GUY!!! That’s the *default* to go to. The reasons not to, that the authors and Commenters list here are just the tip of the iceberg. The majority and soundest of reasons are out of your “normal” vision!

  • alyssa

    Wow … 12 years of my life summarized in 14 slides. I realize all my bad decisions are my fault but how have I not seen this page earlier? Thank you for saving me more wasted years and lessons learned!

  • Many things on here hit me like a brick regarding some guys I’ve dated in the past. One being “He doesn’t want to meet your friends”. Means he doesn’t plan on sticking around so why bother meeting people he has no intention on seeing again? What could be added is not being able to take him anywhere. If he fights you on going to different places it means he doesn’t want to be seen with you or doesn’t want to spend time with you or want to experience new things with you. Also, (sorry) if he always wants to “hang out” and never go on actual dates. If he invites you over to hang out at his place and never take you out for dinner (I mean, we can go Dutch!) that’ll eventually just lead to sex and not really wanting to get to know you.

  • mr_world

    My phone and computer is none of your business. The same goes as your purse, phone or computer is not my business. This woman is a damn idiot.

  • Zuke

    Ok, go with all this stuff. Hopefully it will help to throw up a red flag and save any poor fellow who manages to happen across a woman who would believe this. I swear, every time I see a list of things meant to indicate to women signs that a guy is not into them/cheating on them, it always seems to just be peppered with calls for unwarranted frenzied paranoia. Don’t get me wrong, there are some here that are true and should be obvious to most anyone, but some of em’ are nothing but fearmongering and I ask that readers take as a grain of salt, on behalf of males everywhere. I’d elaborate, but it’s late and I doubt there’s any point.

  • Young and Tired

    What I don’t understand is I can and have any and everything I want. My motto is what a man has don’t make it mine, but why the hell do I keep running into the same type. My now boyfriend is dumb as hell I’m starting to feel the same damn way. I hate men right now. I do everything a woman is suppose to, it’s been nine months, we can’t move in because he don’t wanna co parent, my kids have a father, be there for me. Just game I’m so tired of the game.

  • I think it’s time to reevaluate my boyfriend; he’s 10/15 on this list.

  • Jehsea

    Ladies, it is easy to save your own heart. Never ask a Man to show you who he is twice. That is to say, when you see him raising the red flag(s), he is *telling you*, “This is the kind of man I am.” That’s the time to shed him and do not turn back, ever. Again: Never ask a man to show you who he is twice.

  • hlone

    He doesn’t make sure u get home safe after u visit with him

    • beckybeckybecky


  • Adam J. Doe

    Everything else is fine, but no, she’s not going to just get anytime
    access to my computer and phone; it’s MINE and hers is hers. We can
    share a little but if she’s sane she won’t immediately jump to the
    conclusion that it must mean the only logical option is that I’m
    cheating on her just because I don’t want someone monitoring my
    communications, sorry. Should I assume she’s cheating on me if she
    doesn’t let me know of all her calls and computer usage?

    ” Also, he wants to know what his friends and family think about you! ” I
    feel like this is more of a girl thing. Yadda Yadda said what I’m about to say short and sweet. I might be mildly curious of
    others views, but probably not enough to decide how much I like her just
    based off that. One of the only reasons I’d introduce a gf to
    family/friends is JUST SO they know they might have to deal with this
    person awhile because that’s the one I AM dating because, at least for
    then, I LIKE her, and it’s not to do with them. On the reverse, I
    am dating HER, not her friends or her mom. I’m not interested in
    whatever murmurings, gossip or rumors they might say about me behind
    their back and am really not interested in someone who needs approval
    from others of if I’m ‘good enough’; like ‘omg is this guy a good enough
    accessory next to me? Do you girls approve of my bf?’ This is something
    girls do to screw up relationships – bring the family and the
    girlfriends into the relationship. Soon the foolish female will listen
    to all the jibber-jabber of people who aren’t even in the relation,
    don’t see everything that goes on but apparently think they know it all.
    Then the girl gets insecure, brings their peoples’ negativity into the
    relationship and proceeds to thoroughly ruin said relationship and
    wonder ‘gosh, why is there always so much drama in my life?’ while she
    is single again surrounded by the people who she decided get to think for her. It’s insulting, really when a girl starts listening to her friend or family member who doesn’t like the guy (sometime’s they’re right to) and trusts their accusations, not just over whatever judgment or lack thereof of her own, but also over the guy himself; and he’s at the bottom of the totem pole of trust and communication IN HIS OWN RELATIONSHIP because this girl decided her circle is a participating part of the relationship, too, and of higher trust ranking! Consider it also from his side if he did this and some of his friends, family or mother (bun-bum-BUM) says “oh goodness, she’s terrible!/dumb!/a tramp!/ugly! She’s not good enough for you” You’re gonna have a bad time! Ooh and what if he runs off with one of the friends instead lol

    Sorry it’s so long, but it’s true. One more thing: Guys often are scared to show their emotional, caring side for fear girls won’t respect it or that it’s not “manly”, even after having entered the relationship.So like Aaliyah’s “Try again”, just because he’s shy at first doesn’t necessarily mean the feelings aren’t there at all – not that I’m saying just let him be cold forever for whatever reason he may do that. Some you can get out of their shell, some won’t change..

    • I agree with you on the phone/computer thing. I don’t let friends or family see what I’m doing on either device cause it’s simply none of their business. And I don’t care what they do on their phones/computers. Not that I have anything to hide, you just don’t need to know who I’m talking to or what I’m doing. But if anyone is ever suspicious and they ask, I can simply show them.

  • OlayinkaFab

    These are pretty accuarate. And beware of the one who ALWAYS disappears on the weekend and holidays. A lot of men play games doing the week acting single, particulary if they work with their prey. The weekends and holidays are family time so if you are excluded, you already know what it is.

  • sincerely a man

    this is a really presumptuous article. without proper context, none of these “signs” are a “sure thing”. they are just inference and do nothing more but complicate dating with too much imagination and/or too little communication. There might be ten other reasons that (almost) any of these things happening. my opinion is that this article feeds into the kind of emotions that make dating overly complicated. It feeds into fears, rather than rational thinking. articles like these are probably half the reason dating sucks when it does.

  • muzamil qaddous

    i forgot: uve never seen his place. He calls u late. Skips ur bd or any important dates or events. lies about the smallest things. He doesnt spend time or money on you. Dont care about ur feelings. He doesnt trust u. Hes always absent. U cannot invite him anywhere. U dont know where u two are going. He never wants to see you before 11pm or go anywhere. He only text and dont answer ur phone calls. He doesnt care if he doesnt hear from u for days or what happened to you or anyone close to you. He tells u he doesnt want to be with u!!! Just to name a few.

  • Kendra

    I actually hate cuddling, I will do it if and only if I am in a serious relationship, and I still manage to break away once my man falls asleep, but otherwise I hate it. Some people hate that about me and some love it. I feel smothered, and can’t really breath.

  • Yadda Yadda

    Ladies, listening to a woman giving you advice about men is like listening to a man giving you advice about childbirth.

    • Adam J. Doe

      A thousand carets up to you!

    • You don’t have to be a man to give advice on recognizing the signs that a man is not prepared to give you what you want out of a relationship.

    • So who has the best advice about men? A bird?

  • Z

    I’m a man and I don’t disagree with this list. But I thought the “He cares about the dumb things” was a little out there. I understand in part what the author is getting at, but at the same time, who never cares about what restaurant or bar or movie they go to? Who never cares about the temperature of a room? Are men not supposed to have opinions about these matters? Those aren’t dumb things. Those things aren’t decided arbitrarily. Those are choices we make in life among thousands of others that are made.

    • I agree..I wasn’t completely understanding that one.

  • deb

    totally bookmarking this for the times i know ill need a reality cheque in the mail.

  • deb

    I’m sorry but if any man OR woman that isn’t one of my brothers or anyone really, really, really close to me said “you can come IF YOU WANT”, i’d start distancing myself. If a guy I was interested in said that to me, i’d immediately feel rejected (because it’s obvious what it means) and would start the mourning/moving on process.

  • Illinois1982

    i disagree with “being to busy” some people are extremely busy.

  • if you only hear from him at 2AM or some weird time, like you don’t
    exist at any other hour of the day, cut him off before you become
    emotionally vested. Some of these guys also make promises that they
    don’t keep, because they never intended to take you to dinner or attend
    some event with you in the first place. I am beautiful woman and I love good
    man…..inter racial romance is my dream… so I joined —blackwhitеPlanet.С0M—–it’s where to- connect with beautiful and excellent
    people! When they’re honest about where
    you stand with them, it’s easy. But, it takes a little longer to
    figure it out when they lie to you, because then you have to see that
    their actions don’t match what comes out of their mouths.

  • Herm Cain

    Women ask for the truth but rarely can accept it how do they swallow I won’t date you because your two kids or I just wanna f**k you no relationship no emotional attachment most men lie to save your fragile naive hearts

    • CC

      Unfortunately there are men out here that just can’t be honest. Why not give HER the opportunity to walk away if that’s not what she wants. There are women out there that are looking for the same thing, why not get involved with them instead of playing with an innocent woman???

  • FelineOnlineNow

    To be honest, this whole list is basically about men trying to boost their egos off of women whom they think would be more into them than they are into the women described above. I recently overheard a man who weighed no less than 500 pounds talking about his “women” in derogatory terms on his cell phone in a store parking lot. Someone has to make these men feel good about themselves, because if they could feel good about themselves on their own, then they wouldn’t have to play dumb games with women. They would be upfront about their feelings and wouldn’t allow the women to continue to make fools of themselves by feeding their hungry hearts with lies just to keep them around. Keeping women like this around simply gives a man with low self-esteem bragging rights.

  • Machelle Kwan

    This list was on point. I don’t have much patience with them anymore, so I’m don’t give them many chances. If they don’t respond to correspondence in a timely manner, i’m done. I let them know from the jump..” I’m running this”.

  • Mrs. Strode

    Here’s my point..women at least this woman, is not dumb! You tell your friends about me, Ima keeper, to let you tell it, then you disappear physically. Are you scared?? Not even pressing for a commitment, and most of the signs he doesn’t not display. But how long is a girl to wait for something a little more?!?! It been nearly four months and very few dates..I told him to get real, honest with himself, and call when he grows up..this is for the college-aged men. Can’t believe that HE is missing this good thing..ME!! I’ve drawn the line cause there are other men..thank god!! lol

  • ladyday

    Yep I’m dealing with alot of this b.s right now. It’s been 8 months & he proposed but now he has done a total 180. His words & actions don’t match. He is always M.I.A. He responds to texts hours & hours later if at all. I call & his phone goes straight to voicemail. In the beginning he was bringing flowers & showing up all the time. I don’t understand men. If they don’t feel the same anymore why not just say so instead of sticking around making a woman’s life miserable trying to figure him out? I get so sick of men & their mind games/b.s.

    • Mrs. Strode

      sometimes they are just scared and stupid..and THAT’S what they are showing you. Many mean no disrespect, but it is what we allow them to do..STOP NOW!! He will straighten up or u will find someone new..

    • Machelle Kwan

      Most of them are evil and just love to hurt women for their own pleasure. Don’t give any man anymore than what he’s giving you.

      • What a horrible comment. Maybe YOU should try dating other guys because YOU clearly always pick the bad ones and now assume that all men are like that. I have met the guys that you are talking about but the vast majority of guys I have ever met are not like that. Unfortunately, there are bound to be some women who are either attracted to jerks or attract them for some reason, and I am sorry to let you know that you are clearly one of them.

    • Adriane

      It would be much easier if they just told the truth to start with. Take some time for you and remember that if he cared he would be there so since he’s not he must be doing what he wants to do. You deserve better.

    • Soulsis

      I think many of them don’t have the courage to end things so they self-sabotage. I was in this situation and I know it is immature but I could not tell him I was no longer interested so I started being a jerk hoping that he would catch on and then He would end things instead of Me. Many men do this and every now and then a woman.

    • He’s not into you anymore.

    • MzMelody

      Yep, Same thing happened to me last year, I just pulled the plug on it and walked away


    i am sorry, but i think everyone is different and does things from the middle to the end or back to the front or just be all over the place with the list (and will be so into you). life is hard and stressful and causes tons of confusion. if hes a guy who follow steps…get rid of him. everything you say and do, he will judge and compare. nothing means the same thing for everyone. listen to your heart and watch the little things he does that matters to YOU and thats best for YOU…vice versa.

  • Elle

    Good list. I would add “he doesn’t check in on you when you’re sick/going through a tough situation.” Smh I went through a lot of this foolishness with a guy who wasn’t really into me.

    • Observing

      Girl! That says it all. And your situation is not that of the minority. Ni@@as treat us like that the majority of the time.

      We have to decide to not be on that BS.. chris brown said it best.

  • customcalendars4u2

    I don’t agree with three things listed here. He doesn’t want to meet your friends(Lol..of course he does to see who he can hit on),he kisses rough(this type of guy won’t kiss her at all)& he pushes for sex(why would he, when a woman who puts up with this type of treatment is usually willing and waiting)? At the end you be surprised how the tables turn,but only if a woman has time for nonsense and head games..

  • R’s girl

    This is BS and very immature. I think black women are always looking for something wrong with a man anyway.Very Chicken Little-ish too (running around in panic assuming that the sky is falling over almost nothing) Stop thinking that life is some romantic comedy where MR is going to DO EVERYTHING YOU WANT, YOUR WAY. He may not text you back because it aint his thing, he may not cuddle you because he is not comfortable with it, but may, with time, come around. He may always be busy but you must learn to make let him know that he should make time cos you are his woman,(ask, keep asking NICELY, you will be shocked) Then some people, both men and women, are poor planners, etc etc. If u wanna be happy, believe in the guy you are with and be positive. show the brotha some L.O.V.E. (unless you aint gat any for him anyways.) We forget that we are all human beings with weaknesses, every weakness should not be put under a microscope like this. There is no perfect man. none at all.

    • FromUR2UB

      When you have to ask more than twice, it’s called “begging”. The point is, if the man really wants you to be his woman, you don’t have to ask him repeatedly to spend time with you. He will initiate the requests sometimes. He may be busy, but busy doing what? There’s a difference between a man being busy because he has a demanding job, and busy with his buddies, or anything else he can use as an excuse. One thing I know about men, is that they figure out how to do whatever they WANT or NEED to do, be they generally poor planners or not. I’d like to hear from you in ten years, and learn how all that generosity in patience and understanding worked out for you.

      • Miss Anonymous

        Yep I agree.

      • Mrs. Strode

        I agree! I’m interested in a man with a demanding job, but I work too. He tried to say I have too much time on my hands (a teacher off during the summer) and that was true, however, people DO make time to do what they want, and after a month of no physical contact…BOUNCING!! Texts and emails are okay, but even if this is not gonna be committed right now, we could at least spend more time together..#toomanyfishinthesea

      • R’s girl

        Oh come on, I am all for loving relationships where everyone is equally invested but I still think women stress over the small things which may not even mean that “he will never be into you” like this article puts it. Ok, rough kissing, seriously? What if I like rough sex? And what if I am not yet ready to meet his family and friends either? Pushes for sex too early? What? That too? But I have got to inspect the equipment too n the earlier the better. He is not a good listener? Never met a man who really, really listens, not even my therapist. If I keep asking for what I want,in a respectful way (to him and myself) I do not think that makes me a beggar, It means, I know how to get what I want.

        • FromUR2UB

          Well, dear, then you keep doing what works for you. As long as you’re happy, that’s fine. The thing is, it just sounds so one-sided, and I think that one day, you’re going to feel that. You sound like a young woman, so your needs will change as you grow older. Men are peculiar creatures in that, the less you demand of them, the lower you set the bar, the less you get from them. They don’t seem to wake up one day and reach some epiphany, where they see the value of the woman who has been tolerating and enduring. I’ve seen women stand by men most of their lives, often through ups and downs that he sometimes brought upon them. When they finally begin to reap the rewards, it seems like too little, too late by comparison to her sacrifices. I’m all for standing by someone, who reciprocates at least occasionally. There are no perfect relationships. But some are just so imperfect that they make you wonder why they came into your life and wasted your time. Then you remember, you learn from the experience.

          • R’s girl

            Well said. I agree with you on some things. No woman should have to spend their life tolerating and enduring a man who does not care for her. I still think lists like this are sometimes alarmist and should be taken with lots of perspective and intuition.One thing though, patience, endurance and understanding are qualities both men and women MUST have for a relationship to work out right. I never vouched for a one sided, un-reciprocated relationship. Far from it! I just said to talk about how one would like to be treated with the man one is with and give him a limited time period to deliver.

            • If you really read the article what she is trying to convey is that he should be trying to meet you halfway; There ought to be reciprocity and thoughtfulness on not what is convenient just for him but considering your feelings. A man that wants to be with you is already thinking of these things. A man who isn’t fully invested in you or worse is just chilling with you until he finds something better exhibits at least two or more of the examples presented in the article

    • Miss Anonymous

      I was generous understanding and patient and I was cheated on in my 3 year relationship. I even got yelled at because I wanted to spend time with him because I didnt know if it was gonna be the last time I see him considering he was going to war. He told me that I was being so selfish. Yes being selfish for wanting to see him and spend tme with him whereas he had time to hang out with his friends in that whole 4 month period. He only saw me twice where he was driving everywhere else to see his friends. I showed him love and all of the above and yet he cheated while on his 2 week break from war.

      Sometimes there is something wrong with the man and not the woman. A person shouldnt have to wait for someone to text them on friday when you texted them on monday.

      • customcalendars4u2

        Girrrllll!!! I’m scared to ask you his name,but was he from Chicago???

        • Miss Anonymous

          lol! No he was from NC.

          • customcalendars4u2

            Whew!!(wiping sweat from my brow in relief),but it wouldn’t have mattered anyway,because men like that can’t be controlled or reprogrammed about how to treat & love a woman. Those type of men all do the same dumb behaviors over and over until they get tired of being that cold hearted, unresponsive,irresponsible man….I just wish more of us women knew our power & worth!

            • No they do it until they meet a woman who requires he treat her with respect or he doesn’t get the pleasure of treating her at all. Those types of men do reform when they meet that woman who they know will cut their azz loose (married with children and all) in a milisecond. Why does she get that respect you might ask? Because she KNOWS she’s worth it and she ensures that he knows it too.

          • Observing

            I love that you served his a$$. He more than deserved it

      • GalaxyEmpress

        You only saw him twice in four months??? The hell??? If 3 days to one week goes by and I don’t hear from him, he’s getting cut completely OFF, I won’t talk to him no more. Clearly he’s playing games and I…….am…..not………for……that……..mess!!!

        • Miss Anonymous

          Yes he was. I figured “okay, he is 4 hours away and we wont be able to see each other alot” but I have a good memory and I kept track of stuff he was saying. For instance he DROVE on a work day from where he was to his hometown. His hometown is 2 hours from me so he basically drove 12 ( coming, 6 going back) hours back and forth but couldn’t drive 8 ( 4 coming, 4 going back). Better yet he couldn’t drive 4 (2 coming, 2 going back) when he was back in his hometown.

          Smh He even yelled at me on the phone saying how selfish I was at being upset that he wasnt keeping his promise to see me because he wanted to see his friends and family before he leaves. ( He spent a month with his family and friends and then a 2 weeks with them again but couldnt spare a weekend with me).

          • Miss Anonymous

            Karma did catch up to him where the girl he cheated on me with (his ex gf he never broke up with who he made his fiance) used him for his war money and cheated on him. He tried to come back using the old ” i had a dream about you being preg by another man, blah blah blah” but I knew it was for guaranteed booty after being at war for 15 months. I nicely declined and he told me “the first year I felt you was the one, The second year I wasnt sure, the third year I knew for sure you wasnt the one for me” ie he was just wasting my time and using me. I gave him a verbal foot up his behind and said that I was preg by another guy a week after we broke up. *okay I lied about being preg but It stung his behind*

        • Observing

          Amen girl. If you don’t stand for nothing u will fall for anything

        • beckybeckybecky

          LMFAO right ON! “I…….am…..not………for……that……..mess!!!”

    • goddess8281

      Honey, I’m sorry but those same reasons you stated are the same excuses women use to justify a man’s treatment of them b/c they want the situation to work. This list was spot-on, point blank period.

    • GalaxyEmpress

      You’re making excuses for sorry men and their sorry behaviors, please, just stop it. A man who genuinely likes a woman isn’t going to treat her the way you’ve described.

    • Observing

      Dam you said that. I could look at that as real… or I could look at that as some BS.

      Not sure… but u made a grrat point.

    • Mrs. Strode

      You are right, and no one should take this list too seriously. Folks change, and while he may be on the fence now, he may not be later. Hang on to a “good catch” but by all means SEE OTHER PEOPLE TOO! Women are too quick to want commitment, but if he’s not seeing you on a regular, then keep an arms length and tell him so!1

    • Maybe one of the items listed in the article by itself isn’t too bad. But if you are dealing with more than 3, then yes his a** ain’t all that interested . Or she isn’t important enough for him to make her one of his priorities. All of that spells HE AIN’T THE ONE!! Women play themselves because they jump the shark and stop talking to all other men and start rearranging their life for some dude who hasn’t stated his intentions or has no plan on pursuing anything serious with her. A wise woman keeps her options and her heart open and heeds what a man is showing her.

  • FromUR2UB

    Every woman will run into that elusive, unavailable guy at least once. The good news is that they show you who they are from the very beginning, because they can’t fake what they don’t feel. A lot of men would have women believe that’s a reflection of the quality of the woman, but sometimes, a man just doesn’t want who you are. There’s no point in jumping through hoops for him because it won’t make a difference. So, if you only hear from him at 2AM or some weird time, like you don’t exist at any other hour of the day, cut him off before you become emotionally vested. Some of these guys also make promises that they don’t keep, because they never intended to take you to dinner or attend some event with you in the first place. When they’re honest about where you stand with them, it’s easy. But, it takes a little longer to figure it out when they lie to you, because then you have to see that their actions don’t match what comes out of their mouths. So, walk away early while your self-esteem is still intact.

    • Observing

      Dam girl. You ripped that. That was real. U need to write a book for dumb hos.

      I was really struck when you said he only calls u at 2 am… like u don.t exist any other time of day. That shiiiit says it all.

      Speak yo! Speak! Tell it like it T I is….

    • Machelle Kwan

      Preach on. That’s female pimpology right

    • I totally agree! Be general/not specific about where you work/live. Don’t have him pick you up too soon into meeting him. Continue to meet him at restaurants/bars/wherever, that way you always have your own ride home (yourself) if things go south.

  • Kayo

    It makes one ‘selfish’ if they don’t enjoy cuddling? What good does it to force someone to do things that may make them uncomfortable?



      • So you are a cuddler unless he doesn’t want to? Girl find out what YOU like and what YOU want from a partner and then only date men who are willing to give you what you need.

  • SheBe

    I didn’t feel like clicking through all of that. I will wait on the comments to get a Cliffs Notes version.

    • MLS2698

      Me too. Plus I’ve never been in that situation. * shrug*

    • Adriane

      Me too, sometimes I do the same thing too. Now I don’t feel so lazy, LOL.

  • Me

    You forgot: uve never seen his place. He calls u late. Skips ur bd or any important dates or events. lies about the smallest things. He doesnt spend time or money on you. Dont care about ur feelings. He doesnt trust u. Hes always absent. U cannot invite him anywhere. U dont know where u two are going. He never wants to see you before 11pm or go anywhere. He only text and dont answer ur phone calls. He doesnt care if he doesnt hear from u for days or what happened to you or anyone close to you. He tells u he doesnt want to be with u!!! Just to name a few.

    • theguylaughing

      damn, as a guy that is standard with the side chicks. u been hurt baad. woman up.

      • GalaxyEmpress

        What the hell are you saying?? Or is it you’re mad she’s exposing game??

        • pureiceblk

          Tell em

          • justguest

            My thing is wow, this is a lot for anyone to go through. To me, you can tell when a dude is feeling you and when it isn’t clear if that dude really is interested he’ll change up to make it clear. I just hate that males and females go through a lot and still decide to land interest and even worst affection on a person rather than notice who really isn’t worthy of it.

    • Chanda

      Well damn. If that’s the case I’d break things off before it even got that deep. That’s booty call or fvck buddy status (and even some of them get treated better than that). But not girlfriend material. Take it or leave it.



      • pureiceblk

        Mee too

        • Susan Bailey

          If you think Keith`s story is inconceivable,, last pay cheque my boy frends brother also brought home $9091 putting in a 20 hour week from there house and the’re co-worker’s step-mother`s neighbour done this for three months and easily made more than $9091 in their spare time on their computer. the instructions from this website, jump15.comCHECK IT OUT

        • MzMelody

          That makes 2 of us

    • customcalendars4u2

      Dang!! You got played huh?

    • GalaxyEmpress

      Truth!!!! Amen.

    • JAYLUV1

      errm…thats loud and clear…you are a jump off!. . even if hes married to you and does you like that. in his mind you are his jump off. this will let you know that its time to check your feelings however which way you can. start now…it might take years.

    • Mrs. Strode

      that’s waaay too many negatives

    • Moi

      I like your list better!

    • blacklatina

      Ive been through all of that before…it sucks but I prefer to be single and not with person that doesnt care for me at all.

    • marj

      you know this is true! I have been with a guy who treated me like this for 2 years but i still stayed.. I kept understanding it was a long distance relationship. and then he broke up saying he can’t take long distance and he doesn’t know me well. why? when he’s here, he’s always with friends, he doesn’t know where we are going when I suggest places he doesn’t want to go out anywhere rather than sleeping because he’s always tired from work, (but when his friends call him he’s there in a second!), he doesnt plan anything, he doesn’t cuddle(but he says he is a cuddler!) he says he’s coming home early but he don’t.. i regret staying with an unavailable person!