The Thirst Files: Nothing’s Wrong With A Little E-Flirting Between Two Married People, Right?

September 4, 2012  |  

“The Thirst Is Real.” Is it? Isn’t it? These days, “the thirst” has become a ubiquious term showing up everywhere from Frank Ocean’s tweets to ratchet reality shows. But what is the thirst? In our series “The ThirstFiles,” we decide to share stories and essays that communicate one angle of the thirst whether it involves a woman who develops a sexual addiction or a married man who stalks for affection via the internet. Just so you know, we’re not taking ourselves too seriously here but wanted to take a more focused approach to understanding this thing called “The Thirst” lol. Enjoy this installment and let us know what other angles of the thirst you’d like to see explored. 

By Pete Vaughn*

I always thought that when I got married it would get easier; “it” being the ability to keep women who were not my significant other from creeping into my life. See, I was, foolishly, under the guise that women were not into men who were married like they were into men who are single and ready to mingle. I was wrong, very. Maybe, and that’s a big maybe, before the advent of social networks, that premise held some weight. Now, it’s no more than a myth, believed to be true, until fate and reality rear their ugly e-heads.

As a social network connoisseur of sorts, it always starts with a “Hey Boo,” or for those affluent in the twitterverse, a #HeyBoo. At least that’s how I started. At the time I thought it was innocent, I was simply bored at work, bored with life, and in search of little bit of excitement. What I quickly found out was that there is a whole world of people bored in their marriages. This is not to be confused with unhappy, or out of love, just bored — and seeking excitement outside of their relationship instead of finding ways to incorporate it into their marriage. Before I knew it, I had dropped several “Hey Boos” and women were responding to all of them. Somehow, I had gone from innocent voyeur to predator to prey, all in a matter of a week.

Military wives, semi-famous women, the first lady of a *whispers* church, all  married and all in my Facebook and Twitter messages, texts, and emails saying things I could barely grasp. But trust, I figured out a way to respond to them. “The thirst” was real and alive, well-represented by these women professing their intrigue for how funny and swexy I was. If I’m being completely honest, I’m somewhere between Idris Elba and Morris Chestnut on the attractive scale – in my mind.  In reality, I’m short(er), chubbier and less successful than both brothers, not to mention the respective spouses of these women e-hollering. So what was it that caused our paths to cross?

Plain and simple, it was “the thirst.” This whole time, I had assumed the thirst was something only single people suffered from. I soon realized that there are just two different types of thirst. Single people suffer from a dehydration derived from loneliness. It’s a natural part of the dating scene, for both genders. Thirsting is simply a part of becoming attracted to a potential mate. You throw that thirst out there to show interest, and just pray it’s not perceived as creepy.

In the married world, thirsting is a distraction; the closet thing to Narnia. It’s the dialogue, often times awkward in its origins, as both of you slowly, and hopefully, reveal your relationship status. Once that’s out there, it’s all fun and “just flirting,” until one of you catches feelings; starts questioning your whereabouts, your sex life with your spouse, and why you can’t talk after 10pm. Before you know it, you’re damn near in a relationship with a married woman, as a married man. This is how it goes. This is how the movies told us (Read: me) it would go. Did I listen? Of course not. Because as a man, I gotta learn the hard way. So now I have three women in heavy rotation, needing and wanting constant attention they don’t get at home, attention I do get at home, and likely don’t give my own wife enough of because I’m too busy answering every notification from these other wives.

The number one rule that I thought one should remember is only interact with other married people. It was the single people who would cause strife and strain in your quest to diverge from infidelity. Nope. It’s these other married people. It’s like a hidden world, where the only way to even know about it is to get married, and then, WALLAH, you’re in. Now, with the thirst being at an all time high, the number one rule is, there are no rules. The only boundary I need to set is discipline. Just. Say. No. to the #HeyBoos.

Have you ever allowed yourself to be distracted from your real-life partner by “innocent” internet relationships?

 

*obviously, Pete Vaughn is not really Pete Vaughn. The author had to write under another name to disclose this personal story. 

Make sure to check out the first installment of The Thirst Files: How He Dickmatized Her

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