True Life: I’m a Girlfriend to a Man in An Open Marriage

116 comments
March 21, 2012 ‐ By madamenoire

By Anonymous

I stood at the airport waiting for him to come down the escalator to baggage claim, anticipating the energy I knew I would feel as soon as he was in my presence. This was my time. It was my chance to be with a man I love, a man I enjoy being around, a man I would do just about anything for. It was my turn to be with my boyfriend, a man who just so happens to be in an open marriage with his wife while having multiple girlfriends…including myself.

This wasn’t a situation I ever expected to be a part of. Why would I want to be with a man who is married, who has other women, who is open about his other women, and who would not be committed to me 100 percent?
He lives on the East Coast. I live on the West Coast and his other women are spread throughout the country, four of us to be exact, including his wife. I am the newest girlfriend of his and I have met and spoken with his wife. I do plan on meeting the other women as well. He and I speak on the phone quite often, but our time alone with each other is definitely the hardest part of our relationship, due to him being so far away and so busy.

It confuses me every time I think about it too hard. And then I hear his voice, and I feel at ease. He tells me, “I Love You,” and in my heart, I know he’s being honest about it. When we are together, he holds me, touches me, kisses me, and makes me feel like the goddess I am. And when we have sex, it’s not two physical bodies bumping into each other, it’s our bodies coming together as one, communicating our love to each other. In that moment, it’s about us and only the two of us, and then I don’t feel like just a girlfriend.

Yes, there are a few feelings of insecurity and jealousy, but not any more than I would have in a monogamous relationship, because while I may not want to hear details of what he does, I know that what he is telling me is the truth.
This man is not only teaching me how to be a sexually fulfilled woman, but also how to be open and honest and loving so I can receive the love I am deserving of. He is showing me there are men who are respectful, forgiving, sexual, sympathetic, and loving out there and he is showing me how to get what I want and what I need in my life, whether it’s a career, peace of mind, or even another man.

So, it’s not a big deal about him being married, because he’s not lying or cheating. His wife knows about me, has met me, and is fully aware of who I am in his life and I know and respect his wife. It’s not about him having other women and being honest about it, because men cheat every day. I will always prefer a man to be upfront in regards to what he wants and who he wants versus sneaking behind my back every day. And it’s not about not being committed to me 100 percent, because he is. He may not have the ability to be with me every day, every week, or even every month for that matter, but he is committed to me and my life and the goals we have together. Yes, we have goals together.

This is more than just an open relationship. It’s an “Open Lifestyle” and it’s complicated and hard for most because too many people are so used to being closed and shying away from being honest with each other, especially when it comes to love and sex. Progressive love is allowing the feelings within you to be free; to live in the moment and enjoy it. This is what keeps me here. Because I love LOVE and I love being able to give it freely and openly while receiving it in the same way. I have much to learn, plenty to understand and a multitude of feelings to sort through, but in the meantime, I’m progressing in this open lifestyle one day at a time.

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  • http://www.yourtango.com/users/cheekee-baby cheekee baby

    LMAO! So delusional. Girrrrrl just keep that ish real and admit buddy has some sick dizzle skills and you got sprung off of it. Or just admit you are slightly brain damaged.

    All’s well in the land of milk and honey until one of his girlfriends (yuck, y’all knowingly sharing dizzle) ends up with a keep a negro baby. We’ll see how “open” and “respectful” wifey is then.

    Whew chile I can’t , I can’t, I can’t!

  • mina

    This is amazing my husband and I have an open marriage many people can not handle this life style uhm he has had other woman in his life but 1 at a time besides me and I have my girls on the side… We have a lot of love and respect for we will be married for 8 years in march…

  • WTF

    “I will always prefer a man to be upfront in regards to what he wants
    and who he wants versus sneaking behind my back every day. And it’s not
    about not being committed to me 100 percent, because he is.”

    LOL more like 25%. Ladies, we call this SETTLING.

    _ <————— Feel free to redeem your seat. SMH.

  • Guest

    So sad.

  • tawana

    Have you ever heard of aids? Aids has open marriages and relationships too.Stop being desperate and secretly hoping and thinking that your gonna get this type of man,because it will never and ain’t gonna happen..Wake up girl.Any time a man is in an open marriage he just wants to keep who he’s with but freely cheat and you are just his trick and to be honest and fair with you if he chooses this kind of relationship/marriage then this man is no good cause a real man wants his wife only and doesn’t want too or like to share.But good luck on whatever you are trying to accomplish cause you know deep down you don’t like the fact that he’s married.Remember the way to a mans heart is in his mind and the way to a woman’s heart is through her vagina.So you can lie to the world but you cannot lie to me cause i know better.

  • http://www.victoryroadwellnesscenter.com/how-to-promote-your-business Louise Malbon-Reddix

    Clearly here, the values of yester year dont apply here. Words like respect his wife just dont go together. and to bring it up to today, you are only one person and the laws in the united states are for family and the only benifits you will get here are emotional both good and bad. Is it worth it?

  • broken hearted

    broken hearted

    Im the wife of a man who has muti realtions even father a child we have 19 years together this woman cant be happy with this situation. My husband baby mama and i argue constantly and even teamed up on him when we found out there are other women. my children are devastated why i stay one of my biggest issues is letting the other woman win.My love has faded for this man.Marriage means nothing in this day and age

  • Ifuaskme2

    Wow. MN is writing comedy pieces now. 

  • Spring2life2000

    Gross, and ppl wonder why the STD rates continue to increase. Espcially in the black community.

  • Gimmeabreak78

    I can’t be mad at her.  If this is all she wants for herself, why shouldn’t she have it.  I wouldn’t knowingly participate in a nonmonagamous relationship because I believe I derserve to be sole focus of a man’s romantic affections and attention.  This woman is an adult and if all she wants is a piece of a man, we shouldn’t be mad at her for being alright with that.

  • K_SUITER

    LOL, NO HONEY. IT’S ABOUT ALL FOUR F YOU BEING SO HARD UP FOR MAN, YOU TAKE ANYTHING. IT’S ABOUT THE FACT , THAT HE IS LAYING IT DOWN SO YOU ARE LOSING YOUR MIND. OH, HIS WIFE A LIL GRAIN OF SENSE BECAUSE SHE DOES HAVE THE RING. SO, IF HE DIES ON HIS WAY TO SEE YOU…. WHO WILL GET HIS BELONGINGS. YEP, THOUGHT SO.

  • Ashleycam07

    I am not really understanding this…this sounds like something written by someone who is trying to be poet. Why can’t you learn LOVE and SEX on your own…a man does not define how good you want your sex life to be…and if that is the case….shouldn’t you be seeing more than one man….looks like the man is playing all of you….no matter how truthful he is with you you will always be …just a side piece…

  • Robin The First

    Marriage is a social convnetion that is as natural as, and makes about as much sense as wearing a bra. It’s origins as a ‘legal’ or ‘publicly recognized’ contract are barely 500 years old, and has its roots in oppression of women and as financial transactions. Even most people on this site who are disparaging the author only believe in “serial” monogomy – not that 1 person for life kind. All I’m saying is that your bias is pretty much a result of your social engineering – not natural instinct (monogomy and marriage is probably not even the healthy for evolution).

    • Robin The First

      Oh, and I should add – “…as useful as…” to the bra analogy. In other words, it’s a social construct that has no real value other than it’s socially handicapping to NOT do it.

  • Lovely One

    I reread this article and found the following statements “interesting.”

    (1) “This was my
    time”(2) “being around, a man I would do just about
    anything for”(3) “In that moment, it’s about us and only
    the two of us, and then I don’t feel like just a girlfriend”
    (4) “while I may not want to hear details of what he
    does”

    Oh, and here’s my favorite…
    (5) “Why would I want to be with a man who is
    married, who would not be committed to me 100 percent?”(6) “it’s not about not being committed to me 100
    percent, because he is” (5th paragraph)
    At this point, you are contradicting yourself.  Even if this boyfriend was not married, you would still be more into him than he is into you and you would still desire more from him than vice versa…your own words prove that. I cannot see this ending well :-(

    • Lovely One

      I’m upset that my formatting screwed up :-(

  • TruthHurtz

    The only good thing about this arrangement is that everyone is aware of what’s going on. There’s no hidden marriage, no secret girlfriend…everyone knows their role in this and are willing participants. If it works for them then so be it. However, I personally feel that I could never participate in an open MARRIAGE…however an open RELATIONSHIP is different to me. I feel that once you get married, that means that you are committing to that ONE person solely. No one else. But in an open regular RELATIONSHIP, no ones married, no one’s taken vows etc…so I don’t see that as being as problematic. However, no one should enter into an open relationship if they have issues with jealousy because that’s obviously going to become a bigger issue the longer you stay in it. 

    • TruthHurtz

      And also I don’t see how someone could be getting much out of a relationship with someone they barely see. Like others have said, he already has way too many other partners involved in this situation and the possibility of diseases spreading is much higher. So I don’t personally think it’s worth the risk for someone you barely get to see and spend time with anyway. I would just find someone else.

  • Ms_Sunshine9898

    Girrrrrllll!!!!!!! Your desperation is showing! You can’t really be that desperate for love and relationship if you’re willing to allow a man to run game on you and 5, FIVE OTHER WOMEN! Girl you need to do yourself a favor and find a man who will love and appreciate you exclusively! Girl I can’t! Women giving these cookies out over some dumb men that are bold enough to cheat in your face. News Flash: all men don’t cheat!

  • Gretchen Smith

    I really liked the comment “when i think about it too hard”.  Sounds like you don’t want to give any thought to this at all.  All of us have areas we need to clean up in our lives, i.e. finances, career decisions, family issues etc. but this leaves me wondering what else is going on with “sistergirl”……

  • Gorgeousgirl081

    If you want that lifestyle, why marry? All I can say is that if I were her, I would hope she is seeing other people too, cause when it ends, and it will end, she will be the one heartbroken and upset I think, moreso then he.

  • LALATAREA

    All is fine and dandy until somebody gets knocked up or an std!

  • FromUR2UB

    Wow.  Talk about getting the short end of the stick…so to speak.

    Is this a true story or fiction?

  • Entyce986

    Spoken like a true lost, idiotic, weak willed woman. He isn’t committed to her, his wife, or the other women (and Im sure its more than 4). She’s accepting being a jump off and not caring about herself (especially health wise) or the consequences. The only woman he should be committed to is his wife. There should be no other women. SMH.

  • BeenThere

    I dated a man who was in an open marriage…after meeting his wife first.  I also dated other men since I was looking for Mr. Right.  (Any woman who only lets the man date others is a Class A fool!!)  Anyway, we saw each other 4 days a week, took vacations and he spoiled me rotten.  Eventually, we fell in love, he asked me to marry him, wanted to leave his wife, etc. I declined and after a few months told him that I was ending the relationship because we spent so much time together that it was difficult to actively date other men.  His wife was distraught after finding phone records showing just how close we had become and after he admitted he was in love with me.  Their marriage was never the same and they’re currently separated.  Given that experience, I would never be in an open relationship.

    • perplexed

      if i may ask (no offense meant btw),

      1) if he had left his wife and gotten married to you would you have wanted an open or closed marriage?

      2)how do you feel about what happened to their marriage?

      • BeenThere

        1.  I declined his proposal.  I’m certain that I want a closed marriage.
        2.  I feel awful.  The issues they had were worsened by my relationship with the hubby.  They seemed quite happy when I first met them…by the end they were arguing daily.  In the end, I felt that she was really only fine with a sexual relationship, not a true emotional connection.  I think they’d be happily married now if I hadn’t dated him because prior to me he hadn’t wanted to leave home because she gave him so much freedom.

  • CherieAmore

    I’m in an open relationship and this chick is headed for heartbreak.  Doesn’t seem like she has any other playmates besides him (and yes, you are a PLAYMATE to him).  My playmates are all single, not separated, not in a relationship and I’ll tell you, these are the best relationships with men I’ve ever had in my life!  I wish I had done it years ago.  But this woman is putting too much into this one man who won’t be able to give her the relationship she obviously craves – TO BE LOVED BY ONE MAN!  Watch out, girl – this open relationship stuff is not to be played with.

    • really???

      open relationships i have no problem with (“open marriage” is my issue).

  • Klw86898689

    This woman sounds real desperate. It’s 2 many men in this world to be waiting on one loser. He’s truly having his cake and eating it 2. I bet he doesn’t want u 2 with other men. U are stupid but that’s your life. U sound very insecure to me. He’s a W***e that’s married. 

  • Miami

    I’m so tired of these so-called progressive Negros trying to make this open marriage nonsense sound intellectual and smart. It’s hogwash! The sad part is many of us black folk have bought into this horrible notion that there are no strong, monogamous, healthy relationships. We believe it to the point that we are easily swayed into practicing harmful and dangers relationship habits. The standards are so abysmally low these days that we concoct any ole’ smart-sounding-I-went-to-college thing that allows us to live disgracefully. Don’t confuse Love with Lust. Love is about restraint and commitment, and if a man truly loves a woman – he will do whatever is necessary to keep that love strong and protected. And besides, find a man who honors his promises: to people and to God. Don’t we owe our children better examples? I think I was born in the wrong era LOL. I’m old school ; )

    That is all

    • Sophia

      Miami I love you xx 

  • StrongBlackBeauty

    this is a bunch of bulls**t that you have convinced yourself to believe…there are men out there who are perfectly capable of loving and devoting himself to one woman. Sharing a man will not work out in the long run…it may work for a few months or maybe even years but eventually the situation will fall out. You must love yourself enough to be selfish with certain things, just like you wouldn’t share your panties or toothbrush with another man, is the same way you shouldn’t share your man with another. Weak people w/ low self esteem tend to convince themselves that they’re happy in open relationships after all it takes guts to have a monogomous relationship; it’s much easier to look outside for excitement than to find the source within. All in all, I’m not here to judge the author of this story, I just want to simply remind you that you derserve better than that. 

    • blackmarlon

       i disagree. completely.

    • Josiane Ferice

      I believe it takes more gut to be in an open relationship than a monogomous relationship. There are plenty of people who are in monogomous relationship and are not happy, but they are afraid of what people would say if they were to be in an open mrriage. It takes more courage for someone to step outside the box and be being able to move forward regardless of what you or anyone else thinks of them.

  • DXTASY

    Can you say harem?

  • http://twitter.com/lucylee lucylee

    you are so stupid.

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=8633338 Jessica Pharm

    This woman has serious issues. This man has gotten what he want because all the women he is dealing with are straight up fools! If a man truly loves you then he wouldn’t want to sleep around with other women. 

    Give me a break!

  • http://www.facebook.com/imani.finn Imani Finn

    I mean, if she’s cool with it, I’m cool. What she eats does not make me poop. But I wonder if the “open” part goes both ways…or if she got her another guy would this first one start to feel butt hurt. I would like to bet that he would feel some type of way.

  • TMS247

    If it’s so great, why is she writing as anonymous?  Also – What happens when she’s no longer the “newest” girlfriend.  Seems like she gets some kind of joy and privilege out of that.  Would be curious to know how the more seasoned girlfriend’s feel and how long they’ve all been in relationships with him.  Is it just as much fun when the newness wears off, the dust settles, and you get tired of waking up in bed alone, being sick and nursing yourself back to health, fixing things around the house alone, and knowing that you won’t be the one he marries and builds a family with because he already has a wife?  She never actually says that she DOESN’t want those things.  Only that she’s new and happy with her boyfriend.  What happens when she starts wanting more… and I don’t want to hear that she won’t because EVERYONE eventually wants more.

  • Mls2698

     At the end of the day, all she will have is a wet azz. No love.

  • 2 Cents….

    Here’s my 2 cents: If she’s happy with that, then that’s her business. However, I just could not deal with this tom foolery. Not at all. And for those of you who would rather be in an “open, and honest” relationship, I just want you to know that just because he claims 4 women, doesn’t mean he is FAITHFUL to those women. I’m more than positive he has or has had a few others on the side that these women don’t know about. And STDs dont discriminate. Open or no open relationship, there’s the risk of catching something unpleasant. So quit acting like just because a person is open about their desire to be unfaithful, and you agree to it, it miraculously means that you are safe from getting burnt.

    • really???

      yeah, these people act like people can’t be lied to in an “open relationship”.

      • Cee

        And you act like you cant be lied to in a committed relationship!

  • SSP

    what always pisses me off is the “She must be weak, delusional, have low self esteen, desperate, willing to settle for half a man instead of a whole” responses. Do they not realize how strong you have to be to have an open relationship. You will face the ridicule of your peers, the disapproval of your family, and that is all before the Bible thumpers get started. It is not for the faint of heart or those who are filled with self doubt. If it is not for you then it is not for you but let me live my life in the way that pleases me and mine, because at the end of the day I am the one who has to look at the person in the mirror.

    • really???

      after you see the negatives of such a relationship and demand an out please don’t be that chick on tv talking about “ain’t no good men out here”

      • Davan Ward

        I know right? You get what you settle for, and they have settled big time.

    • Lovely One

      I have a few questions…

      1. Do you date other men?
      2. Can you please elaborate on the goals you & the boyfriend have together?
      3. Do you not have a desire to EVER get married…b/c those desires have to be non existent for this arrangement to work
      4. If the boyfriend said he only wanted to be with you, would you still want an open relationship?
      5. What happens if you get pregnant…how will the wife respond?

      • Josiane Ferice

        1. Yes she should be able to date other men
        2. That is specific to the writer
        3. For most people in open relationship, they can end it at any time. Although you may find a stucker who stuck you all the time
        4. If she is not looking for a relationship, she can say no and move on. If she is looking for a relationship at this point she can weight her option. People change their mind all the time. You have to be prepare for that day
        5. These things are supposed to be discussed before one it starts. The wife sets the rules and consequences of not following the rules. There supposed to be communication between both partied and both parties know exactly what will happen.

        • LALATAREA

           the wife sets the rules and consequences?? uh no! if the wife wants the side chick to get an abortion and she doesnt want to or has changed her mind then that isnt gonna happen!

          Now the wife has to deal with someone elses child within her marriage, youd be so surprised how quickly rationale goes out the window!

          • perplexed

            agreed. and what kind of consequences can the wife set in the case you just mentioned where the sidepiece refuses an abortion?

            even if the wife said the man will have no contact with the child the girlfriend can go to court and get child support, there is too much that can go wrong in my opinion. 

            • Josiane Ferice

              The wife describes what is and is not acceptable to her. If you were to break these rules, you must deal with the consequences. Look, you went into this lifestyle knowing full well what could happen. The same could be said if the wife were to get pregnant by another man too. I don’t believe this lifestyle is for every one. Also, you have people who tried and can handle the pressur, and they decided we shouldn’t do it and basically stop.

      • SSP

        1. Yes I have
        2. 3. & 4. We wanted to build a life together and raise my children, so we got married. And if a boyfriend ever said he only wanted to be with me, the relationship would be over because I have a husband, and I am not leaving him.
        5, It is not a concern, I am done having kids.

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=433408 Shana Gillis

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=433408 Shana Gillis

    why are the only options an open relationships with honesty and guidelines or cheating with deceit, lies, and let-downs?

    • L-Boogie

      Thank you.  Makes you want to join a monastery.  

    • really???

      i feel you. if you’re not in an open rltship you’re being cheated on.
      LOL.

  • Pivyque

    Ok….what was the point of this article? lol It sounds like she is trying to convince the reader (or herself) that it is the best decision for her. Um…Good For You? I am glad that you are happy with your decision. That is all that matters at the end of the day.

  • LAME

    LMAO this broad is dilusional….

  • Josiane Ferice

    Here is a scenario: you have been in a relationship with a man or woman, and she’d told you are the one and only one. A year later, you found out he cheated or has had a relationship with another women.You will be pissed off, and you have the right to be. However, you would not be in that situation given that he was honest and tell you he want to be in an open relationship. I’d ratber be in an open and honest relationship ratber than one where we are living a lie.
    For the people who said that she is selling herself short, she is getting exactly what she wants. She did not say that she wants more or can’t date another man. She is simply njoying and knowing exactly what she is getting with no hard feelings.

    • Nothing wrong IMO

      I agree, I think it’s hard for most women to comprehend that some women would PREFER this and it has NOTHING to do with self-esteem, self-respect, wanting a man, etc. It’s actually more related to Feminism.

      • Nothing wrong IMO

        Clarifying, it’s more like feminism when women can have multiple partners as well, not just the man. Big Love is totally different from open relationships, there are real power issues in poly marriages (one man, multiple women)

        • 30thoughts

          There are actually no power issues in polygamous marriages. The whole premise behind polygamy is that the man can marry as many women as he is able to support. I’m sure there are instances where one wife gets more time, affection or love than another, but at least if you’re married you can demand the same as the man’s other wives.  In an open “relationship,” she only gets what she’s given, and if she makes waves, he can just move on to his other 4 girlfriends who are fine with the situation, until they get fed up too.

          Open relationships are for selfish people who are only concerned with fulfilling their fleshly desires, without any thought as to how their selfishness affects those around them, especially those they claim to love.

          • Davan Ward

            Can the wives add extra husbands? I’m just saying the bed get’s lonely when Bob spends too much time with Sue, leaving Lisa all alone. Plus, sine the husbands heart is so big, he should have enough room to welcome other men in as his brother husbands same as his wives welcome the sister wives. Fair is fair.

            • 30thoughts

              Davan Ward - 
              As I understand, polygamy goes both ways. Women can have multiple husbands, as well, but I think somewhere there has to be a meeting of the minds.

              Also, I am not condoning either relationship open or polygamous marriage because it goes against what I feel is right, as a Christian. I am simply explaining to “nothing wrong with being open” that logistically speaking power issues don’t really exist in polygamous marriages as she stated above.  Polygamy is simply the lesser of 2 evils, if you will.Personally, I don’t agree with any of it, but this world now makes up its own rules and goes with whatever “feels good.”  I simply TRY to follow the ones already in place.

              • really???

                you and me both.

    • Josiane Ferice

      I think we are talking about two different things here. Polygamy is man marrying several women, and it is not legal in most state exept Utah, I believe. An open marriage is to have a conversation with your partner and decide that you can have a girlfriend or boyfriend even though we are married. It is both ways, and both parties agree to it. Majority of women would prefer to have one and only one man, but the also appreciate w man who can step up and be truthful about what he wants. As a result, she may set up rulesv such as you can have a girlfriend when you are out of town or somewhere far from here, and don’ tell me about it. You also have women who want the open marriage and say let’s go for it. Now, most men cannot handle open marriage; they will ask for one. Then, they can’t stand to see the wife with another man. In addition, there are men who wants the girlfriend to not have other boyfriend either. As you can see, it could be very complicated. However, if both parties set the rules and respect them, it could improve communication and spark the marriage. It makes fun and exciting; in addition, you know exactly what your partner is doing and know that you have to prtect yourself.

    • http://www.yourtango.com/users/cheekee-baby cheekee baby

      So your self esteem is so low that you don’t even require the losers you appear to attract to show you the courtesy of lying to you about being a horn dog.

      Poo baby.

  • Davan Ward

    You know, I wish Polygamy, Polyandrous people could marry. That would be the truth in the pudding. I’m certain that if the man/woman loves the outside men/women  he/she wouldn’t mind marrying all their many lovers right? Also for the heck of it, I’d like those women to also have the option of adding additional husbands  as their husbands add additional wives to the relationship. Call me sadistic, but I’d truly like to see how “flexible” these relationships really are. >=D

  • Ms_Mara

    The author is settling. Point. Blank. Period. And I’d bet dollars to donuts he’d be less than enthused if you were to see other men. But then again, you don’t need any other sexual partners since you’re already sleeping with him and his 3 other women. smh. Let that marinate. I fail to see how he’s “respectful, forgiving, sympathetic and loving” but if it floats your boat, then float on! 

  • ThisGirl

    What has this world come to?! Im 18 and I know this isn’t right so for a grown women to be accepting this this is crazy! So what he is being honest about it, great for him but when a men tells you something you take that and make good sound decisions with it. Out of respect for yourself you need to see this is not ok. Women let men get away with so much and its completely frustrating for me to hear this. Why just to have a man around? As a young women its discouraging to hear this (im not sure how old this woman is). Like is this what we need to look up to?! I cant do it. Not only is this man not honoring his vows to his wife but also to God. How can anyone be ok with this? You are letting this man have his cake and cake it to and your ok with it? I have officially hear it all…

  • Davan Ward

    I’ve known men who do this. In fact, someone close to me is in one such relationship, and from my observation, these men are nothing more then predators. Skilled predators. They look for women with weaknesses or insecurities and they go in for the kill, giving them what these women believe they couldn’t other wise get for one reason or another. Also, look at the women from that show sister wives. These women are not at the top of the dating pile, in looks (i’m not trying to be mean), and many know this, so they take what they feel they can get. It’s a sick practice, but you can not convince women in these arrangements they have been had. You simply can’t. I’m just thankful I’m not as weak willed, and co-dependent as these women. I think I’d off myself before I ever got this desperate. Seriously, having a man is not everything. Although I do enjoy the one I have…lol.

    Sad.

    • Esther

      Excellent response! To imply that he “loves” all these women is just garbage. My concern for these women is for there health. HPV doesn’t necessarily show symptoms. So even if he shows a medical report every 6 months to show he doesn’t have the AIDS Virus, is the anxiety in between worth it? For PART-TIME SEX?!! I say she should get some counseling. Deeper issues here than the need to hear a man say “I LOVE [barf] you.That part’s actually the most insulting. What he’s delusional about & should be saying is: I LOVE the egotistical high I get from living this promiscuous life. I can sleep with any woman I want to & still have a woman at home to pamper me. For some strange reason I kinda believe that SOMEONE LIKE THAT WOULD ALSO CONVINCE THE WOMEN NOT TO USE A CONDOM.
      There are cases out there of men with AIDS who went about doing this. A couple are in jail only AFTER the women got sick. These women knew about the others yet still had unprotected sex. DEFINITELY NOT JUDGING, just sad for the writer of this story.

      • Esther

        I meant *for their health*

        • Nothing wrong IMO

          Actually there is a greater concern for people in monogamous relationships when their partner is cheating on them in shame and guilt. Guess what, they are less likely to use protection and more likely to infect their spouse. Are we assuming people in open relationships aren’t protecting themselves and that they are having all this wild and crazy irresponsible sex, you know like cheaters? Or are we judging again?

          • Ms_Mara

            It has nothing to do with assuming but more to do with the fact that a disease becomes much more likely when you start throwing 2, 3, and 4+ partners in the mix. That’s just logic. They can be as safe as they want to be, but I’d think the likelihood of someone catching something grows a bit more in that scenario than with a monogamous couple (and by couple, I mean 2 people). I’m not saying “traditional” couples can’t/don’t contract std’s, just explaining the train of thought. 

          • Tay

            Condoms don’t protect anyone from HPV and Herpes. Condoms also break. I am not judging as I don’t care what they choose to do with their life. I think the point being made is that sleeping with multiple people even with a condom doesn’t give you a 100% protection physically. As far as the other stuff, its a choice good for them. Not for me or my marriage!!!

  • eyeEEsha

    Ruby Dee and Ossie Davis were in an open relationship and they were together most of their lives. As long as the dude is being honest with what’s going on and she’s ok with it, I fail to see the problem.

    • Nothing wrong IMO

      Absolutely, and most people wouldn’t believe how many couples opt for open marriages even after being married/committed for years. And they don’t view it as an excuse to cheat or to cure cheating behavior. You must be able to deal with a healthy monogamous relationship before you can even begin to enter an open one….

    • OSHH

      and then they decided that open part needed to close. The open period was very short lived, but folk love to leave that lil tidbit out when mentioning Ossie(rip) and Ruby.

      • eyeEEsha

        You’re right, but they didn’t let that break them. 

  • Nothing wrong IMO

    I will also add that we are quick to think open relationships ONLY benefit men and they are getting over. LOL Is this 1960? There are plenty women in this day and age that are perfectly ok with an open relationship and would prefer this option. Again just trying to give a different, but real perspective without hopefully being judged for it.

    • Pivyque

      You are right. I have seen a lot of women that enjoy open relationships. My friend had to break up with his girlfriend because she wanted an open relationship…and a threesome with his brother…but he isn’t the type of person to have multiple partners. So there are men out there that would not like open relationships, just as there are women out there that would love them.

  • guest

    Get out of herrrrrreeee!

  • Danielle

    Why get married in the first place if you’re going to have an open marriage? Why not just remain single with a bunch of girlfriends? I don’t see the point of marrying anyone when you can just date freely. Never understood that.

  • Nothing wrong IMO

    Why are we so quick to bash relationships that work for other people? Why are we so quick to judge and feel that something must be WRONG with a person to be in such an arrangement? I don’t believe open relationships gives cheaters power. Ignorace and blind faith does, it does everytime. What does children being involved have to do with this? There are countless of children who have “monogamous” parents, when in reality this isn’t the case. The children are deceived by the dishonesty of the parent/s. I for one grew up with both parents and the marriage which was supposed to monogamous, was the exact opposite. It was also void of love, passion, energy and life, which can be damaging to children. We must stop passing judgement on other lifestyles unless we know children or individual are in harm’s way….

    • Cee

      ITA, all the parties involved know about each other so I don’t see the problem. If anybody got a problem with it, they can walk away and choose not to be involved. A lot of people say they wouldn’t go for it but they are probably in a relationship where they are being cheated on behind their back and they wind up with a disease or find out at a funeral that their man has another family. To me its better to know whats going on rather than live in some fantasy world where you think your man only has eyes for you….yeah right, your man probably screwing someone right now, while you sitting here online bashing other people choices.

      • really???

        why do people like you always justify this with fear? “your man probably cheating on you so there!” you don’t know anybody who is commenting or what their relationships are like, sorry to disapoint you but some of us can recognise a sorry man and leave him alone.

        jeez, is there no other reason to be involved in these sorts of relationships besides the fear of being cheated on? huh?

        this is pathetic.

        this article was posted on here so that we could read and comment.  and yes judge. wake up we do this everyday.

        • Cee

          Not trying to invoke fear, just reality! Truth is if you are not in an open relationship, you have no idea what your partner is doing unless you are holding his d!ck 24/7.

  • JustAFriend

    Wow.  Sure is great for him.  Personally, I would assume that if there are four or five, there are more.  And just because he is charming and sincere doesn’t mean he is telling the truth.  Personally, I would be worried about catching something, and THAT would be a mood killer.

  • Linda

    Wow !  Make sure you keep all of your options open.   He has 5 options and counting,Good Luck with this your gonna need it.

  • tiffanysince1987

    how do you maintain a relationship with someone who lives across the nation?

  • Nothing wrong with being open

    I don’t see anything wrong with this. To each is own. Some people will be faithful and only want to have one lover, for others this isn’t the case. For the latter, I think open relationships provides the honesty and guidelines that allow for this. Instead of the cheating, the deceit and the lies, the let-downs. Many people feel that a person belongs to them, it’s this logic that continues to destroy marriages daily.

    • Pivyque

      I get your point and I def understand open marriages/relationships, but I do believe that once two people are married, they belong to each other. 

  • tiffanysince1987

    Different strokes for different folks.. ijs

  • oshunbeauty

    LOL… She MUST be dating Carl Stevens… Him and his wife were just on Dr. Phil and Love Coaches http://www.jujumamablog.com Deep!

    • Free2servehim

       shameless plug LOL. This must be a groupie.

  • netiebee

    different strokes for different folks. i’m intrigued as to what their “future plans” are and the amount of communication they have.

  • Sindee21_2003

    I wonder if this girlfriend is dating other men as well. I don’t understand giving a man all of yourself if he is not giving you all of HIMSELF. That puts a woman at a great disadvantage because you have a lot more to lose in a break-up. He’ll have 3 or 4 other women to go home to and lean on, and she’ll just have a couch, a box of tissues and a carton of Häagen-Dazs. :-S

    • Ms_Sunshine9898

      or if the other girlfriend’s are dating other men too. the spread of disease circle just got larger. . . .

  • Suzannah

    I’m curious what his vows were to his wife…but really. 

  • Nikkita Michelle

    I hope there are no children involved in this hexagon relationship (we’ve gone way pass a triangle).  Although I appreciate a brother who is honest, this only proves more and more that women rather have a piece of man  than no man alone.  When are we going to value ourselves enough to know that not only are you worthy of having a man of your own, that you’re also enough for the right man.  This dude isn’t the right man.  

    Marriage is off the table. DUDE IS MARRIED. You’re not even the mistress or side chick, you’re not even 1/3rd of Destiny’s child.  How can you call yourself a girlfriend when there’s 3 other.  You’re just another chick he’s dealing with.  This dude is on some BIG LOVE mess and why shouldn’t he be you women are tolerating it.  When you get tired of picking at someone else’s scraps you’ll drop this dude and find a man of your own.  Be blessed. 

    • Ms_Mara

      *bangs tamborine* AMEN!

    • Lovely One

      “you’re not even 1/3rd of Destiny’s child”

      - sweet baby Jesus, I’m going on yonder!  *dead* lol

    • SUGAR

      Throught networks like this is how diseases are spread.

  • ieshapatterson

    lol this is just a nice cover up for screwing around.people just need to be honest and say,i want to get married BUT i also,want to sleep with around with anybody,that catches my eye.this just gives cheaters more power.

  • Sunshine33811

    Are you serious? Can’t be!

  • rud_kel

    This is very interesting.Thinking outside the box of the traditional relationship will help you to discover more about our nature. I don’t think that most of us can completely understand the dynamic of these types of relationships. Mostly because our view of a relationship is only the two person set up. She expresses sexual fulfillment and the support of any other relationship, and since she feels as though she is growing from said relationship, I won’t knock her.However, I do believe that the writer may be selling herself short if she’s only exclusively seeing this one man. He is attached with a wife so anything further than what she has now won’t be possible legally. 

  • Fclerk

    interesting, I wonder are any children involved

    • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=100000160999848 Retalia Thompson

       i was thinking the same thing. these women must be desperate. so i guess the wife have boyfriends..

    • K_Suiter

      I do too. This is what we amount to now. WOW!

  • L-Boogie

    HELL NO!

    • L-Boogie

      I understand that there is different strokes for different folks but I would rather be with someone who is solely interested in being with me.  I will share food, clothes (sans undies), and socks but not D*CK.  This is why I am single. 

      • L-Boogie

        Last comment/question: What is wrong with being single?  I mean damn at least you are healthy and do not have to worry about catching something. I hate to be so blunt but buy a damn toy.  A relationship will come in due time. 

        • BeLoved24

          LOL!

      • BeLoved24

        LOL!