I’ve reached the point in my life where half my friends are working on baby #2 and the other half are still in a tug-of-war with their twenties balancing their weekends between binge drinking and saving for a down payment on their first house. Every once in a while my child-free friends get brave enough to visit my house despite my toddler still being there as we try to find a way to take shots and use profanity while still preserving my daughter’s innocence. Last weekend I got into a conversation with a BFF that started with her declaring, “I don’t think I want kids. I like sleep and the fact that I can play with my friends’ kids and when I’m tired, leave them with their parents and keep it moving.” Six tequila shots later as a pacifier suckling two-year old crashed on my chest, my BFF muttered, “Aww, I want one.” I hesitated handing her the pacifier, because I knew once she sobered up she’d be back to giving the middle finger to motherhood.
What child-free folks (including myself pre-motherhood) don’t understand is when it comes to kids the big things you sacrifice are not all that bad. Kids cost money, so you expect to be broke. Kids require time, so you expect to convert your free time to curating cartoons on your DVR and not frolicking the beaches of Waikiki. What totally takes you by surprise, bish-slaps you and leaves you plucking salt from your self-righteous shoulders are all of the small things you take for granted that you didn’t know parenthood would quickly confiscate from your life and it all starts with not being able to shave your vagina or paint your toenails in your last trimester. From there it’s all downhill. Here are a few things you should take full advantage of now, while you’re still child-free:
