Despite the stereotypes, baby mamas do not solely represent the uneducated and emotionally disturbed sector of the gender. That stereotype is aided by the tenuous relationships between baby mamas and baby daddy. Things are naturally primal where our children are concerned and at times, your relationship with your baby’s daddy can reach the surreal.
Before you know it, you’ve unwittingly slipped into a black and white Twilight Zone episode we like to call: the baby mama dramazone. Is it a drug? Is it a place? Hard to say. But it sure isn’t easy to avoid. In part, it’s hard wired into who you are as a nurturer, a giver and a woman. Mix in a little ego, where no man is going to get the best of you and walk away like it’s nothing–well, let’s just say things can pop off like lightning.
In the end, allowing any bit of drama in your world is wrong because it has nothing to do with what truly matters: the well being of your children. Besides, what you really want is for the situation between you and the father of your child to be better. A dose of dramazone isn’t going to help.
Before you wake up in a nonsense world where Beyonce is ugly and you and your baby daddy cause each other agony at the child’s expense, take a a good look around for these tale tell signs that you have crossed into the baby mama dramazone.
Your Ego is Front and Center
It stings pretty bad when you have a man’s child and you’re still not good enough to be his wife. Your ego takes a blow and wants to lash out in defense. Only, there’s a good chance your children will get caught in the cross fire. Your ego may even carry that resentment on to your next relationship or worse, dilute your self-worth by making you feel you’re not good enough. Your baby daddy’s unwillingness to be a good father or husband is about how crappy a person he is and has nothing to do with you. Leave your ego out of it, otherwise you could end up in the baby mama drama zone.
Having Sex with Your Ex
Most men feel that if his baby comes out of your vagina, he has first right of refusal. Not too many women are looking to jump right back in the sack after becoming a mom, but it makes sense with the child’s father. Right of vaginal passage sex, without a clear commitment to being a family unit only leads to the dramazone. One day, you him and the baby are looking like a young Bill and Claire Huxtable and the next day he’s loving on some other chic. He’s already gotten his fair share of free goodies and then some. If he’s not even trying to make you feel like his wife, you have to resign to being his child’s mother and move on. If you need a little time with baby daddy before you can get that intimate with someone else, by all means, do you. But don’t get it twisted.
Berating Your Child’s Father
No doubt there are deadbeat daddy’s out there and he should get what he has coming. If that’s the case, you have to let it be what it is, file your paperwork and keep it moving. You’ll have plenty of reasons for wanting to berate him whether he is an active part of you child’s life or not but doing so doesn’t help the situation. Instead, you risk devaluing your child’s father and what little sense of security she has and what’s good about that? Any vindication you feel in the short term isn’t worth the long term damage. If you’re bad mouthing your rotten baby daddy every chance you get, there’s a good chance you’ve stepped into the baby mama drama zone.
Wondering Who He’s With
It’s so much easier for him to go out and sleep with whoever he wants because he’s not the mom, isn’t it? Well, yes, especially if you’re the custodial parent. But do you really want to spend the rest of your life as a reflection of your child’s father? Live your life and let him live his. Just make sure you two converge where the child is concerned and it’s all good. If you find yourself caring too much about how he spends his free time or vying for some kind of lifestyle equity, you’ll walk right into the drama zone.
There’s a Cone of Silence
You’re deep in the baby mama dramazone when there’s a wall of incommunicado between you and your child’s father. You probably have your reasons for not wanting to speak to him but for better or worse, you two are partners in parenting and need a good system of communication to raise the same kid. It’s the 21st century and we’re inundated with a plethora of ways to communicate: email, social networks, CRMs, text–just pick a system and make it work.
Pretending This isn’t a Family
According to the U.S. Census Bureau about a quarter of all children are brought up in single-parent households. It’s not the ideal nuclear family but it is a reality and just as common. The surest way to the dramazone is getting caught up in how things are supposed to be. Your energy and sanity are better spent on making your single-parent family the happiest it can possibly be. Maybe he doesn’t deserve it but you and your kids sure do.
You Can’t Stand Him
“The most important thing that a father can do for his children is love her mother.” Truer words were never spoken and the opposite definitely applies. Parental love doesn’t have to be intimate but it should be bound in mutual respect and want of well-being. Some people don’t deserve your love and only you can determine whether your baby daddy fits in that category. If at all possible, go with the good reason not to hate him rather than the bad reasons to: your baby. Forgive, but never forget and you’ll stay clear of the drama zone.
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