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The word “defense” doesn’t have any place in a relationship. If you feel the need to use it, that means you and your partner have stopped playing for the same team. “Defense” is a term for sports, where someone is coming after you, someone wants to take you down, somebody wants to take something from you, or somebody wants to “win.” But in a relationship, you shouldn’t be looking out for what’s just best for yourself—and that’s what you’re doing when you start using defense mechanisms. It’s common to want to turn to those when your partner pushes a button or brings up a sensitive subject. But defense mechanisms only push your partner further away; you may feel safer at the moment, but ultimately, your relationship will feel strained. Here are common defense mechanisms that are bad for your relationship.

Image Source: Shutterstock

Image Source: Shutterstock

Trying to reciprocate the pain

If your partner accidentally brings up a sore subject, your brain could go into trauma mode—you’re like a cornered animal who just wants to protect itself. And so, you may lash out by bringing up a sore subject for your partner.




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