Key Differences Between Casual and Relationship Sex
The Key Differences Between Casual And Relationship Sex
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Relationship: Practical scheduling
Here’s an example of scheduling sex in a relationship: “Hey, ask your boss if you can leave work early to skip traffic because that’s the only way we’ll have time to have sex before the movie. And you know we’ll be too tired after the movie.”
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Casual: No talking
In casual sex, when it’s on, it’s on. The room can be filled with your laughter and chit chat, and the next second, it’s silent (except for some smacking noises).
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Relationship: Coital conversation
When you’ve been together for a while, even as you’re grabbing the lube and making out, you’re talking about the fact that your partner needs to add lube to the shopping list on the fridge because you’re almost out. And somehow, it doesn’t kill the mood.
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Relationship: Mixing it up is homework
You will almost run out of ways to spice things up. You will start buying Kama Sutra books and researching lubrication that offers different sensations. You’ll practically become a researcher on sex.
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Casual: Workshopping is hot
When it’s still casual sex, it’s somehow hot to tell someone what you like and don’t like, and what they’re really good at, and what you’d like them to do differently.
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Relationship: Workshopping gets personal
If you tell your partner that he’s lazy about this in bed, he’ll remember that. He’ll start to think you find him lazy in everything in life! It bleeds into the relationship.
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Casual: No sex is a huge deal
When a relationship is in the budding stages, or still very casual, sex is non-negotiable. If you hang out and don’t have sex, it sends you into a tailspin of anxiety. What does it mean? Are we just friends now? Is my bra ugly?
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Relationship: No sex is nothing
When you’ve been together for a while, you won’t have sex more than you will have sex. You can get to a point where you haven’t had sex in three days and not even think of it.
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Casual: Post-coital bedtime
Here’s another thing you overthink when it’s casual: how much time you spend in bed after the sex. If the person pops out of bed, or immediately opens their laptop, it means something.
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Relationship: Everything is connected
In a relationship, what happens outside of sex deeply affects what happens inside of sex. If you’ve had a wonderful, loving date full of laughter, the sex will be playful and drawn out. If you’re feeling cold towards each other, the sex might be distant or non-existent.
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Casual: You’re physically perfect
You can have casual sex on an upset stomach when you have cramps and a headache. Somehow the adrenaline of sex with a new partner puts all that stuff on the backburner.
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Relationship: You’re physically a mess
When you’re in a relationship, you just say, “Hey my irritable bowel syndrome is acting up, so it’s not a great night for sex. Maybe we can pull it off if we keep the positions simple.”
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Casual: You compare
When it’s still casual, you compare how sex is with one person to how it was with another. You also compare your own performance. You’re very aware of “how” people are at sex.
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Relationship: Nobody else exists
When you’re in a great relationship, you can’t imagine having sex with anyone else. You can barely remember having sex with anybody else. And you’re not at all conscious of your performance. It’s not a performance anymore.
