So you’ve met a guy. He seems nice enough. But, you’re a busy single mom… how do you know he’s worth the time and energy it takes to pursue a relationship? You could gather your girls and set up an interrogation (always a great way to scare a man off) OR you could look out for dating red flags. Those little signs that let you know the guy you think may be the man of your dreams is actually a nightmare just waiting to happen. What are they? Hit the flip for our guide to weeding out the wannabees and making room for the real Mr. Right.
Dating Red Flag #1: He asks you for money
You’re at dinner. There’s laughter, great conversation… you even top it off with a little dessert (his idea). As the meal is winding down, the waiter sits the check on the table between the two of you. He reaches out for it to see what the damage is, then suddenly realizes that he’s left his wallet at home (riiiight) and asks you if you can “get this, this one time.” You pay — because he’s a good guy and it’s really not a big deal to you. But before you know it, “one time” turns into ten.
Yes, you can hold it down on your own and maybe you have no problem picking up the tab on occasion. But that shouldn’t mean that you’re always footing the bill, and it definitely shouldn’t mean that you’re paying his bills.
Dating Red Flag #2: He’s living with his mother…or cousin, or friend, or whatever!
We get it. Life happens. Sometimes people fall on hard times, and those hard times may require them to move in with a friend or family member. Fine. But there’s a limit to that! Barring a health condition of some sort, there’s no reason that a single man should be living with someone else for more than a few months. If he has no realistic plans of moving out on his own (on his own — not into your place), and isn’t actively working on it, then it’s time for you to move on.
Dating Red Flag #3: Chivalry is dead to him
It’s not like you need a guy to take off his jacket and lay it over a puddle for you to walk on, but’s it’s nice to know that the man is capable of being a gentleman and at the least holds the door open for you.
Let’s be real! Not opening the door for you when you get in a car doesn’t make him a serial killer. He can still be a nice person. Not everyone was taught the proper way to treat a woman growing up. And not every girl was taught how they should expect or demand to be treated. So it may not be a personal dealbreaker for you. It should, however, raise up at least a mini red flag that this may not be someone who’s going to give you the respect that you’re due.
Dating Red Flag #4: He has more than one “baby mama”
You’ve been kickin’ it with this guy for about a month. One day he picks you up for a date and you notice a car seat in the back of his ride; which is odd, because he’s never mentioned having any kids. You ask about it, expecting to hear that he spent the afternoon with his baby niece or nephew, and for a second you’re thinking, ‘This guy is amazing!’ Then he lets you know that seat actually belongs to his baby, and that baby is actually one of a few that he has with two different women. (True story)
Whether he was upfront about the kids with you or not, you need to know: How responsible is this man? Were any of those children born around the same time (cheater…or some other scandalous situation)? How involved is he in his kids’ lives (possible deadbeat?)? And are you really in the mood to deal with “baby mama drama” TIMES TWO?!
Dating Red Flag #5: He talks down to you
It’s wonderful to be with a man who can carry on an intelligent conversation, but if he spends a lot of that time talking to you like a child or like you aren’t capable of understanding what he’s saying…. That’s a lethal combination of arrogance and disrespect, and ain’t nobody got time for that.
Dating Red Flag #6: He’s all about himself
There’s nothing wrong with having high self-esteem, but there’s a fine line between confidence and arrogance. If every conversation you have is about how great he is at everything he does — from the boardroom to the bedroom…RED FLAG! A man who spends that much time talking about himself has little time for anyone else.
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