Signs Your Ex Is Ruining Your Relationship

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Emotions are funny sometimes. Some relationships are easy to get over. You have a disagreement, decide it’s over, then simply delete him from your phone and social media accounts. A year or so later? You can barely remember what old What’s His Name even looked like, let alone why you might have liked him in the first place.

But some of the men in our lives are harder to shake. They were tough to break up with, hard to stop backsliding with, and even more difficult to remove from the back of your mind. And sometimes, even when you think you’re over them enough to move on, you find out that you might be wrong.

Could you actually be in a rebound relationship long after you’ve broken up with your ex? If you recognize any of these signs, it might be time to distance yourself finally from your ex so you can really move on.

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You Compare A New Beau To Your Ex

Whether his birthday gifts don’t measure up to your ex’s, or he does measure up because he hates to talk about his feelings just like your former flame, comparing a new guy to your ex is a sign that he still has an effect on you — even though he’s no longer in your life.

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How To Fix It

Focus on his behavior and leave your ex out of it. Instead of comparing him to your ex (in your head or out loud), say things like “I need you to talk about your emotions more,” or “It bothers me that you only get me a card for my birthday.”

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You Don’t Trust Him

Not because of any suspect behavior on his part, but because your ex wasn’t trustworthy and now you have trouble trusting anyone with your emotions.

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How To Fix It

Take a deep breath and put your faith in your new relationship. Let him prove he’s worthy of your trust on his own. Don’t let your ex break you up by giving you the raw emotions that make it easy to overreact to what your new partner does.

Things may not work out, but the sooner you’re willing to trust again, the easier it will be to move on.

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You’re Texting Again

Your ex saw your “in a relationship” status and all of a sudden he’s back in your DMs and sending you “wyd?” messages.

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How To Fix It

Give messaging a break and block that former flame. Exes who pop up when you’re with someone new often stay around just long enough to ruin your new relationship by trying to get you to cheat emotionally. Then it’s back to the same old story.

Allow yourself to write a new relationship story with a clean slate by closing that old chapter.

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You’re Holding Back

Last time you jumped in with your eyes closed and your heart open — and then your ex happened. Now you’re taking your time before opening your heart and getting close.

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How To Fix It

Holding back your emotions is something your ex deserves. Let yourself love like you haven’t been hurt — or your ex’s treatment will keep you from enjoying the joy of new love. And you’re done going through emotional drama with him and for him.

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You’re Bending Over Backwards

You’re cooking him three-course meals after a long day at work, holding your tongue in favor of his argument, and pretty much putting all of his needs before yours — because your ex seemed impossible to please.

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How To Fix It

Put your needs and his on equal footing. When you sacrifice your needs for someone else’s — for any reason — it can lead to resentment and arguments down the road.

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There’s A Third Wheel In Your Relationship

Because you still think about your ex so much that it’s like he’s always there.

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He’s Just A Friend With Benefits

Because you don’t have the time/patience/energy/faith for a new relationship right now.

How To Fix It

Bad breakups make us all want to put our emotions on hold. And that’s OK — for a while. But if you’re still having trouble getting your emotions involved two or three situationships later, it’s time to figure out what’s really holding you back and let it go.