How The Marriage Talk Gets SO Awkward - Page 2

Even if you’re a woman who is in no rush to get married—or maybe even a woman who can take it or leave it when it comes to marriage—you still can’t help but feel uncomfortable when the talk of marriage comes up. There has been this pervasive idea for centuries that every woman wants to get married and that everything we do is in the pursuit of marriage and that we want to put a ring on it ASAP! It’s not true, at all. But since the idea has been around for so long, it’s hard for women to shake the nervous feeling that men view everything we do and say under that old (and damaging) light. Even if you know you don’t want to get married (at least not now) you probably find yourself approaching the topic of marriage with a cautious, apologetic tone and that’s because the marriage talk can get awkward in long-term relationships really fast. Here’s how.

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When it gets awkward

You start to backpedal. You start blurting out, “Not that I think about my wedding. I’m not saying that, like, I want that in my own wedding. I don’t sit around planning my own wedding in my head HAHAHAHA”

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When someone mistakes you as married

They don’t mean any harm. It is an innocent mistake. But people regularly ask you where you and your “Husband” would like to sit, or how long you and your “Husband” have been together. And you immediately vomit out the words, “Oh GOD. He is NOT my husband. No no no no. NOOO. He’s just my boyfriend.”

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When it gets awkward

Then you realize that you sound disgusted at the idea of him being your husband. You realize you just made it seem like you’d be embarrassed to call him your husband. And so the backpedaling begins: “Not that, you know, there would be anything wrong with it if you were my husband. I don’t have a problem with the idea. Errr.. Um… Not that I want that right now either. I’m neutral on it. I mean, I care about you.”

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Marital status on forms

You’re at the DMV or doctor’s office, and an innocent staff member who is filling out a form for you asks, “Are you single?” And you say, “No. I have a boyfriend.” The innocent staff member replies, “So. You’re single. You’re either married, or you’re single.” Way to hit you over the head with it.

When it gets awkward

You don’t want your poor boyfriend, who has been sitting there the whole time, to feel bad for you in this bad moment. So it begins again, “I don’t feel single. Just because we aren’t married. I hope you know that. It’s not a problem for me. It’s so stupid that marriage is what qualifies a couple as being together! I mean, um, not stupid. Marriage can be nice (Kill me now).”

The mail

There’s always that one spamming company, or catalog, or out of touch relative who doesn’t realize you’re not married. And so, that terrible, sweat-inducing, eye-sore piece of mail shows up that says, “Mr. and Mrs…” WHYYYYYY!

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When it gets awkward

You feel responsible for this (because of the idea mentioned above that women live and breathe for husbands), and you say something like, “That looks weird huh? Mr and Mrs with our names? So weird. Well…not bad though. I mean, our names sound good together! Great even! Not that I think about that…? We gotta get off this mailing list.”

The nosy couple

At one of the many weddings you and your partner attend together, you’ll be seated next to an endearing old couple who has been together for 60-plus years. You’ll all be admiring how happy the couple is, and how beautiful the wedding is. And the old couple will ask oh so sweetly, “When is your wedding?”

When it gets awkward

“Oh, we haven’t discussed it. Not that marriage doesn’t seem like a nice idea! You two are obviously very happy. You’re inspiring! Not, like, inspiring me to want to get married tomorrow. But you could! Because you’re such a cute old happy married couple who is now looking at me like I’m tragically single.”

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At the hospital

If you’re very unfortunate, your partner will undergo surgery, or spend the night in the hospital, and the only people who will be allowed to visit him in the recovery room will be family. You’ll have to tell them you’re his wife just to see him. Then they’ll announce to your boyfriend, “Your wife is here to see you.”

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When it gets awkward

As if tensions aren’t already high enough when your partner is recovering from surgery, now you have to sheepishly explain, “I only said that so they’d let me see you. I didn’t, like, enjoy saying I was your wife. Not that I hated it! Oh. Good. Your blood pressure is rising.”

The old flirt

Elderly men love to look at young couples and tell the man, “You’re a very lucky man. I’d love that down if I were you! Why haven’t you married this girl yet?”

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When it gets awkward

You jump in to save your boyfriend’s butt (knowing there is nothing correct he can say right now) and say, “Oh, it’s okay. I know he loves me.” Oh wow that sounded sad for some reason.

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Any time you pass a bridal shop

This one requires little introduction. You know how it goes. Every time you pass a bridal shop, an engagement ring shop, or a wedding planner’s office, you have to pretend something in the sky looks really interesting, or you dropped something, or you need to tie your shoe or take a phone call. No matter what you do, you feel like you can’t look at the store, or your partner will think you hear wedding bells.